A.N: Stupidly short chapter! . But it's from Castiel's perspective, just a quick reflection over how he's really feeling. Etc etc. x3
If you were to ask me to sum up my life in as few words as possible, I could do it with just two.
Dean Winchester.
Ever since I pulled him from perdition and breathed new life into him, he has become the center of my Universe. In essence, he has become my world. I feel attached to Dean like I've never been attached to someone before. Almost like we are two kindred spirits, bound to one another for all of eternity through some unspoken seal, an unspoken contract that forbids us to let the other one go.
He is my poison, and my antidote. I try to ignore his calls for help, but I cannot bring myself to do it. Dean needs me more then he knows. Perhaps even more then I know. Dean has become like a dependent child to me. I dare not be too far away from him, incase he needs me for something important. Or just something at all.
Perhaps yes, I do divulge him too much. I answer his calls without a second thought of someone else who might need me. I have done this before; without a second thought for someone who truly needed my protection, I flew to the aid of another who was not really in need of my help. And in doing so, I abandoned someone who was moments from death. Knowing she needed my help, I left her to the mercy of the Hellhounds and did nothing to save her.
That is my curse. I care too much for one, and not enough for another. For Eight years I protected that one person from a terrible fate, and when she needed me the most I was elsewhere, dealing with a trivial question that could have waited. I could have saved her, but I didn't.
Now I'm at the beck and call of a Human who didn't fulfil the purpose we rose him for. But I can't bring myself to hate him. Dean chose his path for a reason. He didn't want to be the catalyst that brought about the apocalypse; he wasn't to know Adam could be a vessel too. And of course by the time Dean did find out, it was too late to do anything about it. Adam wanted to prove himself to be a worthy child of John Winchester. He wanted to do something right by his late Father, so he chose to become Michael's sword. I should have done more to stop him. But I was too busy balancing my Heavenly duties, and my duties to Dean.
Dear Father; forgive me. I'm sorry for not being good enough.
