So, yeah the one-shot has suddenly become a two-shot. Been in the works for a while, just finally decided to finish it. Poor old Doctor, he deserves his side of it.

I. When I couldn't live without you.

Oh, he should know by now.

He does know. He knew it would not end well, deep down in that bitter, dark place of himself, he knew the Universe would not let him away unscathed. He knows-

They never, ever last.

He cursed himself even as hope bloomed, as they agreed to come, as he failed to deny them. it's you they can't give up, Doctor.

No. It was him who wasn't letting go. True, but then there is the other part of him so touched to know that it's true for them too. That they love him back. Perhaps that was why he foolishly thought he would be allowed it. They weren't going to leave to go and live in a house, or to go and find their significant other. They both wanted it.

And he cheated himself, let himself down-I…miss you…-sat still for days, and was frightened to find he had no desire to Move On.

I can't live like this, don't make me; He couldn't afford to love this much.

-You wither and you die-

He even thought, be wiser, just this once-and so made himself acknowledge it, sat there with her shoulder to shoulder.

You're thinking of stopping, aren't you?

So she would know, too. It's okay, I understand. (At least he was trying to). But she knows him so well, oh darling Pond-Why do you keep coming back for us? Maybe because she was the first face he saw, yes, but maybe because of River. Maybe because she is just so irrevocably, gloriously Pond.

Bring them back safe.

But the Doctor also knows he never keeps promises.

It's not like he hasn't tried before. Forget your faith in me-

He didn't like to do it (wanted to be adored-there is a grain of truth in that he doesn't want to acknowledge) and because oh, she is still so dear and innocent, believing everything can always be fixed (weather by him or not), and he hates to take that from her. Amelia Williams-

So he went further still-After everything we've been through?-

And then the TARDIS is so devoid without them.

What's the alternative-

-Oh, if only he'd known.

II. or visa versa

-He let it go on for far too long.

He had made himself blind to what he knew would happen. How many have said forever, how many had he almost, almost kept safe?

I was gonna be with you, forever-

They keep on try to split us up, but they never, ever will-

-Maybe it's because of River.

Well, yes, they were a connection to her, but she is Pond anyway, in the end and he lost her too, before he even knew her. He refused to let it happen to them, too

-not them, Brian, never them.

In Berlin, he remembers seeing her standing there in her new everything, marveling at her as she marveled at herself,stunned by it; Ponds' daughter?

-is this how it is happening now, for us?

To me-who are you to me?

He doesn't really see much of her and him, because of course he can't see his own Timeline. But he knows how she ends, before she even knows her self (who's River Song?). And he knowshow they will end-All this time you knew-

So it hardly matters anyway.

-he looks away from the Course of the woman who knows His Name, and instead sees how pitiful her connection was to the Timelines of her parents.

(His fault, of course).

And then, stupid Doctor, he looked further along, and was optimistic. Thought guiltily, perhaps he could absolve a little, because the Timelines of those three Ponds-mother, father, daughter-they all suddenly tied in more tightly, at one later point in their lives.

And now, oh now, he knows why that is.

New York. 1940's Manhattan.

They had to have someone to help them, stranded in Time. It should be their daughter.

In his same stubborn blindness, he refused to think that anything could happen now. After all, they had done it. A thing happened, You will be running for the rest of your life-

but they were all still intact, all together The paradox worked, we're back where we started-and he was so stupidly ecstatic, because he knows by now, but in his relief he realizes he can't let them go. He hasn't loved anyone like he has them. Except River, but she is a Pond-

But then-then suddenly, horribly-there was only one significant other. Hey Amy, come see this- and he was hating himself, shocked and hurt-Rory the Roman- as he had to break Amelia's heart all over again. it would rip New York apart-

Rory the Nurse. A little job to do-

Rory who followed her Anywhere, No, I'm not Mr. Pond-Rory who saw the small things, -It's important to me-Rory who looked at him and told him what he saw-you know what's dangerous?-

Rory who didn't need It like he and Amelia did-the unlimited vastness of that life was not enough for him. Real life. The Doctor had always admired that.

He was everything the Doctor admired and loved in them-the reason he took the ones like him, because they were all right when they said he needed someone, because he is lonely. And he is definitely one of the nice ones, but they are needed because sometimes he has to be stopped. And oh, he should have stopped, left Amy waiting, left his Wife in that cell, left Rory there to love them both-but he didn't.

And now the universe was making him pay for it.

-Then she steps forward and that awful, awful bitter dark fear that is so familiar rises.

Wait-What are you doing?

No. But then she reaches out to her daughter stop it, just-just stop it!- he realizes that means she is really going to do it and it's a physical hurt as he sees them both, his River-Melody who is gone, will be going-and his Pond who is leaving, right there, but he can't stop her-I'll be with him-

And then he sees what the Decision she makes through her tears is doing-Look at you now, all grown up-

No. Not this, anyone but her, anything but that; because he sees what this choice was creating, watches it Become with horror.

You are creating Fixed Time!

-Those strands of timelines. Every happening-past, present, future, every could-have-been, everything that made her Amelia were twisting and rearranging around this, twisting into his hearts as they were a physical thing-solidifying into what he could not touch, into what Must Be. Not this, why this? Oh, Time, the one thing he could never save them from, any of them-

Come back-Just come back-

He knows that she has to do it, because she should, and she always gets what she ants and they both deserve each other-oh, but she can't; we'll figure something out-she doesn't know, she can't see what this is doing, don't-

I will never be able to see you again!

Please. Not this.

Raggedy man-

III. It goes so fast.

He still has River. The first time we met her at the Library- For now.

He has never loved her more than then, standing there at his console. And she knows him too well, of course she does, of course they did. He knows that's why he couldn't let go, now-again, he should have known-they were a family, and he knows what happens to those. The little girl who didn't want to grow up, and the brave, wonderful foolish boy she loved and who loved her in return, and their little girl, who was never really theirs, properly, but she was in some way, which counts for something

He realizes, abruptly, strangely, where River got it from.

And do one more thing for me-

-Come as soon as you can. x.

-Anytime they asked him, he would be there.

Go to her. Tell her a story.

-The usual. For coming when I call.

They were Ponds, after all.

You will seal onto my hearts.

So, yes that also turned into a bit of a River/Doctor thing, but it works, because she is technically a Pond, and the circumstances of her farewell with the Doctor are nearly worse, I think, because he knows what's going to happen. Maybe why he was so reluctant to let go them. Anyway, musing over, please review if you feel so inclined!

(Also, yes I know this is the first thing I've put up in ages, so for those of you waiting for more Infinite Horizons, it's not too far away. I mean it this time, doing my bestest!).

Happy Christmas!

Grá,

TheSoul.