Almost
Sequel to 'Bigger Fish to Fry', read that first. There was something in the way Squidward said it that made SpongeBob think he was joking at first. Song-fic to Fearless (250 and Dark Stars) by Falling Up.
Holy shit, people. I spent far longer on this than on any other sequel so far. I even had the thing beta-read, for god's sake.
If I had put a warning for incest in Bigger Fish, I might have had potential to giving the pairing away (I didn't want that), but it would have been a whole lot easier on the long run. Therefore, I warn of incest in this part, even though there isn't any, and we can all consider it said.
If that made sense.
Disclaimer: Hillenburg didn't hand me the rights to SpongeBob while I was at Universal Studios, so I still have to do these.
There was something in the way Squidward said it that made BlackJack BuffPants pause for a second.
"But…I thought you loved me."
It was hardly unexpected – it had only just been revealed that he'd been whispering sexual innuendoes to SpongeBob and making out with Squidward in the same breath. In fact, had it gone undetected for longer, there was potential for a would-be bigamist. Something that would land him back in prison for sure.
(At least the fact that cousin-cousin relationships were perfectly legal gave him a splinter of comfort.)
That was why BlackJack was vamoosing, leaving the victims behind to do what he called 'eating the evidence'.
Squidward's call had made him stop.
"You said you loved me..."
It was true; Squidward had appeared the cuter of his two simultaneous boyfriends. And he had the right sources to provide sex. And yes – he admitted it to himself – he had started to actually like the little man.
Well, not actually like. Liking and loving were emotions he tried not to think about. Finally managing to put the dominant personality on the submissive side for a change was a challenge.
BlackJack loved a challenge.
That was probably all he loved.
BlackJack almost felt sorry for the poor cephalopod.
"I lied."
Almost.
Empty house far away
Lost in lonely space
You know you've felt the same
From the shallows in love
To the depths of your scars
You know you want to change
There was something in the way Squidward said it that made SpongeBob think he was joking at first.
"Y'know…you look sorta like BlackJack if I squint."
How many weeks had it been since BlackJack had betrayed them? Four? Five? Sixteen? Time had become meaningless. In that time, Squidward and SpongeBob had become recluses, refusing to communicate with anyone unless life-threateningly necessary.
"I mean, maybe if you, worked out more and, um, got a wig…you could pass off as him. … Maybe."
This was the first time they'd spoken to each other since, in the safety of the back of the Krusty Krab. And it sounded like Squidward was opening with a joke.
"And, um… I know that you've missed him as much as I have…if not…um…more so, and…"
SpongeBob tried to laugh, but it came out harsh. You could tell he hadn't spoken for some time. "Squidward, is there a point to this?"
"I don't know. Do you want there to be?"
The penny finally dropped. To be specific, right out of Mr Krab's left pocket. "Ehh…sorry you had to see that."
At any rate, SpongeBob realized Squidward's intentions. "No, Squidward. Noooo. I am not going to be a replacement BlackJack for your sick needs. Go and ask someone else." And that, it seemed, was that.
But Squidward had an ace up his sleeve. "I could be your BlackJack too. And I know you really wanted to… y'know, have sex with him."
He only paused for a second.
"Deal."
In the rafters, a vate
Fixed and spinning late
There's a certain fear
Even light with control
Lights outside our homes
Wait for every tear
There was something in the way SpongeBob wore it that made Squidward very horny.
You had to admit, he looked nice in that slicked-back wig. And those muscle-arms had come in for good use after all; if he didn't know any better, he'd say SpongeBob was the spitting image.
It was harder for Squidward to pull off the BlackJack look. But soft padding round the abdomen and a mass of black fur from Sandy's cousin had done its job sufficiently. SpongeBob was just as attracted as Squidward was, if not more so.
Maybe, they thought, he could actually get away with being a BlackJack away from BlackJack.
Maybe.
So exit the fall
And now it's over
You're learning
It's all before your heart
So exit the fall
And now it's over
You're learning
It's all before your heart
There was something in the way they did it that made it seem…
Well, there wasn't really a word for it. And if there were, it would be different every time you asked.
For Squidward, it wasn't really any different from sex with BlackJack. If anything, it was easier – none of that messy business with the shrink ray. For SpongeBob, it was a completely new issue to him; his ex had never managed to do the dirty with him, only speculate on it by hushed whispers.
They did it by ground rules. Not too hard, not too soft, and definitely not too frequently. They never kissed – it would remind them too much of times of old with him. They changed houses by a pattern; SpongeBob's on Mondays to Wednesdays, Squidward's Thursday to Saturday, alternate Sundays.
And at the end of every night, they would always close with the same dialogue. "I love you, BlackJack." "I love you too, BlackJack."
Yet, it still didn't seem all there. They never got that warm fuzzy feeling at the end of it. They felt…
What was that word?
Incomplete?
I found a way out
Through everything I've known
I'm walking fearless
With my faith down and all that I own
Don't take my picture
Cause I won't be there standing alone
I'm living fearless, so fearless
Like every day's my own
There was something in the way SpongeBob looked at him that made it occur to Squidward.
Their sex-cycle had been going on for some time now, and they still hadn't achieved climax afterwards. It was getting frustrating. Squidward started poring over the books, the erotic paintings, and those oh-so-elusive competent therapists, searching for an answer. They were doing it in the right bedding; the positions were correct – all of the technicalities were just so.
So why didn't it feel right?
It was hard to believe, even today, that it was at the Krusty Krab that the answer came to Squidward. Squid had just placed yet another order, Sponge took it, fine, good, well.
Until Sponge gave him that look. For some reason, whether he was aware of it or not, the poriferan took it upon himself to turn on the big blue goo-goo eyes. The kind of eyes you see only in the cheap romance movies. The kind of eyes he used to give around Sandy.
Squidward hadn't seen them in some time.
But was it at him?
That was when, like a bolt, the questions were answered. SpongeBob's look through the messed-up wig told him it in no uncertain terms.
SpongeBob had not been looking at Squidward. He had been looking at BlackJack in Squidward's body.
They were doing it with entirely the wrong person. The bodies were there, but the souls were set elsewhere: the past. In order to achieve the ecstasy they desired, there was someone they had to forget.
BlackJack.
Steady hands in the planes
Calculated ways
To call it ailing in figure
Hearts far away
When you work so late
From a distant end
There was something in the way Squidward said it that made SpongeBob's stomach thud.
"I don't love you anymore, BlackJack."
It was Sunday at SpongeBob's house, but strangely, it hadn't even started yet when he came out with it. They'd just climbed into bed, shooed the snail away, and settled down when Squidward told him to skip right to the end with the "I love you BlackJack".
That was when the bombshell was dropped.
SpongeBob struggled to get into a believable BlackJack in response. "Um, yes you do, little man. You love me because you – Squidward, what are you doing? Get your hands off my face and onto my ass, or I'll – hey hey hey, no deflating muscle arms. You're gonna regret this, little man. Squidward, please, put my wig back. Come on, babe, I love you. Please, don't do this to your old – come on, Squidward, playtime's over. Put your BlackJack back on, right now. Squidward? Squidward, are you listening to – what are you doing? You know the rules said you're not allowed to --"
Kiss.
There was something in the way Squidward did it that made them think Kiss with a capital K.
So exit the fall
And now it's over
You're learning
It's all before your heart
So exit the fall
And now it's over
You're learning
It's all before your heart
That was how awesome it was to them.
And the best part was, BlackJack was nowhere to be seen. Within that Kiss, that part of them was gone forever, lost to the ages.
It was only now. Squidward, SpongeBob, and the Kiss.
And now it's over
Before your heart
And now it's over
Before your heart
Squidward pulled away after what seemed like an eternity.
"I love you, SpongeBob."
Even though it wasn't the one they'd rehearsed, there was only one right answer.
"I love you too, Squidward."
That Sunday night, they finally achieved what had slipped past for so long.
Orgasm.
"Squidward?"
It was Monday morning. They hadn't moved out of bed yet, a first for them.
"Squidward, do you really love me? Or was it just to get us to that good point last night?"
A silence from his brooding sex partner. (Oh wait, could SpongeBob call him that anymore?)
"Squidward? I said do you-"
"I heard what you said."
Another pause.
"SpongeBob, I'll let you in on a little secret."
"Hm?"
"I normally get really angry around you, right?"
"Yeah."
"I normally cry in front of you, right?"
"Yeah."
Squidward, I don't see where this is going.
"And - yes - there have been times where I have been naked in front of you."
"Um-"
"Those have been unintentional."
"Those have been -- exactly."
Squidward, is there a point to this?
"But I don't normally kiss you."
"No."
"I don't normally kiss you when I've laid specific rules on the contrary either."
"No, that's true."
"There you go then. If I've kissed you, you already have your answer."
A third and harsher pause shattered the atmosphere. SpongeBob was, by this time, very confused - did Squidward love him, or didn't he?
"Squidward, you're not making any sense."
"I know I'm not, I'm sorry."
The next sentence from Squidward was so quiet, that SpongeBob almost didn't believe he'd said it.
"I... really do love you, SpongeBob. In fact... I suppose I always have."
There was something in the way BlackJack said it that made the couple pause for a second.
"But I thought you two loved me."
The 'coming-out' ceremony had been brief, with only the families attending. It was a simple enough occasion: think wedding with no official wedding. And now it was the after-party.
BlackJack had been dragged along reluctantly, and was surprised to see his ex-boyfriends making out like lovesick weasels. The looks they shared between them… they matched the looks they had once given him. He was driven out of his mind.
And the worst part was, something had happened to BlackJack's brain (and the organ further below) that he wasn't expecting.
"Squidward, I… I was just starting to fall in love with you."
Squidward and SpongeBob almost felt sorry for the ex-con.
"Up yours, BlackJack."
Almost.
