Hal
I look at you and for a moment there is nothing. You were such a disappointment back then but here you are, still working, still trying to impress someone. It's a shame really as I wanted so much for you but I built my expectations up too high and you just weren't good enough. You couldn't do anything right then and even now looking at you, so proud of your little plan, I feel embarrassed for you. Truly, have you really thought this through properly? Do you really think people are going to be proud of this rubbish you believe will, finally, make you a history maker? Something will go wrong because it's you.
I used to imagine having a right hand man that was just perfect; confident, strong and of course almost as bloodthirsty as me. I thought I had found that in you. You were going to be a much better companion than everyone else I had tried in the past. You were going to be glorious, standing by my side; my very own history maker. But you were never able to get out of my shadow, never able to get past that pathetic idea that you were normal, human. That's why I did what I did. Not because I was evil or that I hated you. I was helping you. You needed to get past being human and embrace your new majesty. But I guess I left before I could push you to become anything special.
I feel the change between us as I walk in. You are the one pulling the strings now but you don't seem to realise just how much I've changed. You still seem scared of me and it's pitiful. Have you seen me? 55 years without blood has been wonderful for my conscience but for my appearance! I know I don't look like the Lord Hal I used to be.
I think back to what I did to you and I am ashamed. I ruined your life, I know and I'm sorry but the man I was before didn't care about that. I have been so many people, Cutler, you should understand that but you don't. All you see is a chance to prove yourself again but I really don't care. The man I was when you knew me may have been mildly impressed by how well you have managed on your own and how well you have done for yourself but this version of me just isn't. I'm only interested in what you're doing so I can try to protect my friends.
And they are my friends, they're my family. They are everything you always wanted to be to me. I know you wanted to be my son, that in your head you got it twisted that I would be like a father to you. In no way has time changed my thoughts on that though. I am never going to be a father figure to anyone, although I do feel as if I may have gained a brother but that person most definitely isn't you.
You are all the things that I'm trying not to be. How could I let you back into my life again when I know you would just drag me back to the thing I used to be? I wish I could help you, I really do. If only for the time we spent together and the few good memories that there were. But I've found my place in the world now and I have a family that I know will protect me and look after me just as much as I will for them.
I am finally without blood, without vampires and without violence. My days are full of routine, friendship and love. I'm living my life with a ghost, a werewolf and a baby and strangely I've found my happiness.
