It's been a little over a week since Phil preformed his love song in front of the class, and since then, many other students have preformed theirs as well. I, on the other hand, haven't got a clue of what my song will even be based around. I know I should start brainstorming some idea, but my minds been on other things.
I've been paying more and more attention to Phil lately, and all the little details about him. Like how his brow furrows ever so slightly and his lips pout when he is unsure about something. Or how his eyes flutter closed when music is being played, fully becoming a part of it. It scares me how much I admire Phil. I want so badly to talk to him, to get to know him. I have no idea what colour his walls are, or what his favourite childhood memory is, or his views on anything and everything. There is so much to learn about Phil, and it's almost endearing.
I turn my music up a bit when I enter the main foyer of school, blocking out the obnoxious noises that include gossip, shoes squeaking on tile, and metal locker doors being slammed shut. I notice Phil, out of the corner of my eye, sitting against some lockers. I'm surprised to see him without headphones in. For his eyes were fluttered shut, as if he was listening to music. I can't imagine how the horrific sounds of school could be listened to for extended amounts of time. I work my way through the crowd towards him, leaning up against the locker beside him and sliding down it till I was sitting. He turned his head to look at me, our faces closer than I had expected. My breathing hitched as I focused on his eyes. I hadn't seen them up close for a while and they still manage to captivate me, I don't think they'll ever fail at doing that. The silver-blue-purple colour I missed so much was now staring back at me.
"C-can I help you?" Phil stutters, his face growing increasingly darker. I can feel my face heating up as well as I try to formulate words.
"I-um… I was wondering if.." I pause, not knowing how I should word it. The term 'hanging out' makes me cringe, but 'chilling' isn't much better. It was so much easier in younger years where the only term was 'play', I suddenly become aware of the fact that I'm just sitting there, my unfinished sentence lingering in the air, "If you wanted to… meet up sometime, you know, to chat." I finish. His eyes become very big and he bites his lip, looking down.
"I'm sorry but… no" He replies as he gets up quickly and walks away, easily flowing through the crowd of people.
I sit there, stunned, for a moment. Trying to decipher the sudden events that have just unrolled.
No? Why wouldn't he want to? Was it something I had said? I feel incredibly rejected right now. I feel stood up, even though no plans had been made. Maybe he just doesn't like me. But there has to be some reason, right? I'll have to ask him during music.
It was very hard to focus in any of my morning classes, all I could think about was how Phil denied my invitation. He could have at least had some decency to give my a reason as to why he doesn't want to. If I said I wasn't upset right now I'd be lying, he was extremely rude to me earlier for no reason! Thankfully, the bell for 4th period rang and I was almost at music. As soon as I sat down at my seat, I started to write a note to Phil.
I at least deserve a reason as to why you don't want to hang out.
I stretch my arm out and place the note on the corner of his desk, crossing my fingers, and he ignores it! Completely acts as if it wasn't even there! I know that it's able to be seen from his peripheral vision, so why wont he at least read it? I feel even more offended then I had before. Maybe… maybe he's waiting till after class so he wont get caught. Yeah, that makes sense. I convince my self that this is, in fact, the case.
I add more lyrics to my page as I tap my foot along to the beat of my music, trying to keep my mind off of Phil, but failing miserably. All my lyrics were these stupid cliche ones about unrequited love and crap. I feel stupid, I should be able to let this go. I'm acting like an idiot, yet I can't seem to get past any of it. I understand that I'm not popular or anything, but neither is Phil. He's just here, trying to get through the day. I feel as though having someone to do that with would make it a lot more enjoyable, but I guess he feels differently.
I jolt out of my thoughts as the bell rings for next period. I pack up my supplies while keeping an eye on Phil. I watch him as he packs up his bag and makes his way to the front of the class, my note slightly crumpled in his right hand. I watch as he,right before walking out the door, drops my note into the garbage. I feel my heart drop, and my recent hopes of him answering it later get pushed out of my mind. I angrily shove my notebook into my bag and make my way to my next class, forget about him, jerk.
I sigh as I sling my bag over my shoulder, ready to walk home. I shove my headphones in my ears as soon as I leave class, wanting to avoid noise as much as possible. I accidentally bump into someone on my way to the side door, they mumble something about watching where I walk, but I can't be bothered to care.
I fix my shoes that have since become undone as soon as I leave the building. As I look up from my kneeling position, I find Phil walking towards the forest that is located at the top corner of our field. It's completely blocked off and leads nowhere, why would he be heading up there? I feel my curiosity get the best of me as I head in the same direction. Trying hard to ignore the fact that one shoe was tighter than the other.
I feel as though Phil has a secret, and it's bugging me, to say the least. I shouldn't be so nosy -and I normally wouldn't be- but he offended me for -as far as I know- no reason at all. I want answers, and I'm sure as hell going to get them.
