Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
A/N: Thank you silent_ranger_savior, crism1976, WaterOpalFireOpal, and ObiBettina7 for your awesome reviews. I also thank the people still reading my stories despite my long absence. I am really sorry for not updating, but last semester was a nightmare that would not end. I have never had so much work to do in my life. Then I was in Greece for two weeks over winter break for one of my classes and then I just went back to school for the next semester. So, finding time to write has not been easy. In any case, I hope this chapter is satisfying enough to hold your attention for a bit longer. Enjoy!
You abandoned me…
NO!
You left me to die alone…
I didn't!
Where were you…
I was there!
You shame my sacrifice…
I'm sorry!
It's your fault…
I know………
"Legolas!" Aragorn yelled at the top of his lungs. He was gasping for air as though he had run ten miles. He thought his heart would explode from the speed that it raced. He immediately sat up, regretting the action. The tent spun at an alarming rate. Aragorn closed his eyes to ward off the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him. He started to panic until a soothing voice broke through his confusion.
"Calm down, Strider. You're alright now. We're at the camp. Breathe." The string of comforts settled his nerves as he allowed the hands to lay him back down on his makeshift bed. It took a few moments for him to come back to himself, trying to ignore the icy chill that ran down his spine, the last remnants of his nightmare.
"Easy now, Strider, just breathe. You passed out on the way back to camp. It's morning now. You've only been out half a day," Halbarad said, grounding his friend in reality. "You had a nasty concussion. How are you feeling?"
Aragorn coughed harshly before managing a reply.
"I feel like my head has been stomped on by an Oliphant. Any more challenging questions?" Halbarad chuckled at that.
"It looks like I worried for nothing. If you can find humor in my concern then you are well on your way to recovery."
Aragorn smiled, though it came out more of a wince. Halbarad noticed, but didn't comment. The man was injured more often than not, and the outcome would always remain the same. No use trying to put rain water back into a cloud. Aragorn would never listen to any concerns that involved pinpointing a weakness due to injury. But Halbarad did wonder if it was more than that. He learned a little of what happened in Rivendell, and whenever the subject was breached, Aragorn would get a distant look in his eyes and refuse to say more about it. He knew his friend well enough to know when he was trying to hide pain, whether physically or mentally. Now, Halbarad decided that it was time to come clean. Aragorn's behavior during the previous battle was that of a man looking for trouble. Aragorn never needed any help finding it. Things seemed to be much different now.
Aragorn saw his friend's worry and became uncomfortable in the silence. Knowing that the man was probably thinking of new ways to get him to talk about the past, he decided to try and escape. Determination and smooth talking usually got him out of situations like this. Even Elro—He couldn't even think his name. Swallowing at the sudden wave of sadness, Aragorn moved to leave the tent again.
"Not so fast, my friend," Halbarad said gathering his thoughts and breaking the silence. Aragorn cursed to himself and still tried to leave. It was happening again. The flashbacks were returning and the guilt from his dream was crushing him. He could hardly breathe. He had to escape.
"Strider, stop!" Halbarad fought to keep him still, but Aragorn found a new strength not expected in a concussed man.
He pulled out of his companion's grasp and stood up quickly. Dizziness took over, but he continued to stagger out of the tent. He pushed past confused faces of his fellow rangers and hobbled out of camp through the trees and into the forest. He ignored calls and yells to stop as his mind filled with voices of the past, ghosts of a world he used to know. Aragorn was coming apart at the seams, and it was happening more and more often these days. Before, he was more adept at escaping without notice, but he was starting to lose his control. He thought that if he forgot about what happened, left his home, and blocked out any memory of the people he loved, he'd be able to live his life without anguish. He would be empty inside, but less pained. But dreams and memories broke through the cracks. No man could hold back the tide. Denial was getting him nowhere and Aragorn knew it.
When he felt that he was far enough away, he knelt down on the ground and held his head in his hands as though it were going to explode. His breathing came in gasps and he fought so hard to maintain control. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut keeping the tears at bay as he tried to regain some composure. Aragorn rocked back and forth for a few moments until he stood up amidst the trees. The guilt and sadness were eating away at him, but he refused to lose control. He was not weak. He chose this life and he would accept it. The emotions were becoming too much. He needed to release them somehow. Aragorn turned to a large tree beside him and drove his fist into its trunk over and over again until his hand bled and the knuckles tore open. Broken fingers and cuts and scrapes distracted him from what he'd lost.
When the pain in his hand was throbbing enough to quell his inner turmoil, Aragorn stopped and let his arm fall to his side. He slowed his breathing as he worked to control his new physical pains. When the overwhelming grief had finally faded to a dull ache, he looked down at the damage.
Three fingers were surely broken. Blood was running down his fingers and bruising was already beginning to occur from his knuckles to his wrist. Tears pricked his eyes as he tried to flex the mangled appendage. He closed his eyes in defeat when a frantic voice was coming closer that would bear witness to his new outlet for his emotions. Aragorn knew that a serious talk was inevitable.
"Strider? Strider!" Halbarad was coming closer, and Aragorn did nothing to hide his hand or his pain. He turned around as he no longer had the strength to avoid his friend any longer.
"Strider? What in Arda's name is wrong with you? You should not be running around so soon after—" The words died on Halbarad's lips as his eyes moved from his friend's pained gaze to his broken hand cradled at his stomach. His mouth moved to speak, but no words would form. He was speechless. It took a moment for him to regain his composure, not sure whether to strangle the man for being so reckless or soothe the man with words of comfort.
"Come, my friend," Halbarad said softly. He could tell that Aragorn was not ready for a fight. His friend didn't have the strength for a confrontation, and he knew the wrong word might break him. "Let's tend to that hand, and then you and I need to talk."
Aragorn nodded refusing to speak. He knew the coming conversation was long overdue. He couldn't run anymore. His broken hand had opened his eyes. He saw himself for the first time since he left Rivendell, and the long, dangerous road he was treading became apparent. He had never reacted so badly before. He needed help.
The two friends walked side by side, Halbarad offering his aid whenever Aragorn started to stagger. The silence would remain until the two could talk in private. Then…well, that would be a bridge Aragorn would have to cross when he came to it.
Elrond sat in his study reading over, or rather staring at, a large volume of medicinal herbs. He was still on the same page, on the same sentence, looking at the same picture. His mind refused to focus on anything besides his son.
Aragorn leaving was one of the hardest things he ever had to endure. It was different than his son departing on a hunting trip. This time, the man left on his own accord, in pain, and completely lost. Elrond was not even sure that he would ever return home…if he remembered the way. Sometimes, people were led astray by their pain. He hoped that the road he took would be there to take him back to his family.
Elrond struggled everyday with whether or not he should send his sons out to find Aragorn to bring him home. He wanted to respect his human son's wishes knowing that some things must be learned on one's own, but without the knowledge that his best friend lived…that was unacceptable. The man was at a crossroads where one path would lead to self-discovery while the other would lead to self-destruction. The debate continued in his mind until he swore to Legolas that he would find him. It was important now more than ever that he bring his son home. If Legolas was going to stay, Aragorn would be the only one to persuade him.
The elf lord was lost in thought when his twin sons walked through the door. They were dressed and ready for a long journey ahead. They wore their long, wool cloaks that flowed behind them as they entered. Their bags were packed and over their shoulders while their bows and quivers rested on the opposing side. They looked ready to take on the adventure of a lifetime, and their newest task may very well have been.
"Ada, we are ready to leave," Elrohir said quietly so as to not startle his father. Elrond looked up slightly surprised but covered it up in seconds.
"Very well. Let us make our way down to the stables."
With that, the elf lord rose and folded his hands behind him. He beckoned his sons to follow as they walked through the halls of Imladris. When they arrived at their destination, Elrond looked around a moment to make sure their conversation was not overheard. The residents of the Elvin city were not aware of Aragorn's reasons for departure. He did not think it their business to divulge such personal information. A select few knew, including Glorfindel and Erestor, but other than that, Aragorn's reasons were his own. Whether he did it for his son's pride or for his own comfort, he made up an excuse of a request from the rangers that required his son's presence. He wanted to make it seem as though the family were not falling apart with each passing day, nor did he want to put any more pressure on Legolas should the residents pity him the loss of his friend. The situation was complicated as was Elrond's solution.
When he was sure that they were alone, Elrond whispered to his sons.
"I need you to find your brother as soon as possible. Track down the rangers first. If I know my son, he'll need to find some way to keep his mind occupied. If he's not there, perhaps Halbarad will be of assistance." The twins looked at each other before turning you their father.
"It should be no trouble finding him, ada. Worry not," Elladan said trying to ease his father's worry, but there was something else in his voice, something that made Elrond uneasy.
"I do not worry about you finding him, ion nin. In his current state, he would not be very concerned with hiding his tracks. He never expected me to have anyone search for him. No, he will be rather easy to find. I do fear, however, that you will not be able to convince him to return."
"But surely the news of Legolas…" Elrohir started.
"May cause him to flee further whether by guilt or denial," Elrond finished.
"Perhaps we should encourage Legolas to come with us. He would surely be able to convince Estel to come home. They need each other now more than ever."
"I thought of that, Elrohir, but I do not want him traveling. His injuries still linger and his mind is very fragile. His heart is aching to leave this world, and I believe that routine and normalcy may help ease his yearning. I must watch him here."
The twins nodded, understanding the need to go with haste. Legolas was safe in Imladris with Elrond to help him. Finding Aragorn was now the top priority.
"We will find him and bring him home," Elladan vowed, "even if I have to drag him home by the arm." The slight edge in his voice made Elrond study his son closely. He looked tired as though he had not slept well in weeks. His emotions seemed to be all over the place in the days since his brother's departure. Elrond wondered if the elder twin held a bit of resentment for his sibling.
"Be gentle with him, Elladan. He is just as fragile as Legolas." The words came out as more of a warning. The elf lord had a growing feeling of dread cloud his mind when looking at his son.
"Don't worry, ada, I'll make sure I'm there for him like he wasn't for Legolas." The pain in Elladan's voice worried Elrond. He had not realized the toll this whole situation had taken on the family. He knew that things were ill at ease in his house, but it did not cross his mind that one of his son's would lack compassion for his brother.
"Elladan, you know why he left. Tell me, what would you have done if it were Elrohir?"
"I would have stayed with him until the very end, whatever it may have been. His selfishness is the reason that Legolas may be leaving forever!"
"Stop!" Elrohir shouted. "Stop arguing! I don't want to listen to this anymore. Elladan, give your brother the courtesy of an explanation."
"Why should I? He could have said something before he left the first time. Instead he ran without saying a word to either of us."
Elladan was making a fist with his hand trying to quell the anger. He had not released his grief since Aragorn had left. He was too busy trying to be strong for everyone else. The small seed of resentment grew steadily into a chasm of disdain that he tried so hard to keep under control. Elrond's words of compassion for his brother only brought it to the surface, begging for release. Elrohir's hand on his made him look into his eyes full of understanding and concern.
"Please, Elladan. Let go of this anger. You love your brother more than anything. Don't let a moment's weakness destroy what you had," the younger twin begged. Elrohir always was calm in a crisis, something Elladan always envied about him.
"He is right, ion nin," Elrond started. "It's okay to be angry. Believe me, I know. I may have ripped up a few books in the time that Estel left. But you have to find the love for him in your heart. We're a family and families are always there for each other."
Elladan nodded slowly but he couldn't seem to make the anger abandon him. It was still there just under the surface, but he would try to keep it from his loved ones. Maybe finding Aragorn would help.
"Alright," he sighed, "I will try my best to see beyond the hurt he has caused by his absence. I will find him if only for Legolas' sake." With that, he left the two alone and climbed onto his horse, riding out to the gate alone. Elrohir and Elrond looked on with worry in their eyes.
"Don't worry, ada. He'll be fine. Once Estel and he have a talk, everything will be alright. You'll see. Elladan's stubborn, just like his brother. It's the human in him." Elrohir tried to be cheerful but it only earned a sad smile from Elrond. Squeezing his father's shoulder comfortingly, Elrohir mounted his horse and rode off after his brother. Elrond stood alone in the stable staring ahead at the empty path.
"I hope you're right, ion nin, for I fear that it may not be as simple as you perceive."
