Between the Bars

I pushed my limbs as hard as I could, my feet barely touching the wet, emerald ground. I didn't want to stop, I just wanted to run until my body fell from exhaustion. Too bad that would never happen, nor would the twigs that were sliding across my skin cause me to bleed. The trees grew thick here and it was inevitable that my clothes would be torn to shreds (a shame, too, but I wasn't really paying much attention). My hair would also probably be a mess, but I didn't mind paying that price. If it meant that I would have time away from my snoopy, telepathic brother and my mood controlling/sensing mate, I was more than happy. Normally Edward and Jasper's abilities were never a problem for me, but things were changing.

I couldn't be around them any longer or I think I would've gone absolutely insane. I was tired of singing outdated showtoons and reading off ingredients of food I'd never eat in my head. Jasper could sense my frustration and would not stop trying to send waves of calm or happy vibes. I fought against them, feeling a little violated. He doesn't even know what is going on, and yet he thinks he can make it better? I just want to be left alone, from everyone. For once I was thankful for Rosalie's lack of interest, Emmett's ability to be easily distracted, and the understanding of both Carlisle and Esme. Each of them let me wallow in peace, while Edward kept looking at me with concentration and Jasper kept throwing contradicting sensations my way.

Things are changing, and I need to be able to feel and think freely.

My visions are getting more detailed and clear as Bella makes more concrete decisions. Her view of Edward has changed so dramatically since she first met him. It's gone from fiercely loving to near apathetic. Nothing will be the same when you've shattered it into a million pieces.

She wants to leave him. I've seen it. Edward will realize this and, being the gentleman that he is deep down, will step aside. I see Edward sitting on the end of her bed, speaking softly to a startled Bella. He says that he loves her, but realizes that it is no longer returned the way it was before. He says that he understands. She is speechless, and then he leaves, briefly kissing her forehead with a pained look on his face.

If Bella decides to not see Edward, to accept his resignation, what will happen to the rest of us? Will she care to see Esme, Carlisle, or Emmett? Rosalie, even? Me? It seems so selfish to say these things, but I can't lose her. My brother will be in agony, and all I can think is that she wont want to see me ever again, and how much pain this will cause me.

Bella has been the only thing to hold joy within me in a long time. She's my best friend. I've never held a friend outside of the Denali and Cullen families, and as much as I wanted something new, Bella is more than just a fresh face. I can't lose her or else I will feel the emptiness that has plagued me for so long. She makes me feel like I'm alive again, as if I had a heart that could beat. My thirst is unquenchable, and it doesn't restrict itself to blood. Her presence is what I crave. If she leaves Edward, I don't know what will become of our relationship. This scares me more than I ever thought imaginable.

And Jasper. My feelings for him have changed as well. Everything feels as if it's falling apart. I can't handle being around him, seeing how he still adores me after so many years together. He makes me happy, but it's not in the same way. I love him, but the romantic feelings that used to swell in me have faded. My head doesn't go spinning when he walks into the room in that disgusting, dopey way. I truly want him to be happy, but I fear that I won't be able to legitimately give him that happiness. I'm sure he feels the annoyance that rises in me when he comes into our bedroom, when I'm trying desperately to relax. It breaks me to know that I'm causing him pain, but I can't help what's going on inside of me. We've made a good run, and as much as I wish I could continue with him, I don't think I can last much longer.

I finally slow, coming across a clearing with a small creek running through. Several deer drink from it, the moonlight casting a glow on the ripples as the water moves. I didn't come here to feed, but it had been a few days too long since my last meal. My eyes darkened from hunger, hearing the blood rushing through their veins, their hearts pumping furiously through my eardrums. I let my instincts take over, a wave of adrenaline hastening through my entire body. I shuddered with hunger, and a moment later I pounced. Breaking the neck of the largest male, I sucked greedily. My eyes closed at the taste. It wasn't human blood, but it was blood. Laying his head down gently, I found another to feed on.

I finished quickly, the guilt of a new kill settling in for a moment before I began to run again. I doubled back, heading in the direction of the house before deciding to head further into Forks. I didn't know exactly where I was going; I just let my feet decide. My muscles loosened with each step, letting my body feel free for the first time in ages. I let the cool air relieve my anxieties as I continued on.

I slowed down again, seeing where I was for the first time. I was standing across the street from a small two-story house. Trees surrounded it, and a police cruiser was parked in the front. The time was probably around three in the morning, so it was odd that the bedroom window upstairs was on. This was Bella's house, and that was Bella's window.

Edward wouldn't be here; Bella's been sending him home before she goes to sleep at night. Despite my scrambled brain, he's tried to talk to me about it. I've always been his closest sibling, even now despite my attempts to shut him out. As much as I love my brother, it's infuriating to hear that he can even ask to hold her at night when he left her to crumble. I can only nod when he seeks me for console, something I just cannot give him. He left, and so it's his own fault.

I sniffed for his presence just in case before I climbed up to Bella's windowsill. I could hear her heart beating. It was relaxed and steady, but not as slow as it is while she's asleep. I heard faint music in the air, and I had a feeling I'd spot her on the bed with her headphones on, like so many times in the past. Hanging on to the end of the sill, still out of sight, I listened more attentively. I could hear the rough sound of a pencil scratching on paper.

"Bella?" I said softly in between the songs on her mp3 player, trying not to frighten her before I popped my head up. I lifted myself to a sitting position on the sill, keeping one leg dangling out and the other in. Bella was on the bed, headphones on, writing what looked to be a letter. She seemed surprised at first, but when she looked me over she smiled warmly. I couldn't help but smile back. She took her headphones out of her ears and looked worriedly at me. "What happened to your shirt, Alice?" Putting her mp3 player aside, laying her notepad next to it and getting up to greet me at the window. She was adorable in her little tank top and some loose fitting pajama pants. I have a feeling I would've been blushing if I wasn't dead.

Sliding her hands into mine, she pulled me into the room and sat me down on the bed. I tried not to look at the letter she was writing through my peripherals, focusing on Bella instead, which wasn't hard to do. I continued to smile at her, probably looking like a complete idiot to anyone else. "Alice?" She asked again when I didn't answer, smiling back. "Oh," I caught myself losing it. Jeeze, Alice… "I, uh, went running. I needed time away from the mind reader and the mood police." I tried not to show the seriousness behind the situation. Bella's smile faded into a look of concern. I should've known I couldn't fool her. She could always see right through me, which made me wonder if Edward's mind reading ability could rub off on someone.

"Alice, what's going on? Are you all right? And don't say you are if you're not." She said seriously, her eyes penetrating through mine. I felt myself becoming distracted, looking too closely at her face, studying it as if it wouldn't be around long enough for me to memorize every contour. It pained me to think that one day she would not be here, and that she would grow old to die, and that she wouldn't want me there beside her.

"Bella," I needed to talk to her about it. "I need to ask you something." I took my eyes away from her, looking down at my lap instead. I wouldn't tell her about my vision of Edward letting her go, but I had to talk to her. "Are you still in love with Edward?" I moved my eyes back to her face to see her reaction.

Her look of concern transformed into a knowing frown. She was beautiful when she was sad, but I hated what she was feeling. She took my hands in her own again, her frown turning into a small smile. "No." She said softly. I couldn't fully see what she was thinking, but I could feel her mind shift. I was sure I was the only person she was admitting this to, and for some twisted reason it made me feel warm inside. My selfish thinking never ceases. "No, I'm not." She repeated, tears starting to well in her eyes, the smile still there.

"Oh, don't cry, Bella." I said softly, wiping the tears just as they were falling. I pulled her into my chest, close, trying to breathe steadily. "I love you, you know that?" She said so quiet I could barely hear her. I smiled reflexively. "You're my best friend, Alice."

The question I wanted to ask her before was nearly forgotten, but when it resurfaced I couldn't hold it back. "If you leave him, are you going to leave me?" I felt my last words choke, and I think if I could cry I would've been causing a waterfall inside of her small bedroom.

I could feel her body relax into mine, but when I spoke she quickly pulled her head away from my chest to look at me. "Alice, how could you ever think that?" She pulled further away, only to hold my hands again. She looked down at my cold fingers, grazing hers along them gently. "You mean the world to me, Alice. I can't lose you again. You're the only thing I look forward to anymore." She smiled, still looking at my hands. "I was just writing you a letter, actually." Bella looked back up into my eyes with the cutest smile. Even in such a drab situation, she made me feel the warmth of happiness in the pit of my stomach. I glanced curiously at the notepad. "Don't read it!" She said quickly, forcing my gaze back to her. We both giggled at her reaction. She moved her hand to flip it over, then moved it back to massage my own. "I'll let you read it when the time is right." She blushed, smiling a little at me. I smiled back, not able to hold back my happiness. I had no idea what was in the letter, but for the time being I didn't care.

She thought to write to me. All along I thought it might be a letter to her mother, or to Edward. But it was me she was thinking of. I couldn't restrain my smile from growing a little wider. "I'll wait, you can trust me." I told her seriously, moving to lie down on her bed. I moved the notepad and mp3 player to the side table and patted the space beside me. "Get over here, Bella. Its incredibly late…or early, whichever way you think about it. You have school tomorrow." I smirked. She continued to smile at me as she curled up at my side. I turned the light off and huddled as close to her as possible.

It didn't take long for her heartbeat to settle into that familiar rhythm of slumber. I let my eyes close, relaxing into the embrace and settling into my own peaceful non-sleep. She wasn't going to leave me, and so I couldn't help but feel relief.