"Why would I accept defeat? Why would I accept it, if you won't? Mulder, you say that you've failed, but you only fail if you give up. And I know you - you can't give up. It's what I saw in you when we first met. It's what made me follow you, why I'd do it all over again." No, Scully. I wish you wouldn't. I couldn't shake the guilt that took over every ounce of my body. I knew she would do anything for me, but sometimes I wish she would just walk away. I'm not saying I don't appreciate her by my side, I probably wouldn't have survived this long without her. But I can't stand to be the reason she has to suffer. She's suffered so much for me.

"And look what it's gotten you." I had to make her really consider her choices, make her think about her sacrifices. Geez, I'm a real romantic, aren't I?

"And what has it gotten you? Not your sister. Nothing that you've set out for. But you won't give up, even now. You've always said that you want to believe. But believe in what Mulder? If this is the truth that you've been looking for, then what is left to believe in?" Ah, Scully. Hit me right where it hurts. I should have known I was never going to win this argument.

After we came to somewhat of a mutual place in our discussion, I climbed up to lay next to her on the bed. I can feel the content energy that she's radiating towards me, it's her way of letting me know everything is okay. It's almost as if we are just two people who deeply love each other, and just happen to be going to bed on any normal given day. Not the reality of one of us being a fugitive and the other just coming along for the ride, hiding from everyone and everything, together. I almost wish I could give her this sense of normalcy so long ago, even if it wasn't with me.

I entangled myself with her further, needing the contact, and eventually became submissive to sleep.

When I roused the next morning, I panicked when I didn't feel body heat next to me. I startled awake and yelled out "Scully," hoping she didn't leave. I was confused when I realized that I was laying on my couch, in my apartment. I rubbed my hands on my face, hoping to shake whatever the hell this was. Nothing changed. I looked around and noticed that Scully's file was sitting in front of me on my coffee table. Curious, I opened it, but it was nothing I could have expected. It was the file that I had memorized almost 9 years ago, untouched by the darkness that I had led her to.

I was still confused, what the hell kind of dream was this? I made my way to the bathroom and grew wide-eyed at the reflection staring back at me. This was a face I hadn't seen in a while. What did any of this mean? I needed to call Scully, maybe she would have the answers.

I went to pick up the phone, but was stopped mid action by the man staring back at me from my living room.

"You can't call her, she won't know who you are." Albert Hosteen said calmly.

"Wh - what are you talking about?" I said, trying to mask the panic. Scully had to know who I was, I couldn't lose her.

"This," he said gesturing around, "Is a second chance. You feel a heavy guilt for leading your partner down a dark path, it's etched onto your face, in your soul. This is a chance to change that."

"So, I'm back to the day that I met her? When she was assigned to me." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had the chance to save Scully, in more ways than one. But what would happen if I did choose to shake things up from the beginning? "If I change anything, what happens?"

"You will only live through the biggest moments that led you to fall asleep where you did last night, should you even get there. If you make the same choices along the way, you will awaken where you belong. If you make changes to any part, you must deal with the consequences. I'm sure there are things you wish you can change. I see a lot of pain etched onto your face, and you have the choice to take some of that away. That does not always mean that a new pain will not take it's place, but that is for you to make that sacrifice."

"What moments are considered big in my life?" I asked cautiously, I knew what I thought were monumental for me, and I knew I would change at least half of them if given the chance. Not to erase what it ultimately brought me in the end, but to take the pain of the moment as I lived through it. We lived through it.

"That is for you to find out, I wish you luck." And with that, he was gone. I was instantly more paranoid than I ever thought I could be in my life, I chuckled to myself out of nervousness, this'll definitely add to the whole 'Spooky' Mulder persona I carry all too well.

I prepared for the work day, curiosity won me over. I contemplated what I was going to do, was this the first moment I could change? I suppose never working with Scully would change everything, but I don't think I have it in my willpower to just give her up that easily. I also knew I couldn't let her go through the pain that I knew integrated into her life because of me. Maybe I'll get through this first case, and then ask for her reassignment. She always tells me now that it was her choice and her fight, too, but that couldn't have been true on just the first case, right?

I heard the knock on the door, and knew it was show time. Of course, I gave her my best line about being the "FBI's most unwanted." I didn't want to change too much about this first encounter, not just yet.

"Agent Mulder, I'm Dana Scully, I've been assigned to work with you." I shook her extended hand and relished in the fresh-faced Scully smiling back at me. Was I such a stubborn ass that I didn't notice her smile the first time?

"Well isn't it nice to suddenly be so high regarded? So who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?" I smiled internally, I tried so hard to get rid of her from the beginning. I figured if I kept up the asshole routine, she'd eventually go running. I underestimated this woman standing before me, I was so wrong.

"Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you." Oh Scully, if you only knew what working with me really meant. What heartbreak it would eventually bring the both of us. Please, get out while you still can.

I took a moment to bask in the opportunity that I had to really take in this younger version of Scully. Truth is, she caught me completely off guard when she first walked into my basement office. I had read the file, done the profile on her for my own amusement, but the words that described her on paper did her natural beauty an injustice. I wasn't prepared for the strong-willed attitude either. She was a little spitfire, my Scully.

I rambled on and presented my slide show as I had done all those years ago, and actively participated in our banter about extraterrestrials. I was hoping that my excitement for the subject initially would scare her off, but again, I underestimated her in the beginning. As we made our way to the airport the next morning, I remembered how much she hated the first flight. It was a little shakier than usual, and she had hated flying to begin with. I could tell that her nerves were already getting the better of her when we took our seats, had she been this nervous before? Was I being such a selfish ass that I didn't notice before? When we did hit the turbulence, I turned to look at her. I don't think I even paid attention the first time, but now my first instinct was to make sure she was okay. I watched as she closed her eyes and tried to regulate her breathing. Before I could stop myself, I covered her hand, that held a death grip on the chair, with mine. Her eyes shot open, and I just smiled reassuringly at her. She seemed to calm down slightly, and just flashed me a small smile of thanks. Okay, so it was a little change, but nothing that could really affect anything larger, right?

We resumed going over the case on the way to the graveyard. The conversation and banter made me smile, to know we've always been like this. I still remember her asking me, "Better than you expected, or better than you hoped?" As if she was the one who needed validity in her work. If she only knew then that she was so much more than I could have ever dreamed to hope for. Not to mention overly exceeding my expectations. Perhaps I can change that.

When the time came for Scully to make her way to my room, dropping her robe to expose the two mosquito bites on her back, I had to compose myself more than I did the first time. The difference was, our relationship was at a different point now, but only I knew that. I had to refrain from any physical intimacy just yet, but that didn't stop me from allowing my fingers to linger a little longer over the small bumps on her back. I could see her shiver at my light touch, and I chuckled as I let her know they were just bug bites. She was relieved and threw herself into my arms. I missed this, I missed her touch. I wrapped my arm around her waist and held her tighter to me. She stiffened slightly, and I could tell she was still bewildered by the panic subsiding within her. She situated herself on my bed, and instead of sitting on the floor, I sat beside her.

I managed to get through the story of Samantha, and how I came to fight this fight, but it was hard to put much passion behind my words, knowing what I know now. I suppose when I first bared my soul to Scully, I was more vulnerable than I am now. This first night with each other is something I would never change. My serious, professional partner allowed me a chance to help her, exposing herself in more ways than just her state of undress. I don't really know why I poured everything out that night, but maybe I always knew she was different, special to me in a way that I wouldn't admit just yet. I could see the sadness for me in her eyes as I wrapped up my sob story, and I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. I whispered a small "thank you" against her head before retreating to my position, and glancing at the shocked expression on her face. I immediately chastised myself, I didn't think, it was just an automatic response. It was so normal for us to do now, well, in the future now.

"Scully, I - I'm sorry, I..." I didn't know what the hell to say, or how to explain that it was a normal thing for me to do. As skeptical as she was, in the beginning she maintained that more than anything, she would never believe me.

"It's okay, don't worry about it." She whispered through a small smile as she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I'm already failing at this whole 'don't change anything' rule. Luckily, I was saved by the phone call that I remembered was coming. It was the perfect distraction I needed to put us back into work mode.

When we ended up in the rain, I couldn't help but smile at the scene before me. My partner, so young and pure to the 'spooky' world I lived in, trying to keep up with my thoughts. I will admit now, I was impressed she was able to string the sporadic thoughts in my mind together, and come to the conclusion that I had implied. That's when she laughed, I loved that laugh. It was a rare sight to see as the years went on, so I relished in this moment. I must have been gazing at her too long, because she took a step towards me, and glanced up to meet my eyes. Before I could stop myself, I leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. This time when I pulled away, she didn't look so surprised. She actually smiled back at me sheepishly, and I knew things were changing, but I didn't care.

"Come on, let's get out of here." I led her back to the car, and then to the motel. We said our goodnights, and parted ways. I had so much energy, thinking about the occurrences that were different today from the first time. I was nervous to see how much this would actually change, but I couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face. I finally made an attempt to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I didn't wake up in my lumpy motel bed. I was again, in my comfortable spot on my couch. Alright, so this must be the next 'big life event' that I have a chance to change, I just didn't know what day it was. Nothing around me gave much indication to what I should be expecting, so I just went about my usual routine and got ready for work. As I arrived, Scully mentioned something about having to be stuck in court all day. I still couldn't piece together what significance today held, but something was different with my interactions with Scully. She smiled more often, and threw me little smirks. What the hell have I missed in the past few months?

As we walked to the car, that sense of dejavu began to hit. I knew what day this was, and I internally groused at the memory. We made our way to the car, and part of me wanted to play this slightly different, knowing what was on the cassette tape sitting on my dashboard, but the other part of me wanted to have some fun. I already knew how this whole situation panned out, so I figured I could enjoy at least some of it along the way.

We listened to Phoebe's voice fill the car with her over the top story about being locked in the car with a bomb. I could feel Scully's nervous energy rising, and it took all my will power not to laugh. I'm such an ass, but I had to get my kicks where I could. I played along, pretending to be just as frightened as her, until my car door swung open and Scully nearly jumped out of her seat. Phoebe Green, I should have known I'd have to repeat this day. I will admit now, though probably not out loud, that I should have treated Scully better when Phoebe came back into the picture. I fell right back into her trap and completely dismissed my partner. To be fair, I thought that's all that Scully was at this point, just a partner. Though that didn't stop me from still being a jerk years later when the whole Diana thing happened. I winced, I don't want to repeat that, too.

I got out of the car, and Phoebe repeated the motions she did the first time. She placed a small kiss on the side of my mouth, and let it linger there a little longer than what was comfortable for everyone except her. When I went to make the introduction of Scully to Phoebe, I noticed a pained expression on Scully's face. It almost looked like she was holding back tears with her expression of anger. Okay, I don't remember this happening before. I knew I could sense some kind of jealousy the first time this happened, but this time she was affected by it so much stronger. Shit, I really needed to fill in the gaps from the last few months, no more playing around. I stepped away from Phoebe, and we made our way back to our office so that she could tell us about her investigation.

Scully positioned herself right next to me, showing her possession. I would have found this adorable, if I couldn't tell how pissed off she truly was. Phoebe rambled on about her case, and indirectly asked for my help. I let her know I would run it by our arson guys, and somewhat satisfied with that answer, she made her exit, barely acknowledging Scully on her way out. I knew what game she was playing, but I wouldn't let her win this time. I approached Scully cautiously, I recognized the conversation but the tone was completely different. This was new territory for me and I couldn't afford to fuck up this situation, twice.

"Yeah, I noticed how you couldn't drop everything fast enough in order to help her out." She said almost venomously. Shit, okay, I need to handle this delicately. The first time we did this, it was in a playful manner. I could tell Scully was jealous, but that time she hid it well.

"Oh, I was merely extending her a professional courtesy." I said as innocently as I could.

"Oh, is that what you were extending?" She scoffed. She's pissed, time to panic.

I reassured her that I was just going to pass it off to arson and then Phoebe was on her own. Though this time, I would actually mean it. As I was heading towards the door, my back turned to Scully, I could hear her last sentiments expressed in barely an audible whisper.

"Something tells me you're not going to get rid of her that easily."

I sighed and turned to face her, though her head was facing downward in an attempt to hide her emotions. I walked to her slowly, and placed my hands lightly on her shoulders, rubbing my hands softly up and down her arms for comfort.

"Scully, I promise. I'm not going to let her lure me in this ti- now. I've learned from that mistake." This exact one to be honest, but I couldn't say that. She glanced up into my eyes, like she was searching for the truth. She just nodded and stepped away back towards the desk. I knew she wasn't fully satisfied with my answer, but would let it suffice for the time being. I needed to think of something to make this right.

"Why don't we grab some dinner tonight, after work?" I asked sheepishly. I was actually terrified of her rejection in this moment, I didn't know what this change could lead to. She paused to think about it for a moment, I could see the hesitation in her eyes, but a small smile began to curve up on her lips.

"Sure, Mulder."

Okay, that crisis was semi averted for now. I just had to maintain the distance between Phoebe and me. The day dragged on, but I was looking forward to spending time with Scully. We never really had these opportunities this early on in our partnership. Hopefully, she could fill in some gaps for me as well. I really needed to know more about what I missed, and what had changed.

Since we had left the office later than we would have liked, we agreed to grab take out and eat at Scully's place. We settled in, and ate in a rather comfortable silence, but I could tell something was still bothering her.

"Scully, is something wrong?" I asked cautiously, I was playing with fire here. Good one, Mulder. I'd laugh if I wasn't so terrified of her response.

"No. Everything is fine, Mulder." She sighed, she knew that answer wouldn't please me, and no one was really believing it. "I don't know, I feel stupid even feeling this way. It's just-" She stopped. I know she's always had a difficulty expressing her emotions to me, even now, but I needed to know what was going on in her mind so I knew how to fix it. I had an idea, but her reactions to this situation were stronger this time.

"Scully, you can talk to me." I murmured quietly as I grabbed her hand and cradled it in mine. She smiled down at our hands and proceeded.

"I guess, I just don't know where we stand, Mulder. I don't need a label or anything, well I didn't think I did before today. I was content in whatever we are, before meeting Phoebe. I - I guess I was just intimidated. She came prancing back into your life, and you dropped everything to help her so quickly. As much as I hate to admit it, I became jealous, and that made me feel slightly insecure. God, I hate that feeling." She said with her head bowed towards her lap.

Oh Scully, I wish I could just tell you everything that you mean to me. I've always felt this way about her, now that I look back on it. I never acted on my feelings, other than some playful innuendos here and there, because I was scared of her rejection. I was always fearful that she would have to let me down easily, and then leave. I never wanted to lose her, so I kept her at arm's length. Yeah, that's a great strategy, Mulder. Be an ass so she'll stick around because it's the love you feel for her that will push her away. I was such an idiot.

"Scully..." I needed to approach this delicately. I couldn't let on too much of what I already knew, and I had to act like this was new for us. In a way, it was, to be exchanging these kind of feelings so early into our partnership. "You don't have to worry about Phoebe, or anyone. It's you and me, you're my partner."

I watched as she mulled over these words. I could see the expression on her face change as she mouthed the word 'partner.' She instantly became impassive, and I knew I fucked up again. I tried to break the mood with some light hearted humor, but her mind was already lost in thought. Eventually she suggested that it was getting late, and implied that I should be leaving. I didn't want to leave, knowing that whatever I said had made her retreat her emotions and begin to distance herself from me. I came here to fix things, and instead I made them worse. Even with knowing all future events, I still couldn't manage to not mess something up.

I reluctantly left, and made my way back to my apartment, where I found Phoebe waiting for me. I was put on high alert, this was bad. This part of the equation hadn't happened before, presumably because I made myself willingly available the first time around. This time, however, I was just Phoebe's type. Hard to get. I should have predicted that it wouldn't be this easy.

"What are you doing here?" I asked with a bitter tone.

"I'm simply visiting an old friend, who so graciously passed me off to someone else to handle." She responded with a challenge gleaming in her eyes. I knew inviting her in would be the worst mistake I could make, but I also knew she wasn't leaving with anything less satisfactory than her standards.

"I'm not in the mood for your type of 'visit,' Phoebe. If you need more help on the case though, I might consider it."

"Oh come now, Agent Mulder. We had some good times, I'm sure you remember." She leered at me, smiling at the unease she could see on my face. "I really am here on more of a professional matter. I've decided to set a trap for the poor bastard at a party in Boston. Originally, we were going to cancel it, but I thought a trap would better suffice. I would like for you to accompany me. I've taken a room at the hotel for the night." She suggested with that all too familiar smirk on her face.

Had I not played into this woman's traps too many times to somewhat learn my lesson, I probably would have invited her inside. I really had to think about my choices though. I knew that attending that party with Phoebe the first time had caused a slight rift in my partnership with Scully. I had basically denied her help and implied that I would be preoccupied that evening. I winced at the memory. I was already in the doghouse here, I couldn't risk it any further, even if this was a case.

"I'll scope out the area prior to the party, but it's probably best that I don't accompany you. I'll let you know what, if anything, I find. But then my help stops there." I said with a finality to end this conversation. I managed to sneak past her and enter my apartment, bidding her a goodnight before closing the door on her face. That actually felt good, I smiled to myself.

I eventually slumped onto my couch, and mindlessly scrolled through channels. I felt somewhat relieved that nothing too tragic had happened today, I could always fix whatever rut Scully and I were in. I've managed to do it plenty of times before. I slowly drifted off to a comfortable sleep, content in the little changes of today, completely unaware that Scully had watched Phoebe leave my apartment building only a few hours prior.

When I woke the next morning, I had no idea what day it was, and was even more confused to be waking up in the basement office. I glanced around and noticed that some of my things had been gathered in boxes. Was I packing the office up, why? What the hell had happened. I began to panic and startled when the door opened.

"Oh, hello, Mulder. I thought you had packed up your things last night. I was just coming to pick up the rest of mine." Scully said, as if I were just some random acquaintance. This didn't help the panic attack I could feel forming inside of me.

"Scully, wh - what is going on?" I asked quizzically. I watched as her face changed and she instantly became concerned. It wasn't the same concern she usually held for her beloved partner, it was the doctor concern she held for a patient. Genuine, though detached of emotion.

"Mulder, are you okay? Have you experienced any head trauma recently?"

"I - I don't think so. I guess I'm just fuzzy on some things. Mind helping me out?"

"You should get checked out, I can recommend you to..."

"No, Scully. Please. Just, what happened? I'll go to whoever later, I just need you to tell me the truth."

"Mulder, they shut us down. After that last goose chase you sent us on, they decided that was enough. They reassigned us to different sections, but I chose to take the opportunity teaching at Quantico instead. You're heading back to Violent Crimes. You really don't remember any of this?" Now her personal concern rose, along with her eyebrow. I would have smiled at the familiar cross-armed stance of my partner that I had been on the receiving end of too many times, if I wasn't in the middle of having a meltdown.

"So you're just walking away? From all of this, from us?" Okay, so accusing her of things I actually had no clue about probably wasn't the best course of action, but I was livid that this version of Scully would give up so easily.

"I didn't walk away from anything, Mulder. My hand was forced, just as yours was." Oh yeah, I had ticked off Scully, again. I could see the anger rising in her eyes. "As far as us, this 'partnership' has been on a slow decline for months, and this was only inevitable. I learned a lot here, and I thank you for giving me experiences to carry with me into my teachings."

"So that's it? That's all this was to you? An assignment, just a partnership?" Uh oh, I know that face. It's the calm, unnerving face. Clenched jaw, like she's trying not to murder me in person the way she is in her mind. I obviously had said or done something that led to this point.

"Yes, Mulder. This was a partnership, you made that very clear several months ago, and further justified it with your actions that followed." She said too calmly, which terrified me.

"Scully..." I took a step towards her, and could see her body stiffen. "What the hell are you talking about? This, it was more than a partnership for me." I sincerely answered. I left the meaning ambiguous, not following with 'friend' or 'love of my life, my very soul.' I needed to approach this carefully, I knew one wrong word would send her running, and this time, I didn't know if I would be able to get her back.

"Mulder, please. I can't do this right now. It's not the time, or place." She stepped back from me, sadness evident in her voice. I needed to find out what happened for us to end up so far away from where we were the first time.

"Can we meet for dinner? Just to talk." I pleaded. I hope she can hear the desperation in my voice. I hope she cares.

"I - I have a date tonight." She let out in a whisper, almost as if she were ashamed by this fact. I know I said that I wish she could find normalcy, even if not with me, but now that it's happening, I realize I didn't actually mean it.

I wanted to ask her to cancel, but that would be selfish of me, even if this was a dream. I never did like to share my Scully, and now I wasn't even so sure she was mine anymore. I needed to talk to her though, I needed reassurance that this wasn't all going to hell. I should have never been trusted with choices to change things, everyone should have known I was going to fuck this up.

"This may be presumptuous, but can I come over afterwards? I really need to talk to you, Scully. I mean, unless you're expecting it to be a late evening, I wouldn't want to intrude or anything." That sounded honest, right? If she knew me well enough by now, she would know I had no problem imposing myself into her life.

"Mulder, when have you ever not imposed yourself?" She asked with a small smirk on her face. Yes, this was good. "It's a first date, my friend set it up. I wasn't planning on it be a late evening. I -" She paused, and took a deep breath. "I suppose I could call you on my way home, and you can meet me there." She finished softly.

It took everything in me to not engulf her into my arms, and hold her there forever. She wasn't running, and giving me hope that we can fix whatever I had managed to mess up along the way. I want to believe that this will work out.

I slowly stepped forward, and placed my hand on her arm gently. She didn't move away, so I placed a soft kiss to her hairline and whispered "thank you." I felt her slightly relax, and just nod her welcome. This was a small victory.

The rest of the day dragged on as I found ways to preoccupy my time until Scully called. It was getting late, and I had a feeling of dread that she might not call, have a change of heart. This fear caused me to go and park myself outside of her apartment building, and wait. It was only a short time after I had made my self comfortable in my car that she called to let me know she was on her way home. I saw a car pull up, a tall man with bright blue eyes and sandy blond hair stepped out with a smile on his face. He walked over to the passenger side, and the tiny redheaded frame that I knew so well hopped out, with a smile matching the stranger's. I inwardly groaned, and my heart dropped when he kissed her goodnight. I thought this was a first date. My emotions began to rise, and I had to stoop in my car longer than I had anticipated to let them subside. I knew that going in right after her as hotheaded as I was would only end in disaster.

After I spent enough time sulking in the car, I finally made my way to her door. Have I ever been this nervous approaching her apartment door? Does this version of me even have a key? I finally knocked, and I could hear her moving around. When she opened the door, I noticed the same nervous expression on her face that must be matching mine. We made small pleasantries, and eventually made our way to her couch. The last memory I had of Scully, was sitting on her couch, reassuring her of our partnership, before it all went very wrong.

"How was your date?" I tried to ask, hiding the bitter tone in my voice.

"You don't really want to know about that, Mulder." She knew that I wanted to know more about if she was planning to see him again than how their date was. I'm relieved she still knows me that well.

"Come on, Scully. I'm trying to be a good friend here, how was it?" She mulled over the word 'friend' as she mouthed it silently. I had a moment of realization when it occurred to me that the last time she did that, we were in this exact same spot, and it was about the word 'partner.' Had I messed up that monumentally that this was just a giant miscommunication?

"Well, if you must know, Mulder, it was actually nice. He - he, uh, was someone I knew in med school. I don't think my friends knew that when they set us up, but it was nice to reconnect." She said trying to hide to blush that had risen to her cheeks and the smile forming on her lips. Shit, I just thought this was some random one time charmer, but she actually knew the guy. I needed to make my move, fast.

I had to take a moment to reflect, before answering. When they originally shut us down, Scully was the one who made the effort to make sure that we remained close. I think it's when I realized that she was in this, not just for the work, but for me. I was too stubborn to really see it before then. If I would have maintained my distance as I originally tried to do, we would have never ended up together, stronger than ever, all those years later. With knowing everything I found in my first lifetime about the syndicate, and my sister, what did I really have left to fight for? I could remove myself from this quest, and give Scully a normal life she definitely deserved, with me. Yeah, she always goes on about how she chose this, and it was our fight, but she wouldn't have to choose if it was never an option.

"That's great, Scully. Sounds like you had a good time then..." Okay, so I put on the solemn act for a little sympathy. I can see her sigh and close her eyes, it's working.

"Mulder, why are you really here? What was so imperative that you needed to talk to me tonight?"

"Scully, I want to know what happened between us. I mean, I think I know, but I want to hear it from you."

"We - I don't know, I guess we just had different values when it came to the work. Our partnership hit some road bumps along the way, and we just never fully recovered from them. I think they shut us down at the most opportune time for everyone." Her voice drifted off, I could tell it pained her to say that to me, but it's what she felt. I couldn't be angry at her for that. I must have been a real jerk.

"What about, uh, us?" I asked cautiously. It seemed that we were moving in a more positive direction with our relationship, and I needed to know where it went south, where I messed up.

"There is no us, in a personal sense, Mulder. I wouldn't even say we were friends after-" She paused, ah, here we go, let's get to the bottom of this. "After certain cases pulled us devotedly in opposite directions." I couldn't help but smile at the familiarity of having to pry what was truly wrong from her. At least she hasn't changed too much.

"We've always had our differences, Scully. Was there a certain case that prompted this separation between us?"

"Uh, I guess for me it was the arson case. The one we helped your friend on." She added some bitterness to the word friend. I thought I clarified for her, on this very couch, that she never had to worry about Phoebe. Was that message not received?

"Did something happen on that case, specifically?" I must have look confused, because she look exasperated with me, like I was just supposed to understand what she was trying to tell me. Help me out here, Scully, I don't know how to read this version of your mind.

"I guess not on the case, exactly." She let out a long sigh, I knew she didn't want to talk about whatever was wrong, but I needed to know. I can't fix what I don't know. "Mulder, it's just. At that time, I thought we were moving towards a more, personal relationship. We were getting closer outside of work, and I must have misinterpreted that. When you said that we were partners, and I didn't have to worry about Phoebe, I understood then that we wanted different things..." Oh god, I was such an idiot. How could I have been too cautious in telling her what I meant?

"No, Scully. I didn't mean it like that, I meant that you and I, you're the most important person in my life. I think partner was the only term I could think of, because it's what we've always been, first and foremost, but I didn't mean that we were just..." I paused at the look on her face. She looked so broken, mixed with anger. She was questioning my words, that much I could tell by the raise of her eyebrow.

"Mulder, it's fine. I, uh, felt bad about overreacting and basically kicking you out, and began to have my doubts on how I took your words, so I drove to your place-"

"You came over that night?"

"Well, I parked outside of your building, but before I got out of my car, I saw Phoebe leaving, and knew that I understood your words perfectly."

"No, Scully, no. This - this was all a huge misunderstanding. I meant what I said, you don't ever have to worry about Phoebe, or anyone else. Scully, you're-"

"Your 'partner,' I know." She said bitterly, hiding the disappointment in her voice. I needed to make this crystal clear to her, without revealing too much of what I know, and the feelings that developed over the years. I moved closer to her, and clasped her hands in mine.

"Yes, you are my partner, in every sense of the word. You are the one who was there for me, the one I wanted by my side, at work, and in my life. That night, Phoebe came over to ask for more help, she tried to charm me into letting her into my apartment. It might have worked before, but I didn't want to jeopardize anything that you and I had, so I left her standing in my hallway. She left shortly after I told her I would scope out the place in Boston, but not stay for the main event." I paused, letting Scully take in my words. I could see the pieces connecting in her mind, and the emotions of my sentiments beginning to cloud her face.

"You - you never told me that before." She whispered.

"Did you ever give me the chance to explain?" I chuckled at her small smile.

"No, I suppose I didn't."

"Scully, I - I didn't want to overwhelm you with how I felt. I tend to fall too deep when I truly care about people, and it usually comes back to bite me in the ass. I think I was taking it slow, because I was afraid of losing you. It was a little too slow though, because I lost you anyway." I scoffed at myself.

She grabbed my hands tighter, and let out a deep breath. I could tell that whatever she was going to say was hard for her. I did force my way into her life that I was no longer a constant in, and confess my heart to her. Expecting her to just forgive me the same way she has all those times before. I was honestly scared that she wouldn't let me slide that easily this time.

"Mulder, you didn't lose me." She let out in a small voice. I waited, there was more. "But I don't know if I can do this. I mean, you let our relationship dwindle to barely being able to work together, and then when we aren't partners anymore, you want to fix it? Is it because you didn't have me to save your ass anymore, in any sense, that made you come to this realization? I won't be depreciated, in any relationship, and I thought the distance would be good for everyone. I want to work this out, but I need to be able to trust you. That night, I thought you had betrayed me, and although I know now that it was a misunderstanding, you never bothered to fix it sooner. I just-"

I couldn't handle it anymore, she was becoming angry in her thoughts, and I knew that was dangerous territory. I cut off her words with my lips, and prayed to whatever god was out there that she didn't have her gun nearby. I relaxed when I felt her lean slightly into the kiss.

She pulled away from me quickly, and touched her fingers to her mouth. I must have looked as nervous as I felt, because when she looked at me, she let out a small chuckle. I knew that may not have been the best course of action to take, but it's the only thing I could think of in the moment. She licked her lips, just as she always does when she's deep in thought.

"That was, unexpected. I - I don't know if I'm ready for that again, yet. But I do promise to try, and-" She let out a shaky sigh, "and give you another chance." She finished, in a soft whisper.

I placed my hands on her waist, and pulled her in closer to me. I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and we both relaxed at the familiar contact that we missed. Me, more than her. "That's all I ask, Scully. Thank you, I know I probably don't deserve it."

"Yeah, well, you have a lot of making up to do to me." She said with a smirk beginning to form on her face.

"Oh, Scully. What kind of making up are we talking here?" I said, wagging my eyebrows at her. As much as she tried to fight the smile creeping on her face, she failed. I knew we were getting back to a good place, and I couldn't chance another screw up.

"That's enough for tonight, Mulder. I'm tired, I'm kicking you out." She said as I got up and made my way to her door. I didn't know where I would wake up tomorrow, but I wanted to make sure that in this moment, she knew just how much she actually consumed my life, my heart.

I turned and pulled her into my arms, catching her completely by surprise. I let my lips linger just above hers, our breaths mingling, and let her inch her way to close the gap between us. It wasn't as passionate as kisses we've exchanged in the past, but just as promising.

"Scully, what- uh, whatever happens after tonight, just know, that I - uh, that you..." It terrified me to not be able to control the situation, since I wouldn't know where I woke up the next day, and how much time had passed in between. I needed her to know that anything that happens after this point, isn't really my fault, and that I love her.

"I know, Mulder. I'll see you later." She placed another chaste kiss on my lips, and closed the door. I was relieved that she somewhat understood the mumbling that I was attempting to form into sentences.

I made my way home, to whatever fate was going to bring me tomorrow with this change of events.

When I woke the next morning, I was instantly confused. I was back in Scully's apartment, in her bed, with just my boxers on? I winced at the thought of what trouble I got myself into this time that she would have had to take care of me, again. I groggily got up from the bed, and made my way out to the kitchen. Nothing seemed different about the place, other than me waking up here. There was no note, would Scully have just left me alone in her apartment like this? I really needed to get a grasp on what the hell was happening.

Just as I was getting ready to call Scully, my cell phone rang. I answered cautiously, and my heart dropped as the speaker explained that they needed me for a hostage situation. Duane Barry. Today was the day that he took Scully. No, I couldn't let that happen. Her abduction was only the beginning of the dark path that I led her down.

"I don't know why you need my help on this? It's not exactly my area of expertise." I said, trying to hide the fear in my voice.

"Agent Mulder, you were previously assigned to the x files, and we believe that the information that you obtained there would help with certain aspects of this case." I knew it would, I've done this before. Before I believed the madman, wanted to get as much out of him as I could. I was so selfish, in my search for the truth. This was something I could change, but what would happen after that?

"I will come down, and see if I can negotiate with him. I don't know how much help I will be though."

"That's all we ask. We will see you shortly."

With that, I disconnected the call. I needed to reach Scully, find out what the hell had happened in the past few months between us. I also needed her to know that if today went terribly wrong, that I was already sorry.

"Scully."

"Hey, it's me."

"Catching up on some sleep I see?" I could hear the playful tone in her voice. Okay, so I hadn't screwed up like I originally thought. Now the panic is setting in, had I slept over at her apartment?

"Yeah, apparently I was more tired than I thought."

"Well you did just have a huge case, it took a lot out of you. Not as much as I did last night though..." Oh yeah, things had changed. Her voice just changed to a sultry satin that I have only had the pleasure of hearing on very few occasions.

"I might need a recap of that soon." I responded, matching her tone. I might as well play along, not knowing that I'll get this chance again.

"Oh, I think I can arrange that." She teased back. This was something I could get used to. "Oh! Did they call you about the hostage situation? They said they tried contacting you, but didn't get a response. I told them you were still recovering from your last case, so they asked for both of us to assist. I'm heading down there after this next class."

"No! Scully, I - uh, I'll head down there, you don't need to worry about it. I just got off the phone with them, and already agreed to meet them." If I had the chance to keep Scully as far away from this as possible, I was going to take it. This was the one thing I would change, save her from. This main event in our lives is what brought so much pain for Scully along the years. It was the first domino of unfortunate events, and I couldn't subject her to that again. I couldn't do that to us.

"Mulder, I'm pregnant, not invalid. I know you're worried about me overworking, but it's still early, I might as well use the energy while I still have it." Okay, so that's a new twist of events. Scully's pregnant, with what I'm hoping is my child. That would add clarification to me waking up in her bed unharmed. Now I definitely needed to keep her from this.

"I know, Scully..." I answered cautiously, she always hated when I was too overprotective of her, so I knew I had to play this carefully. "I just don't think it's something we both need to be there for. It really doesn't even involve us, and they said it might have to do with the x files. How about I go check it out, and if I need you, I'll call you. Promise." I said genuinely. Please, Scully, let me save you.

"Fine. But the minute you need help, you better call me. And don't you dare do something stupid, Mulder. I won't be there to supervise you." She said with a resigned playfulness in her voice.

"Ah, Scully, old habits die hard." I responded with a chuckle. I needed to reassure her that she didn't need to be anywhere near this situation, I just hoped I could keep that promise.

"Yeah, yeah. Call me as soon as you know anything more about the situation. I have to get prepped for my lecture, so I'll talk to you later."

She disconnected the call, and I relaxed slightly. If I was able to keep her away, I could ultimately change things, but what would that mean for us? There were many things that happened following Scully's abduction, for both of us. For me, it made my search for the truth that much stronger. In a way, it gave me something more to fight for, something that meant more to me than Samantha, if I were being honest. I think after she was abducted, Scully's reason for our journey became personal, and that's what connected us even more. If I change this moment in time, what kind of affect would it have?

I knew one thing for sure, we had a new journey to take, together. Scully's pregnant. I let that idea mull over in my head for a little while longer. I had felt this joy before, but it was a confusing time for us when it first happened. After this case, I can walk away, and give her the normal life she deserves. I know the answers to the truths I originally sought, and now my truth was here, with Scully.

I made my way down to the hostage area, and fought my way through the crowd to the core of the commotion. I was briefed by the team on what had been happening inside, but they had limited view and insight. Duane Barry was being unresponsive to the usual negotiation tactics, and they were at a loss as to how to proceed. I knew that I would be able to get through to him, as I had before, but I couldn't risk everything. Not again. They suggested that I tried to talk to him, explain that I used to work in the x files unit. They thought perhaps I could connect, they just didn't know how right they were.

"I told you I don't want to talk!" He shouted into the phone.

"Mr. Barry, this is Special Agent Fox Mulder. We haven't spoken before, but these fine people here thought I could help understand. I used to lead a unit with the FBI called the x files. We investigated unexplained phenomena. I'm to understand you've had some experience with this as well?" I asked friendly enough. The first time I went through this, I became too close to the situation, and it almost cost me everything I lived for.

"Yeah, but these people don't believe me! They can't take me again, they can't. I won't let them."

This half hearted attempt at a negotiation was failing. If I were being honest, I wasn't really trying. I was hoping that they would just send me home if their initial plan failed. That wasn't the case. They could tell that Barry was at least staying on the line with me, so they kept me around. We weren't getting anywhere, but I wasn't going to suggest I speak to him in person. I was an idiot last time, falling for his experience with the unknown truth that I so desperately sought. We had a lull in the action, so I took the chance to call Scully.

"Scully."

"Hey it's me. Just checking in, like I promised. See, I can follow directions." I teased.

"You just keep me guessing, don't you?" She chuckled, I loved that sound. "How's everything going?"

"It's going. There's not much happening, he's not taking any of the bait. I don't know how much more I can even do here. I'm hoping-" My words were cut off by the sounds of gunshots. I whipped my head around, and watched the commotion happen, almost as if it was occurring in slow motion. The team went running towards the building, as shot after shot rang out. I could hear Scully yelling my name through the phone, but couldn't bring myself to answer. I watched as some of the front line was taken out, hitting the floor with bullets through them. The panic of the situation began to rise as they couldn't see where Barry was shooting from. They were going in blind, not having someone inside.

Before I knew what happened, I found myself lying on the floor, feeling the blood start to puddle around my wound. I still had the phone gripped in my hand, and could hear people yelling around me as the mass chaos ensued. The last thing I remember, was hearing them repeat "He's down! The shooter is down!" before the blackness overtook me.

When I woke, I startled awake, and surveyed my surroundings. I tried to control my breathing as I began to piece together where I was. Before I could put the final pieces together, I felt a warm hand gently caress my shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay, it was just a nightmare." Scully said soothingly. I didn't know where I was, or what moment I was currently living through, but waking up to Scully was something I would hold onto forever.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." I muttered, still gathering my thoughts.

"That's okay, your spawn should be waking up soon anyway. You haven't had a nightmare in a while, was it because of what happened yesterday?" She asked cautiously, I only wish I knew what yesterday was.

"Uh, yeah, must have been." I answered passively. I wasn't sure how to approach this unknown situation, so I hoped my silence would keep her talking.

"Mulder, you shouldn't have agreed to assist on that case. You've been out of the Violent Crimes Section for a few years, they should have never even brought it to you. I know they needed help with the profile to catch Roche, but it was too much. I know it hit you more personally than you're willing to admit. You were just so stubborn, you wouldn't listen." She said exasperated. Hopefully with the situation, not with me. I should have suspected that I would have to live out most of my worst nightmares.

As monumental as these moments I had to relive were, nothing could compare to the excitement I felt for the new foundation of Scully's and my relationship. Regardless of what choices I had the chance to change along the way, I knew one thing, I would always choose her. I was still confused on the missing time between the jumps, but I knew she'd always be by my side when I woke. At least I hoped.

I remembered what happened before I succumbed to darkness prior to me waking up here, and subconsciously went to reach for my shoulder. I could feel the scar, from the bullet wound. I sighed at that memory, and cradled my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry, Scully. I promise I'll try to take it easy, stay away from these nightmares of cases." I mumbled into my hands. I needed to stop putting her through this, it wasn't fair to either of us. I had hoped that making some changes along the way would allow me to step away from the chaos, but I should have known it would never be that easy.

"Mulder, you wouldn't be the man I loved if you did. I'm just asking that you be careful, I don't know how much more you can take." She said as she ran her smooth hand through my hair. My head popped up at her words. Scully loves me, this is the first time I've heard her say it, in any version of our lives.

"I will, I promise." I said softly, before leaning forward to kiss her. This kiss wasn't as timid as the ones we've shared before. It was comfortable, and passionate, like we've mastered the skill with each other. "I love you, too." I said, as we shared a smile. I was going to take the opportunity to say it as much as possible, without her shrugging it off, or running away.

"As much as I would like to spend the day in bed, your child should be making her way out of bed any minute. I should start the coffee while I still have the chance." She said, before kissing me again and making her way out of the unfamiliar room.

There was a lot to catch up on, clearly. Now that my mind was up to speed on current events, I froze in this moment. I had a daughter. A daughter, with Scully. A small smile touched my lips, this was something I would have never imagined. We must have moved, given the living space is definitely not Scully's apartment. I heard voices coming from the other side of the bedroom door, and couldn't wait to see what my life had become.

I approached the kitchen slowly, wanting to take a moment to revel in the sight before me. Scully was finishing cooking breakfast, and trying to control a very rambunctious little girl, with bright blue eyes, and reddish brown, curly hair. I couldn't help the smile that took over my face upon seeing her.

"Sammy sit down, you can't eat your pancakes running around like that." Scully said, with authority in her voice.

"Yeah huh, see." She said as she took a bite, and ran around in circles around the kitchen floor. Scully sighed, and I let out a laugh.

"What are you laughing at? This..." Scully said gesturing to the wild toddler running around before her. "Is your child."

I just laughed more as I approached the kitchen. I didn't know my daughter, but I loved her with all my heart. She came running up to me, excited to see me, and jumped into my arms. I walked over to Scully, and placed a kiss on her lips.

"But we are so adorable, you can't help but love us, right?" I said, glancing at my child, before we both shot Scully a guilty smile.

"Yeah, yeah." She said before leaning in to another kiss. I pulled her in by the waist, and basked in this moment. This was my family. "I should get her cleaned up, and ready for daycare. What time is your meeting today?" She asked softly. I just wish I had an answer for her.

"Uh, later this morning." That deemed a safe enough answer, considering I had no idea who I was meeting.

"Okay, call me as soon as you are done. I just want to make sure you're okay after talking with him again." She said with evident worry in her voice. I was starting to become fearful myself.

"Of course. I promise, I won't let him get to me." I will try my hardest, Scully. For us, for our family. I was able to infer who it was my meeting was with today, if I recall correctly, I was the only one he would speak to last time. I just hope the mind games won't work now, knowing that my sister wasn't truly one of his victims.

We went about what I'm assuming was a normal routine, and Scully made her way to work with Sammy. I got myself ready, and apprehensively traveled to the prison that held the bastard. I couldn't let him get to me, not this time.

As I spoke with Roche, his smug grin never left his face. He could sense my irritation, and knew I was once again falling into his mind games. I was able to withhold the personal emotions on this occasion, knowing what I know, but something gnawed at me. I needed to find out who that last heart belonged to, for closure that I never was able to obtain before. I scolded myself for needing to find the truth, any truth, that was set before me. I played into his game, once again, and he was released for the police escorted ride to the site he said another body was buried.

They escorted him to the police car, and I led in my own vehicle. I lost them along the way, and beat them to the newly discovered crime scene that Roche had provided the coordinates for. I began to canvas the area, looking for any extra clues, but nothing jumped out. I realized I had been waiting for over 10 minutes, and knew that they weren't that far behind me. My anxiety began to build, as I forgot to take in account Roche's ability to escape the first time. I jumped in my car with urgency, and began to backtrack on the route. As I made my way to the general area where I originally lost them, the fear settled in as I could see the officer face down on the side of the road, with a bullet through his head.

I called it in immediately, and sat in my car, building the profile of Roche in my mind. The first time, I was just a game for him. I was a challenge, to see how far into my mind he could get. Now that he didn't have my sister as a pawn, I had to figure out his next move. He had a tendency to make things personal, and I knew I was still his target, in this life and the last. I paled as the pieces of his psych began to form in my head. I frantically picked up my phone, and pressed my top speed dial.

"Scully."

"It's me, where are you?" I asked, urgency in my voice. I didn't want to alarm her, but I needed reassurance that I hadn't messed this up, again. I was already heading in the direction of my home, knowing that's where he would go.

"I actually just got home from picking up Sammy. I guess running around with food in her mouth didn't sit too well with her stomach. Are you heading home soon? How was the meeting?" She asked distracted, clearly not picking up in the panic in my voice.

I needed her to get out of the house, now. Roche would have used the equipment in the police car to look up any information on me that he was able to uncover. I winced at my own selfishness, putting Scully at risk once again. If I would have just walked away, not needing to find the truth of the final victim, this wouldn't be happening. There was another factor to consider, Sammy. I needed to protect my family, like I was unable to do before.

"Scully, listen to me. I need you to get out of the house right now. Head straight to the Hoover building, and wait there. I'm already on my way back, I'll meet you-" Before I could finish my plan, the phone was disconnected. I cursed, and threw my phone in the seat next to me. I sped up, hoping to get there before I had to live through anymore nightmares.

I was only a few blocks away, and knew I would be able to make it to catch him, at least I hoped. As I turned the corner to my street, fear surged through my entire body. I could see the stolen cop car sitting in the driveway, and knew that he was at least still here. I had already called in backup, and they assured me they were only minutes away, I only hoped I had that kind of time.

I entered the house from the back door, trying to capture him by surprise. I could see Scully sitting on the couch, wide-eyed, cradling Sammy in her arms, and murmuring soothing sentiments. Roche just sat there, directly next to them, with a gun in his hand, and smug grin on his face.

"Drop the gun, Roche. It's over. You're not getting out of this." I said, coming up beside them with my gun steady in my hands. I didn't have a clear shot, because he was shielded behind Scully on the couch.

"Agent Mulder, I've been expecting you." He said with an eery tone to his voice. "Though you are correct, it is over, but not for me." He said just before raising his gun to Scully's temple.

Her eyes grew even wider, and I could hear the sirens approaching nearer. Everything happened so fast, I couldn't replay the events if you asked me to. The only thing I remember is seeing Scully shield Sammy even further with her own body, and close her eyes. I heard a gunshot, and things became distorted. I heard sounds happening around me, but the only thing I could make out clearly was my own voice yelling "Scully!"

"...Scully! No, dammit, no!" I startled awake, and tried to compose my breathing as I frantically glanced around me.

I was back, in that dingy motel, with Scully sleeping by my side. I began to relax, realizing I had finally woken up from that nightmare of a trip down memory lane. I was quickly brought from my own thoughts at the whimpering sounds coming from beside me.

"...don't leave me, please." She pleaded through a small voice. I knew she was having a nightmare of her own, and pushed my own thoughts aside to comfort her.

"Scully! It's okay, I'm not going anywhere, it's okay." I said as I cradled her closer to me, hoping my soothing sentiments would calm her down. I could sense her beginning to wake up, and just held her tighter.

"Oh, god. Mulder, I - I was so scared." She said as she finally came into consciousness with her surroundings. She buried her head into my embrace, and began to sob into my chest. I knew that the pain that shadowed over Scully's life was completely caused by me, and if I could do anything to ease at least some of it, I would. I suppose there was a lesson to learn from my dream, but that wasn't my main focus right now. I needed to give Scully comfort, as she was my biggest concern.

I guess that's what the lesson was, if I had to take anything from it, to not lead by my own selfish reasons. I needed to do something, for Scully, to give her a chance to escape the madness that is my life. I knew she would never go willingly, so I needed to make this decision for us, selflessly.

"We're both fine, Scully. That musta been some dream." I placed a small kiss to her forehead, assuring her things would actually be fine. "Must be a full moon or something, you wouldn't believe the dream I had!"

"I doubt it was a horrific as mine, I thought I lost you. I - I was so sure..." Her voice began to drift off again. Oh, Scully. Don't fight me on this.

"You could never lose me, I'm kinda hard to keep down." We both shared a small chuckle, coming off the adrenaline from both of our nightmares. "I do think we need to talk though."

"About what?" She asked cautiously, resting her head on my chest, and entangling herself comfortably into my arms.

"I think we should go back. I don't want to run. The truth will uncover itself, and I'm sure you wouldn't face to much reprimand if we go back now." I said with confidence in my voice. I didn't want to keep her on this selfish journey of mine. If I could give her the opportunity to live a relatively normal life, I wouldn't question the consequences I could face.

"No, Mulder." She said, pulling herself away to look at me. "I meant what I said, I would do this all over again. I'm in this, we're in this, together. I don't regret anything, so stop feeling guilty about this."

"Just let me do this, for you. Everything that's led us to this point, has been because of me. If I wasn't so stubborn to notice that my truth is right in front of my face, in you, then we could have saved a lot of heartache over the years. Please, Scully."

She didn't say anything, she just held my gaze for several minutes. We sat, still entangled, in a revealing silence. I could see in her eyes, that she wanted to agree, but was scared for me, for us. I tried to show her that this is what I wanted, and I had to have faith in us that things would work out. She slowly nodded, and let out a deep breath.

"Okay, but we should try to contact Skinner first. Let's see if he can soften the return, pull some strings somewhere." She conceded, and I couldn't help myself, I pulled her into a kiss. It was filled with promises, promises that things would work out exactly as they were supposed to. She broke the kiss, and rested her head back on my chest. "I love you." It was only a whisper, one that I'm not even sure I was meant to hear, but one that I would hold onto forever in this life.

I didn't know what these next prospective events would bring us, but I knew that when I woke up tomorrow, I would have Scully by my side. I knew, for certain, that any decision I made, would be for her, and our future.