Kelly

If you see me come to work drunk, you can fire me.

I may just eat those words. I'd made that vow to Connie, the chief's secretary, last night, after she'd expressed concern about my rogue nights out, swigging one to many whiskeys. She'd cocked a brow at me and then quietly gave me an, "Alright."

I had also messed up with Erin. But shit, when have I not messed up with that woman? Since the day I met her, my world's been off axis. Before that, actually, but hey. Like she'd said last week, you do what you have to do. Only problem is, I couldn't decide if Erin herself is among one of the important things I have to get right.

She's…she's like an avenging angel one minute, and then she becomes this soft and beautiful woman with a vulnerability in her eyes that is so acute it's almost undetectable. She wears her battles like armor, but nothing can hide the darkness that lurks in her eyes.

I know that darkness. Recognize it. So when Erin looks at me, I can't help but take comfort with a comrade-in-arms. Yet, I also couldn't help my hero complex, wanting to be the man that ends all hurt for her. I want to be the man that she looks to…for everything. And there you go. I'm an egotistical shit.

Erin, my angel, said she'd be my friend, Friend? Fuck that. No, I know that I could never be just friends with Erin Lindsay. I couldn't see her without wanting her.

She's not like Shay.

God, just thinking about Shay. I just couldn't. I hurt with a pain that seemed enduring. Shay wanted so much out of life and in the end, she was gone in an instant.

And here I am, just a lucky firefighter without many goals beyond the job. Maybe that's why I hesitated with Lindsay. She seemed married to being a detective, married to her job. Yet she miraculously still had room for me.

So what do I want from her?

I came out of my thoughts as I pulled up to the firehouse. Casey was standing outside talking on his cell and he seemed tense. As I walked toward the entrance, he spotted me, and the look in his eye made me wary. He cut his conversation short.

"Hey," he greeted and I returned with a nod. "Can I talk with ya for a sec," Casey led on.

Oh, here we go. "If this touches anywhere along the lines of 'you need the house, and the house needs you', I gotta tell you to back off, Casey."

"No, man. I won't go there. But, Kelly, if things start to go south, I'm here, yeah?"

"Yeah man, so what's up? You seemed pretty tense just now on the phone."

"Nothing more than my dickhead brother-in-law taking my sister for a ride that ends with both her and my niece being humiliated and fleeced in the bargain."

"No shit. Divorce?"

"If divorce is what you call fucking the secretary, putting assets in her name and moving money into obscure accounts so that the wife doesn't have a prayer or a clue."

"Shit."

"Yeah, shit is right." Casey rubbed his face in exasperation. "I don't know, Kelly. I gotta do something."

"Hey, you know where I stand on getting shit done yourself."

Casey gave a small laugh. "Yep, just like playing hero to a transit driver, almost getting dead, and letting your squad take bets that your bruised face came from just your run of the mill bump with the opposite sex."

I looked at Casey and waited a beat. "You're done? That was quite a mouthful."

"Kelly-"

"No Matt. You know, the other day? I heard you, but damn, back off a little. Know that I do understand that you have my back, and whatever you think you know or heard-"

"Heard?" Casey came closer and pinned me with an expression that I had come to equally respect and loathe. Matt Casey, the good guy. The Good Lieutenant. But don't let the guy go on the warpath or a cause. You'd never shake him.

Casey continued, "I didn't hear anything. I was told about your subway outing by Detective Ruzek—he happened to be helping with my sister's case. And as for the rest of it? I get it, Kelly. We've all lost. Yours is fresher, more in relief than other. So, be you. But our place is open anytime you want to crash or talk. Just don't leave and go off to nowhere without at least talking first. Gabby worries."

"You mean you worry," I countered.

"Whatever, save your wits for your next conversation," Casey said and gave me a heads up by looking behind me. I tensed, knowing it was Erin. Before I could turn toward her, however, Casey added more to his mouthful. "There's a split bet in the pool. I knew there was a woman involved, but don't mess up too bad with that one. A bruised face would be the least of your worries."

I'd turned her way before Case finished. My body almost transfixed by this striking, slight brunette with the gun at her hip. The least of my worries. Didn't I know it? As Erin had said, she's not that girl!

I walked to meet Erin as she approached with purpose and waited for her to explain why she was here, at the firehouse, because surely it couldn't be anything other than business.

"Detective Lindsay, "I said with a smile that ended when I realized her ever faithful shadow and partner was not far behind. Guess I could be civil and greet his ass too. "Halstead," I acknowledged with a nod.

Halstead gave a chin lift. Asshole. Then he started talking. "We got some questions we'd like to ask you in private, Lieutenant Severide. Got a few minutes?"

We? I get that I don't have privilege or some shit, but couldn't Erin have headed me off with this private business herself? And why the fuck was she quiet?

I gestured for us to move farther away from the house entrance and looked at Erin to get a read on her. She didn't disappoint. She stared at me with an expression that was a mixture of banked anger, challenge and something else.

My woman. At the moment, she looked like she'd either spit nails at me or disgard me. Then she reined it in and added, "Lieutenant Severide, the questions are in reference to one of our own, but keep in mind, this conversation never happened."

I perked up and gave a nod of understanding, but said nothing. No one was outside or close enough to listen, thoroughly. I looked over to one of my squad who was just inside the garage and let him know to keep others away, giving him a nod. Then, I let the beautiful Erin Lindsay and her lusting sidekick run the show.

"Has anyone ever approached you about Sergeant Voight?"

I nod "no" but at the same time I think, Shouldn't they be asking Casey this? Casey has more of a history with the infamous Sergeant Voight than I do. Then the sidekick pitches his question and understanding dawns.

"Some months ago, both you and your father were suspects in the disappearance, then murder, of your sister's rapist-"

I flinched and narrowed my eyes at the fuck. Erin moved quickly, put her hand up like she was trying to ward off my ire; she was between me and Halstead, her back facing me.

"Jay, don't-." When she gave this plea with a quick palm to his chest, I wanted to punch his ass out and rip her hand away, even if said chest was leather covered-even though she meant nothing intimate by it. "Look, let me do this," she almost whispers.

Jay stopped and looked down at her a little too long for my temper. Erin cut another dip in my patience as she turned to me, asking hurriedly, "At the time, did Voight say or do anything that could be construed as…unethical? Has anyone contacted you and asked you questions about him?"

I had to redirect and catch up. Fast. Did Voight do anything? I didn't know about that, but the man probably had a meeting of minds with my father. I'd known my father was not going to let Katie's abuser and abductor go without vengeance, and that business going away so handily made the dogged Voight look to be rather soft on us, like he'd done a favor or something.

But so the fuck what! Voight may have done some shit wrong, in the beginning, in connection to Casey, but with the way he conducted himself during and after my sister's ordeal? The guy was alright in my book. Fuck CPD and any internal investigations.

"Don't know what this is about. Don't really care, but the answer is 'no' to all of your questions. No, I haven't been approached by anyone. No, Voight didn't do anything, and no, I won't be of any help to anyone looking for dirt."

All three of us were quiet for an awkward moment. Erin and I just stared at each other because we were obviously having a whole other conversation, and Halstead? Who cared what that guy was doing?

"Thanks, Kelly." Erin broke the silence.

I knew she was on the job and would likely remember that she was supposed to be angry with me, but I went for broke. "Are you busy tonight? I'll call…" I let the rest hang in the air. On purpose. I also did this while I took her hands in mine, stopping her departure.

Erin stared down at our joined hands and directly gave me the words that thrilled me way more than they did the first time I heard them from her. In her low, smoky voice, she replied, "You never have to call."