Disclaimer: Not mine.

Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.

Perseus snorted and Percy laughed. "Does anyone?" Percy asked rhetorically.

If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life. Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.

"Is it really that bad?" Aphrodite asked, sounding unusually down-to-earth about something that wasn't makeup.

Dionysus snorted. "What world do you live in? The brats drop like flies. Most don't even make it to camp. Of course it's that bad."

Poseidon looked at his son - both versions - in worry. Even though there was only four years between them, you could see the way that that short time had affected Perseus. He was less open than Percy, more careworn. He was thinner too, and the bags under his eyes spoke of nightmares to Poseidon. He hoped that the books shed light on this, and that he could help his son.

If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.

"So do we." Percy muttered and Perseus nodded in agreement.

But if you recognize yourself in these pages — if you feel something stirring inside — stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before they sense it too, and they'll come for you.

"That sounds ominous." Hermes said.

"He's obviously talking about the monsters and the fact that they'd be able to smell demigods better when they know their heritage." Athena snapped.

Don't say I didn't warn you. My name is Percy Jackson. I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.

"He's a troubled kid?" Demeter asked. "He should eat more cereal, that would straighten him out."

The rest of the room sighed, but didn't say anything.

Am I a troubled kid?

Yeah. You could say that.

"He admits it!" Apollo and Hermes yelled, then burst out laughing. They stopped pretty quickly when Artemis pointedly started to polish her bow.

I could start at any point in my short miserable life to prove it, but things really started going bad last May, when our sixth-grade class took a field trip to Manhattan — twenty-eight mental-case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus, heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.

"Short miserable life?" Poseidon asked, looking at his son.

"I think we've already gone over the whole demigods-die-young thing, dad." Percy said.

"And most demigods lives are short and miserable." Perseus added.

"It isn't all miserable. You get to visit the museum, that must be pretty interesting." Athena pointed out.

"Interesting?" Ares scoffed. "It sounds like torture."

Athena glared at him.

I know — it sounds like torture. Most Yancy field trips were. But Mr Brunner, our Latin teacher, was leading this trip, so I had hopes.

"Is that Chiron?" Athena interrupted herself to ask.

"Yep." Percy said. Perseus didn't even bother replying, just smiled slightly as he remembered his mentor and friend.

Mr Brunner was this middle-aged guy in a motorized wheelchair. He had thinning hair and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket, which always smelled like coffee. You wouldn't think he'd be cool, but he told stories and jokes and let us play games in class. He also had this awesome collection of Roman armour and weapons, so he was the only teacher whose class didn't put me to sleep.

"You sleep in class?" Athena asked coldly.

"It doesn't matter Athena." Hestia said gently. "What's done is done. Why don't you just carry on reading?"

Poseidon shot a grateful look to Hestia. She nodded slightly in response.

I hoped the trip would be okay. At least, I hoped that for once I wouldn't get in trouble.

"Not gonna happen." Hades sang under his breath. Poseidon glared at him.

Boy, was I wrong. See, bad things happen to me on field trips. Like at my fifth-grade school, when we went to the Saratoga battlefield, I had this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon. I wasn't aiming for the school bus, but of course I got expelled anyway. And before that, at my fourth-grade school, when we took a behind-the-scenes tour of the Marine World shark pool, I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and our class took an unplanned swim. And the time before that... Well, you get the idea.

Hermes and Apollo were rolling around on the floor at this. Even Ares was laughing.

"Uncle P, your kid is gold." Hermes gasped out. Poseidon smiled in acknowledgement. "If you just let me teach him-"

"Absolutely not." Poseidon cut him off.

This trip, I was determined to be good. All the way into the city, I put up with Nancy Bobofit, the freckly red-headed kleptomaniac girl, hitting my best friend, Grover, in the back of the head with chunks of peanut butter-and-ketchup sandwich.

Ares growled and everyone looked at him. "What? I don't like bullies. Just fights. And war."

Grover was an easy target. He was scrawny. He cried when he got frustrated. He must've been held back several grades, because he was the only sixth grader with acne and the start of a wispy beard on his chin. On top of all that, he was crippled. He had a note excusing him from PE for the rest of his life because he had some kind of muscular disease in his legs. He walked funny, like every step hurt him, but don't let that fool you. You should've seen him run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria.

"That's not a nice way to describe your best friend." Hestia frowned at him reprovingly.

"Never mind that, he almost blew his cover for enchiladas!" Zeus fumed. "As if not saving my daughter wasn't bad enough!"

Hera glared at him.

Anyway, Nancy Bobofit was throwing wads of sandwich that stuck in his curly brown hair, and she knew I couldn't do anything back to her because I was already on probation. The headmaster had threatened me with death-by-in-school-suspension if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly entertaining happened on this trip.

"Aww." Hermes complained. "I was looking forward to it."

'I'm going to kill her,' I mumbled. Grover tried to calm me down.

"Don't calm him down, stupid satyr, we want him to kill her." Ares fumed.

"No, we don't." Artemis snapped.

'It's okay. I like peanut butter.' He dodged another piece of Nancy's lunch.

"In your hair?" Aphrodite wrinkled her nose.

'That's it.' I started to get up, but Grover pulled me back to my seat.

'You're already on probation,' he reminded me. 'You know who'll get blamed if anything happens.'

"It'll be you, won't it?" Poseidon asked. Both versions of his son nodded.

Looking back on it, I wish I'd decked Nancy Bobofit right then and there. In-school suspension would've been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.

"Foreshadowing." Hephaestus grunted.

Mr Brunner led the museum tour. He rode up front in his wheelchair, guiding us through the big echoey galleries, past marble statues and glass cases full of really old black-and-orange pottery. It blew my mind that this stuff had survived for two thousand, three thousand years.

"Longer." Athena corrected primly.

He gathered us around a four-metre-tall stone column with a big sphinx on the top, and started telling us how it was a grave marker, a stele, for a girl about our age.

He told us about the carvings on the sides. I was trying to listen to what he had to say, because it was kind of interesting, but everybody around me was talking, and every time I told them to shut up, the other teacher chaperone, Mrs Dodds, would give me the evil eye.

"That's not very good of her." Athena frowned.

Hades was thinking that Mrs Dodds sounded kind of familiar. He turned pale when he realized that it was Alecto. I hope Poseidon doesn't kill me for this. He internally mused.

Mrs Dodds was this little maths teacher from Georgia who always wore a black leather jacket, even though she was fifty years old. She looked mean enough to ride a Harley right into your locker. She had come to Yancy halfway through the year, when our last maths teacher had a nervous breakdown. From her first day, Mrs Dodds loved Nancy Bobofit and figured I was devil spawn. She would point her crooked finger at me and say, 'Now, honey,' real sweet, and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month.

Hades internally facepalmed. I am so dead. I hope the boy isn't too badly hurt, or Poseidon will not react well - unless Percy or Perseus stands up for me. Unlikely.

One time, after she'd made me erase answers out of old maths workbooks until midnight, I told Grover I didn't think Mrs Dodds was human.

He looked at me real serious and said, 'You're absolutely right.'

"Oh come on!" Demeter sighed disgusted. "Is there a more hopeless satyr?"

Percy shrugged. "In his defence, it turned out all right in the end."

Mr Brunner kept talking about Greek funeral art. Finally, Nancy Bobofit snickered something about the naked guy on the stele, and I turned around and said, 'Will you shut up?'

It came out louder than I meant it to. The whole group laughed.

"It always comes out louder than you mean it to, cuz." Apollo grinned.

Mr Brunner stopped his story. 'Mr Jackson,' he said, 'did you have a comment?'

My face was totally red. I said, 'No, sir.' Mr Brunner pointed to one of the pictures on the stele. 'Perhaps you'll tell us what this picture represents?'

"He won't be able to get it." Dionysus muttered.

I looked at the carving, and felt a flush of relief, because I actually recognized it.

Dionysus raised an eyebrow. "I take it back."

'That's Kronos eating his kids, right?'

The eldest gods groaned. "It had to be that one." Zeus mumbled.

'Yes,' Mr Brunner said, obviously not satisfied. 'And he did this because...'

'Well...' I racked my brain to remember. 'Kronos was the king god, and —'

"GOD!" Zeus yelled.

'God?' Mr Brunner asked.

'Titan,' I corrected myself. 'And... he didn't trust his kids, who were the gods. So, um, Kronos ate them, right? But his wife hid baby Zeus, and gave Kronos a rock to eat instead. And later, when Zeus grew up, he tricked his dad, Kronos, into barfing up his brothers and sisters —'

"Eeew!" Aphrodite shuddered.

'Eeew!' said one of the girls behind me.

'— and so there was this big fight between the gods and the Titans,' I continued, 'and the gods won.'

Ares laughed. "He just summed up the biggest war in history with a single sentence. Not bad, kid."

"That isn't a good thing, Ares." Athena protested.

Some snickers from the group. Behind me, Nancy Bobofit mumbled to a friend, 'Like we're going to use this in real life. Like it's going to say on our job applications, "Please explain why Kronos ate his kids".'

"It does for demigods." Apollo said sombrely.

'And why, Mr Jackson,' Brunner said, 'to paraphrase Miss Bobofit's excellent question, does this matter in real life?'

"Busted." Hermes noted.

'Busted,' Grover muttered.

'Shut up,' Nancy hissed, her face even brighter red than her hair. At least Nancy got in trouble, too. Mr Brunner was the only one who ever caught her saying anything wrong. He had radar ears.

"Horse ears, more like." Dionysus scowled. "Cheater."

I thought about his question, and shrugged. 'I don't know, sir.'

"Because you're a demigod." Zeus said bluntly. "Now hurry up and find my master bolt already."

"Relax, brother." Poseidon said. "This has to be important, or it wouldn't have been written down. Besides, you do realize that even though he'll find it in the book, you won't get it back until he finds it in real life, right?"

Zeus nodded, but his mildly guilty posture meant that no-one believed him. No-one said anything.

'I see.' Mr Brunner looked disappointed. 'Well, half credit, Mr Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine, which made him disgorge his other five children, who, of course, being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan's stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe, and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld. On that happy note, it's time for lunch. Mrs Dodds, would you lead us back outside?'

"How is that a happy note?" Aphrodite questioned. "It's horrible."

Perseus shuddered at the mention of that place. Poseidon frowned in thought before a horrible possibility occurred to him. He glanced at Athena, who nodded. Perseus had been to Tartarus. Poseidon resolved not to speak of it for now, as he could have announced it with the rest of his titles if he wanted everyone to know. He obviously didn't. He could speak with Perseus later, in private where no-one could overhear.

The class drifted off, the girls holding their stomachs, the guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses. Grover and I were about to follow when Mr Brunner said, 'Mr Jackson.'

I knew that was coming. I told Grover to keep going. Then I turned towards Mr Brunner. 'Sir?'

Mr Brunner had this look that wouldn't let you go — intense brown eyes that could've been a thousand years old and had seen everything.

"Three thousand." Artemis said.

'You must learn the answer to my question,' Mr Brunner told me.

'About the Titans?'

'About real life. And how your studies apply to it.'

'Oh.'

"Why do I get the feeling that that is a typical Percy Jackson answer?" Athena sighed.

"It is." Percy said.

'What you learn from me,' he said, 'is vitally important. I expect you to treat it as such. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson.'

"Good, because he'll need it." Hephaestus said. Everyone looked at him. "What? I have emotions too."

I wanted to get angry, this guy pushed me so hard. I mean, sure, it was kind of cool on tournament days, when he dressed up in a suit of Roman armour and shouted: 'What ho!' and challenged us, sword-point against chalk, to run to the board and name every Greek and Roman person who had ever lived, and their mother, and what god they worshipped.

"Does he really? That sounds fun." Athena said.

"Fun?" Hermes questioned. "That is not fun, Athena. That is really not fun."

But Mr Brunner expected me to be as good as everybody else, despite the fact I have dyslexia and attention deficit disorder and I had never made above a C- in my life. No — he didn't expect me to be as good; he expected me to be better. And I just couldn't learn all those names and facts, much less spell them correctly.

"My children have the same spelling problem." Athena admitted. "But that isn't an excuse for not learning the names and facts!"

I mumbled something about trying harder, while Mr Brunner took one long sad look at the stele, like he'd been at this girl's funeral. He told me to go outside and eat my lunch.

The class gathered on the front steps of the museum, where we could watch the foot traffic along Fifth Avenue. Overhead, a huge storm was brewing, with clouds blacker than I'd ever seen over the city. I figured maybe it was global warming or something, because the weather all across New York state had been weird since Christmas. We'd had massive snow storms, flooding, wildfires from lightning strikes. I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a hurricane blowing in. Nobody else seemed to notice.

"Gotta love the mist." Hermes said.

Some of the guys were pelting pigeons with Lunchables crackers. Nancy Bobofit was trying to pickpocket something from a lady's bag, and, of course, Mrs Dodds wasn't seeing a thing.

"Definitely not one of mine!" Hermes protested. "She was seen. None of my children would be that sloppy, trained or not."

Hades rolled his eyes. Of course.

Grover and I sat on the edge of the fountain, away from the others. We thought that maybe if we did that, everybody wouldn't know we were from that school — the school for loser freaks who couldn't make it elsewhere.

"You are not loser freaks." Poseidon growled protectively.

'Detention?' Grover asked.

'Nah,' I said. 'Not from Brunner. I just wish he'd lay off me sometimes. I mean — I'm not a genius.'

Athena sniffed, but chose not to comment.

Grover didn't say anything for a while. Then, when I thought he was going to give me some deep philosophical comment to make me feel better, he said, 'Can I have your apple?'

They were all laughing again.

I didn't have much of an appetite, so I let him take it.

I watched the stream of cabs going down Fifth Avenue, and thought about my mom's apartment, only a little ways uptown from where we sat. I hadn't seen her since Christmas. I wanted so bad to jump in a taxi and head home. She'd hug me and be glad to see me, but she'd be disappointed, too. She'd send me right back to Yancy, remind me that I had to try harder, even if this was my sixth school in six years and I was probably going to be kicked out again. I wouldn't be able to stand that sad look she'd give me.

"Mama's boy." Ares grunted. Hera glared again.

"What exactly is wrong with that?" She demanded.

"Nothing!" Ares said quickly. "Nothing at all!" Everyone stared at Hera.

"Are you feeling all right?" Aphrodite asked.

"I'm fine, why?" Hera said. "Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Because you just defended a demigod." Demeter said. "You never do that."

"At least he cares about his family." Hera sniffed. The whole room collectively went 'ahh' in understanding.

Mr Brunner parked his wheelchair at the base of the handicapped ramp. He ate celery while he read a paperback novel. A red umbrella stuck up from the back of his chair, making it look like a motorized café table.

Hephaestus pulled up a notepad and started jotting stuff down.

I was about to unwrap my sandwich when Nancy Bobofit appeared in front of me with her ugly friends — I guess she'd gotten tired of stealing from the tourists — and dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover's lap.

Hestia frowned. "How rude."

"Don't worry, I doubt Percy will stand for it." Poseidon said, glancing at the two versions of his son, both of whom were glaring into the distance, obviously annoyed.

'Oops.' She grinned at me with her crooked teeth. Her freckles were orange, as if somebody had spray-painted her face with liquid Cheetos.

"Gross." Aphrodite whimpered.

I tried to stay cool. The school counsellor had told me a million times, 'Count to ten, get control of your temper.'

"If your temper is anything to go by, Uncle, that isn't going to work." Apollo grinned.

But I was so mad my mind went blank. A wave roared in my ears.

I don't remember touching her, but the next thing I knew, Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain, screaming, 'Percy pushed me!'

"Awesome!" Hermes and Apollo grinned.

"Not if Mrs Dodds is a monster it isn't." Artemis cut them off.

"Crap." They chorused simultaneously.

Mrs Dodds materialized next to us.

Some of the kids were whispering:

'Did you see —'

'— the water —'

'— like it grabbed her —'

"He's quite strong, for someone with no training. He'll probably be incredibly powerful when he is grown." Zeus noted blankly. Poseidon stared at him with suspicion.

"You're not going to try to kill him, are you?" He asked warily.

Zeus looked at him and sighed. "No, just wondering if he's that powerful because he's the prophecy child." Poseidon accepted the explanation but didn't stop thinking about Zeus's odd behaviour.

I didn't know what they were talking about. All I knew was that I was in trouble again.

As soon as Mrs Dodds was sure poor little Nancy was okay, promising to get her a new shirt at the museum gift shop, etc., etc., Mrs Dodds turned on me. There was a triumphant fire in her eyes, as if I'd done something she'd been waiting for all semester.

"You probably did do something she'd been waiting for." Poseidon sighed mournfully, worried about his son. He knew that he survived the encounter, but that didn't mean he worried any less.

'Now, honey —'

'I know,' I grumbled. 'A month erasing textbooks.'

"NO!" Hermes yelled. "Don't say that!"

That wasn't the right thing to say.

"No kidding." Hermes grumbled.

'Come with me,' Mrs Dodds said.

"Don't." Athena and Poseidon both said instantly. They blushed and looked away from each other in embarrassment. Aphrodite squealed internally, not willing to risk he consequences should she reveal her belief that the two would make a great couple to the couple in question. She liked her head just where it is, thank you very much.

'Wait!' Grover yelped. 'It was me. I pushed her.'

Dionysus started in surprise. "You know, maybe that satyr is braver - and stupider - than I thought."

I stared at him, stunned. I couldn't believe he was trying to cover for me. Mrs Dodds scared Grover to death.

"He should be scared." Hades grumbled.

"Why is that, brother?" Poseidon asked.

"Just read, and try to remember hat it hasn't happened yet."

She glared at him so hard his whiskery chin trembled. 'I don't think so, Mr Underwood,' she said.

'But —'

'You — will— stay — here.'

Grover looked at me desperately.

'It's okay, man,' I told him. 'Thanks for trying.'

'Honey,' Mrs Dodds barked at me. 'Now.'

Nancy Bobofit smirked. I gave her my deluxe I'll-kill-you-later stare. I then turned to face Mrs Dodds, but she wasn't there.

"Deluxe I'll kill you later stare?" Ares asked. Percy demonstrated and Ares paled.

"Are you alright Ares, you don't look well." Apollo smirked. Ares started glaring.

She was standing at the museum entrance, way at the top of the steps, gesturing impatiently at me to come on.

"She's a monster, isn't she?" Poseidon asked his son. Percy nodded and looked at his feet. "Which one?"

"Um, does it matter right now?" Percy asked sheepishly as he refused to meet his fathers gaze. Poseidon turned to Perseus instead.

"It's not a nice monster. I'll let the book explain, just try to remember that I'm fine, okay?" Perseus answered evasively and looked at Athena to continue reading.

How'd she get there so fast? I have moments like that a lot, when my brain falls asleep or something, and the next thing I know I've missed something, as if a puzzle piece fell out of the universe and left me staring at the blank place behind it.

The school counsellor told me this was part of the ADHD, my brain misinterpreting things.

"You wish, punk." Ares commented dryly.

I wasn't so sure.

I went after Mrs Dodds.

"Bad idea, young hero." Hestia softly interjected from beside the hearth.

Halfway up the steps, I glanced back at Grover. He was looking pale, cutting his eyes between me and Mr Brunner, like he wanted Mr Brunner to notice what was going on, but Mr Brunner was absorbed in his novel.

"I will kill him." Poseidon said flatly.

"Relax dad, it hasn't happened yet." Percy pointed out.

I looked back up.

Mrs Dodds had disappeared again.

She was now inside the building, at the end of the entrance hall.

Okay, I thought. She's going to make me buy a new shirt for Nancy at the gift shop.

"Nope." Dionysus said.

"Dionysus, shut up!" Poseidon commanded. His knuckles were white as he gripped the arms of his throne.

But apparently that wasn't the plan.

I followed her deeper into the museum.

"Tactically a bad idea." Athena said before shutting up when faced with Poseidon's glare.

When I finally caught up to her, we were back in the Greek and Roman section.

Except for us, the gallery was empty.

Mrs Dodds stood with her arms crossed in front of a big marble frieze of the Greek gods.

She was making this weird noise in her throat, like growling. Even without the noise, I would've been nervous. It's weird being alone with a teacher, especially Mrs Dodds. Something about the way she looked at the frieze, as if she wanted to pulverize it...

"She does." Hestia whispered mournfully.

'You've been giving us problems, honey,' she said.

I did the safe thing. I said, 'Yes, ma'am.'

"Safe thing." Percy snorted. "Annabeth would be shocked."

"Yes, she would." Perseus agreed wistfully.

"Annabeth Chase?" Athena asked.

"Yep." Percy replied. At Athena's questioning look, he gave more detail. "She's a friend of mine." Athena looked unconvinced, but didn't press the issue.

She tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket. 'Did you really think you would get away with it?'

"Get away with what?" Dionysus asked.

"Well, seeing as Zeus master bolt and Hades helm of darkness has been stolen, the logical conclusion would be that whatever she is, she was sent by either Hades or Zeus to retrieve the helm and the bolt, respectively." Athena explained.

The look in her eyes was beyond mad. It was evil. She's a teacher, I thought nervously. It's not like she's going to hurt me.

Artemis shook her head sadly. If only.

I said, 'I'll — I'll try harder, ma'am.' Thunder shook the building.

'We are not fools, Percy Jackson,' Mrs Dodds said. 'It was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain.'

"Not reassuring." Poseidon said dully.

I didn't know what she was talking about. All I could think of was that the teachers must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room.

Hermes and Apollo began to chuckle.

Or maybe they'd realized I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.

"There is nothing wrong with reading the book." Athena glared at the hero.

"I've read it now, Annabeth made me." Percy defended himself.

Athena's glare softened slightly. "Well, that's something I suppose." She admitted.

'Well?' she demanded.

'Ma'am, I don't...'

'Your time is up,' she hissed.

Then the weirdest thing happened. Her eyes began to glow like barbecue coals. Her fingers stretched, turning into talons. Her jacket melted into large, leathery wings. She wasn't human. She was a shrivelled hag with bat wings and claws and a mouth full of yellow fangs, and she was about to slice me to ribbons.

"A FURY!" Poseidon lunged for Hades before anyone could hold him back, but before he could try to punch the lights out of his brother, both versions of Percy stepped in front of Hades.

"Dad, no, he had good reason." Percy said. Poseidon stopped dead.

"Good reason! He sent a fury after you!" He fumed. He glared at Hades, who despite himself cowered a little.

"He thought I stole his helm." Percy defended.

"And besides, he's my friend in the future." Perseus added. Dead silence followed that revelation. Percy broke it first.

"I'm on okay terms with Hades, but I wouldn't say we're friends. How did that happen?"

Perseus shrugged. "He's not so bad when he doesn't think you've stolen his master bolt or are an upstart demigod."

"Hah." Percy snorted in amusement. "He really didn't like me for that did he?"

"Nope." Perseus agreed. "But it wasn't my fault I was older!"

The rest of the room looked on in bemusement. Poseidon sat back down, sighing at the mystery that was his son. Hades looked at Perseus and wondered what the boy did to get on his good side. Athena continued reading.

Then things got even stranger. Mr Brunner, who'd been out in front of the museum a minute before, wheeled his chair into the doorway of the gallery, holding a pen in his hand.

"The phrase 'the pen is mightier than the sword' can be taken too literally you know, Chiron." Ares snorted.

'What ho, Percy!' he shouted, and tossed the pen through the air.

Mrs Dodds lunged at me. With a yelp, I dodged and felt talons slash the air next to my ear.

I snatched the ballpoint pen out of the air, but when it hit my hand, it wasn't a pen any more. It was a sword — Mr Brunner's bronze sword, which he always used on tournament day.

"Chiron used Anaklusmos in class?" Poseidon asked shocked.

Mrs Dodds spun towards me with a murderous look in her eyes. My knees were jelly. My hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped the sword.

She snarled, 'Die, honey!' And she flew straight at me.

"The brat's as good as dead." Dionysus muttered only to be soaked to the skin with seawater.

Absolute terror ran through my body. I did the only thing that came naturally: I swung the sword.

"Naturally." Ares deadpanned. "Is he a legacy of mine?"

"You wish." Poseidon glared.

The metal blade hit her shoulder and passed clean through her body as if she were made of water.

Hisss! Mrs Dodds was a sand castle in a power fan. She exploded into yellow powder, vaporized on the spot, leaving nothing but the smell of sulphur and a dying screech and a chill of evil in the air, as if those two glowing red eyes were still watching me.

"He actually killed it." Artemis sounded stunned. "That thing has killed several of my best hunters and a boy with no training killed it in one stroke."

"Or maybe you're not as good as you think you are." Apollo grinned before cowering beneath her glare.

I was alone.

There was a ballpoint pen in my hand.

Mr Brunner wasn't there. Nobody was there but me. My hands were still trembling. My lunch must've been contaminated with magic mushrooms or something.

"Oh no. The mist." Hermes said.

"That's not good." Athena gulped.

"Why not?" Demeter asked.

"Because now his enemies are prepared for him, but he can't prepare for them." Ares said.

Everyone stared.

"What? It's tactics. A part of War."

Everyone looked away.

Had I imagined the whole thing?

I went back outside. It had started to rain.

Grover was sitting by the fountain, a museum map tented over his head.

Nancy Bobofit was still standing there, soaked from her swim in the fountain, grumbling to her ugly friends. When she saw me, she said, 'I hope Mrs Kerr whipped your butt.'

"Who?" Poseidon asked, still recovering from the heart attack his son's near death experience brought on.

I said, 'Who?'

'Our teacher. Duh!'

I blinked. We had no teacher named Mrs Kerr.

"Yes, you do. As far as your classmates know, your teacher has always been Mrs Kerr. Try to keep up." Dionysus moaned.

I asked Nancy what she was talking about. She just rolled her eyes and turned away.

I asked Grover where Mrs Dodds was.

"He's not going to be able to fool Percy." Hermes grinned. "Maybe he'll figure it out."

He said, 'Who?' But he paused first, and he wouldn't look at me, so I thought he was messing with me.

"Told ya." Hermes grinned.

"No-one said otherwise." Hera pointed out.

"It's the principle of the thing." Hermes shrugged.

'Not funny, man,' I told him. 'This is serious.' Thunder boomed overhead.

"Drama queen." Poseidon and Hades muttered.

I saw Mr Brunner sitting under his red umbrella, reading his book, as if he'd never moved. I went over to him. He looked up, a little distracted.

'Ah, that would be my pen. Please bring your own writing utensil in the future, Mr Jackson.'

"He's a good liar." Hermes noted.

"I know." Dionysus grunted sourly. "He uses it to beat me at Pinochle."

I handed it over. I hadn't even realized I was still holding it.

'Sir,' I said, 'where's Mrs Dodds?'

He stared at me blankly. 'Who?'

'The other chaperone. Mrs Dodds. The maths teacher.' He frowned and sat forward, looking mildly concerned.

'Percy, there is no Mrs Dodds on this trip. As far as I know, there has never been a Mrs Dodds at Yancy Academy. Are you feeling all right?'

"He's going to make Percy think he's insane." Poseidon said displeased. "I've got to have a talk with him about how he handles these situations."

"No-one messes with my satyrs but me!" Dionysus yelled.

"I was talking about Chiron." Poseidon pointed out. "The fact that the satyr can't lie worth a damn actually benefits my son in this situation."

"Oh, that's fine then." Dionysus went back to reading his wine magazine.

"Can I read next?" Demeter asked.

Athena passed the book over.

"Three old ladies knit the socks of death." She read.

So, over 5,500 words! Admittedly, three thousand of these are Rick's, but the rest are mine!

Till next time, Shib. :)