look this was supposed to be a oneshot i dunno

lots of strong language in this one


"So I hear it only took you a hundred or so days to change your mind."

Ace glances up to see a familiar hatted silhouette perched on the opposite rail, and immediately turns his back. "I'm ignoring you!" he yells loud enough to be heard clear across the deck, but his shoulders are loose and there's a smile hanging around his mouth.

"And after I came all this way to do you a favor, loser," Sabo fake-laments, slipping off his railing perch to lean back against it. "Maybe you could ignore me quieter?"

"Then it wouldn't be a punishment, dipshit," Ace replies, approaching anyway. "And as if I need favors from you. Can you even fit through doorways with your head that big?"

Sabo's laugh is still bright and clear, for all it rings deeper now than it does in Ace's memory. "It's only as big as your ego," he bites back cheerfully. "Is that it, you just can't find a shirt big enough to fit over it?"

Ace stares at him for a moment, stymied. For all of Ace's massive vocabulary of swears and insults, he's out of practice bantering with Sabo, who's got a silver tongue at the worst of times. "Everything about you is the worst thing about you," he decides on.

"Hi!" pipes in Haruta out of absolutely nowhere, startling Ace. Sabo's laughing at him, he can tell, but he turns to include the other Commander. "Mr. Blue! It's good to see you again!"

It's Ace's turn to silently laugh at Sabo as he repeats, "Mr. Blue?"

Haruta shrugs. "Well, you wouldn't give us your name, and we can't call you Revolutionary-kun or Ace's Brother all the time, so!"

Sabo blinks, then shrugs. "I've been called worse," he says, and grins big and bright. "Nice to see you again, Haruta! I'm sorry we didn't get to speak much last time; I'm a big fan of your work."

"Oh, hardly, you're making me blush," Haruta says, one hand flapping the complement away and blush entirely non-existent.

"No, really," Sabo continues, and Ace sighs quietly in the background. "Running intelligence for a ship this size is impressive enough, but for a fleet like yours? Plus allies, of course, maintaining communication is time-consuming, but you've also got one of the slickest info networks in the Grand Line. And I hear you oversee it all yourself! It's absolutely amazing."

Well, and there's the blush. And of course Marco's rolled up in just enough time to catch the last bit, and he sighs and says, "I'd appreciate it if you stopped seducing the crew, yoi."

Sabo smiles at him, shameless, and Ace bonks him on the head just on general principles. "You staying for lunch?" he then asks, half to derail this conversation before he has to think about it, and half 'cause he's hungry.

Sabo's shaking his head and Marco asks, "Then what's up, yoi? We don't have a scheduled rendezvous for a couple more months, as I recall."

"Oh, no, it's nothing official," he waves off. "I just saw you guys in the distance. See, I was just running for my life in this general directio-hey!"

Ace is immediately in Sabo's face, running his hands across Sabo's shoulders, over his arms, down his back. "For your life? " he asks. "Are you hurt, is someone chasing you, what can we-"

Sabo brushes Ace's hands off, smiling at him. "Nothing like that," he promises, but reaches out to pat Ace condescendingly on the head anyway. "I just heard there was a Marine ship coming through, so…" he trails off with a wavy, dismissive gesture that Ace immediately and correctly interprets as 'I lost my mind, panicked, and immediately ran fast and hard in the other direction'.

Look, they'd both been liars as kids, okay, it had been important to know these things.

"And you panicked that much?" Ace asks incredulously. "For one Marine ship?"

Sabo winces like he'd forgot Ace knows his tells, then tries to play it off light. "Well," he starts, but he still can't quite meet anyone's eyes when he says, "It was the Melody. "

There's a moment where Ace processes this. "And it's coming this way?" he asks, sure that's not his voice 'cause he's certainly not that calm.

"Mmhmm. Oughtta be by in a few hours."

"Right," Ace says decisively, and Sabo moves just enough that he can hop the railing as well. "We're just gonna go…" he uses the same dismissive gesture Sabo made earlier, but at least remembers to verbally finish up with, "...uh, leave. For a while. To a place that's not here."

"Catch up for a bit, you know how it is," Sabo lies cheerfully, bracing the rope as Ace hits the deck of the dinghy. "Talking and sailing and not getting killed and stuff."

"Right," Ace agrees, moving enough to let Sabo jump down, too. "And, uh, I'd take it as a personal favor if you guys could see your way clear to, like, pretend I don't exist? Just 'til we get back."

Marco's leaning on cross arms on the rail above, even as Haruta hangs over to stare at them better. "Should I be worried?" Marco asks, sounding more amused than anything.

Both boys say "no," at the same time. Then Ace has to add, in the interest of fairness, "Unless he spots us."

"Then you can worry," Sabo agrees, coiling up the rope. "But otherwise, I'd be more concerned about yourselves; you're the big shiny target here."

"Very comforting, yoi. Thanks."

And then Ace glances at Sabo, and they both turn in unison and bow exactly the same and chorus, "You're welcome!" with matching giant grins.

"You learned manners," Sabo says quietly, the elbows him and hands off the rope. "Impressive. Now help me get this ship outta here, won't you?"

"The Melody," Ace repeats, and can't stop a shudder. "You got it. Are we aiming for any place in particular?"

"South Blue?" Sabo offers dryly. "Or West, I'm not picky."

"You're also not helpful."

"I can take you back to the Moby-"

"You are my favorite and I love you forever and please god do not make me go back there right now."


They end up drifting, just out of sight. Sabo's dinghy has a low profile and hides nicely in the waves, like it was no doubt designed to. They do talk, laying on their backs on deck and staring up at the sky until the sun starts to sink.

See, the thing is, Sabo's little boat is little. It's fast as hell and super stealthy, but it could hold maybe three people at most, and it certainly hasn't got enough food for Ace and Sabo for dinner.

So it's not long after that they're hungry and worried and Ace is starting to come up with more and more absurd situations of what could be happening back on the Moby Dick. Sabo sighs and gets up to set the ship back on course to rendezvous with the Whitebeards because watching Ace work himself into a tizzy is a lot less amusing twenty minutes in.

"I haven't seen or heard anything," Ace mentions, which they both know can be a good sign-the Melody not showing up at all-or a bad one.

"It's been like five hours," Sabo says, squinting up at the sky to set the course. "That's probably enough time, right?"


It wasn't enough time.


They sneak back on board the Moby Dick quietly and under the cover of dusk.

The deck is mostly empty, everything's relatively quiet, and the Melody is nowhere to be seen. Ace glances up from tying up the rope and asks, "Food?"

Sabo grins back. "Food." It's not hunting through forests or stealing or eating-and-running, but there's still something sweetly nostalgic about prowling around together in search of dinner.

Of course, there's no need to prowl further than the cafeteria, where dinner service is just finishing up. That's perfect, Ace knows, 'cause then they'll get all the leftovers. Sabo slips in behind him, using Ace as a block.

Thatch is chilling at his usual table, but he grins brightly when he sees Ace. "Hey, finally! Here to bat cleanup, then?"

Ace shrugs but grabs Sabo's wrist to drag him forward. Sabo stumbles just a bit, then turns it into a pretentious bow to pretend it was on purpose. Ace, at least, knows better.

"Oh, geez, not you again," Thatch immediately bemoans. "No one told me you were here, too! I did not make enough food for this!" Still, he gets up and heads towards the kitchens. "Speaking of people who aren't here, why did Haruta say we were supposed to pretend we don't know you?"

Ace glances around, looking for Marco, and happens to notice instead a horribly familiar figure. He stares, frozen, which is a bad idea because that man turns around and catches his eye and oh very shit forever.

"THERE YOU ARE, you shitty BRAT!" booms out across the room, and Ace had not missed this at all .

"That's why," he whimpers.

"Lemme go, hurry, he doesn't recognize me yet, lemme go!" Sabo hisses, squirming in his arms, and it's only then that he realizes he'd automatically glommed onto his brother like a shield.

"And that OTHER BRAT too! Don't think I don't see you there, you ungrateful child!"

Sabo makes a hilarious squeaking noise, gives up trying to get away, and just clutches Ace back as they both tremble in place.

And Monkey D. Garp comes stalking at them across the room in the full flower of his fury, scowl heavy and fist raised.

"FIST OF LOVE!" he declares, and it's actually worse than it ever was before because that's definitely Haki he's using this time. Ace knows 'cause he tries to phase through it.

"The hell, shitty old man!?" he yells from the ground, rubbing his head.

Sabo groan next to him, face down. "Please don't remember me."

Garp looms over both of them. "Like I'd forget, shitty other brat," he says, sounding honestly offended. That's right, Sabo thinks vaguely through his brand new pounding headache. Garps had called Luffy 'my brat,' Ace was just 'the brat', and Sabo'd been 'the other brat'. Collectively known as 'the brats' because Garp was creative like that. Actually, Sabo's not sure if Garp even knows his proper name.

"I did my best to raise you boys right and turn you into honest Marines! And what happens? You, Ace, end up with this bunch of rabble? How dare you! And I don't know what you've been up to, shitty other brat, but it's probably just as dumb!"

"Oh, y'know, just hanging out with your son," Sabo mumbles, but not quietly enough.

Garp goes a furious red and waves his fists at them threateningly some more. "Just like I thought, so stupid! My idiot son stole my idiot grandkid, and not even the right one!"

"Hey!" Sabo's up and yelling at him. "What do you mean, not the right one?! I'm exactly the right one, those two menaces couldn't subtle their way out of a paper bag! Besides, it's my sin to repent for so of course-ow! Shitty geezer, stoppit! Ow, ow!"

"And you! You're not better, you went out alone and found this riffraff! Division Commander, pah. You could be such a great Marine!"

"Like hell!" It's Ace's turn to blaze up. "I'd never become a shitty Marine like you! It's my life and I'll do what I want-dammit, stop!"

"THAT," Garp informs him, "was a Fist of Pride. Dammit, how dare you go be happy as a pirate?!"

And Sabo, of course, does not miss that opportunity to throw Ace to this particular wolf. "Ace is super-happy," he babbles. "Ace trusts these people and says they're family and they like him too and he only tried to kill them a few hundred times!"

"Brat!" Garp bellows in joy, and grabs Ace up into a very non-consensual hug. Garp rubs their faces together and Ace says some things that would probably be horrifying if anyone could've heard him.

Sabo uses this opportunity to duck away behind Thatch, and Ace shoves Garp's face away enough to say, "Sabo hasn't told Luffy he's not dead!"

Garp immediately drops Ace and turns to where Sabo's hiding, yelling, "Other brat!" with his fist up again.

Ace scrambles out of range, even as Sabo says, "Ace calls Whitebeard Pops!"

Garp turns back toward Ace, eyes shining again. Ace points at Sabo's new hiding spot under the table and says, "Sabo has a bounty!"

"Ace learned manners!"

"Sabo's not even a pirate, he's a dumb lying spy!"

"Ace smiles sometimes and means it!"

"Sabo was never actually dead!"

"Ace trusts people!"

"Sabo forgot us!"

Ace has gotten up and Sabo's stopped trying to hide, and Garp is standing there with his arms crossed watching the two brats go at it.

"That wasn't my-"

"Luffy cried."

"I didn't even-"

"Dadan cried. "

"You know I'd never've-"

"I cried, dammit!"

They stare at each other, and everything is quiet til Garp picks them up by the backs of their necks and bonks their heads together. "You two are causing a scene," he informs them, shaking them. "I'm starting to think Luffy is the only reasonable one."

And just like that, they both turn on him, clawing and kicking at the arms holding them off the ground.

"Like hell-"

"-'cause he's crazy like you-"

"-dumbest dumbass can't even breathe without finding trouble-"

"-most unreasonable, he likes Ace-"

"-not like you'd know-"

"-marine training, more like-"

"-meat-minded moron-"

"Ooh, nice, I like that one," Sabo mentions in an aside, and Ace nods shortly back at him. Garp heads out the door, dragging the two brats behind him.

"-absolute worst, mountain bandits-"

"-what even were you-"

"-thinking that was gonna do to him-"

"-cause it really didn't help-"

The door closes behind the three, and Thatch watches blankly. That's the last thing he really expected, but apparently Ace and his family have issues.

Not that it solves his immediate issue, which is, "But what do I do with all this food?"


There's still a few hands out on the main deck, but it's dark by now and there's still fewer than were in the cafeteria.

That's also where Whitebeard currently is.

Garp drags his flailing grandsons over towards Whitebeard's massive chair, and dumps them both at his feet. He hasn't been really listening to anything they've been saying, but they lunge at each other instantly and start scrapping, so they were probably arguing again.

"Whitebeard," he acknowledges with a short nod.

"Garp," Whitebeard returns. "I see you've found your stray."

Garp nods and steps back to avoid a leg, "Yeah, thanks. I hear my grandkid's happy here, too."

"We try," Whitebeard says. "He only tried to kill me a little bit, after all."

Garp laughs at him. "That's how Ace makes friends," he explains. "I'd be a lot more worried if he'd liked you without trying to kill you a bit first."

"I think it's 'cause-" Sabo says from his feet, and Garp casually steps lightly on the kid's hand where it's by his foot.

"Stop trying to explain me!" Ace yells in Sabo's face, and they go rolling away across the deck.

Garp and Whitebeard watch for a moment, and Whitebeard chuckles. "Ah, to be young and full of energy," he says wistfully, and Garp snorts.

"Those three have been trouble since the word 'go'," he says, even as the boys roll back in the other direction.

"I'm adopted!" Sabo informs Whitebeard as they pass.

Ace slams Sabo's face into the deck. "Shut up, I am too!"

"Doesn't matter!" Garp calls after them. "You both adopted my kid, it's all your fault!"

They probably didn't hear him 'cause that's about the time they roll straight off the deck and into the sea.

Garp sighs, blue fire lights up the dark, and Whitebeard laughs.


Marco paces the deck in front of the two wet dorks. "Look, yoi. You guys obviously have issues with each other but can we not? With the accidental death, can we just not?"

"He started it," they both mutter at exactly the same time, then glare at each other and turn away.

Marco sighs. He may be the big brother of everyone on the crew, but this? This isn't his job.

"I got this, don't worry," says a voice behind him, and then Garp the Fist, who's been haunting their ship all afternoon, steps past him and punches the two boys on the head. "You idiots!" he roars, then says, pointing to each of them in turn, "Ace, Sabo wasn't ever dead, and that's not his fault. Sabo, Ace isn't dead yet, and let's keep it that way."

"You're right," Sabo says, immediately contrite. "Of course, you're right, even if you are a shitty geezer."

Garp raises a fist again and Sabo meeps and ducks behind Ace, who glowers at Garp and throws out his arms protectively. "Hey! Don't be mean to Sabo for telling the truth!"

Garp's eye twitches, just a bit. "The...truth…?" he grinds out.

The two boys share a look and then flee.

"GET BACK HERE you shitty brats!" Garp roars, chasing after them. "I'll give you 'truth'!"

Sabo's halfway up the rigging with Ace right behind him but Ace still stops to stick out his tongue at Garp. "Don't wanna!" he yells.

Garp punches the mizzen, and it creaks dangerously as the boys try to hold on.

Marco glances at Whitebeard, who's laughing again, and then he sighs and rubs his temple.

This is really, really not his job.


Garp leaves soon enough, among shouts, screams, rather more fire than is probably safe, and surprisingly enough, badly hidden tears.

Some of those are from pain, though.

Apparently Garp had had a similar plan to Sabo's; the Melody was waiting just out of sight. Ace's usual affectionate murder attempts were bright enough to serve as flares, and the Melody sailed off again one Vice-Admiral heavier.

The boys are by the rail, watching him go. "Good riddance," Ace says, and spits over the side. It's only a tiny bit bloody. Like, a quarter blood, at very most.

"You okay?" Marco asks them.

Ace glares and says, "I hate him."

Sabo sighs. "He was going easy on us, the bastard."

Marco throws up his hands and leaves to probably go complain to Whitebeard about what his job actually even is.

There's a while of quiet. Sabo knows Ace is working himself up to say something, and Ace knows Sabo will give him enough time to get it right.

It's dark enough now that Ace can pretend not be see Sabo right beside him, and he purposefully stares off into the distance as he finally says, "I...don't really hate you, you know."

Sabo does his very best, but he still can't stop all the laughter. "Yeah, I know," he says. "You couldn't hate me even when you tried."

"Shut up! I just-it's just..."

Sabo shoulder-checks him gently. "I know, I know. And I don't hate you back, y'know."

Ace doesn't deign to move, but he doesn't turn to fire, either. "I don't hate you, even if you did disappear for years."

Sabo sighs. So they're really doing this then? Fine. "And I could never hate you, even if you do go on suicide missions to kill pirate emperors."

"Even if you made Luffy cry."

"Even though you still don't value your own life, you moron."

"Even though you gave up on our dream and you're not a pirate."

"Hey now, that's not fair," Sabo objects. "So I'm not a pirate, so what? I'm still going places and seeing amazing things and writing them all down. So it'll never be published because of all the classified info, sure, and I'm breaking at least three major rules by even having a journal. But I don't care, because one day I want you to be able to read it. So I haven't given up on my dream, Ace; don't ever say I did."

"Heh. Okay, fine. Just me, though? Not Luffy?"

Sabo snorts. "You really think he's got the patience to read through my life story?"

"Yes," Ace shoots back immediately. "Not in one sitting, and nothing else that long, but if it's your story, I don't think he'd ever give up."

"Huh. Okay. Well. Maybe?"

They lapse back into silence, watching the waves dance under the stars and just existing together for this moment.

Until the rumble of a stomach cuts through the air and reminds both boys that neither got dinner.

Sabo grins. "Race ya!"

Ace's smile is real as he gets a foot up on the rail and pushes off and up, turning in just enough time to grab Sabo's shoulders as he goes, pushing the other boy down and getting a head start.

When they slam into the dining room, panting and leaning on each other, Sabo informs Ace that he is a cheating cheater who cheats.

"Pirate," Ace points out, and staggers forward. "Hey, Thatch! Any food left?"

Thatch's distinctive pompadour pops out from the kitchen doorway. "No!" he yells. "No there isn't! I just put it all away cause you left earlier!"

"But Thaaaaaaaaatch," Ace starts, and Sabo finishes with, "we're huuuuuuungry!"

"Not my fault!" Thatch says, pointing at them. "You're the ones who're late! I feed people at mealtimes!"

"But we tried," Sabo points out. "Not our fault we were waylaid and assaulted and dragged out!"

"Yes it was!" Thatch cries. "I stood here and watched you both! It was entirely your fault!"

"But Gramps is gone now," Ace explains. "So now we can eat."

"There is a logic-shaped hole in your argument," Thatch says.

Sabo steps in and grins winningly. "But there's not a Garp-shaped hole in your wall. Don't we get points for distracting him for you?"

Ace turns to Sabo and says, "But we-" and Sabo steps heavily on Ace's foot. "Uh, yeah, I mean, points! Right?"

Sabo pokes Ace in the arm, then grabs his wrist and tugs twice. Ace grunts, tears his wrist away and throws both hands in the air. "Fine!" he says stomping away. "Geez, just wanted some food…" he mutters as he leaves.

Sabo keeps his grin in place and moves to about the halfway point of the room. They haven't had to use their old hunting signal for 'distract and sneak around behind' in a while, but he trusts Ace knows the layout of the ship well enough to get in. "C'mon," he wheedles like bait he is. "Ace had a bad day, can't I at least get him some food?"

"Ace had a bad day? Ace had a bad day?!" Thatch next to screeches. "No, you know who had a bad day? I did, I had a bad day! Cause I had Garp the Fist in for lunch and dinner, because he was apparently hanging around waiting for you two! I had to oversee two meals for a Marine and it's your fault!"

Sabo puts on a look of affronted confusion. "How is it even possibly our fault?" he demands, and Thatch is away on a monologue that should buy them plenty of time.

Sabo just has to sit there and look attentive as Thatch points out what's wrong with both him and his dumb brother. It's everything, apparently; everything's wrong with them. Sabo nods and makes soothing noises in all the right places until Ace flashes him a thumb's-up from the doorway behind Thatch.

Sabo gives it another count of ten to make sure Ace is clear, then bows real pretty and says, "Then I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience or distraction we may have caused. Please continue to treat my brother well, and thank you for your care of him."

"-sideways and-huh? Oh. Uh. Sure," Thatch says, derailed. "Ace is pretty cool, most of the time; it's our pleasure, really."

Ooh, this guy knows his manners! Sabo hides his grin, because manners make someone ever so easy to manipulate. "Then I'll stop inflicting my presence on your domain," he says formally, and drops another bow because why not? He withdraws with a tip of his hat, and then he's out the door.

"Inflicting your presence? Really?" Ace asks, falling in beside him with a massive sack over his shoulder.

"Manners cost nothing," Sabo says haughtily.

"Then stop using thousand-belli words," Ace retorts. "Picnic in the crow's nest?"

There's a thump and a screech and a massive bang behind them, and a door slams open. "ACE!" Thatch roars down the hall in a rather remarkable impression of Garp. "DAMMIT GET BACK HERE!"

Sabo sighs. "Tigers were so much less troublesome."

"Also less fun."

"True enough. Race you?"

And they share a grin, cause this it the best part of the hunt-getting away with it.


*throws up hands* i dunno, probably end?