'Love did you remember me,
Love of long ago?
Yes; we kept that fond oath sworn
A thousand years ago'
~Charles Godfrey Leland
A Thousand Years Ago
Sometimes he feels guilty. He knows it's not his fault, dying, but watching his lover completely self-destruct is painful, and he can't help but feel as though it's his fault for leaving. He's only lived around 25 years, but he has more regrets than most. Lisa, for one. Not falling in love with her- he could never regret that, but her partial transformation and his determination to fix her. She would have hated what she became, and clinging to the false hope that he could restore he remains one of his biggest regrets.
Using Jack and Torchwood and everyone one of Torchwood 3's employees is another regret of his. Going behind their backs, lying, bringing a half-transformed cyberwoman when he knew how dangerous they could be, they were some of the stupidest mistakes in his life, and some of his worst regrets.
His greatest regret, however, is dying and leaving his Captain a shattered man. The moment the 456 released that gas in the air, he felt it slowly burning through his lungs, clogging the airways, each breath more painful than the last, eyes blurring the sight of the most incredible man he had ever known crying over him.
'I love you'
'Don't' 'Ianto, stay with me. Stay with me. Please! Stay with me, please, pleaseā¦'
'Hey' 'It was good, yeah?'
'Yeah'
'Don't forget me'
'Never could'
'A thousand years time? You won't remember me'
'Yes I will. I promise, I will'
Those final moments, more painful even than Lisa's death. The sight of Jack crying over him was one that could have broken him had he not already been dying. And now, as he watches over his immortal lover, he knew that it wouldn't last forever. One day he'd die, and then Jack would still be left alone he feels like crying. The immortal man, once so full of life, beyond what was given to him a billion years in the future, is horribly lifeless, a state that one such as him should never be in. The first time he begins forgetting, Ianto doesn't blame him. It's been beyond a thousand years, and a name doesn't mean anything in comparison to Jack's infinite lifespan. That he even remembers the shy Welsh archivist from over a thousand years ago is beyond what Ianto ever hoped for; that he still loves him is like a miracle.
The first time Ianto watches as his name is carved into the pale flesh that he knows so well, his heart breaks for his Captain. He never imagined his death would do such a thing to anyone, especially not Captain Jack Harkness, the man who never dies, the man who has lived through more lifetimes than anyone could hope to imagine. He never imagined that Jack could be driven to such a thing, and he hates it. He screams silently for his lover not to do it, not to be so forgone as to carve Ianto's name into his own arm as not to forget it. Jack doesn't hear him, and he gains his first scar.
Ianto watches as Jack slowly forgets other little bits and pieces about him- eye color, favorite device stopwatch, without hesitation, every time, and voice. And every time that silver pen catches on a pale canvas in red ink, his heart breaks a little more. And when Jack finally loses himself and carves the five letters that make up Ianto's name over and over and over again until he dies, the Welshman hates himself. He feels guilty enough that he manages to find his way into the place Jack goes when he dies.
He tells Jack not to give up completely, not to die, and how ironic is that, the dead man telling the immortal man to live? And by some stroke of luck, his Captain listens. His name still gets carved into that scarred flesh, but his lover hasn't given up, not quite yet.
Ianto watches as Jack slowly warps into something more than human, a giant face who has lived for millenia, and he sees that his lover is slowly becoming at peace. He watches as a madman in a strange blue box and a golden girl who glows like the sun Bad Wolf, his mind whispers, Rose Tyler and the Doctor visit the end of the world and his lover slowly becomes himself again. He watches as, billions of years after that, the doctor with a different face and a dark-skinned companion say goodbye to Jack in his dying moments.
And then he is finally reunited with his immortal lover, put to rest at last. And as Ianto sees Jack fade into view, and suddenly he's being clung to by his sobbing, desperate love, he can't help the devastated look as he sees the state of his Captain- scars and hatred and rage- but he wraps his arms around the familiar figure, though where Jack was once strong and muscular, he has decayed into a skeletal frame whose skin is mostly scar tissue. But he's there, with his love, and all he can seehearsmellfeel is Jack, and they're together, and the worry dissipates for the time being, even though the rough scars are obvious against his gentle touch.
They can talk about that another time.
A/N: I didn't expect to write another chapter for this, but I wanted to do Ianto's point of view. It's not as long as Jack's POV, but I feel like it's better written and more put together. As always, please read and review. I appreciate any input and thoughts you have on this, whether errors, criticism, or just comments. Thank you for reading!
