It was the best bottle of Serrice Ice I'd ever had. Bar none, no exceptions. I never expected John to actually pick one up on Illium, but when he had that slight laugh on his face as he held the bottle up for me to see, I couldn't help but be surprised. Slightly chilled, too. At least Cerberus never scrimped for funding, I could say that much.
I only scarcely remembered sharing it with the Commander. Brandy didn't have the burn of other alcohol, so I always drank it just a little too fast, but I did remember letting all my feelings out. And that embarrassing praise I had for him. The immovable center, I remembered calling him. A shield from the storm of Collectors and Reapers and who knew what else in the galaxy. I sounded like the awkward nerd asking the quarterback to prom. It made the Commander laugh, though. And blush, although that might have been the booze.
He came to the medical office the next day: I had told him I wanted him to drop by and ensure his cybernetics were still healing, but I knew they were. He was still a diplomat, and damn near the most virtuous man I'd ever met. Peaceful thoughts helped the skin heal, and now I could only see the slightest bit of lines on his face. Truly, I just wanted to thank him again.
"It was nice, I really enjoyed it." I still remembered the Commander smiling, and laughing with me. Or at me, but I suppose a drunk old woman could be very funny. At least, if my memory was correct and I did an impersonation of the late Corporal Jenkins.
"I never realized how good it felt, to talk with an old friend. But what about you, Commander? Everyone's asking the world of you." As if I didn't know it. When I'd received the offer from Cerberus, I could tell what it entailed, and how impossible the mission was supposed to be.
"I only care about stopping the Collectors, and saving our colonists." He was so grand, when he spoke. Always concerned for everyone else: He listened, he offered advice. Kept a steely calm that cleared the mind and made one believe that any problem could be fixed. He could charm a volus for his last credit, but he'd never take advantage of it. But he so rarely talked about himself. He was the leader, he had to be strong. Everyone counted on him, even Miranda, as much as she'd never admit it.
But as good as he was at speaking, his face betrayed him sometimes, just as it did for most men, although they usually didn't have cybernetic scars enhancing the lines to help me pick out the details. Shepard had a lot weighing on him, and in this downtime on the Normandy, when I was checking his cybernetics, I could see his unfocused eyes staring past me at the wall, and the way his arms hung limply at his sides.
"Maybe we should take this to Mordin's lab. I saw him destroying the surveillance bugs the last time I was up there. Too bad he's wrapped up in all of the samples from Horizon." John's mouth twitched just as I mentioned "Horizon."
"Commander? What's on your mind?" I was polite, but firm. He took the whole galaxy, and all of it's problems on himself. Miranda's sister, Tali's trial, even my little bottle of brandy, John was always there to assist. I should be able to take a problem from him.
"Back on Horizon, I ran into Kaidan. It didn't go very well." He leaned against the wall. I heard about that, but not from Shepard. I hadn't kept much in contact with him after the destruction of the first Normandy, we all drifted apart. I went to Mars, and Kaidan didn't follow. But in the short time we had seen each other, he was devastated when he thought Shepard was gone. Everyone was.
"Not well?" I took a small step towards him. He elaborated, what was said planetside, and the additional bit of information he'd received after from speaking with the Illusive Man. Apparently, he released the rumor that Shepard was alive, and working with Cerberus.
"How did you react, Dr. Chakwas?" Shepard asked. "When you found out I was alive? I remember what you said about stability, but...how did you react then, when you first heard it?"
"Surprise, of course. But after that wore off, I knew I had to come here. And I wouldn't have it any other way." My response was obviously very different from Kaidan's.
"Commander, I don't know all of the details of what Cerberus did to you, but it had been two years since the Normandy was destroyed and you were lost. Two years changed all of us in many ways: Garrus disappeared and became Archangel, you've just told me Liara's an information broker on Illium. But all of us had to accept for two years that you were gone, just like Ashley." John looked down at the ground when I mentioned her.
"It really doesn't seem like that long ago. I guess that's what happens when you're mostly unconscious for those two years. It seems like only yesterday when Kaidan and I met her on Eden Prime." I remembered John staring out the observation deck at Virmire, watching the salarian nuke detonate, destroying the cloning facility and everything inside it, including Ashley. Just like now, he couldn't focus when not on a mission. Back then, neither could Kaidan, and the two men spent a lot of time together. They'd spend our travel time between planets maintaining the Mako and other onboard tasks they didn't really need to do. Just staying busy, never being alone. I never interrupted it, but I could see how much it helped both of them.
"He just needs some time to think things out. From what you've told me about Horizon, it certainly wasn't the time to think about deep thoughts."
"Yeah. It wasn't." John was silent, for a time, but he looked a little better. I could swear I saw one of the scars in his face healing over. Those two would be old friends again, after the mission was over. It may have been considered a suicide mission, but so was Ilos, and that one went with nary a hitch.
I wanted to tell the Commander that, but he picked himself off the wall.
"I should get back, we'll be arriving soon at Pragia."
"Goodbye, Commander. Thank you again for the brandy. We should make the brandy our new tradition. I'll be the one treating you next year, I promise." The commander smiled, without the booze this time to make him feel good, and headed out of the med bay towards the CIC.
Pragia. According to EDI, it was a planet where Jack said she was raised and experimented on. An insult to medicine and science if there ever was one, and Shepard was more than willing to take Jack to the facility and give her closure, if it meant focusing on the mission.
The mission, the only time John ever focused. Not thinking about Ashley, or Kaidan. Just what was in front of him. He'd burn out, if he kept doing that. But hopefully, the single second I forced him to take for himself would make him realize the humanity he was fighting to save.
