A/N: Alright here comes the second chapter and I hope you all love this one! I know I loved the last one after I read over it! YAY Jeff might be coming back to WWE!!! Yay!!!! Alright Fan girl moment over on to the next chapter!
Chapter Two: Solitude
I wheeled around my kitchen, newly equipped with smaller everything, so I could reach. The wheels of the tires squealed on the tile floor. I could feel the movement of the tires trying to move to the side as I turned, like tiny tremors underneath me. The hatred with myself hadn't stopped since that fateful day. It had been two years since then. Two years exactly, I had completely secluded myself from the world. At first my brother had tried to talk to me, to come around, but I knew he didn't want to be here. He was a party guy, he didn't want to be held up in the house with me, or have me being pulled along to a bar I couldn't even sit at. It would make him look bad. So instead of answer the door I stayed in my house, I didn't answer my phone, and I didn't have contact with him.
Shannon came around and got the hint quicker than my brother, or maybe he just didn't want to try. Maybe he was so embarrassed that he didn't even want to see me. I didn't want himto see me. I hadn't gone on the computer to see what had happened of my fans. I was too scared to see that they had abandoned me, to afraid that they forgot me when that happened. After the shock had gone away I was sure that they had thrown me away just like McMahon had. I can still see the stares of the other employees of WWE and the pitied looks the last time I had went to clear out my locker. The sight of Maria covering her mouth to hide the gasp that she had just let out had taken what little strength I had left.
When I came home, after being growled at on the plane home by impatient people who didn't understand that I didn't know how to work a wheel chair, I had found that it didn't matter that Beth had taken everything of hers and left without a trace. I had used the money I was saving up for the fantastic wedding for us to make my new home even newer and replaced everything to fit a wheel chair accessible height. The doctors had said that there was no hope at all for me to walk again, so I hadn't gone to physical therapy, it was stupid to waste money I needed to live.
So here I am now, I don't struggle anymore with the chair, but it is always going to be hard to move around confined spaces. I hadn't touched drugs for a long time, or alcohol. Again I needed the money to last as long as it possibly could. I had saved up so much, but a lot of it had gone into buying myself a new home. I didn't even have the will to paint. I knew I still could, but it would take a lot of agonizing hours to work myself around the canvases that I use. I didn't want to see that I couldn't even do that. Most of my time was put into watching tv or sitting out on the back deck throwing sticks for my dogs to run after. I didn't eat much, I didn't want to lose everything that I had. I had no way of exercising, so I didn't dare eat as much as I used to. I didn't need much food anyway; I just sat there doing nothing.
I reached onto the counter and grabbed a water bottle. It wasn't cold, but that didn't matter I was thirsty. I wheeled myself back into the living room and out onto the deck. The dogs ran around me with their toys and sticks. Finally I put the water bottle down and threw Molly's pink and red ball. She chased after it and left me with the rest of the dogs. I threw the next and the next. I did this ever day before the long trip up to the mail box. I still got bills that I needed to pay so I made sure that I went to get them every day. I still got things free from WWE, like the magazines, but those went into a pile on my table that I never read. Reading about the WWE was too depressing to deal with.
When I did come back to the house after the trip to the mail box I opened what little mail there was and sat in the living room watching the television. The dogs were sleeping around me and Molly's head was in my lap. I absent mindedly pet her head as the channels flipped when I pushed the button. My phone rang several times that day, I didn't answer a single one of them. I didn't care to, it was probably someone from WWE trying to "get back in touch with me." They didn't care, they didn't want to get back in touch. They only wanted to quell the disgust with themselves and the guilt that they felt, especially Adam. I had heard he had quit the moment he heard that I had been paralyzed.
He had felt bad about what he had done. He had destroyed me and he had to live with that. He could go through his life without having to deal with the handicap of not being able to move from a chair to a low risen bed every night. He didn't have to learn a new way to live. He didn't have to quit his job because he couldn't move. Maybe he even might have been trying to make everyone feel bad for him, See that he was the one worse off because he was so "shaken" and "upset" about what he had done. So I didn't answer his calls either.
I still had to go to the doctors, and I still had to hear that I wasn't going to be able to walk ever again. There was a program on the health channel that I watched every week in hopes that they had come up with some new way to fix spinal cord injuries. I didn't want the thought that by that time my spinal cord would be so useless by now that they wouldn't even be able to try. It had been two years after all. Today there was a new discovery to pancreatic cancer. That was good; even though they didn't have a new discovery with what I had I knew there was no cure for pancreatic cancer. I hadn't lost all of my good nature. I still knew that there were others out there that had it worse than me. At least no one was telling me that I was going to die in a month or two.
All in all I had withered away to a shadow of my former self. A dark shadow, that had nothing but built up anger and despair within it that it was slowly turning into a demon, a monster that was clawing and biting at the chains that held it closed within me. I didn't fear the day that it was let off of its chains, the only thing that I feared was what would become of me when it did. Would it take over completely and replace me or would I take it's place within myself and wait for the day that I can take control again.
So the day wore on and slowly lunch went by, I didn't move from my spot in front of the television, but I did play tug of war with some of my dogs. They were the only ones that didn't look at me different and therefore I didn't treat them any different. They still wagged their tails. They still recognized me, even though they had to be coaxed to accept my prison with it's big wheels attached to the sides. I didn't hate them, they were in fact the only things I had left, the only things I let myself to have. It was around four in the afternoon when there was a knock on the door.
A/N: Bum Bum Bum!!! Who could it be?!?!?!?!?! Well I guess you all are going to have to find out in the next chapter aren't you. Don't worry you wont have to wait long. I will have the next chapter up in no time!
~*Morna*~
