Slight Spoilers regarding Alex.
Alex carried the plate of food down the stairs, careful not to spill any of the contents. Dinner that night hadn't been fancy, but she had tried something new. Once again, Nicolas hadn't joined herself and Worick to eat together. It had seemed strange at first, making her feel as if they were leaving Nic out, but she was slowly coming to understand that Nicolas was rather solitary whenever he had a choice in the matter. It seemed his only close relationship was with Worick, everyone else was kept at a distance.
She set the food on the counter and caught sight of Nico doing his usual evening workout routine. Legs up on the couch seat with his back on the floor, curling in with quick but precise movements. Without missing a beat, he kept doing the crunches, though he was watching her from the corner of his eyes. That had perhaps taken the most time to get used too. Nicolas was about as intense an individual as Alex had ever met, his calm demeanor and silence only adding to the effect. Yet, calm as he was, he had a very expressive face. Yet, no matter what expression crossed his features, those dark eyes were always intense and felt as if they were cutting straight down into her soul.
"I brought dinner," She said quietly, working her way through what she was almost certain was the right sequence of hand signs.
Nic stopped moving, letting his back rest flush against the floor as he turned his head to look at her fully. His skin was just barely flushed from his exercise as he stood back up and walked towards her, craning his head slightly to peer at the plate she had set down earlier. Yet another thing she had gotten used to with Nic. He both did and didn't pay attention to her. Sometimes, she wondered if he only acted like he was ignoring her and then other times, she wondered if he really did brush her off. And then there were times when she wasn't sure if he had ignored what she said or been unable to see the words her lips had formed, not caring enough to ask her to repeat.
A flash of memory crossed her thoughts, from the brothel she had visited with Nic and Worick not long ago. First the prostitutes there had scorned Nicolas, their insults and taunts had angered her more than she would have expected. Nic had either not seen their words or ignored them, but once he had been invited in by the Mistress of the place... He had disappeared. One moment he was following them up the stairs, then the next he was just gone. Alex had only been able to steal a small glance, but she had seen them together. The woman on the bed, with medical equipment nearby and an IV in her arm as she reached up to caress Nicolas' cheek. And he had allowed her to do so. In fact, Alex was sure she had seen him lean into the touch, eyes closed in a rare moment. Even Worick didn't really touch Nic very much. Nina might get away with it, but Nic was just playfully teasing in his physical interaction with the young girl. But, with that woman lying in the bed, Nic had been tender.
It wasn't unlike the time they had been working to fix up Connie's shop and Alex's hands had been shaking too bad to open the safety cap of the bottle for her medicine. Just as she was sure she was sliding into a panic attack and would soon begin to hallucinate again, strong arms had wrapped around her from behind. At first she had thought it would be Worick, but then she had glanced up and to see Nic's chin next to her cheek. His big, gloved hands had covered her own smaller, shaking ones and opened the bottle for her so she could take the much needed medication. But, he had not lingered. He had been gone before she could even register he had been there really, not even giving her time to thank him.
Alex smiled gently to herself, watching Nicolas as he picked up the plate and returned to the small couch to eat. He had horrible table manners, though she knew no one would really hold it against him. There was no way for him to know how loud he was when he ate, but somehow it didn't grate on her nerves like it did when anyone else smacked their lips while eating. At least he ate with his mouth closed, it was just purely the noises he made while eating. Soup was possibly the worst thing to listen to him eat, he had a truly horrible habit of slurping it from the spoon. Not that it really mattered, he almost always ate alone.
"Is it good?" She asked, signing along as she spoke as he gazed up at her mid bite.
For a moment, he just stared at her with the bored expression Alex had come to think of as his default facial features. Those dark brown eyes met her own in that intense stare of his before dropping down to the plate of food in his lap then dragging back up to lock gazes with her once again. Alex just smiled as he went back to eating, swallowing the bite of food in his mouth a bit too loudly. Whether he said it or not, nobody ate food quite that heartily if they weren't enjoying it at least a little. As he began to ignore her, she sat down lightly on the opposite side of the small couch, leaning an elbow on the arm rest and gazing across the other side of the room.
Worick had probably already left to go meet up with his customers for tonight and she just didn't really feel like going back upstairs where she would be alone. She hadn't needed any more than her regular doses of the tranquilizer Dr. Theo had given her, but she still felt that hint of anxiety tugging at the back of her mind. Like if she was alone in the silence for too long, she might find it hard to breath. Outside of when he was eating, Nic was rather quiet, but not enough to forget he was in the room. And that was all she really wanted at the moment, just the reassurance that someone else was in the room.
"'ood ith 'ood," the sound of Nic's voice made her jump, it almost always caught her off guard when he bothered to speak out loud. His volume was up and down whenever he spoke out loud, sometimes beginning a word loudly and becoming quiet half way through only to over stress the end of it. He also had a lisp and dropped some sounds completely when he spoke certain words. But, his voice wasn't unpleasant. It was obvious he rarely used it, but it was also obvious that he had bothered to learn how to use it as well. Even if everyone knew he disliked speaking out loud and avoided doing so as much as possible, at some point he had made the conscious effort to learn how to do it. She could almost imagine how his voice would sound if it wasn't so rough from lack of use. Even if he didn't have much control over his pitch and volume, she could tell he had a deep voice.
"I'm glad you like it," She replied with a happy smile, unsure of how to sign the entire phrase and so settling on the single sign for 'happy'.
"You' signs bether." Nic said before putting another big bite of food into his mouth and chewing noisily.
"Worick helped me practice last night when he didn't have customers. It's easier to learn when I can use it as I talk with someone," She said, trying to sign along as best she could while still speaking out loud.
Nic swallowed his food and set the plate down on the floor, leaning forward without changing his expression. Alex blinked in surprise when Nicolas took her hands in his own larger ones, "You do si'ns fer 'alk w'ong, Ah fith it."
Alex was quiet as Nic positioned her fingers correctly, then waited expectantly for her to attempt the sign again. After she did so he frowned and shook his head again, then made the sign himself for her to see. Once she did it correctly, he nodded solemnly before moving on to point out a few other signs she had almost correct but not quite. The ones she had completely wrong he simply told her to 'fix it' and didn't bother to teach it to her at all.
"Thank you, Nicolas," She said softly, signing out the letters of his name knowing she could at least do that perfectly. Even if the way he told her she did things wrong or the expression on his face suggested he was annoyed at having to teach her how to sign correctly, his touch when positioning her hands and fingers was very gentle.
Nic blinked at her for a moment, as if trying to find a flaw in her signs for 'Thank you' and the spelling of his name. But, in this case she knew he wouldn't find any. It was actually the very first phrase she had taught herself in sign language. First was 'Thank you' and then how to spell Nicolas and Worick's names in sign language. Nic frowned again, "Wel'ome, Alegs."
She blinked, trying to keep her face straight. Here they were having probably the longest conversation between the two of them alone since she had met him and it was a rather friendly one too. But, Nic was pronouncing her name completely wrong. Then again, she had to remind herself that he was going off how people moved their lips when saying her name. She wasn't sure if she should try to correct him or let it go. It wasn't quite like when he had corrected her hand signs. But, the way he said her name... It sounded like he was saying 'All eggs' instead of 'Alex'. But. she had picked up that he had trouble making the sound for 's' and 'x' properly, his lisp turning it into 'ith' and 'eck' or 'eg'.
"Ah sa' it w'ong'?" Nic asked, face twisting into the same irritated expression as when someone told him he had to talk out loud, like Granny Joel did when they stopped by without Worick. It was about as close to pouting as Nic ever got.
"Ah... Sorry," She said, not wanting to hurt his feelings. She wasn't even sure how she would teach him how to say it correctly. How did you coach someone who was deaf how to properly say a word? Obviously it could be done, someone had to have helped Nic with his speech at some point in the past. Probably Worick, if she had to guess, though he would probably never tell people he had done so. The way he had helped her with her sign language the other night had left her with the impression that Worick was both good at and quite used to teaching people things like that.
"Here... Like this," She offered, saying her name slowly and making sure to move her lips in a way that exaggerated the letter sounds in her name. Nic just stared at her for a moment, as if considering if he really wanted to learn how to say her name out loud or not.
He opened his mouth as if to speak, but seemed to decide against it. Actually, Alex was astonished to see a very light blush across his cheeks. Was he embarrassed? It passed as quickly as it had come though, the faint blush replaced with that wicked grin of his before he spelled out her name in flawless sign language, 'A-l-e-x, You get your sign language right and I won't have to say it like that.'
She was able to pick out enough of his signs to get the gist of what he was saying, though he hadn't bothered to slow down his signing like Worick had done for her yesterday. The way Nic signed was almost the opposite of the way he spoke out loud. When he was signing his words, his hands were both precise and graceful as they moved quickly and fluidly to form his words and sentences. The exact opposite of how he spoke slowly and, if she were being honest, clumsily when speaking out loud.
She smiled and shrugged, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with his logic. Leaning back against the couch, she let her head fall backwards to rest against the cushion and stare up at the ceiling. She could hear Nic had gone back to eating, but didn't turn to watch. At this point, she was just hoping he wouldn't dart off to another part of the house and leave her alone.
"Aleth," She blinked when she heard him mutter her name again, though he didn't look her way and just shoved more food into his mouth as if nothing had happened. Yet, as she looked at him, that faint tinge of pink was on his cheeks again.
It wasn't perfect, but it was impossible to mistake it for anything but her name unlike before. She smiled widely at him when he looked at her from the corner of her eyes, nodding as she said, "Yes, that's it. That's how you say it."
He froze for a moment, mid chew of a mouthful of food. That faint blush darkened just a bit as his eyebrows creased together, going back to eating noisily to cover up his little bout of shyness. This was definitely a new side to Nicolas that Alex hadn't seen before. She had to admit, she liked this side of him.
Her smile suddenly faded as a memory came to mind, unbidden. When Emilio had been very small, she had coached him on how to say her name and other words as well. The feeling of her little brother saying her name for the first time had felt surprisingly similar to this moment now with Nic working to say her name correctly. It wasn't the same, but it was similar enough to bring the memory up to the surface. Tears sprang to her eyes as the image of Emilio's happy grin came to mind, but her heart nearly broke when she couldn't remember his voice as he said her name.
A tap on her shoulder brought her attention back to Nic as he signed, 'Bad memories again?'
She blinked and rubbed the tears from her eyes, "Yeah, sorry."
"Aleth, Ah c'nt 'ead you' wo'ds."
"Oh, sorry... I just, had a memory of a my little brother again..." She repeated, this time making sure her hands were away from her face as she spoke.
Nic didn't say anything, though his dark piercing eyes stayed glued to her. It was obvious that he knew she wasn't telling him the memory for a reason. Alex didn't want to offend him by comparing his attempts at pronouncing her name correctly with that of a toddler learning to talk. And she had a feeling that telling a deaf man that she couldn't remember the sound of her brother's voice wouldn't end the way she wanted it too. It wasn't like she really wanted anyone to comfort her, that sort of wishful thinking had been beaten out of her by Barry years ago. Sometimes, she just wanted to say it out loud to another person. Not because she wanted them to respond or even to comfort her, but just for the relief that came with telling another person about her fears and problems.
She glanced his way when he let out a sigh, a habit of his when he was either bored or frustrated which seemed to go hand in hand for Nic. But, she quickly realized he was trying to get her attention. The plate of food he had been eating was empty and he had let his head fall back against the cushion, eyes closed. She knew he wasn't asleep, but with his eyes closed like that she could talk all she wanted without worrying about him taking anything the wrong way. After a minute passed by and he still hadn't sat back up or opened his eyes, Alex smiled a bit. Nic wasn't the type to take naps and even at night he slept just long enough to wake up with the sunrise. He'd never admit it, but she knew he was doing this so she could talk to someone without actually having to share her secrets.
"Nina was right, you're a good person, Nicolas," Alex murmured, feeling a tear escape from her eyes and drip down her cheek, "You would hate it if you knew I compared the two of you... But, this reminded me of when my little brother was learning how to talk. He used to say my name kind of like how you do. He couldn't make the 'x' sound either. The two of you don't sound anything alike, but it just brought the memory back up to the surface."
Nic still sat with his eyes closed, but by his breathing she knew he was still awake, "Or maybe you do sound alike... I can't remember what his voice sounded like anymore. I raised him, you know? He was my brother, but I had to be more of a mother to him than a sister. I can't even remember why I left with Barry. It was so long ago and the drugs Barry gave me... Everything is just in little pieces. I remember Emilio begged me to stay. Begged me not to leave him alone. He was still small. How could I leave him like that? He needed me. Part of me wants to remember and the other part doesn't. Because, when I finally remember the reason why I left, I have this feeling like it will just make me hate myself even more."
She hadn't realized it, but she was now leaning forward with her hands on the couch cushion. Tears fell down her face and yet it felt as if a weight had come off her shoulders. Nic couldn't hear her and with his eyes closed, he couldn't read her lips either. But, the effect was the same as talking to anyone else about her problems. The difference was, when it was over, that despite all the nasty little secrets and fears she had just told him, it would remain a secret. He couldn't hear her and he wasn't looking at her. Nic really was the perfect person for this sort of thing, even if his personality seemed to be so abrasive.
Reaching out, Alex wanted to touch him. To run her fingers through that short black hair of his. She hesitated, slender fingers hovering just inches from his head. Nina had done this when Nic was hurt, but he had been passed out. There was always something so unapproachable about Nic, it was why they had had such difficulty in getting along. No matter how hard she tried, Nicolas was just somehow always separate from everyone else. It wasn't just that he couldn't hear, it was the fact that he was tagged as well. Everyone treated him differently. Worick was perhaps the exception and yet, there had been times when she had seen it from him as well. Subtle little reminders that Nic wasn't human... And yet, recently she had met other Twilights and they seemed to have quite a spectrum of emotions. Perhaps muted compared to a humans and they were virtually enslaved no matter how you looked at it. Technically, Nicolas was only allowed to be 'free' because of Worick. On paperwork, he belonged to Worick and there had been times where Worick had had to give him orders, orders that Nic would follow without question. And yet, even compared to the other Twilights she had met, Nicolas seemed to be more stunted in his range of emotion than they were. She had seen that he was capable of the gentler emotions and yet, they seemed difficult for him. As if, even when he was feeling them, he didn't quite understand it and had no idea what to do about them.
Swallowing her fear, Alex closed the distance between them. Her fingers pressed through his short hair, rubbing gently along his scalp, causing Nic's eyes to fly open as he jumped in surprise. But, she didn't apologize and his wide eyes softened a bit once he realized it was just her. It actually surprised her that he didn't swat away her hand or move away, instead letting her run her fingers through his hair. Those short black strands of hair were softer than she had imagined, the hair silky almost like Worick's though the color was jet black. While her hair was dark, there was still brown mixed in the black. But, Nic had pure black hair, no brown to be seen within the short strands.
The look in his eyes gave her the impression that he was remembering something else as her fingers moved down to the side of his head, feeling the rougher bit of his hair that was cut shorter than the top of his head. Nic let out a sigh and leaned into her hand, eyes a little unfocused in whatever memory he had fallen into. It made her wonder who he was remembering. Perhaps a lover long gone? The woman Granny Joel had warned her about? Alex had so many questions about that, but she didn't dare ask either Nic or Worick about it. Had Nic really hurt her? And yet, from what she had heard, it gave her the impression that Nicolas had likely been in love with her.
"I'm sorry, I know you don't like this sort of thing. But... I... I guess, I don't really know why..." She muttered, but she could tell that he wasn't looking at her lips. Nic was gazing off somewhere past her shoulder, letting his cheek rest into the palm of her hand as she let her thumb gently brush from his sideburn to the skin of his cheek. Yes, he wasn't seeing her at all right now. He was firmly in a memory, imagining someone else. But, he had let her have the illusion of telling him her problems just moments ago, the least she could do was allow him a little fantasy like this for a few brief moments.
Nic blinked, eyes coming back into focus on her face. Alex pulled her hand back away, sitting back into the cushion of the couch. He didn't look angry or irritated, but the moment was definitely over. The expression on his face was stoic, those eyes staring at her with the usual intensity. A thousand questions went through her mind, but she remembered that he hadn't asked her questions earlier. So instead, she just brought her hands up and signed, 'Thank you.'
