Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, I wasn't expecting such a lovely response.

I neglected to thank jenmc for her beta reading of chapter 1, not to mention her general encouragement and advice. For this chapter I also need to thank the dedication of the mumsnetters who selflessly watched their OG DVDs (such a hardship) for me when I needed some fact checking. They make excellent continuity people (hint to Tony Grounds should it be needed in series 2. They would have remembered which leg was which - ahem)

"You were a fucking liability out there Smurf. I'm not sure I'm fool enough to let myself back into your company when ammunition is around. I don't think I've ever returned from a tour feeling more let down by one of my soldiers."

Smurf reeled from the harsh words of the Captain. But before, where he would have felt the weight of his disappointment in him, now he felt nothing but a hot flash of anger.

"At least I'm not some fucking Rupert hypocrite" he spat back, the rage crawling over his skin.

The words caught Charles. He instinctively tried to sit higher and was stopped by the pain in his side. He bit down on it as best he could, flinching as he turned towards Smurf.

"Would you like to elaborate on that, Private Smith?"

"You told me not to let Molly know how I felt, that it was against the rules, that it would endanger the section. You put me off telling Molly anything and all the while you and her were getting it on."

"Is that what you think? That I told you to wait until we got back just to protect my own interests?"

"Didn't you?"

Charles sighed. Of course that is what it looked like from the outside. Even without the personal aspect between him and Molly his final mission looked like a complete dogs dinner. As far as he knew only he, Molly and Smurf knew what had happened in the bunker, and only he and Molly knew why. He cursed himself; his lack of self control, his weakness, his refusal to let her out of his sight; all this had culminated in this bloody disaster. And on top of it all here was one of his men accusing him of everything he had been trying to avoid.

"Of course not. I told you that because those are the rules. We were all there to do a job. A job that relied on us focusing on the objectives of the mission and not our feelings. The fact that you and I are here is proof of what happens when you don't follow the bloody rules."

Charles squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. He really didn't want to be having this conversation with Smurf, he never had, but he had put it off before, firstly at the FOB and then again at Bastion. His chickens had well and truly come home to roost now. "I should have talked to you earlier, I knew you and Molly had a past, I knew you had feelings for her. I don't know... I thought the fact that the rest of the lads didn't rate your chances, and that Molly was adamant that nothing happened between the two of you meant that you realised it was a non-starter. When you came to me with that ring I should have realised you were in no fit state and taken you off the mission. My mind was elsewhere, I cocked up"

"I wanted to go"

"I'm sure you did, but if I had any inkling that you would put her before the rest of the section I should have left you behind. The irony being of course that you didn't. You put yourself first. I split my focus and we all fucked up. Now you have that" he motioned to Smurf's shoulder "and I can't even sit up to wipe my own arse"

The Captain's words seemed to have poured cold water on Smurf's outburst. The man lying on the bed seemed a shadow of his usual self. Captain James was normally so together, confident and single minded. This man seemed eaten up with frustration and regret.

But any sympathy he felt was short lived when he thought about the last time Molly had come to visit him.


The section had had their medal presentation and they were all officially on leave. Molly had made the trip down to Birmingham to give him his operational medal. She sat at the end of his bed and pushed the velvet box towards him.

"Eggy said it was ok for me to pass this on to you. I'm supposed to salute or some shit, but I reckon I'd look like a prize pillock doing that here so I'm not gonna bother" she looked around the ward full of other injured soldiers.

Smurf touched the box but didn't open it. He didn't know whether he wanted to see it. All he could think about was Geraint. He'd never got his medal. He hadn't survived to come home, and instead Smurf had made it, despite being shot twice. The box almost seemed to be mocking him. He'd cocked up so many times and yet here he was. His brother had been an excellent soldier, everyone said so, but he had died.

He glanced up at Molly "thanks for this" he said, his voice thick with emotion. She was still perched awkwardly on the bed, looking down at her hands and biting her lip.

"Do you fancy a walk?" she asked

"Alright" he replied, quickly shoving the box in the bedside cabinet.

They wandered the hallways of the hospital, mostly in silence. Eventually Molly suggested they sit in one of the courtyards and they found a bench in a quiet spot. It was a lovely late spring day, the last of the daffodils were fading and making way for the tulips, the tree above them had a sprinkling of new leaves pushing out of swollen buds.

"Nice spot you've chosen here Molls." Said Smurf. The atmosphere between them was thick and he desperately tried to think of anything to break the tension.

"Smurf..." started Molly, "shit" she muttered to herself, leaning her elbows on her knees and smoothing her hair over her plait.

"That's my name" he replied in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood.

"You're gonna have to shut it. I've got to say this and I can't do it if you keep on chipping in." Molly kept her eyes resolutely on the ground, focusing her gaze just in front of her desert boots.

"You don't have to say anything Molly" Smurf mumbled, he knew what was coming and didn't want to hear it.

"Yeah, I do. I can't have you thinking the wrong thing again Smurf. We need to know how we stand."

"Well you're about 5 foot nothing" he joked trying to head off the inevitable.

"I mean it Smurf. Can it."

Molly took a deep breath and sat up, she looked Smurf in the eye. "You need to know that nothing will ever happen between us"

"Yeah, I know, because you love the bossman"

"No, that's not why Smurf. Because I don't love you. Not like that. I don't think of you in that way."

"Bloody hell Molls, let a man down gently why don't you?"

"This is why I said not to interrupt me. I don't know how to tell you this in a nice way. I don't think there is a nice way to say this sort of thing is there?"

"But what about Guildford?"

"For christs sake, that was just a shag. I was drunk, I was horny, you showed me some attention and I fancied it. That's all it was."

"Not for me."

"Yes it was. If I had meant anything you would have called me. You had my number. If I hadn't had walked into Brize six months ago you wouldn't have given me a second thought."

Smurf shook his head, "But on tour, I got to know you. I fell in love with you" he made to hold her hand but she snatched it away, folding her arms.

"I only ever wanted to be your mate Smurf, nothing more. Don't you understand that? I never meant for this to be anything more." tears started to prick at her eyes and she tried to hold them in.

"Maybe if things had been different... If you hadn't met the boss"

"No. We're just going around again. This has nothing to do with him. I just don't feel like that about you. I won't ever."

"Don't say that Molly" Smurf's voice cracked and Molly looked at him. Both their eyes held a deep sadness and were swimming with unshed tears.

Molly reached into her pocket and pulled out his ring.

"You should have this back. I can't keep it. It would be wrong. You gave it to me thinking something that I can't feel in return. Keeping it will only make you think there's a chance I'll change my mind and I won't"

"I don't want it back"

"I can't keep it"

"Yes you can. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. Stick it in a drawer or hock it or something, just don't give it back to me."

"But it means something to you, it's your mum's ring."

"It's bought me about as much luck as it did my Mam. He buggered off and left her for someone else as well. Look on the bright side, at least I didn't knock you up and leave you with twins."

"You're twisted, you know that?"

Smurf gave a bitter laugh.

"One day you're gonna find someone who will put up with your weird taffy ways, and then I'll give you this back for her. Poor mare's gonna need a sweetener. Agreed?"

Smurf wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to give Molly a smile. Right now he couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone but her, but he couldn't go on kidding himself. It wasn't going to happen.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Smurf trying to get a handle on his emotions. He couldn't look at Molly, but from the sounds of the sniffing coming from her she was doing the same thing.

"Mates?" he ventured cautiously.

"Mates"

"So then, you and the bossman?"

"I don't want to talk about it"

"Well what do you normally talk about with your mates?"

"We normally get drunk and talk about crap shags we've had"

"Well then, back to you and the boss then. How crap was he?"

Molly rolled her eyes, reluctant to discuss this with him. "Well, normally I start from the worst and work upwards meaning I start with some welsh tosser I met on my phase 2..."

"Well that could be anyone. Except me of course."

"Are you calling me some kind of slapper?"

"Course not Dawesy" he grinned and gave her a nudge. "Seriously though, you going to visit him?"

Molly grimaced. "I don't know if I can, it was well weird last time, and then his wife and kid came in, I just felt, dunno, like I didn't belong."

::::::::::::::

"She didn't come did she?" Smurf glanced across at Captain James lying on the bed.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"The other day, she came to give me my medal, she didn't visit you did she?"

"Who?" Asked Charles, feigning ignorance. He knew who Smurf was talking about but didn't want to admit anything to himself. He didnt want to think that she had been here and hadn't come to see him.

"Molly."

"I don't care what Dawes does."

"I think that's called bullshit sir"

"No, I think you'll find that's called insubordination"

Smurf was in no mood to play the part of a loyal soldier. He felt so much pain, why not share it around?

"Maybe she's just started to work out that you were just leading her on."

Charles maintained a stony silence, not looking at Smurf.

"Dawes is my mate. I'm just looking out for her"

Charles gave a hollow laugh "A bit sodding late for that isn't it? We could have all done with some of your loyalty a few weeks ago on that bridge"

The blood roared in Smurf's ears, he could feel the rage coiling up inside him like a spring just waiting for him to snap and release it. He'd always had a temper, when people asked his mum how she could tell him and Geraint apart she always said if you give it five minutes the one throwing a paddy would be Dylan. Geraint was easy-going; Dylan was forever flying off the handle. The army had taught him some self discipline, it had given him different avenues to channel his angry feelings into something constructive, but lately it was harder and harder to control his temper. He knew he had to try though, if not for himself then for Molly.

"You're forgetting that I saw you and her in the bunker. I heard what you said. You want her to be the last thing you see. Wasn't that it? And now you don't care? Maybe you use that line all the time. Maybe it's all forgotten now you're back home with your wife?"

"What?"

"Molly is my friend. I know she hasn't heard from you because every time I talk to her she asks how you are, but I noticed your wife is here regularly enough,"

Charles didn't know what to say. He first instinct was to blame Rebecca, but even in his anger he knew that wasn't really fair. She brought Sam, and after 6 months away he desperately wanted to see and spend time with his son. True, she didn't need to be in the room with them all the time, and he often wished she would go off for a coffee so he could be with Sam by himself, but it seemed unnecessarily picky to ask her. He was simply grateful to her for helping him continue his relationship with his son. After all, being a single parent for months at a time while he was deployed couldn't be easy.

Still, he knew if he didn't keep an eye on things that it would be all too easy to slide back into some sort of comfortable arrangement with Rebecca. He wasn't thinking they would get back together, but he knew Rebecca well enough to know that she could all too easily come to rely on him emotionally, and that he would tolerate it on account of Sam. He was also aware of what that would look like from the outside.

He was a private man. No one liked to dwell on the family that stayed behind when they were deployed, and he didn't tend to talk about details with his troops. He hadn't mentioned the separation or divorce to anyone all through training and on tour. It hadn't seemed necessary.

"She comes so I can spend time with my son. She's no longer my wife, Dawes knows that. What I said to her in that bunker was for her only, it's got nothing to do with you. Stop dressing your jealousy up as concern for her feelings. Dawes is a grown woman, she can handle more than you and I give her credit for."

Charles hoped he sounded convincing. The news that she had been in the same building and hadn't come to visit really stung. Had Rebecca been here at the same time? Had she seen her and decided to stay away, or maybe she hadn't intended to see him at all. The latter was the was almost too horrible to think about. He had felt that despite everything Molly did have feelings for him, feelings that were strong enough he thought to get them this far, there was no reason for them to falter at this stage. Up to now he hadn't been unduly worried that he hadn't seen or heard from her beyond that morning after the operation. She would be back at barracks, she had the medal presentation, the final briefings and post deployment checks to keep her busy. Then going back home where her family would take up her time.

But he couldn't deny she hadn't been in contact. Since her visit she hadn't written or phoned. He wasn't sure if she had his email or phone number, he didn't have hers. He had asked his mother to get him his laptop and phone and she had finally relented, but there had been nothing. He had thought she might not have been able to get his contact details; but he'd never thought she wouldn't be trying to contact him. Then he remembered her eyes when she had come; they looked deeply sad, but they held something else, something he didn't want to think she could ever feel for him. Pity