Addison stared at her chart wondering about her patient's mental health. The young woman was seven months pregnant but the baby had been experiencing fetal distress. She couldn't quite figure out if Alice's past medical history, an eating disorder, would cause problems with the baby's development. Alice's husband was taking good care of her and Addison figured that he would alert her to any potential flare ups.
"Addison," Mark Sloan appeared from around the corner. Addison did a double take; Mark was almost never around on her floor. He would stop in to see Derek, but he rarely came up to see her.
"Mark?" She couldn't help the questioning in her voice.
"Surprised?" he leaned against the desk grinning at her and she felt a flash of subtle irritation.
"What is it Mark," he really was too aware of his good looks. She never had felt as though he was hitting on her, but he was just an irritation.
He stopped smiling and pulled away, "Derek asked me to take you out to dinner," he had a somber look now.
"Why?" and she knew suddenly, Derek wasn't going to make their dinner reservation.
"Mark, you don't need to," she sighed.
"Addie, I want to," he looked truly sorry.
"Fine, I'll get my coat," she turned leaving the chart in the slot.
She walked out towards him and he studied her, "I want to take you out, but if you don't want to go," he hesitated.
"No, let's go," she paused, "I just want to see Derek," she had to see her husband.
"Addison," he looked up hearing her footsteps.
"Derek," she wanted
to hate him, but he looked so tired.
"God Addison I'm so
sorry, it's a little girl, I have to operate," he stared at her
willing her to understand and she nodded mutely.
He was a world class
surgeon and she knew she should assure him she wasn't angry.
"I'll
make do with Mark," she gave him the best smile she could muster.
He pulled her into his arms gently, "I know," he broke away and gave her a gentle kiss and his eyes fell on Mark.
"Treat her like a
princess," he instructed.
"Will do, she's going to be the
most spoiled girl in the city," Mark promised.
"Addison," Derek looked at her imploringly.
She shook her head at him, "I'll see you later."
He watched her walk away on his best friend's arm. He wanted to take her to dinner, but he knew that his work was important. He had a life to save. Derek wasn't blind, he knew Addison was unhappy, but he wasn't sure how to fix it. He wasn't sure when things started to go wrong with them. It wasn't that the sex was bad, when they made love, it was fulfilling and passionate. It was their communication, their connection, and that was frightening for Derek. He was sure she felt the loss as well. It had been months really since they had been able to share more than the brief kisses before bed or the morning coffee together. Their careers kept growing, their names better recognized and somehow the label of Addison and Derek, or Derek and Addison, was dimming.
Addison wanted to cry but held it together until she was in Mark's car and she started to sob.
"Addison," his arms were around her and she wailed onto his shoulder, "why?"
"I don't know," Mark was quiet for a minute, "let me take you home."
They entered the dark house and Mark quickly turned on a light ushering her into the living room towards the couch, "sit," he ordered.
She sat heavily wondering what else the day could possibly throw at her.
"Here," he handed her tea and she glanced up at him.
"Thank you," she took it and sipped it gasping softly as it burned her tongue.
"Sorry, it's hot," he sat down next to her.
"Mark do you ever want children," she stole a look in his direction to watch his face.
He shifted uneasily, "I haven't thought about it much," his eyes widened.
"Addison are you?" He was gaping.
"No," she said quickly, "no thank goodness."
He was silent and then asked, "do you want kids?"
Addison looked down at
her hands and noticed again the big beautiful rings Derek had put
there.
"I did," she blushed softly, "I still do, can you
imagine a mini Derek?"
"God help us all," Mark's comment made her smile.
"He'd break hearts
by the time he was three," she grinned.
"Just like he's
breaking yours," Mark whispered finally.
Addison felt something
in her snap and she turned to him fiercely, "don't you dare say
that about Derek."
"Relax Addie, he's my best friend, it's
not that I think badly of him, but you're my friend too and I saw
you tonight crying. You don't cry." He was right, he was right
about a lot of things.
She couldn't' be truly mad at him, "I know." He was Derek's best friend and he wouldn't be mean to him even with a reason. She knew he was more worried about her than angry at Derek.
"It's not his fault," she murmured.
"I know," Mark did too, "I just think," he didn't know how to say it, "I just think he doesn't get how hurt you are."
"I'm tired," she wanted to stop talking.
He nodded and plopped a pillow onto his lap, "I'll stay," he offered.
She raised her
eyebrows, "I'll wake you when he gets back," he explained.
She
nestled onto the couch and laid her head down feeling him pull the
blanket over her and his hand settle on her arm.
"Thank you," she could think of nothing else to say.
"Go to sleep," Mark sat quietly and soon she drifted off.
Derek opened his door and glanced into the living stopping short. Mark was sitting on the couch and he turned his head at Derek's entrance.
"Shush," he whispered.
Derek walked over and saw his wife with her head on a pillow on Mark's lap. Mark was resting his arm on her body and she was sleeping.
"She was exhausted and I told her I'd stay until you got back," Mark hesitated, "she's a mess man."
Derek hesitated, "did you go to dinner?" Something told him they didn't.
Mark glanced down at Addison's form, "no, but it was her choice," he gently shook her.
Addison opened her eyes and glanced up, Mark's face and then Derek's came into vision.
"Hi," she said softly sitting up.
"Let's go to bed," Derek studied her face, she had puffy eyes and looked awful.
He felt terrible for his part in the look on her face, and she stood walking around the couch to stand by him. She took his arm and smiled at Mark, "thank you for staying," she put her hand on arm gently and he nodded.
Derek showed him out and turned to his wife, "you didn't want dinner?" She shook her head.
"Are you okay?" he didn't want to deal with her anxiety and annoyance now.
"We can talk about it later," she offered and he held out his hand to her which she took gratefully.
He guided her up the stairs and once in bed took her in his arms kissing her softly.
"Derek," she wanted him suddenly, needed him.
He knew her so well, he could sense her desperation and as tired as he was he couldn't say no.
He made love to her gently, tenderly hoping that somehow he could erase her pain, assure her that he loved her. He did love her, but marriage and careers were never easy to balance. She came in his arms gasping his name and he cradled her to him.
"Derek, what about you," she realized he hadn't yet climaxed.
"Shush," he touched her cheek staring into her eyes, they were searching his and she whispered his name again.
He eventually began to move again and they both came together this time.
She fell asleep tucked under his chin feeling slightly better. It was another day in their life together, one that ended well, but Addison couldn't shake the feeling that she was losing him, day by day, to his world and his work. She didn't know if she could win in this game, she wasn't strong enough to fight for him every day.
