I can't feel my limbs. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if they were spent. Speaking of limbs…what's a guy's hand doing on my boob? Aaaand what's with feeling so cold? Did I leave the window open or something? Nope…It's closed. This isn't even my room. (I never suggest taking men to my house…to risqué.) Talk about rich! It's huge. Quite a simple room, with a bed (ahem), a few huge windows ...and no clutter. What kind of man doesn't have a mess in his room? From all the men I have been with, all of them somehow had a mess, from the dirty laundry, to porn books. It kind of makes me think whether this guys a clean freak. Nahhh…My clothes wouldn't be so scattered about and torn up. Wait a minute – why are they torn up? They are all somehow cut into pieces. Did I fish myself a knife wielding husky? Talking about hunky men… I noticed that he has one hell of an iron grip. Trying to pry his hand away might cause my boob to deflate. We don't want that now, do we? Looking at my body, it was full of bruises… which sum up the reason that I got myself a psychopath. Tch - all in a day's work. Ah yes, my breasts, so utterly huge and round. You don't get blessed with 'em around here. I just happened to continue with our family genes. They're an awful lot, you know? Maintenance and stuff. You have to buy huge bras, and you had to buy dresses according to your boobs. It is hard around here to buy a dress which can hold these babies so I have to tailor-make mostly all the dresses. It's also due to my assets that I was introduced to this profession. I'm a thief - a sexy thief (wink). It goes something like this: I usually go in bars and such, wearing very flattering dresses, find a guy, get him drunk, knock him out and steal his money. If the guy is hot then I'll give them the time of their lives. Easy, right? Leading such an easy life, leeching money from idiots…

Back to Mr. Psycho here. Dammit, his other hand is coiled around my waist. It will be a tough job to wiggle out, but I need to do it without him waking up. Okay Plan A: Pry Fingers. I'll just gently take hold of his index finger and pull away. Hmm – his fingers seem to be glued to my skin. Let's scratch that plan and onto Plan B: Wiggle. Did he just growl? Dear lord. Plan C? Um…I don't think that tickling would result in my freedom. Needless to say, these futile attempts at removing myself from his arms resulted in a bone crushing grip, so I gave up. Time to inspect him. Such a funny tattoo on his left shoulder. It looks like a Pisces thing. Maybe he was born in March? Look at that flawless skin. My skin colour looked very dark compared to his. Damn he's got biceps all right! Which explains the vice grip on my boob and not to mention that on my waist. Sigh, I have nothing else to do except wait. After what seemed like an age (which between you and me was only two minutes) he finally shifted, raising his head from the crook of my neck. Silky black hair fell around his head. Not many guys can sport that look and still look hot. About time Sir. I would have you know that I haven't got all day to waste now that I spent the night with you. This would be a grand opportunity to examine his face. He groaned (gosh he might qualify for round 4 if you know what I mean) and finally removed his hand from my molested breast and rubbed his face. I covered my babies with my hands, not knowing what else I should do. Truly a work of art I am. I need to grab his attention – maybe coughing might work? His eyes were…red? Talk about blood shot. We stared at each other. That seems to be the best choice at the moment. I blinked and decided to break the ice.

"Hi!" I sound so damn cheery in the morning. Maybe moving my fingers in a mini wave while still trying to cover my chest up wasn't such a smooth idea, Mara-chan. It looked like a centipede toppled over and is trying to haul itself up again. Did I mention I was a master of awkward introductions? Ah, this good ol' charmer can weed her way into the most extraordinarily awkward of situations, one of which you are experiencing with me. Oh, that seemed to have caught his attention. He shifted his gaze from my face and he frowned. Was my body that crude for guys? I'll have you know, Sir, that I have a track record to upkeep, with reviews from men stating that they had a 'whale of a time' and 'wouldn't mind another go at it'. Well, imagine them slurring it. He shifted himself up and sat on the edge of the bed, I immediately grabbed some of the bed sheets and covered my body. It was a stupid reaction on his part. I would have been overjoyed to have been graced by my presence in the morning. Well, in this case maybe that's just me. I heard the bed groan as if it was relieved from some of the weight. Of course, it was Mr. Psychopath up and stretching. He must train - I mean, look at his back! Oh, of course you can't. You're just a figment of my imagination. I can't describe the implosion my ovaries incurred as I devoured his back. Well, it was a scrumptious sight. Gives me all the more reasons to jump him right here, right now. He yawned and walked away, kicking stray clothes out of his way. He rubbed his head and opened a door - a sink was visible. So he was going to leave me here? Or maybe he was asking me to go in with him? …Kinky… He slammed the door close. I see. He thinks that I can show my way out huh.

Fine. So be it. I'll just get up from bed and look around the room for my clothes, or what's left of them. I only found my shorts and shirt. They were totally fucked up, but still wearable. Like me. Hehe get it? I'm sorry, I shouldn't attempt at humor. I found my panties curled up under his bed. At least those were whole. I pulled them up my legs. Onwards to my bra! I'm totally into searching for my bra - like this is the most fun a woman can have. Looking for garments and trying to find excuses as to how one might reduce the knowing stares and jibes as one walks out of the house. Truly the most joyful event of a females' life. Suddenly, a door opened slowly. It was like a scene from a movie I saw last week... Out from the steam emerged this Adonis. He had a towel draped around his waist. Don't stare as if you've never seen a man before you coot. Continue with your search. FInally my bra decided to make its appearance underneath the pillows. My left bra string was cut. Fuck. I looked back at him trying not to eyeball him again. He crossed his arms and leaned in the doorframe with a smirk grazing his lips. He must think he's God's gift to women, yuck. This went on a for a few more seconds before he shrugged as if we ever had a conversation (well of course we did. It was a surreal mind thing that happens when two soul mates look at each other for the first time) and turned to his humongous wardrobe. A silver plate caught my eyes. It had the Konoha emblem on it. Shit. He's a ninja and what looks like an ANBU cop too, considering that half his wardrobe was filled with the typical garb. Mind you, my knowledge on ninjas is an extensive one, specifically since this town is filled with them like pests I caught myself an ANBU. Wop-de-fricken- doo. ANBU are the worst - they're snobbish and arrogant, and because of that they tend to be the ones who are bad at sex. Thank the heavens I can't remember shit from last night. He grabbed some jounin garb. The shirt had a familiar fan on the back. I went on with putting on my clothes, well, what's left to them anyway. When I was ready I turned back round to find him wearing some boxers. Somebody must be happy with their body. This is not how it's supposed to go! I should have already been at home with his money! Ugh, well we both have to face one another so might as well skip all the bull crap and get straight to business.

"I'm Yamato Mara."

"Uchiha Itachi."

I got myself an Uchiha ey? That explains the fan but the blood shot eyes - do they all have those? Maybe it's because of their work ethic I don't know. This should go down in my record book too. Silence filled the room. I fidgeted under his stare. He sure made one hell of a good ANBU cop with just that stare. If I were an enemy I would be like: "Dude, you win." Well that's why I'm not a ninja. Two questions fogged through my mind. Did we have sex? Did we have…protective sex? I mean we could have just undressed and left it at that – I had a couple of men who just slept before anything happened which I'm not really complaining too much about because it saved me the time to try and sneak out safely. Ugh, look at this man - no, boy. I shall call him a boy so that he would be reduced to a lower status in my mind and yours. Well look at this boy trying to flex his biceps at me. Who does he think he- oh wow, that was a nice one. "Listen, um…about last night. I um…" Cat got my tongue? Nope, his hotness did (BAM that was a good one). "I think I should go." I blurted out. God I'm chicken. Here I am making a living from looking like a total sleaze just to steal some money and I couldn't sound the least bit like whatever I was last night. Oh lord my head. I should take a moment and take deep breathes. Let us belittle the enemy: he is a very calm boy, with a good poker face, at peek physique, with the best paying job apart from being Hokage. Oh damn this boy has it all for him.

"You should." I'm sorry, what? How dare he blatantly get down to business as I was trying to do so myself? He should have answered with: 'Oh don't worry darlin', would you like some honey nut cereal?' He was one ice block. Sarcasm in the morning is priceless. Was this a game to him? I fiddled with my fingers. It's a habit I'm trying to remove, I don't want my enemy to know of my anxiousness. Well I do it when I'm not anxious so I really don't know why it would be a quirk specifically for nervousness. Last time I heard some girl down at the beauty parlour say that her friend's cousin's uncle's third cousin thrice removed grandmother used to flap her arms up and down like chickens would do whenever she got nervous. It was how she met her husband. This girl said that that grandma flapped her arms so hard that she punched him in the nose. Well she broke his nose and nursed him back to health. How romantic is that? Suddenly a hand shot and grabbed my chin. Oh dear, now he wants to touch me? He twisted my face to the left and inspected my neck. I saw bite marks on his collar. Ah, my signature bite marks, at least I had some sense to put those down huh? I saw some battle scars (I am assuming here – he could have gotten into an accident when he was young that involved a rhinoceros and a bag of cold peas) travel down his neck, connecting with one of my hickies. He still was looking coldly at me. He's like a marble statue; pretty but lifeless and cold. He makes for a good ninja I guess. He let go of my face and moved around me to do god knows what. I took the opportunity to check myself in the mirror. My shorts had a deep cut on one of the butt cheeks, which showed off my panties. My shirt was in the same state. Oh well.

I felt a glare directed at my skull. What an ass hole! How dare he reject me? Humph! Well then it's about time I make my way out of this hell hole. Mara-chan doesn't need to be associated with this psychopath. He followed me downstairs like a good host would do. He gave me my bag. I looked at the coffee table in the living room. A couple of empty sake bottles were scattered around the living room coupled with cigarette butts. Damn, it was one of those nights huh? The 'get to know him better' nights? I struggled out of his house upon his insistent glare. I needed to pay back for what he did to me though. I turned round and kissed the idiot. I should have fun while I'm at it right? I patted his cheek and left. Looking around, a couple of people started giving me weird looks. I love the attention as you might have inclined onto suspecting. It's fucking amazing, but I somehow have a feeling that this will bite me in the ass later on in life. Karma is like that with me. I galloped my way to my apartment. It's on the eastern side of Konoha, if you looked straight forward from the Main Gate. It's a cheap communal complex, with a quirky land lord. He was senile all right and creepy too, and would always ask me about some 'tips' in bed. Poor old guy thinks that I would sleep with him. I'm having a bit of trouble with lifting my legs. Did we do it that rough? Was he into S&M? I imagine that I will sport some new bruises by tomorrow morning. One step after another and finally I reached my apartment door. I fished my keys out, poked them through the hole, and turned them. I found my mother with a mug of steaming cocoa relaxing on the sofa. She sighed and greeted me in.

"Ohayo Mara-chan. How's been work?" She knew what I did. She used to do it herself too. That's how she ended up with me. She told me that she had a few too much drinks and jumped a ninja. She says that I have his bad taste in music. What does she know about music? She's just an old prune. I sighed. "Fine mother. I got myself an Uchiha." She perked up and turned. I walked towards the main bathroom and looked into the cabinets. So where were the condoms and the pills?

"Really now, was it good? Did you get any dough?" I finally found the two boxes which we seemed to never be out of stock with. I grabbed a few foils and threw them in the bag. Then I set out to take my pill.

"Yes I think so and no I didn't. I left in a hurry." I returned to the living room/dining room. She set her mug down and went to fill me a glass of water. She gave me the glass and watched me do my routine precautions.

"Well then I guess you have a better sex life than I ever had. I couldn't get a hold of those guys since they seem very secluded and cold too." I nodded. I can hear you screaming: "What the hell are you talking about with your mum?" You see, my mother was never a mother to me. She was a friend. Plus, she's one hell of a bad influence, but I guess we're like two peas in a pod. I got her looks, her body and her character, not to mention her brains. Yup folks, when it comes to grey matter, I'm a bit on the skinny side. I'm downright stupid and loud, wear short skirts and high heels and smoke disgusting cigarettes. I tan easily and I have a curvy body. But sometimes I imagine myself with a little more brain cells, like a teacher or maybe even a ninja. I never had a father figure in my life. Sure my mother had a few flings with guys, but they were just guys. They were just toys. That's what I learned from my mother. "Never treat a guy like he's your superior. They hate that. You need to be ferocious, like a wild cat. That's how you make them feel young and cool." That is one of my mother's rules. Another one is: "Always choose Durex. They're the most durable neh?" My mother was fucked up when it came to parenting as I'm sure you have noticed. I hope I'll never end up with a baby like she did. I'll make another mini-me. There's already one in this world, who needs another? I excused myself to my bedroom, slamming myself on the bed. I am so tired and my feet are aching. They're numb. A little nap wouldn't harm anyone before my other round now would it?