Chapter 2: Broken Hearts

"So, what are you going to do now?" He's leaning against her doorframe, watching as she fills in the last of the paperwork. He hasn't spoken privately to her since Virmire, and she's surprised he's here now. "Are you taking any shore leave?"

"I didn't have plans to," she says, signing her name with a flourish. Done. She looks up, "What about you?"

"There are a few places I want to go. Back to Earth, mostly. There's a small holiday island I want to visit: Hawai'i."

"I've never spent much time on Earth," she says, "I was space-born."

"You'd like it," Kaidan says. "It's all white sand, palm trees, and waves. Or at least that's what the brochure looks like." He pauses, and she says nothing, letting the silence stretch out.

"Maybe you should come," he says. "You know, if you can tear yourself away from your paperwork."

She searches his face, sees hope, perhaps a touch of concern. Is it still too raw? No, she decides. She puts her pen down. Stands. Walks over to him, close, but not touching. He doesn't pull back.

"That sounds like a very good idea," she says.


"What happened to Ilos? To the battle with Saren?"

"Presumably she's at peace with them," Chakwas says, noticing a small spike in blood pressure. "She doesn't need to relive everything." She looks up at the display, "Where are we now?"

"The Normandy, right before the Collector attack," says Miranda, and Chakwas looks up to see her walk through the door of the med clinic. The XO catches Chakwas' glance, meets her gaze, then turns to Kelly. "I came to see how our patient is doing."

"She's doing fine," says Kelly, "But there may have been a slight… miscalculation."

"Miscalculation?" Miranda's blue eyes flash with anger, and Kelly almost squeaks in her haste to repair the damage.

"Nothing major, just a slight… adjustment to how we thought things would happen."

Miranda's eyes meet the Doctor's. Demanding an explanation.

"Shepard is in the simulation, and she's doing fine, but she's not reliving the past," the Doctor says with as much gravity as she can muster, "She's rewriting it."

"What do you mean? What is she rewriting?"

"In the timeline she is experiencing, Lieutenant Alenko is still alive."

Miranda stalks over, turns the monitor towards her. "So I see." She turns to the yeoman, "I want an explanation, Chambers. What does this mean?"

"I don't know." Kelly sounds miserable.

"I don't want her to wake up and fall apart again," says Miranda. "This was supposed to fix her, not give her more issues." She looks at the yeoman, who seems to shrink in the chair. "Find a way to sort it. Now." And whatever Kelly is about to say is cut off as Miranda stalks out of the room.

Kelly looks up at Chakwas, but the Doctor doesn't meet her gaze.


"That's an order, Alenko!" The ship is burning around them, but still he hesitates, looking between her and the corridor leading to the escape pods. "For god's sake, go!"

Finally, he does, and Shepard turns back to the corridor. It is filled with smoke and fire, but her suit deflects the burning debris as she runs towards the cockpit.

She can hear Joker's voice through her helmet; panicked, angry, afraid.

"Mayday, mayday! We have suffered heavy damage from an unknown enemy!"

As she steps through the doorway to the CIC, the air rushes out of the corridor and into empty space. Her suit's magnetic boots switch on, and she watches as the fire and debris disappear towards the planet looming through the shattered hull overhead.

And there is… silence.

Her breathing is loud, laboured, inside her helmet.

One foot in front of the other. The magnetic boots slow her down, but she has to get to Joker.

Even if it costs your life?

The thought comes from nowhere. She shoves it aside. Pushes on. Past the chairs of the navigators, floating in space. Through the barrier sealing off the cockpit.

Joker is, of course, still in his chair. And being a royal dick about it.

"I'm not leaving," he says, his eyes fixed on the Normandy's diagnostics as his hands fly over the display. "I can still save her."

"Joker, she's lost. And you are not going down with the ship." She physically hauls him out of his chair, throws him over her shoulder.

"Hey!" he cries, but it is too late. She shoves him inside the escape pod, steps back to hit the release. "Wait, aren't you coming?" But she knows she won't be. She hits the button to eject the shuttle, and lets the explosion propel her into space.

Again.


Silence falls over the med bay as Kelly and Chakwas watch Shepard's final moments.

"I… I had no idea it was so painful," the yeoman says, and swallows heavily.

"She knew it was coming." Chakwas says, her voice filled with wonder. "She accepted it."

"Why would she do that? She changed the past, saved Kaidan… Why didn't she save herself?"

"I don't know," says Chakwas. "Maybe this was something she felt she did right."

"Dying?"

"Saving Joker."


Shepard wakes. Again. There is no warm body lying beside her this time, just cold blue eyes looking down at her. She tries to move, but can't. The woman gestures to someone out of sight. A rush of fluid in her veins.

Oblivion.


Shepard looks down at the dossier, wondering how in space she ended up working for Cerberus. Miranda is hovering nearby, but Shepard does her best to ignore her. I guess being brought back from the dead makes you mighty grateful, she thinks and that's the only reason she has. That, and the Council's stubborn refusal to believe any of her reports about the Reapers. At least Cerberus believes me. But maybe that's not good enough.

Later. She'll worry about that later. She sighs, looks back down at the list.

Archangel. She'll pick him up first.


She can't believe it.

Garrus!

Her heart leaps. He sits on the crates, his sniper rifle propped up on his turian toes, and regards her coolly.

"Shepard," he says, and his tone is guarded. "I thought you were dead."

"Garrus! What are you doing here?"

"Just keeping my skills sharp," he says, and he looks down, his eyes half closed, his voice soft, tired. "A little target practice."

What's happened?

Pain is written in Garrus' face. In the curve of his back. And the way he holds his gun like it's the only thing he has left in the world.

Guilt.

"Are you okay?" Her voice, gentle.

"Been better," he says, and looks up. His blue eyes fix on her. "But it sure is good to see a friendly face."

I wish I'd been there for you.

And time…

freezes…

rewinds…

"Joker's still in the cockpit," Kaidan says, "He won't evacuate."

The Normandy is burning around her. Shepard pauses, extinguisher in hand. She looks towards the lifts, back to the escape pods. She tosses the extinguisher to Kaidan, pulls open the hatch, and fiddles with the circuits. The screen flickers back to life.

"We don't have time," she says, "We have to get to the shuttles."

Kaidan unleashes the last of the foam onto the fire, but it's still raging.

"We can't just leave him," he says. He throws the empty cylinder to the side, and starts to make for the stairs, but Shepard stands in his way. Stares him down.

"I gave you an order, Alenko. Get to the shuttles." He stands there for a few moments more, silent. Then turns, and runs toward the escape pods.

She follows.

No, wait, I can't.

She watches out the window as the Normandy is destroyed, Joker along with it.

No.

And time…

freezes…

rewinds…

"Joker, she's lost. And you are not going down with the ship." She physically hauls him out of his chair, throws him over her shoulder.

"Hey!" he cries, but it is too late. She shoves him inside the escape pod, steps back to hit the release. "Wait, aren't you coming?" But she knows she won't be. She hits the button to eject the shuttle, and lets the explosion propel her into space.

Again.

Time…

bends back…

And she's looking back at Garrus. At the pain written in the bend of his back and the grip on his gun.

"Been better," he says, and he looks up. His blue eyes fix on her. "But it sure is good to see a friendly face."

END CHAPTER 2


Author's Note: I'm on a roll with this story! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it helps to keep me going. :D