Chapter 2

EPOV

I looked at the clock and decided it was finally time to leave for class. Not that I even needed a clock, I was always painfully aware of what time it was. Although, time didn't even matter anymore, as it never seemed to pass. Each day for the past five years had been the same. Sure I was in different places, different surroundings, but the agony I felt always remained. In fact, each day it only seemed to grow worse than the day before, even though I would swear to myself that it wasn't possible.

The only reason I was even going to start college again was for a distraction. I finally decided that five years of doing nothing but letting my misery destroy me piece by piece was becoming overwhelmingly too much to handle. If I didn't do something soon I was going to ask Alice to start looking for Bella again so I could run to her and beg her to take me back. Of course Alice knew I wanted her to do so, and she would ask me on a daily basis if she could. She missed Bella almost as much as I did. She was also tired of seeing me in the condition that I was in. I could hardly function. I withdrew from my family, only hunted when absolutely necessary, and would often disappear for months at a time to do nothing but the same thing I was already doing at home; letting my devastation have me.

It wasn't that I didn't love my family, and I hated hearing their thoughts as they worried about me constantly. I just didn't have anything left in me. I hadn't felt any emotion other than anger, guilt, misery, devastation, in five years. I had never wanted sleep more than I wanted it now. Maybe if I could sleep, I wouldn't have to go to college just to have something take up a little part of my day. Maybe if I could sleep, I could dream of Bella. And if I could be with Bella in my dreams, I would make certain that I would never wake up…

"Are you ready to go Edward?" Alice asked, diverting my attention. Alice was making sure I would actually go today and not spend another day alone in solitary grief.

"Yes Alice, I was just on my way out." I picked up my bag as proof that I was really going and she didn't have to stand there like a mother making sure her child didn't skip class.

"Are you sure you don't want any of us to go with you? Really Edward, a little moral support could be good for you if you'd just let us…"

"I'm fine Alice, don't worry. All of you just graduated with another degree and can start your jobs. It's not your fault I chose to stay at home on that round of college. Besides, we're going to have to start over again soon anyway, might as well enjoy a little life out of school for a change." I was trying hard to convince her to let me go alone. I didn't need an audience in case this plan of distraction didn't work.

You know I'm here anytime you need me Edward. Alice thought while giving me a look of concern.

"Yes I know, thank you Alice." I said answering her thoughts. This time I forced a smile as I turned and headed out the door. I had to admit it was going to be very strange attending school without my siblings. But I felt this was something I had to do alone.

Outside my Volvo was waiting for me. I hadn't driven it for quite some time after I left Forks, as Bella's scent had lingered in it as a constant painful reminder. But I realized there was no sense in driving another car because Bella's scent was something that was engraved in my memory, something that I would always smell, whether I was in my car or on the other side of the planet. And trust me, I would know, because I had been on the other side of the planet just to test this theory.

I drove to school at my usual 90 MPH pace, not thinking about anything but how wonderful this would be if Bella was by my side going to her first college class. Of course she would be clenching the seat and screaming at me to slow down and I chuckled at the memory of the first time she rode with me going this fast and how she panicked every time from then on. But my smile quickly faded as I realized Bella was probably graduated from college by this time, and I never got to see her first day. And worse than that, I'll never know what she chose to major in. I let my mind wonder about the many possibilities she could have chosen. She was a smart, intelligent girl - woman - by this point. And I soon realized that the possibilities were simply endless.

I decided to try to think about something else, anything else, so I turned on my radio and tried to drown out my thoughts. I couldn't even tell you what was playing, it could have been pure white noise for all I knew, but I just needed something to calm me down before I got to school. I wanted to appear at least somewhat normal when I decided to join the world again for the first time, and I didn't want to look like the train wreck I felt.

I turned the corner and saw the University of Alaska coming into view. I slowed the car down so that I didn't make the scene I would have, had I driven into it as fast as I had been going. The parking lot was surprisingly full and deserted considering I had taken the time to make sure I got here early so I could get a seat by myself.

As I pulled into the parking lot I saw an empty spot a few spaces down from a girl that was rummaging for something in her passenger seat. I paid little attention to her as I pulled in and turned off my vehicle. I could feel the girl looking in my direction but thought nothing of it as humans always seemed to stare at any vampire. We always attract humans, for our benefit, but attracting humans is not what I wanted. I hadn't feasted on a human in decades so I really didn't need any of the extra help my kind had to lure them in.

After feeling the girl stare at my car for longer than necessary, I could already feel the irritation building in me. This was not something I wanted to deal with today. I did not want to have to fake a polite conversation with every adolescent female that felt attracted to me. There had only been one human in my entire existence that had captured my interest as well as my heart, and there would never be another. She was it for me. And the hardest part is, I thought shaking my head, you'll never have her again.

I decided to push those thoughts away because I knew where they would lead. I would start to wonder if she had moved on; found someone new, if there was even a possibility of having her again. But of course there wasn't a possibility! I had left for a very specific reason! And that was to keep her safe! If I went to her to even see if she would take me back that would jeopardize the entire purpose! She just wasn't safe around me. I could not let my selfish desires put her in harm's way. Feeling frustrated with myself for allowing my thoughts to go there again, I got out of my car.

What happened next was enough to make my dead, cold heart beat again. I hadn't taken the time away from my misery to notice that I could not hear the girl's thoughts. And now as I stood staring at her, staring at me, I knew exactly why. I felt my entire body freeze in place, locked as though I couldn't move even if I wanted to. I had to scream in my mind a few times to stop hallucinating before accepting this as reality. Because there I was face to face with my beautiful, more astonishing than ever, Bella.