OK, this one's for Margaret. She heard about Joe's bucket list at the end of the book and asked me to put a Babe spin on it. I realize that it should probably be in Here's to you, Lucylu, but it does contain minor spoilers for Top Secret Twenty One, so here it is. Anything in italics is taken directly from the book. The Choo-Choo and the Romanian Slippery Unicorn came from Janet's books. Everything else on the list came from the internet. Be afraid.

Anyway, all the characters you know and love belong to Janet Evanovich. All mistakes are, of course, mine. The only thing I get from this is the warm, fuzzy feeling as I read the reviews.

It's good to be home. As soon as I got back from Atlantic City, Ranger wanted me to move into Haywood with him. Apparently he's serious about sharing his closet, and everything else, with me. I plan on moving in as soon as possible, but Ranger had to stay in AC for debriefing with the FBI, and I still had a few murders to solve. I also wanted to be the first to let Joe know. He and I haven't been together for a long time, but I don't want him to get ambushed by gossip.

Fortunately for me, the rest of my mysteries were solved at the speed of light since we were at the end of the book. Lula is still a little upset that she won't be able to but the pot laced pizza anymore, but now there's only one speed bump left on the road to my happily ever after. I stopped by Joe's house, but he wasn't home. Every time I try to give him his key back he won't take it, so I let myself in to leave him a note to call me.

I found an envelope to write on in his kitchen, but I can't find a pen anywhere. Honestly, his house is such a wreck I'm surprised I could find an envelope instead of having to write on the lid of an empty Pino's box. I went upstairs to see if he had anything to write with in his office. When I opened his desk drawer, I found a notebook opened to a page that said, "Bucket List". Since everyone else has been talking about their bucket lists, I decided to take a look at his. Ok, I'm nosy, but he's the one who won't take his key back.

I looked over the list with a growing sense of horror. I think I knew what half the things on the list were, and I'm not sure if I wanted to know what the other half are. My brain almost shorted out with number one, 'Choo-Choo'. There was a big, fat check mark next to it. The more I read, the more I realized that almost all of the items on his list had already been checked off. The only one remaining was The Romanian Slippery Unicorn, and that just sounds like Something I don't want to know about.

I was so engrossed in the list, that I didn't hear Joe come home. He came upstairs and found me at his desk. "Cupcake, you're here. Does this mean you're ready to move in with me and settle down?"

I jumped when he started speaking. I showed him what I was reading and asked, "Joe, what is this?"

"It's my bucket list. Everybody's been talking about them lately, so I made one of my own."

"Joe, a bucket list is supposed to be made up of things you'd like to do, not things you've already done. I know for a fact that I've done numbers one and eight with you."

He looked at the list again. "You also did number 12."

I turned the list around to see what number 12 was. "What the hell is a Kentucky Wheelbarrow?"

Joe shrugged. "It's when you're doing the doggie and you pull her arms back so that she smacks her head against the mattress."

"You pig! You did that on purpose?" He shrugged again. "Who did you manage to do a Cleveland Steamer to?"

He got a glazed look in his eyes. I'm seriously grossed out to be taking this stroll down memory lane with him. Finally he said, "Gina Giovichinni." Eww. That poor girl. I'm sure she thought it was an accident, too.

I was horrified by his list. "The Chocolate Cha-Cha?"

"I was in the Navy, you wouldn't know him."

Him? Eww. "The Bait and Tackle?"

"That's a solo act."

"The David Copperfield?"

"I don't remember the woman, but Mooch was my wingman."

"The Angry Dragon?"

He smiled. "Terri Gilman. She was pissed. It worked like a champ."

"The Dirty Elvis? I've heard of a Dirty Sanchez, is that the same thing?"

"Think Sideburns. That was Grace Gooley"

"The Jersey Turnpike?"

"Aah, Robin Russell. I even got the bonus Newark Exit."

"The San Diego Surprise?"

"Totally worked. Mooch was my wingman for that, too." I gave him a look that mirrored what I felt at that moment. "What can I say, we're cousins, we were close."

"The Cum Dumpster? I've never even heard of that one."

He looked a little nervous. Considering what we've been talking about, and the fact that he's been naming names, this has me scared. "It's not so much of a what as a who." I just kept looking at him until he answered. "Joyce."

If I could have shot lasers out of my eyes, he would be incinerated on the spot. "Barnhardt?" He nodded. "You bastard! I'll kill you!"

He looked around, probably to see if he could make a quick getaway. "Don't be mad, Cupcake. She only has one entry on the list. You have three."

I threw the notebook at him and was glad it hit him in the middle of his forehead. "You know what? I'm glad I came over here to tell you my news myself. You deserve to rot in hell, and I hope you're miserable!"

"What news?"

"Ranger asked me to marry him, and I said yes. As soon as he gets back from Atlantic City, I'm moving in with him. If I never see you again, it will be too soon! Have fun with the Cum Dumpster, unless she left you for her trained dobermans." I threw his key at him for good measure, and ran to my Mercedes.

Ranger came back the next day. True to my word, I moved into his apartment that night. I told him about the fight I had with Joe and all about his 'Bedroom Bucket List' and the fact that he's done most of them. Ranger asked me what was on it, so I wrote the list down for him from memory.

Ranger read the list, shaking his head. "I used to think I was sick sexually, but he takes the cake. The only thing on this list that I would even consider doing is the Romanian Slippery Unicorn. You'd enjoy that one."

I laughed. "That's the only one he hasn't done yet."

Ranger's eyes darkened. "You want to play?"

Just the look in his eyes was making me hot. "What does it involve?"

"Clear the table and take your clothes off. I'll get the egg timer and a spoon, and I'll demonstrate."

"You're making this up."

"Does it matter?"

"What's the spoon for?"

"The Marshmallow Fluff."

I kicked my shoes off and stripped my shirt over my head.

Joe's Bedroom Bucket List

1. Choo-Choo

2. Angry Dragon

3. Bait & Tackle

4. Chocolate Cha-Cha

5. Cleveland Steamer

6. Dirty Elvis

7. Cum Dumpster

8. Dolphin

9. The Jersey Turnpike

10. Cop's Delight (also known as Glazed Donuts)

11. David Copperfield

12. Kentucky Wheelbarrow

13. Rear Admiral

14. San Diego Surprise

15. Romanian Slippery Unicorn