The Losing End
Chapter One: Bitter Aloes
I do not own Fire Emblem or any of its characters.
Rated T for adult themes, if you hadn't already guessed. Same warnings as before apply.
Sailane, Silesia
"C'mon, Azel. We've got to get out of this pit."
It had become common to speak ill of their residence in Sailane, even if the members of Sir Sigurd's army really were grateful to be there, beyond the reach of Grandbell's retribution. The castle wasn't any smaller than the fortress of Evans, but their party was now far larger than it had been during those happy days in Verdane... and it was growing larger by the month. Aira's twins alone made Sailane seem to shrink by half; one twin cried and the other one howled.
"I don't really feel up to it, Lex," Azel said as he closed the tome of wind magic he'd been studying. That he closed it at all said that Azel knew that, one way or another, Lex was going to win.
"Doesn't matter. Aideen says we have to clear out. Tiltyu's going to pop today."
"I bet Aideen didn't say it like that."
"Naw."
"I thought her baby wasn't coming for another month."
"I guess not," said Lex, with an air of unconcern. Babies appeared in their midst and the hows and whys of it all didn't matter to Lex unless he was asked to look after said babies.
Azel didn't feel the same way. Not that he'd obsessed over the dates or anything, but he knew how long it took for a baby to come into the world, and he knew that Tiltyu wasn't ready.
-x-
They knew the routine now; whenever one of the ladies went into labor, all the men in the castle, from Sir Sigurd right down to little Prince Shanan, had to clear out and let the women handle everything. Even Father Claude wasn't welcome despite his skill in the healing arts; then again, it wasn't like staves ever helped during childbirth. And Azel was pretty sure that the Father's Valkyrie staff wouldn't be any use, either, if it came to that...
Azel had heard it two ways- first, that men just didn't need to be underfoot during delivery. They didn't know what they were doing and they got in the way. The other, less charitable explanation that the sight of one of their own in travail would make the women want to wreak revenge upon the man responsible, along with anyone else who might be around. Given the level of violence that some of these women could commit, Azel didn't want to find out. So he found himself wandering the snow-dusted streets of the town sheltered by Sailane's fortified walls. Sailane itself might have been comparable to Evans, but after the charms of their previous base in Agusty, its town offered very little in the way of amusement. Azel stared up at strings of icicles and examined cracks in the walls to pass the hours. He circled the entire town, not knowing where Lex and the other men had gone and not really caring.
In time, he found himself back at the castle itself; it might be off-limits to step inside, but Azel could listen in... and listen he did. He couldn't help himself. Aideen and poor Lady Dierdre had wonderful, joyous births for their sons, Azel thought. Aira hadn't made a sound while delivering the twins. Tiltyu was screaming.
"No! Please make it stop."
Screaming, over and over again.
"I can't take this, I can't take this..."
Azel realized he was biting his nails. When he'd been younger, they'd painted his fingertips with bitter aloes to make him stop that unseemly habit, but here in Silesia bitter aloes didn't grow, and no one bothered to correct him when he misbehaved. He was still chewing on the ragged edges of one fingernail when he reached the chapel doors. Azel would have stopped in there to offer prayers for Tiltyu's safety, but the chapel was already occupied. Azel backed out, hoping he hadn't been seen.
Finn, I don't want to talk to you right now.
He was beginning to believe the second explanation for why menfolk got banished from the premises during a birth.
-x-
He should have gone off and found Lex, had some drinks, and forgotten about everything for a while. Azel didn't; he found himself circling back toward the castle, ears attuned all the while for the sound of Tiltyu in her agony. She was still screaming, begging for Aideen or Ethlin or anyone to just get the baby out of her. Azel remembered the story about how Duke Langbart's first wife had died, how they'd had to split her open like a melon so that Lex's brother Dannan could be born. But Dannan was a monster of a baby, ten pounds or more, and surely Tiltyu didn't have anything like that inside of her?
The third time Azel circled around, everything was quiet. Azel stood there in the weak afternoon light, his ears straining for the sound of Tiltyu, of a baby, of anything. Then, in one of those moments where Azel surprised himself, he marched right up to the main door of the fortress and pounded on the wood with his chewed-up hands.
"I want to see Tiltyu."
He was glad the doorkeeper turned out to be Briggid; the former pirate captain still didn't quite grasp all the ways of polite society... and, Azel thought, didn't entirely care for said ways.
"I guess you won't hurt anything," she said after thinking it over for a moment.
Azel shouted his thanks over his shoulder as he ran toward Tiltyu's room. The door was open, the lanterns shining with a cozy glow, but as Azel reached the threshold of the room he noticed that underneath the scent of incense and perfumed candles lay a raw, pungent odor. Tiltyu was propped up on cushions; her hair, limp and damp with perspiration, fell loose around her shoulders. It made her look drowned, Azel thought.
Just the same, her eyes gleamed when she caught sight of him.
"Hey, Azel. What're you doin' here? There's no men allowed in here 'til after sundown."
"I guess I'm just a rebel and a lawbreaker now," he replied.
She laughed, and after all the screaming he'd heard, the sound of her laugh was like a balm to his nerves.
"You're funny sometimes. Hey, ya wanna see him?" Azel hadn't noticed the woven basket beside her until that moment. "We named him Arthur. I mean, that's what we decided we were gonna call a boy."
Azel crossed the room as quietly as he could and then peered into the basket at the sleeping baby. Arthur had puckered red face and a long tuft of hair, so pale it was almost transparent.
"He looks like you, Tiltyu."
"Yeah! I was sure he'd look just like his father." Tiltyu regarded her son with a puzzled sort of expression, like she hadn't begun to figure Arthur out yet. "He's a little small. Aideen said he's healthy, though."
"That's a relief." Azel felt oddly relieved that baby Arthur didn't have a fringe of azure-colored hair, but he wasn't going to say it. "I'm just glad you're all right."
"Yeah, I'm tougher than I look," she said, with another little laugh, but then the corners of her mouth turned down. "I'm kinda sorry he took after me. I didn't want him to."
"What do you mean by that, Tiltyu?"
"I didn't want Arthur lookin' anything like my dad or... or my brother. And now I'm thinkin' that maybe he will."
Azel was searching for the right words to respond to this when a shrill cry from behind made him jump.
"Absolutely no men allowed here 'til after sundown!" Sylvia was being more theatrical than genuinely upset, and she waggled her finger at Azel to let him know he'd been a bad little boy. "Unless you're tellin' me you're not a man. Come to think of it, you and Lex are pretty cute together, so I guess you can stay."
Sylvia was smiling, and behind him Azel could hear Tiltyu giggling, but even the sound of a happy Tiltyu couldn't erase the feeling of shock in his breast.
Is that really what they think of me? As Lex's... little woman? Is that why Briggid thought I wouldn't hurt anything by being here? Is that...
"I'll leave now," he said, and tried his best to keep the hurt out of his voice. "I was never here. I'll let you all share the good news with... with everyone who needs to know."
He did look back at Tiltyu, though, at her and the baby boy who looked to be a Freege through and through.
"I'm glad ya came," she said, and smiled at him again.
"Anytime," he replied.
I think I would have loved you, maybe, if you'd given me the chance.
Azel walked past Briggid without a word and stepped out into the red rays of a northern sunset. He didn't even feel the cold on his face; he was too busy measuring the lightning-flash of Tiltyu's smile against the sensation of Lex's tongue at his ear.
We didn't do anything that anyone else hasn't done. I heard about Sir Sigurd and King Eltoshan when they were at the academy. I heard how Prince Cuan spent his nights before he married Ethlin. I know what he does on the nights she moves in with Aideen every month.
His hand had formed itself into a fist, and he could feel the heat building up in his palm.
I know how Cuan occupies his time when he can't be with Ethlin.
Red light, the same shade as the dying sun, glowed between his fingers.
I wonder if Tiltyu happily loans her beloved out, or if he doesn't tell her where he's going. That's not so funny, is it, Tiltyu? Not funny in the way I guess I'm supposed to be funny when you see me with Lex.
Azel forced his hand open, and the red light dissipated into the air. It was stupid to be angry. Sylvia told silly jokes and people laughed at them, and that was all it was. No point getting angry about it, because they hadn't done anything that anyone else hadn't done.
He was on the verge of biting his nails again, but this time Azel thrust his hands into the pockets of his robes.
"I'm going to find Lex, and we're going to have a few drinks, and I'm going to forget about this," he said out loud. With head high and hands deep in his pockets, Azel walked off to do exactly that.
To Be Continued...
