A New Life Begins

"Nûrzgrat, could you walk with me?" Brianna asked, seeing him gathering up supplies for another extended absence. The gruff Uruk had been taking longer and longer 'hunting' trips over the past few months, sometimes lasting a week at a time. She knew well what he was running away from.

Straightening, Nûrzgrat flicked his gaze around the clearing. They'd been here for nearly two years, ever since the end of the War that destroyed their home and crippled their Master. He'd led six other Uruk-hai out of the ruins of Isengard, bound for a place where they could escape their fellows' fate, rebuild, regroup... Then the women came into their lives like debris from an explosion, and everything... changed.

One of their number hadn't made it this far. Nûlkol crossed a dangerous line, one Nûrzgrat was contemplating calling him out for, when this female, Brianna, ended the argument with two well-thrown knives. The chain of events that followed the slaying, oddly enough, secured Brianna and her friend, Sandy, as full members of the awkwardly-formed clan.

He'd had to admit it at some point over the last year or so: they were a clan. The eight of them looked out for each other, including the Mannish females who'd literally fallen into their laps. Though the remaining Uruks were bred to operate as weapons for a specific, temporary purpose - never intended or expected to reproduce and thrive - somehow they fit together and managed to escape more than the quick and bloody demise of their kind.

Even the Elves rather liked them.

His gaze fell on Sandy, holding out her fingers for little Ashmau to clutch as he took a few tentative, wobbling steps under her encouraging smile. A lump formed in Nûrzgrat's throat. The boy looked so damn much like a tiny version of Morkoth; he even frowned with concentration just like his da. Nûrzgrat well remembered the squalling, blood and fluid-coated Orcling in the arms of Galadriel, some sort of Elf queen or other, who stayed long enough to aid Sandy in those last few months before Ashmau's birth. Then she actually delivered the whelp, beaming as much as any over his vigor and health.

The distant laughter of Razkaar playing with Ilsa, likely more hide-and-seek, came to his ears, and he squeezed his eyes shut. That little girl landed in their midst almost as suddenly and unexpectedly as Sandy and Brie, though she wasn't from another world, nor was she completely Mannish. Now in the range of four years old, she'd eventually shaken off most of the neglect and abuse of her people, though she still guarded her food fiercely at mealtimes. It was a habit she'd learned from the dogs she used to fight for scraps. If Razkaar hadn't proven to be an attentive and stern older brother, she might not have come along so well, and now the two were nigh inseparable.

Nûrzgrat's gaze shifted toward the sounds of hammering and swearing that often accompanied anything Ghrulagûrz and Frûmâdûrz engaged in together. Ghru and Brianna's shelter had developed a leak in the roof, and Ghru was rather obsessed with making everything perfect for the coming whelp. Thakûf was trying to 'help,' but he was awkward and gangly as his body filled out toward adulthood, and far too often caused clumsy accidents. The relative quiet of their settlement was frequently broken by a crash, followed by Thak's urgent 'Sorry! Sorry!' as he struggled to undo what he'd done.

Nûrzgrat looked back at Brianna, big as a fucking aurochs and clearly miserable. Sandy had ridden her pregnancy well, but she had the body for it. Brie was a skinny little thing when she arrived, and didn't put on much weight with all the fleeing and running for their lives that occupied their days back then. He still questioned why he paired her with Ghru, who easily stood a foot and a half taller and a hundred pounds heavier. She'd have been better off with Nûrzgrat, if he hadn't had personal reasons for pushing her at someone else.

"Day's goin'," he grumbled. "Gotta be off."

"You can take a few minutes for a friend, can't you?" she asked, arching her eyebrows.

"Your 'few minutes' are more like a few hours," he groused, but dropped his pack and reluctantly joined her. "Oughta be your mate takin' you for a walk, not me."

"My mate's busy," she smiled. "I'm supposed to walk as much as I can, remember?"

Sighing resignedly, he nodded. The Elves that still dropped in on them from time to time seemed to be on strict orders from Galadriel and Celeborn to check on Brie's progress, and they all agreed that walking would get that whelp out of her earlier than normal, maybe sparing her the last month or so carrying such a big child. As they slowly walked into the forest, he muttered, "Wonder where them Elves are now, eh? So interested in your whelpin', showin' up at all hours."

"I'm sure they'll be around sooner or later," she replied mildly. "They only come when they're heading west."

He shrugged. Nûrzgrat didn't pretend to know or care what the golug-hai did 'out west' or what this 'sailing' business was about. He only knew that, ever since the first strained encounter, they hadn't been able to get rid of the bastards. Worse than vermin getting into the food stores, another annoyance that took great efforts to eliminate.

But he had to admit their attentions provided some comforts. Bread, for one. Sure, it was that nasty waybread, but it was a tolerable change of pace from their mostly meat diet. The women certainly appreciated it. They taught the little clan what was edible and what wasn't in this part of the Misty Mountains, as well. The clan certainly ate better here than they had on the march.

"You've been quiet," Brie commented. "We haven't seen much of you lately."

Again, he shrugged without otherwise responding.

"You're hardly done from one hunt when you're preparing to leave for another," she tried again. "We have enough dried meat to last the winter, and plenty of hides for the beds." They were a good distance from the shelters by now, not even the hammering still audible. "Talk to me, Nûrzgrat, like you used to."

He briefly met her eyes and looked away, face flushing with guilt. Of the two women, he was closest to this one, and she could read him well. He'd unloaded so much pain onto her shoulders, it was a wonder she could stand beneath the weight of it. She passed no judgment on him, demanding no blood for the terrible things he'd done while in service to the White Hand. Though she was more friend than anything else, and he knew well the line in the sand he could never cross with her lest Ghru give him a pounding he might not walk away from, he sometimes felt a slight pang of regret for putting her under the broken Uruk's protection. As with Morkoth and Sandy, that was a one-way path that neither regretted or wished to abandon.

"I'm thinkin' 'bout leavin'," his voice rumbled quietly.

"Leaving?" she asked, halting in her tracks and staring at him. Whatever she thought he might say, that wasn't it. "Leaving here?"

"Yeah," he nodded, bowing his head, unable to meet her eyes. "You got... your own young, your own mates. You don't need me no more."

"We'll always need you, Nûrzgrat," she insisted, placing a soft hand on his upper arm. "Maybe we don't say it enough. You're a good leader and a wise man."

"Don't need leaders," he muttered. "You got Ghru, Sandy's got Morkoth. You don't need me."

"You're our friend," Brie said desperately. "We trust you. You're very good to us. You're a good hunter, a fierce warrior... Oh Nûrzgrat, please don't leave!"

He glanced at her as her voice broke. The woman's eyes were brimming with tears. He winced and looked away again. "I don't... I want... what the other lads have. A mate. Companion. Someone... anyone. Watchin' you lot... Smiles on your faces..."

"Nûrzgrat," Brianna said, her voice shaky, "I failed you. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't do nothin'," he replied hastily, turning away. He began to pace, his tone becoming more agitated and angry as he warmed to the subject. "How could you find a mate for me? Where the fuck would you look? You can't go nowhere without protection, and look what's protectin' you? One of us. You run into Men, and they'll kill us, take you... Who knows what they'd do to you, a woman who's fuckin' Orcs? Probably hang you with the same rope they strung Ghru up with." Pausing to spit with distaste, he added, "It don't matter what them Elves said. They ain't Men. It just don't matter. Orc hunters ain't gonna ask our names first."

"Nûrzgrat...," the woman said flatly.

"What?"

"I think my water just broke."

"What's that mean?"

"I'm going to have this baby right now," she replied unsteadily. Her hand went back to his arm and gripped it tightly, while her other tucked under her distended belly. She stared into the distance as if listening for something.

"Whuh... what?" Nûrzgrat huffed with sudden alarm.

"Oh... uh... oh my," Brie mumbled, then lowered herself to the ground. "It's coming fast. I need to lie down."

"What... here? Now?" he cried, his voice higher than normal as panic set in. When Sandy popped, they were in the camp, Elves were there, people who knew what the fuck to do. While it was true he was in the cabin when Ashmau came, he wasn't anywhere close enough to see what actually happened. There was screaming, he recalled; a lot of swearing, some truly vicious threats against Morkoth if he ever did this to Sandy again, but that's about all he remembered now, over a year later.

Brie settled herself on the ground and pulled up her skirts. Nûrzgrat was no stranger to unclothed females, but this was Brie. Entirely different. And he'd never seen a female's nether regions covered in the fluids of childbirth, either. Without warning, Brianna spread her legs right in front of him.

"Whuh... what do I do?" he stammered, slowly sinking to his knees. He couldn't take his eyes off her. It wasn't remotely arousing, what was happening down there. It was like watching an angry mouth opening.

"You're... gonna have to help... the baby come," she gasped, already breathless from the strength of the contractions that had, up to this point, been mild and annoying. She'd been having them for months with no sign of real labor coming. Now, all of a sudden... "Oh god, I feel like I have to push already. What is it about Orc children that... when they want out... they really, really want out? Like, right now!"

"Uh... heh... we got... we got minds of our own," Nûrzgrat replied shakily, trying to calm himself.

Brie was having a much harder time managing. While she remembered everything about Sandy's experience, and recalled all the advice and soothing words, none of those things were here. She had Nûrzgrat, staring between her legs like he was about to be confronted with a cave troll. Not exactly encouraging or comforting. And the urge to push was so strong she had no power to deny it.

"Ghru should be here, not me," he muttered. "Not me. Should be him. Your mate oughta be here."

"Don't you dare leave me, Nûrzgrat!" Brie growled between contractions. "Don't... leave me... please."

"Fuh... fuh...," he gasped, eyes widening in horror, "what the fuck is that?"

"Jesus, I hope it's the he-... nnnnnggghh," she groaned, scrunching her face up with the effort.

"It's, uh... it's dark. Um... uh... it's got hair," he stuttered uncertainly.

"Then... then it's the head, thank god. Okay, wait, have to...," she started to say, before another contraction stole her breath away. Gathering herself, she took a deep breath and pushed hard.

When the urge passed, she reached for him. "Take my hands, please."

Uncertain, Nûrzgrat took hold of both hands, then nearly toppled off-balance when she pulled hard, using him for leverage. "Dammit, warn me next time!" he cried, getting himself set to resist. Then another contraction hit her, and she squeezed his hands and nearly pulled his arms out of the sockets.

"Fuuuuuck!" he roared. He never knew Brie had such a strong grip.

"Sorry! Sorry!" she whimpered. "It hurts."

Looking down, he nearly fainted. Emerging from between her legs was a dark mass covered in blood and hair. Stunned, he blinked several times, imagining how much it must hurt to pass something like that.

Each time the urge hit her, she squeezed his hands nearly hard enough to crush the bones and came close to pulling his arms loose from his shoulders, but he held on and endured, grimacing almost as much as she did with each push. He'd spread his own legs and extended them around her so he could brace himself, and dug his heels into the soft earth. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, the black-haired dome of the whelp's head was coming out.

Through the pain of Brie's unexpectedly strong grip, he barked, "Head's out. Fuck. What do I do?"

"Huh-hold it... hold it up... careful," she gasped.

Letting go of her hands gratefully, Nûrzgrat reached down to cradle the whelp's head and keep it off the ground and out of the mess. "What now?"

"Just... just hold it... don't twist... don't move," Brie moaned, leaning back on her hands. Then another contraction took her.

He could almost feel the force behind her push, carried through the whelp's body. He felt an almost instinctive urge to pull, to help the child out, but he dared not.

Panting with the effort, Brie rested for a moment. Those damn shoulders... always the hardest. Sandy struggled for quite awhile with Ashmau at this point. "I'm... going to... push really... really hard, Nûrz. I want... want you to... to pull... carefully. Really... god damned... carefully."

"All right," he nodded obediently. "Carefully."

"Yes." She took a few deep breaths, feeling the build-up coming. "Get ready." She hooked her arms under her knees, spreading herself wider, and curled forward.

Nûrzgrat could barely breath as the wave hit Brie again and she growled low in her throat, pushing for all she was worth. He couldn't even swallow as he applied a gentle but firm pull, his large clawed hands wrapped around the whelp's head. He dimly noted the perfect little pointed ears before they were hidden under his palms.

It took two more pushes to get the shoulders out, then the whelp slid right into Nûrzgrat's surprised hands.

Feeling the relief, Brie collapsed on the ground, thighs quaking and breath coming in deep huffs. The Uruk found himself cradling the child in his arms as he'd done Ashmau a few hours after the boy's birth, after everyone else had fawned over him. The little mouth was open wide in a furious cry, eyes squeezed shut, fists waving in the air.

Tears welled in his eyes. He'd never seen anything so painfully beautiful in his entire life.

"Nûrzgrat," Brie breathed weakly, "is it a boy or a girl?"

Blinking, he looked, and a slight smile curved his mouth. "It's a girl."

"Let me see her," she smiled, and Nûrzgrat reluctantly passed the whelp into her trembling arms. Shifting around, he helped her sit up and lean against him so she could see the little one's face. "I... can't... Nûrzgrat, help me. I need to try feeding her."

"Sure," he mumbled, reaching around to Brie's front and fumbling with the ties on her bodice. This was positively more awkward than being presented with her naked underpinnings. At least she managed her own breast extraction. Nûrzgrat tried not to look, though he was perched behind her shoulder so she could sit up. It was hard not to, especially when the wailing suddenly halted. Flicking his eyes down, he saw that the little Orcling knew exactly what to do with a breast when one was offered.

It was completely amazing. After all that pain and blood, he couldn't believe how quickly she seemed to recover. She'd gathered up the front of her skirts to cover the whelp in her arms while she nursed, oblivious to the mess and gore, not caring about anything but her baby. Sandy had been the same after Ashmau, but Nûrzgrat attributed that to the woman's tougher frame and endurance.

"Do I... do I cut the cord?" he asked.

"Not just yet," she replied. "Let it go a bit longer."

"You're tougher than I thought," he murmured quietly.

"I couldn't have done it without you," she said, leaning her head wearily against his shoulder.

He tore his eyes away from the contented child in her arms, then squeezed them shut. He had trouble swallowing for a moment. "Now I know I gotta leave."

"No," she begged, "no, Nûrzgrat, please."

"I can't," he said brokenly. "I'm... empty. Like a great big hole... that ain't gonna get filled... ever." He wanted to go somewhere else right now, fight off this weakness that assailed him more often these days, but he was so raw from what happened here... It was hard to hold it back. A tear slid down his cheek.

"What would you gain from leaving?" she asked.

"I don't know... I just... I could forget," he muttered. "Be easier without reminders every fuckin' day... that I got nothin'... and nobody. It's time I got away from those who do. Stayin' just makes it worse."

Brianna sighed. "We've been selfish, haven't we? Holding you back."

"Aye," he nodded.

"I've worried about you, Nûrzgrat," she said. "I don't want you to hurt yourself, but I don't want you to go some place where you might get killed because of what you are. With us you're safe."

"Maybe," he shrugged. "But every day I wake up and I see you... every night, I hear you... The walls ain't all that thick." He swallowed another hard lump. "I can hear Morkoth and Sandy. I can hear you and Ghru. It ain't... it ain't the mating. I hear you talkin'. Laughin', sometimes. I don't know what you say, but I can hear... I want that too, Brianna. And I want... I want this. Of my own" He nodded his chin toward the infant in her arms. Feeling another wave cresting, he clamped his jaw shut tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Nûrzgrat," Brie sobbed. "I wish I could do something. I wish so badly I could do something."

"It ain't your duty," he said tightly.

"I promised you."

"Some promises are too much," he replied quietly. "Weren't worth makin' cause they can't be kept."

"I'm sorry," Brie whispered, blinking the tears from her eyes.

"Don't matter," he said, taking a shaky breath. He forced a smile. "You got a pretty little girl there. Heh... look at them eyes."

The whelp at Brie's breast had apparently decided mealtime was over and was gazing up at them curiously. Unlike most Uruk-hai, her eyes were closer to brown than yellow.

"Give her a name, Nûrzgrat," Brie said quietly, looking into the depths of those eyes.

"That's... that's Ghru's job, not mine," he protested weakly.

"I want you to name her," she insisted. "You gave Ghru to me. I want you to name her."

He'd been the one to give Ghru the name he'd gone by for half his life, he supposed. Morkoth, his second and most trusted friend, had also asked this duty of him, and was pleased with the name Ashmau, 'first warrior.' Though Ghru was closer to his age, Nûrzgrat didn't want to assume the father of this whelp would want another to name her. But Brie was asking, and he never could say no to her.

Smiling a little, he suggested, "Hontor."

"Hunter?"

"Nah, Hontor," he repeated. "Means 'beautiful eye.'"

"That's perfect, then," Brie replied contentedly, stroking the little head. "Thank you."

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he said, "Best get you back, eh?"

"In a minute," she whispered, suddenly embarrassed. "There's... I need to pass the placenta. If you could help me with that..."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Uh... birthin' ain't done?"

"Not quite," she chuckled. "There's one more gross thing."

Grunting with amusement, he said, "I'll help you. Then I'll take you back."

"Thank you, Nûrzgrat."