Depression and alcoholism don't vanish instantly just because you failed your suicide attempt. Bruce continued to keep a watch over Tony. They hadn't spoken much since the day in Tony's room. They'd worked, sometimes side by side, some times separately, and they'd kept up appearances of camaraderie when the group was together.
He kept catching Natasha covertly watching them whenever they were all together. Her hurried looks away spoke volumes for the thoughts her lips wouldn't say and he felt ashamed. He thought he read pity in her eyes and that hurt almost as much as If she'd shown fear. He kept to himself after that staying out of common areas and drifting between his bedroom and the labs.
"Ow, what was that for?" He rubbed his side where Tony had poked him with a wrench none too gently. He glanced at his watch. "It's after three in the morning. Why are you here?" He gestured at his work space, "I'm busy."
"I see that. I also see that." Tony pointed to the corner of one of the monitors, where his image was pointing to an even smaller monitor, on and on in to pixelated oblivion. "Why are you spying on me?" There was a heat to his voice and Bruce struggled to keep an answering anger from rising as Tony growled, "Why are you spying on every thing I do?"
"Why? You ask me why? You're the genius, Stark. You tell me why. Or better yet, tell me why I shouldn't. Why shouldn't I want to make sure that the core of our misfit group of *heroes* doesn't pull the world down around his ears in selfish destruction. Why shouldn't I keep an eye on you to make sure you don't attempt another high dive. Or crawl back into your bottle. Or any one of a thousand other things you're capable of that would demolish everything you've ever built and everyone that ever cared about you." He was almost shouting by the end of his speech, and he had risen from his chair to crowd Tony's space until the taller man had backed into a table. "You. Tell. Me."
"Because it's none of your business." Stark stood to his full height, trying to intimidate back but Banner wasn't having it.
"It is too my business. You're the one that dragged me here. Made me part of this... This.. Team. You're the one that wouldn't let me stay where I was, if not safe, at least not a danger. It's your fault I'm here and I'll be damned if I let you leave me here alone. The only thing keeping Fury and the others from locking me in a cage for the rest of my life is the fact that *you* insisted I stay with you. Where you'd keep an eye on me. So unless you're going to let me go back to where I was, and unless you can promise they won't drag me back, you don't get to be so stupid and selfish. When your actions can cost me my life, it is *my* business." He trembled slightly, so frustrated with the man in front of him that he could barely keep from clenching his fists and decking the cocky playboy.
Tony stared, watching the tracers of green slip through Banner's eyes again. It was a sure sign of his deadly seriousness and once again Tony felt his typical smart ass remarks die in his throat. Only Bruce could make him hesitate from saying something dickish. Director Fury, Natasha, Clint, even death itself couldn't keep Tony from being snarky, but this shadow of Hulk could.
He felt the tension he'd been carrying since his decision to confront the doc slip away as he gave up the offense. He'd meant to corner Bruce, to get him to leave him alone and stop watching him. Instead he'd been countered with harsh truth. In all honesty he wasn't sure what he'd do if he knew his green guardian angel wasn't watching. Would he try to end it all again? Could he gather that resolve and find a new way to oblivion? He just didn't know. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to do anything as long as he knew he was being watched constantly by the one person he respected.
The doc was staring at him still, eyes cooled to chocolate once again, but still chest to chest. "I'm. ... I'm sorry Bruce." Tony let his shoulders slump, relaxing back onto the table he'd been forced against, all the fight draining from him. He closed his eyes and ran a hand wearily through his hair.
"I wasn't thinking -"
"Yeah, no shit!" The interruption startled him into opening his eyes and looking at Bruce again. His lips quirked slightly at how flustered Banner looked. Banner's curls were still unkempt, his face tired, but he was so ... So ... Striking in his emotion. It was odd to note that the quiet brilliance covered a rather passionate individual.
"Ow!" Tony rubbed his bicep, startled out of his thoughts by the punch Bruce had just landed. His arm ached as he slid sideways away from the man in front of him. "Let me finish!" But his thoughts had been derailed and he couldn't recover quickly.
Bruce watched him expectantly as he fumbled for words. "Look. I am sorry. I didn't think the long term picture when I made you come here. I didn't think about your future. Just mine. And now that the crisis is over, I guess I just didn't worry about what anyone else would do. When I couldn't see any way out of my own head, I... Well."
"So you used me." It was flat, emotionless, even to his own ears. Over the last months he'd started to become comfortable with Tony. Not that they were friends as such, but it had been nice to be trusted. He'd finally been letting his guard down, letting himself set routines, roots, into life here. And it was a lie.
He wanted to hit tony again. He wrapped his control around himself tightly, arms crossed over his chest in a subconscious gesture of need. He'd leave, crawl back into the jungle, keep trying to make up for what he was until he succeeded in finding a way to end it all. The irony of having saved his friend from suicide, only to plan his own - again - made him exhale sharply, a shadow of a bitter laugh.
He turned from Tony, reaching for his computer. A few clicks and the running image in the corner vanished. "There. You're free." He turned the screen so Tony could see. "Go drown yourself in whiskey. I won't stop you."
"It's not like that. I wasn't using you. I just..."
Bruce refused to look up as Tony trailed off. He was too wounded to listen.
"Bruce, you are one of the most brilliant men I have ever met. The fact that you turn into a huge green rage monster is a bonus. I wasn't using you. But I was fascinated by you. And I'm sorry that my selfishness cost you."
Bruce didn't move as he heard Tony's footsteps leaving the lab. When the door had hushed closed Bruce picked up his notes and tried to concentrate. Half his mind focused on the data in front of him, the other half began planning his escape.
Tony slunk out of the room, perturbed. He hadn't meant it like that, but there was no way of fixing it that he could see. He pondered fixing himself a drink, but brushed the thought away. He had things to do, not the least of which was figuring out how to keep Bruce from leaving.
