Mah little disclaimer: THIS AIN'T MINE. Chris is, obviously but everyone else belongs to someone else.

Me: I'm introducing a new Mary-Sue is this chapter. She was mentioned previously. And my response to Seventh for the review, just tell me what to call you and you'll be here.

George: Like she wants to be in this thing you call a story anyways.

Me: D: You're an ass, you know that?

George: Who's been looking in the mirror too much lately, butt face?

Me: STFU!!

George: -snickers-

Me: I hate you! Now on with it!

:D o-o Oo; :o (: YoY D: :B O.O ): o3o D:

Chapter Two: The Mary-Sue Who Just Wanted A Good Shampoo.

Chris hunched further under her coat as she was practically frog-marched to what she assumed was the Hokage's office.

Thankfully, no one stared. They just saw Naruto and assumed it had something to do with the legendary prankster. Or they just didn't care. Chris was betting on the latter(a).

"You know, it'd be better for you if you just took off the coat," Naruto told her kindly.

She snorted. "Not likely, bub," she said. "The only way you're seeing my face is if you're ready to die."

Naruto eyed her with a strange look. "You're weird," he said. "It's just a face. What could be so bad? Are you ugly, or something?"

She glared at him, her eyes flaring. "Ugly like you?" she asked sweetly.

Jiraiya chuckled. "She's got you there, Naruto," he said.

"She's got you as well, Jiraiya," said a husky female voice. "You're not exactly pleasing to the eyes."

Chris looked up and her jaw dropped. "Holy crap!" she cried, startled. "Your boobs are HUGE!"

Naruto started to choke and splutter. A man standing next to the ginormous boobs attached to a rather attractive woman laughed.

"Not exactly the best way to introduce yourself to the Hokage, young lady," he said. She squinted at him, trying to see a facial expression behind the mask he was wearing.

"Kakashi…" she whispered, barely loud enough for even her to hear. But his amiable gaze became much sharper, his one eye boring into her.

"Why is your face hidden?" he asked, not bothering with actual introductions. "And why do you know my name, since you're obviously foreign?"

"Like you're one to talk," she told him, trying to be as obnoxious as she could be. "What's wrong with wanting a little anonymity?"

"We've been having a little trouble with anonymous strangers lately," the woman, Tsunade, Chris reminded herself, said, beckoning the group inside her office. "Come inside, if you have to."

Chris darted her eyes around, seeing no way out that didn't involve a part of her body being exposed. She sighed. "Fine," she said, "but there is to no maiming when you see me. And I have to warn you, you might fall in love."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Not likely," she remarked.

Chris looked around once more before shutting the door and gazing at the windows. "Do you have curtains?" she asked.

"No."

"Damn," she muttered. Oh well. If a bird decides to commit suicide, it's not my fault. "Just remember, I did warn you."

She lifted her hands, took a deep breath, and took her handy trenchcoat off. All four pairs of eyes widened, and just outside the door and windows, they could hear birds singing.

Naruto started to fall to his knees, his mouth opening (b) and Chris slapped him.

"Don't even think about it," she told him. "And shut your eyes."

He complied, rubbing his cheek and scowling. "What are you?" he asked. "Why did I feel like the sun was shining for the first time when I saw you? And why did I want to peel you a grape and feed it to you?"

Jiraiya's eyes had narrowed dangerously. "She's a Mary-Sue," he spat out.

"What's that?"

"I'm pretty much the most dangerous thing you'll ever meet," Chris said with a sigh. "I am also hated no matter where I go, but because I'm a Mary-Sue, everyone loves me no matter what. Unless they're like you three," she nodded her head to the others, "and have will power strong enough to resist me."

Kakashi frowned. "But there's something wrong with you," he said.

"Oh, gee, thanks," Chris remarked sourly. "That's exactly what every girl wants to hear."

Tsunade smiled briefly. "He's right," she said. "You're not like the others I've, uh, seen."

Chris cocked her head at her. "Did you kill them?" she asked bluntly.

The Hokage looked away. "Yes."

Chris couldn't stop the stab of pain that shot through her heart. Poor things, she thought. They couldn't help being what they were.

"I don't blame you," she said slowly, choosing her words carefully. "But that doesn't exactly make me feel any better." She eyed Kakashi's weapon pouch. "Or any safer."

"Just try to keep your face covered," Tsunade told her. "You'll be staying with Kaka-"

Chris shook her head wildly, waving her arms around. "No, uh-uh! You are NOT going to stick me with anyone male, female, or, in fact, anyone at all!" she shouted. "No! You'll be falling right into their trap!"

Jiraiya stopped staring at her. "You're right," he said. "Maybe you can stay with me? I have the power to resist you, and-"

"No offense, Jiraiya," Chris said, "but fuck no. There is no way I'm staying with anyone! You should've just left me alone. I would've waited until I got pulled out again and then none of this would have happened, and you never would have had to figure out what the hell to do with the errant Mary-Sue wandering in your midst."

Naruto risked peeking through his fingers, and after a minute of staring at her mad face, when with combined with her wonky hair made her look like a demented orange, moved his hand away entirely.

"Why won't you stay with anyone?" he asked, no longer affected by her over-powering Mary-Sue beautaciousness(c).

She glanced at him. "Well, aren't you just full of surprises," she said with a smile, before it faded into a frown. "Nobody can resist a Mary-Sue once they've been in her presence for an extended period of time. That's why people tend to get rid of us quickly."

Chris rubbed her head. "Does anyone else feel hot?" she asked faintly, before her knees buckled and she clutched at her head in pain. "Shit! Someone else is coming through!"

"What?!" Tsunade exclaimed. "Now? But you just got here! There's never more than one Mary-Sue at a time! That's all a place can handle at once!"

"The rules don't always apply to me," Chris said, gesturing to her hair. "As you can clearly see." She bent over and retched as a bright flash of light filled the room.

The sound of another person vomiting permeated the room as the occupants blinked the blindness away. The smell of flowers drifted across their noses, and Naruto noticed that even though when other people threw up he felt slightly ill, the horrible retching noise was like birds singing in the spring.

"B-beka?" Chris choked out. "Is that you?"

Beka coughed. "Um, yeah?" she asked. "C-chris? Oh, pl-please t-t-tell me it's you! I co-couldn't st-stand it if I was here alone, not aft-t-ter having t-to deal with Yu-Gi-Oh again!"

Chris stood up on shaky knees. "Beka!" she barked out. "Cover your face, now." She forced her eyes open to see her long-time best friend quickly covering her small face with a colorful scarf.

"Oh, I'm e-ever so glad t-t-to see you here!" Beka said in her timid way. "Please t-t-tell me you've-ve e-e-explained t-to all these n-nice p-people that we're not-t here pl-planning on r-ruling the world w-with the powers of M-mary-Sue?"

Chris felt her mouth twitch. "Not exactly that," she said, helping Beka to her feet, carefully avoiding both of the glittery puddles on the floor. "But close enough. How did you get here?"

Beka shoved her ankle length hair out of her eyes. "I h-hate Yu-Gi-Oh," she said heatedly. "I hate it S-SO m-much! Why d-do I al-always e-end up with h-hair d-d-down t-to the floor?!"

"Because that's just how it works," Chris said. "You know just as well as I do."

"Y-yes, but I-I don't-t-t see you l-looking li-like you've n-never seen a-a d-decent p-pair of scissors I-in your l-life," Beka pointed out, annoyed. Her eyes softened sympathetically. "H-have you found a-anything st-st-strong e-enough t-t-to help you w-with your, uh, p-problem?"

"Does it look like I have?" Chris said, angrily tugging on a tangled lock. "I hate my hair. All I want is a place where people don't throw themselves at me and demand to be my slave, and a good shampoo, but noooo! I get to be hated transuniversally while simultaneously adored."

Beka giggled. "I d-don't get-t how you c-can joke a-about something s-so serious," she said.

"Hey, you're the one that's laughing," Chris told her. "So that makes us equally guilty."

Her friend giggled again. "I-I g-guess so. But you've-ve always b-been able t-t-to m-make me l-laugh."

Someone coughed behind them. "I hate to interrupt this lovely reunion," Tsunade said drily. "But what the hell am I supposed to do with two Mary-Sues on my hands?"

Beka blushed. "O-oh!" she said, embarrassed. "I-I di-didn't mean t-t-to ignore you! It's j-just that I hav-haven't seen Ch-chris in s-such a long t-t-time, so I-I g-got a lit-t-t-tle caught-t-t up in the moment-t."

Kakashi frowned. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you nervous or something?"

Chris glared at him. "She's got a speech impediment. A sever stutter. It's why the owners of the orphanage stuck us together. We were the weird ones. There were others, but they tended to section us off into little groups. We were less troublesome that way."

Beka smiled. "Th-there's n-never been a f-freaky M-mary-Sue be-before," she said. "L-let-t-t alone t-two at-t the same t-t-t-"

Chris slapped her on the back.

"-time," Beka finished gratefully. "In th-the same u-universe. I-I have a lot-t more tr-trouble with T-t-tees."

Someone burst into the office suddenly. "Hokage!" a random Jounin shouted. "The Akatsuki are attacking!"

Beka glared at him. "N-no there not-t-t," she said. "W-we would've-ve sensed them b-by now."

Chris nodded. "She's right," she said. "What do you really want?"

He threw himself at Chris. "Please!" he cried desperately. "Please marry me! Let me be your body slave! I will cater to your every whim!"

"Maybe," she said slyly, winking at Tsunade. "If you tell me what you're up to."

"I was planning on distracting the Hokage long enough to steal all the sake from the room," the Jounin said, grabbing her hand and rubbing his cheek on it. "Shizune sent me." (d)

Chris patted him on the head. "Good," she said. "Now go do your job and forget all about me."

He nodded eagerly and ran off.

Naruto stared while Jiraiya laughed. "I guess that's one of the benefits of being one of you," he said.

Chris scowled. "Yeah, like, the only one. And it's not even that great. Every time I use my Mary-Sue powers, I feel like I'm doing something very, very wrong. It's not right to just control people like that."

"That's why you're eliminated whenever your kind is spotted," Kakashi said. "It's like you don't care that what you're doing is wrong."

Beka glared at him. "They don't know any better!" she yelled. "It's not their fault. Because of people who think like you, I lost my big sister!"

Chris rubbed her shoulder sadly. "It's not out fault that we are who we are," she said quietly. "We can't help it; we were born this way. And something up there is laughing at us, enjoys it every time one of dies, enjoys watching us wreak havoc everywhere we go. They just don't know that what they're doing is wrong."

"Then how do you?" Naruto asked.

"Because there's something wrong with us," Chris said. "We're not like the others."

"W-we're th-the f-freaks," Beka said, reverting back to her usual stutter.

Tsunade sighed. "Well, you still need to go somewhere," she said.

"We can just hang out with Naruto here until we're pulled away," Chris said. "We'll keep our faces covered, wear shinobi clothes, even. Just don't separate us. The closer we are, the more likely it'll be that we'll leave together."

Tsunade frowned. "Alright," she said. "Just try not to make much of a fuss. I was planning on relaxing a little today."

Beka and Chris smiled. "W-We'll t-t-try," Beka said. They both grabbed Naruto and led him out, Chris tucking her face behind her coat once more.

"So," she said playfully. "How 'bout you give us a tour of Konoha? I'm sure you know the best places to hang out and goof around."

Tsunade's frown deepened. "I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" she asked.

Kakashi took out his book(e). "Maybe," he said. "But we'll just have to wait and see."

:D o-o Oo; :o (: YoY D: :B O.O ): o3o D:

:D o-o Oo; :o (: YoY D: :B O.O ): o3o D:

A/N: Dear god, what have I done? -smacks self-

I honestly had no intention of making this so angsty. D: I'm such a bad person. This came out funnier in my head.

But at least it's an update, right? I'll be updating Things That Lead Us To Now soon, so don't worry all my imaginary avid readers.

You'll get yer fix soon enough. -laughs maniacally-

signed,

onewhowatches :3

Ahahahaha!! FOOTNOTES!!

(a) She'd be right XD

(b) Probably to sing a love song to her

(c) Yes, I just made that word up. Deal with it.

(d) And I bet you all thought it was for something nefarious. XD I'm not that bad.

(e) Porn! :3