Say Goodbye

Concerto l: All Because of You

And now I'm here all alone

Wondering what I've done so wrong

Watching my whole life before my eyes

And feeling the world crush down on me.

Can you see what pain you've caused?

Can you see I'm suffering…

©Painful Memories, Laurie Price

(18 August, 3.00 pm)

"Kaho-chan!" He shouted gaily, banging the balcony door loudly before him. He ran to her happily, thinking that she might be smiling at him, the least thing he could think about. Or even looked forward to see him.

The crimson-haired violinist was taken aback, and turned behind. She twitched her lips, giving a bad mimic on her fair face. He was not the one that she hoped to see; in fact, it was another person altogether. She rolled her golden eyes and sighed loudly.

"Ah, senpai. It's you. I thought you have practices today, if I recalled correctly." He stopped running entirely and stood still like a damned, cursed statue. Nevertheless, he was too surprised and puzzled at her reaction. Whoa.

He figured that out; something was wrong with her today. It was not just about her unusual sort of words she uttered seconds ago. Her voice, it was so cold and unhappy. Hino Kahoko that he always used to know and talk to was completely different today. He tried to catch a glimpse of her face, but it was just too painful to look at. Unpleasant he could conclude.

The long pause continued between them, like an eye-to-eye battle. Kazuki Hihara gave up and cleared his dry throat, forcing himself to make a plastic smile at her and looked up, tried to avoid her facial expression. "I – I need a break too. I find my peaceful time here to relax a bit, like everyone else. What are you doing up here anyway?" Hino continuously gave him a very stern look, which made him, looked down on the floor again.

Kazuki bit lower lips, realizing he just said something a bit foolish, to his assumption. Duh, what else she needed to go up here for if not for relaxing minds? Feeling a little down each tick of minutes, he forced himself to start a conversation again. He scratched his green hair.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to-" Before he could actually finish, Hino gave him a quick wry smile and simple answered, "Never mind. It's okay." She then faced to the surrounding of the Academy compound again.

The soft August breeze blew her gorgeous hair, causing Kazuki felt uneasy a little for she was just too adorable to look at in any way. Not even the Mona-Lisa painting can stop her from being famous for her pure beauty. My God. Isn't she just so damn pretty? He could feel sweats in his hands. "So… are you okay today, Kaho-chan?"

"Yeah. Why?" She replied, still looking at the surrounding.

"Well, something tells me you're not. Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm okay, nothing's wrong with me." Bad move Kazuki. Very. Bad. Move.

"I –" Kazuki continued when Hino furiously shouted out loud and clenched her fist tightly. "When I said I'm okay, means I'm okay! Get it?!"

Long pause. Kazuki was totally at a loss of words. Much to his surprise, he never knew a girl; a real soft-spoken girl like Hino could get that mad. He seriously thought that his questions did not bring any offence at all; it was just some simple ones. His hands shook in despair. "Well, I'm absolutely sorry for being a moron busybody today. All I want to do is to be a good boyfriend."

"-And you've done your part, thank you very much. Well, at least." She finally softened her harsh words and reached out for her red violin case. He just looked at her emptily, as if he never knew her before.

Hino walked past him and said rather an insincere sorry before continued her pace. Standing alone awkwardly, he moaned over his bad day. He knew, the apology was said only to cheer him up, which hurt him more. Whatever happened today, there must be a reason.

Reason that he might not know. Or he didn't realize it. He acted cool towards, however.

He laid himself down on one of the benches at the rooftop, looking through the white clouds at the light-blue sky. He could feel the slow breeze was easing his pain inside the chest, way better than the pills.

Recalling how their progress goes on in their relationship, they actually had been dating for six months now. The first kiss at the park, witnessed by the innocent sunset had bonded them together immediately after that. Seemed like only yesterday it happened, he thought.

He settled himself down. He smiled widely, till his eyes couldn't carry a sight anymore.


"She will come. No, she will not come. Oh yes, she will come. No, no she will not come…"

His heart could not stop pounding for fear as his legs kept shaking horrendously unstoppable. Afraid of rejection and being dumped from the drop dead gorgeous violinist, he was adjusting his dark blue denim and black shirt every single minute. He fidgeted so much that the table he sat on followed his feelings too.

Every pair of eyes that came across him could not help looking weirdly or giving him a very sarcastic smile at him. God knows what he would do next; running a circus perhaps? And then he realized. He did not bring a present. What, no pressie?! I'm a dead meat. Geez. Kaho-chan is so sure going to get on me today.

"New to the café eh? Welcome to Hanamaru, where the best desserts are served in town. Anything on the menu catches your attention?" Kazuki jumped a little with a bump on his head, surprised the waiter was asking him suddenly. "Ah… ah… ah… I – I – I need help! I'm scared!"

The waiter just giggled softly looking at his attitude. "Yes? Are you… waiting for somebody special? You do look a bit… ehm, frightened?"

"Yes. Hey, how did you know that?!" Kazuki asked in a very surprised tone.

"A piece of experience, as I called it myself. Is this your first time meeting a girl on a date?"

"Privately you mean? You can say that. I'm just… scared she might reject me."

Trying too hard not to laugh, the waiter eventually did laugh out loud. Kazuki, who seldom pissed off lost his temper today. "What's so funny? Fear of rejection, come on! I'm serious!"

"Sorry, I don't mean to. I acted the same way as you did today last time. That's why."

"Really? You do? You mean… it's a natural behaviour?"

"Yes…-" Kazuki said quickly, "-Hihara. You can call me that."

"Hihara. Right. How can you be so sure she will reject you?"

"Things won't be the same after the confession of my true feelings, right?"

"Come on!" The waiter said loudly, tickled by his remark. "Be a sport, boy! This is 21st century. Just don't make it too over or be a geek in front of her, okay?"

"I – get it. All right. Any inspiring words?" Kazuki finally controlled his fright and looked over the menu. The waiter tapped his right feet and thinking what words could console his customer.

"Be yourself. It's a lame advice, but I can assure you. She will like you the way you are. Don't worry; everything's going to be all right. Did you ever dress up as an emo or a street punk?"

"No, that is SO not my type of dressing."

"That's a good thing to hear." Kazuki's depressed tone transferred to his own old happy one again. "Thanks a lot. You save my day. Oh yes, I would love a glass of iced lemon tea."

"No probs. I'll be here in no time."

"Sure. Take your time."

The waiter disappeared inside the café, as Kazuki preferred outdoor seats. When he turned his head around to check out her presence, his jaw dropped entirely. He was stunned, looking at a slender figure six feets away from him. Oh my.

It was her. Hino Kahoko, dressed elegantly in a deep red strapless dress with a new brand of black Gucci 3-inch high heels. As if Gisele Bündchen had invited herself to the café, her usual struts completed her whole charisma.

And again, she became the centre of attention. Kazuki could feel his palms were sweating. He was gulping at every single walk she made. His heartbeat began to beat fast again, as if it was burning hot to welcome her. Slowly, he lifted up his hands and waved. "Kaho-chan!"

Hino smiled widely and waved back at him. He offered her a seat just opposite of his. The same waiter who helped Kazuki earlier came back in to give his order on the tray. "Here's your order." He handed Hino a menu. "Welcome to Hanamaru Café. May I take your order?"

As she flipped through, the waiter observed her. He smiled and gave Kazuki an impressed look on his face. Kazuki just smiled at him, continued his gaze at Hino. His best dream, better than the night ones. "Oh yes. A slice of chocolate cake with sugar frosting and a cup of hot chocolate mocha." The gentle waiter lifted his left eyebrow. "Sorry. I'm hungry." Hino smiled shyly.

Gorgeous smile. Wish it had been for me, Kazuki thought. "Your order will be here in no time. How about you, Hihara?"

"Hmm… one Secret Recipe 3 in 1 ice cream."

"Very well." The waiter left them and trapped Kazuki and Hino in a long pause.

Kazuki was still in his star-struck shock, nevertheless speechless to Hino. He did not mean any offence, but she looked absolutely prettier than he always see her with her brown school clothes in Seisou Academy. How he wished that Hino would just the one chance to dress in white school clothes next time!

To his surprise, he spoke out loud. "You – look pretty today."

"Thank you, senpai. I hope my outfit won't make you feel weird." Hino replied, blushing deeply. Kazuki smiled and started thinking what to say next.

"No, no! It's okay. Well, uh… how are you?"

"Fine." She looked down at her shoes as she spoke. "Just… tired a bit."

"Oh? Why is that?" Hihara sipped his untouched lemon tea. Hino sighed.

"The competition tires me sometimes. I just wish… I'm not in before. Look at Tsukimori-kun or even Shimiizu. They're so into the competition. Stressing, I can say. But overall, it's okay."

"Ah…" He could not continue as the waiter came into the scene again with their orders.

The waiter gave him a last good luck look before pursued his way to a nearby table to take orders. They were left alone again, both party enjoying their food.

Somehow, Kazuki could not resist on seeing her bright facial expression for a long time before Hino actually realized it later on, looked up and took a glance back on him. He would give her the gentlest smile he could make and blushed deeply when she was not looking.

Whether he imagined it or not, Hino was blushing too.

"Senpai... –are you okay?!" Just when Hino tried to finish her words, Kazuki suddenly was choking on his iced lemon tea, surprised at Hino's unfinished question. Hino ran to him and tapped his back chest rather violently, as if something hard stuck in his throat.

"Sorry senpai. Are you okay?" He could feel her concern. Did she not look so worried?

"No, I'm fine! I'm fine… Just a little surprised. What were you saying just now?"

"Oh well…-" She walked back to her seat and continued, "- I was wondering; do you mind if we walk together at the park after this? I have, well, something to tell you."

He asked himself for a while. Well, that was the most exact right time to confess his true feelings. At the park, watching the sunset if they have a chance. Romantic choice indeed. He wondered again what is so urgent until Hino have to talk to him privately at the park. Is she going to say something that might hurt him? Just do damn it!

Clueless but he then answered her. "Okay then."

"Thanks senpai." Hino smiled again and resumed with her meal.

They continued enjoying their food and Kazuki paid the bills a while later. They did not talk much during their walk to the park, making both of them felt awkward to each other and finding words to voice out. Kazuki swore himself to himself that it was much against his will to hold Hino's soft hands. She did not seem mind at all; and he smiled secretly.

They could hear the big clock stroked five from the nearby town. They took a seat beside each other on a bench behind the fountain at the centre of the park. Both of them spoke at the same time. "I -"

They stopped and laughed a little. "You go first, Kaho-chan."

"No, senpai. You go first."

Refused to give up, he exclaimed with a smirk on his face. "Ladies' first, Kaho-chan."

"O-kay then. I have a con… fession to make." Tangling her pale hands, she controlled her gentle words, trying to be calm and not fidget too much as usual.

Kazuki could feel he was shivering with fear. What now? "I'm listening."

"I… I… uh…"

Instead of continuing her words, she dropped a tear on her palm. "Kaho, why are you crying? Something's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" Kazuki asked, holding her shoulders gently. "No, not at all." She replied as she continued her sobs. "He… Azuma-san… He asked me yesterday to be his."

Kazuki heartbeat went faster each second, for the third time of the day. His hands were trembling, either with fear or anger. Hiding his confusion, he asked her again. "So, what's wrong?"

"I rejected him." Somehow, Kazuki felt relieved. I'm so sorry, Yunoki.

"So what is the reason you rejected him? Golden boy of the school, every girl's dream boy."

"I said I have someone already." Thud.

He could feel his heart fell down to his stomach. He wondered who the lucky guy is. Ryotarou? Tsukimori? "Congratulations! Then, why are you crying?"

"I'm scared that if I confess to him, everything will change!"

Her last statement began to draw a sorrow face in her eyes. He lost to a guy that he might don't even know. And Hino was so madly in love with him! Maybe this boy is the one who Hino kept on writing on her diary all pages long. He even lost his chance to confess his plain truth about his feelings. Tough, but it was a fair and square battle. Forget it Kazuki. No chance. Give up, zip it off.

"So… who is the lucky one?" Kazuki forced herself to ask her after Hino finished wiping her watery face with a hankie. Hino looked up at him, straight into his gentleman's gaze. "You know him very well, Kazuki Hihara…"

5.30pm. Mixing with his confusion for this was actually the first time Hino said his real name, the cupid had done its job well. Giving him an obvious answer that his rough eyes could not see through, she placed a kiss on his lips and whispered to him later. "It's you."

He could not believe his ears. It was indeed him, Kazuki Hihara who actually won her heart. Of all thousands of guys who would love to reach out their hands for her love, he got there before anyone. He did not even have to try, the girl comes to him. How is that even possible?

Through the silence, he could see her most beautiful smile ever. I t was so pure, true and loving. He knew from that time, no more words to be said to tell her he loves her too, for he had fell for her too. He hugged her tightly in his arms, as the fountain started to splash the water of joy and miracle.

Witnessed by the mother of sunset, they felt like the world were clapping their hands too.

"Thanks Hino. Thank you for telling me."

"I love you… Kazuki."

"I love you too, Hino…Kahoko."


Ting…Ting… Ting… Ting…

The Academy grand clock stroked four times. He woke up with a soft yawn. He sat up and recalled what happened earlier. He massaged his head and blinked a few times before he got up. He walked to the exit and took a last glance around.

Then, he was stucked with un-expectations again.

The blue violin case might have or even be the answer Hino's drastic change in behaviour today. Unwilling to admit it was Tsukimori's, he felt as if a bucket of cold water just fell onto him. He clenched his fists tightly. Jealousy? Maybe, who knows?

His personal rival, as he called it had been practicing duet with Hino since forever. He asked himself; are there too many duet pieces just for violin? For some reasons, he couldn't help thinking that they might be more than just a duet. He thought no more, and dropped the subject off. Still… did Hino not complain that she is completely tired of playing the violin everyday?

Is Hino really in love with him again, as she ever did six months ago?