Betrayal was hardly a foreign concept to the Republic Soldier. In fact, it may have been all too familiar. Quietly, he remained seated behind the navigation console of the Ebon Hawk, his fingers moving effortlessly over the controls and his mind far, far away from the water world they were hovering through. Ahto city's vast expanse was growing in their sight, and with their landing clearance having gone through, they were now able to go in. Revan stood quietly behind him, her eyes attentive towards the great capitol city. Words didn't emanate from the woman, she simply stood behind him with her arms folded over her chest and her spine straight. Almost as if she had shoved a Gaffi stick right up there to keep it in that posture. After his outburst following the Leviathan, he hadn't found the right words to say to her. How could he apologize for what he believed? Everything that they had gone through, everything they had been fighting for, the Dark Lord of the Sith had been next to them the whole time.
Albeit she hadn't known that. Still, if he had been concerned before, it was full blown terror that she was going to turn on them now. Betray them, just like Saul had to him. Mission had tried to convince him otherwise last night before they had retired. She had tried to tell him that this was their Revan, their friend. She had been with them through everything.
Admittedly, he had thought about that. For hours he lay listening to Jolee's incessant snoring and tried to summon sleep to him. Instead, he thought about the day Jordo had approached them on Kashyyyk and told them that he had seen Dustil. Revan, at the time known as Avangelyn Korr, had ensured him that they would go to Korriban as soon as they could. She held firm to her word, too. Of course there had been bumps in the road, coping with the Czerka slavers and trying to aid Zaalbar's homeworld. Carth had claimed to understand, telling her he knew that so many people relied upon her. Still, he had found himself angered by her reluctance to just leave and go find his son. His son.
Following Kashyyyk's liberation, Revan hadn't hesitated to punch the coordinates in for Korriban. She had focused all her efforts, despite the lies she was being forced to weave, into gaining entrance to the Sith Academy. They found Dustil, his son. Guilt had spread through him for doubting her, but she hadn't flinched. Just a smile, a pat on the shoulder and a simple "It's alright, Flyboy. I get it," before she headed out of the Academy and into the tomb of Naga Sadow.
She had done all these things, these good things for people, yet still he found himself unable to trust her completely now. Not simply because of the name, but the weight that came alongside it. Revan was a warmonger, a horror. Revan was the cause for his wife's death, his son's feeling of abandonment. Whether it was Malak who gave the order or not, Revan was to be blamed. Though, it had never crossed his mind that it could simply have been due to the fact that he had the villain with him and somebody new to hold a grudge against.
Tipping his head to the left, he glanced sidelong over his shoulder. Averting his gaze still, she stared at Ahto and the docking bay they were fast approaching. "I haven't slept," she spoke suddenly, her voice low. At last, her eyes drifted in his direction and he pulled his away from her.
"What does that matter?" Carth retorted, trying to hold some kind of contempt in his voice. It was hard when there was that meek vulnerability she hardly revealed often. Revan huffed out a breath and slid into the seat that Bastila had occupied for so many trips. It struck him. "You don't know where the Star Map is." Not that they ever had a sure location, but right now? They had nothing. Not even a vague vision to guide them towards a possible location.
"I couldn't sleep," she responded, sullenly.
Carth's eyes drifted in her direction once more, a suffering sigh passing through his lips as he lifted one exhausted hand to rub the side of his face. "You should get some rest, then," he told her, turning his attention back to guiding the great smuggling vessel into place. "We need something to go off of."
Revan moved forward, pressing her elbow against a clear space on the panel so as not to push any buttons. Her fingers rested against her cheek, her chin nestling against her palm. He had seen her look like this in the past, conflicted and confused. Tired, exhausted even. It had happened in the Sith Academy while trying to come to terms with all the lies she had spun, trying to find ways to help all the people there. It bothered her that so many naïve students had found their way to the dark side, and every one of them she tried to help, many to no avail. The very same position she held now, she took when Taris had been destroyed, before she had gone to speak to Mission. The exact one he witnessed her holding at the Jedi Enclave when trying to decide whether or not this was what she wanted.
So many times, so conflicted and so silent in her own thoughts. On many occasions, he had found himself venting to Bastila while she sat next to him. The Jedi had found amusement in his ramblings on about how Avangelyn was the most frustrating, insufferable, confusing, stubborn damned woman he had ever met! One thing that the woman who had gradually become his friend stuck with him. 'What, pray tell, do you think she thinks of you?' It had been such a simple, lightly chiding statement. One far from her preachy and somewhat condescending ramblings, but it had locked itself in his mind.
What did Revan think of him? Bastila knew, though she would never say. Her lips were sealed tighter than a blast door without codes. Damned Jedi.
"We can start by doing things the old way. Investigating," she told him. A gentle smile perked her full lips upwards, "Like back on Taris."
Taris had felt like an easier time, despite everything that was going on. Swoop gangs and Gamorrean slavers seemed trivial in comparison to Sith Lords and Star Forges. Carth couldn't fight the smirk that her smile brought to his own lips. It was infectious, and part of him always wondered if she used the Force to somehow make him smile. That seemed stupid, especially to him. The soldier knew it wasn't some mystical willpower that brought it on, it was the simple look in her eyes and the natural serenity that she dragged around with her. It was amazing to watch, just like he had told her it was during a far earlier conversation.
Korriban had been a lot of things. Desolate, dark, swirling and confusing. The bridge between Dreshdae and the path to the Academy, though? That place was beautiful. Hot sun coating sweat on their skin and beautiful purple skies that came from who knew what. Maybe just the dark powers that lingered there. It didn't matter. For all of its negativity, that bridge was a good place. It was there, looking out at the place that held so much darkness and finding beauty in it, that Revan brought to his attention how she had noticed he had been watching her.
Shocked by the accusation, Carth had grown nervous. It had been a long time since he had found himself so enthralled by a woman's movements, and Revan was no different. The redhead carried with her a sense of duty and yet she didn't force it on those around her, as Bastila seemed to. There was a difference within the two Jedi Padwans, you could see it in the way they walked. Bastila carried the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders, though it wasn't her place. Meanwhile Revan, who had all the reason in the universe, simply seemed to move through life as it came at her. They were so different and yet so similar. He couldn't stop himself from admiring somebody so radiant. She was like the only star in a bleak sky, hopeful and guiding.
"Only on Taris we had less riding on us," Carth reminded her, tapping a few commands as the Ebon Hawk drifted into the docking bay.
"Not true," Revan said, holding her tongue so that Carth could land the ship. With skill that only experience could offer, he put the great space bird down and looked back at the woman next to him. Her hand dropped from her chin and her Jedi posture returned, pressing her shoulders back in a regal fashion. It struck him long ago how easy it seemed for her to hold that stance, but how it didn't seem stiff or stuffy. It was regal, like royalty. Exhaling, Revan's smile slipped from her lips. "We had just as much riding on us back then, we just didn't know it yet."
Pushing herself back from the chair, she stood and adjusted her robes. "I wonder how much this one is going to cost us," she breathed, exiting the cockpit and leaving Carth alone with his thoughts for the time being.
They were tight on money. Between Canderous and Jolee's shared desire to find a cantina every time they docked and Mission's bounding off to shop for things that they didn't need on board, all the way to Zaalbar's mindset that they constantly needed more food, the group was slim on credits. Revan found things that she could do to earn more, little scavenging jobs here and there, but it was still hard. T3 had even made himself useful a few times and gone to fix other ships along the bays for credits. That was enough, he supposed. They could survive off it, as Revan had said many times before.
On Tatooine, Bastila had questioned Revan's reluctance to stop Mission from scavenging for shops. Revan had shook her head. "What am I supposed to tell her, Bastila? 'Look, Mission, it's really sad that your planet got blown up and you're now on a potential suicide mission, but you can't go shopping or have any joys in life, okay? Yeah, sure, you try that one."
So instead, they worked for their money and did the best they could. It was hard, but Revan never once brought the credit troubles they were having up with anybody else. She still brought T3 and HK to repair shops for upgrades whenever she could, she still let Mission do her shopping, still let Jolee and Canderous go drinking and still let Zaalbar buy food like to feed, well, a wookie. Juhani, Carth, Bastila and Revan herself had spent the least amount during the whole trip. Carth had only found out one day when Revan was standing in the cargo bay, staring at the horde of food that Zaalbar had lugged in. "This could feed us for a month! Fracking- We don't have enough for this!" she had marched away cussing, leaving Carth to examine the store.
Through the window, he could see Mission already bounding off with Zaalbar at her side. Revan was speaking with Selkath officials, possibly trying to pursuade them to accept less than what they were asking for a docking fee. No vision, no sure directions to go in. Yup, just like Taris.
A/N: Little more inside Carth's head here. Thanks to all the readers! Reviews are appreciated. xox.
