"OK, explain to me how a GUY can get pregnant," Clint asked, as he plonked himself down at the Hellicarrier Mess table, opposite Steve and Tony.
"I see good news travels fast," Tony said, looking up from his tray of what could only be described as slop.
"Is this really a conversation for the dinner table?" Steve asked.
"Hell, yeah," Clint replied, "I have to know."
"Loki's a shape shifter, he can be whatever he wants to be. Ya know, two hearts, 4 kidneys, four arms…" Tony said matter-of-factly, then he coughed, "Male and female sexual organs."
"At the same time?" Clint asked.
"At the same time… Anywhere on his body."
"OK, that's a little more information than I needed," Steve said, throwing his fork down, "I don't need to know the full details of-"
"And let me tell you," Tony said, "He is like a wild cat in the sack. The shit he comes up with, I would never even have dreamed of."
Steve's mouth dropped open, his cheeks flushed red, and he said: "Don't let Thor hear you talking about his brother like that. Does he even know?"
"I'd appreciate it if everyone keeps it quiet till I find a way to explain this to him. I don't want another Norse god induced me-shaped hole in a window."
"It's all anyone is talking about," Steve said, picking up his tray and standing up, "You better come up with an explanation pretty damn sharp."
Steve walked away from the table and Clint leaned closer to Tony, his voice barely above a whisper he asked: "So really, instead of a mouth he could, say, have a… you know…"
"That's a little weird Clint…" Tony said, then he smiled, "That was an awesome night."
Clint did not even have time to react before a voice boomed across the mess hall.
"Stark!"
"Oh crap," Tony said, as he saw Thor advancing towards him with an angry look on his face.
"I have been told that you have defiled and impregnated my brother. Is this true?"
Tony stood up and started backing away saying: "Well, whether I defiled him or not is really a matter of semantics. One persons defilement is another persons good time."
Tony felt the wall against his back, Thor stood glowering in front of him, and he had nowhere to run too.
"Help?" He said to Clint, and Clint shrugged his shoulders in reply.
"What are your intentions towards my brother, Stark?"
"Are we talking a shotgun wedding scenario here?" Tony asked, "Or in this case, an enchanted hand tools wedding?"
"What?" Thor asked, looking confused, "I want to know what you intend to do about this situation."
"My plan was mostly to live long enough to see my child being born."
"Whether you accomplish that will depend upon the rest of your answer." Thor said, ominously.
"If you're asking if I'm planning to make an honest wom… man of him the answer is no, but I doubt that is what Loki wants either. If you're asking if I love him, the answer is probably no, but I doubt Loki loves me either. Do I have feelings for him? Absolutely, it's just really hard to know what they are," Tony said, "BUT, if you are asking about the baby, then I can give you a straight answer. My intentions are to love it and support it for the rest of my life."
"Oh," Thor replied, "So you do not intend to abandon the child?"
"Abandon my own flesh and blood?" Tony asked, "I know a lot of people have a low opinion of me, but that is really low."
Thor paused and then said: "Forgive me Stark. I should not have rushed to such conclusions without consulting you first."
"No, you shouldn't have."
"Since you have answered so agreeably I give you my permission to continue to court my brother," Thor said, smiling.
"I wouldn't call it courting," Tony said, "In fact most of the time we-"
"Tony," Clint interrupted, "I think now is a good time for you to stop talking if you want to end this conversation with your teeth intact."
"Good point," Tony replied and smiled sweetly at Thor.
"We are NOT letting him out," Fury shouted, "He's a prisoner-"
"A pregnant prisoner," Tony said cutting him off, "And one, I might add, that is in an extremely high risk pregnancy, where the father has a lot of money and a lot of spare time, since he will no longer be part of The Avengers, who will be willing to sue your ass through every court in the land, should anything happen to his child."
Fury glared at him in a manner that suggested if he had two eyes instead of one, it probably would have bored a hole through Tony's face.
"Come on, he's human now," Tony said, "It's not like he's a god anymore… Well, he's still a sex god obviously, but-"
Fury raised his hands, cutting Tony off and said: "On your head be it, Stark. I will release him into your custody on two conditions."
"Name them."
"One. You will both live at the mansion, here in New York," Fury said, "I'm not shipping a security team out to Malibu to baby-sit your irresponsible ass."
Tony opened his mouth to protest and then said: "Can I turn the Library into home cinema?"
"Knock yourself out. Two. If he leaves the building alone, for any reason, I don't care if the place is on FIRE, I will have him shot on sight, you understand me?"
"I guess we can live with that one."
Fury turned to the guard and said: "Open the damn door."
~o~
"I do not want to live with Thor," Loki said when Tony explained the deal he had made for his freedom, "I'm not all that sure I want to live you for that matter."
"It's either the mansion with it's Olympic sized swimming pool, games room and a home cinema once we get rid of the library, or you can stay here in this windowless cell, probably for the rest of your life."
"It has a library?" Loki asked, his interest piqued by the revelation.
"You like the sound of that?" Tony said, "I was gonna get rid of it, but I guess I could convert a different room. I'm sure Clint doesn't actually need his bedroom."
"I will still be a prisoner."
"True, but at least you won't have to piss on a toilet in full view of a security guard at the mansion."
"You make a valid point."
~o~
"This is your room," Tony said as he opened a door and turned on the light. Loki followed behind him, holding an armful of bath towels, and a small pile of other peoples borrowed clothing, "I'm right next door."
Loki looked round the room. It was sparsely decorated in muted cream colours, there was a flat screen TV on the wall and a small lamp on a bedside table. A door next to large bed led to a small bathroom with a shower.
"It will suffice," he said, placing the towels and clothes on the bed. He looked up and saw the small camera in the corner of the room, "I am to have no privacy?"
"Fury's orders. He wants to have you under 24 hour surveillance, just in case you decided to murder us all in our sleep," Tony said, "But it doesn't show the bathroom and you can go anywhere in the building, except outside and the third floor."
~o~
It had taken Loki exactly 45 hours to find all the blind spots the cameras couldn't see, steal a swipe card from the pocket of an unsuspecting SHIELD operative and exit the mansion in the middle of the night through one of the back doors.
He chuckled lowly as he hid, waiting for the right moment to make his final run to the gate, and realised that his father had failed. He did not need his spells to cause chaos, he just needed his mind and his words, and Odin could never steal those.
Once he cleared the gate, he ran as fast as he could across the park, into the maze of the city, only slowing when he was confident no one was following him. He crept through the streets, sticking to the shadows, and winding his way through alleys between apartment blocks. He had absolutely no idea where he was going, or what he was going to do when he got there, but he was free and that was all that mattered.
"I see you, Loki," a voice whispered in the darkness as he stalked through a dimly lit alleyway.
Loki stopped in his tracks, unsure what to do, but he knew if he hid it would betray his current situation, and he couldn't allow anyone to know he no longer had his magic.
Loki rolled his eyes when Ultimato emerged from the shadows, sniffing the air as he padded around in a large circle. He was a petty thief who had somehow mastered rudimentary forms of magic, given himself quite the worst name Loki had ever heard, and decided that made him fit to breathe the same air as the Masters Of Evil. Ordinarily Loki could have wiped him out with just one tiny movement of his fingers, but now Ultimato posed a very real threat to him.
"So the rumors are true, then," He said.
Loki straightened his back, standing up to his full height, hoping to look a little more intimidating than he actually felt in his black hooded top and jogging bottoms.
"Surely you have learnt by now not to listen to idle gossip," Loki said, menacingly.
"This is no gossip. The trickster has fallen."
"And I thought I was the only good liar in this realm, obviously someone has learnt a trick or two from me."
"You cannot fool me, Loki. I can smell it on you. You are human." Ultimato said, then he sniffed again, and raised an eyebrow, "But the child within you is not."
Loki's hand instinctively covered his stomach, and as Ultimato's mouth curled into a smirk in response, Loki regretted the movement. He had betrayed himself.
"There are many who have waited for this day," Ultimato said, moving closer, "To see the mighty Loki brought down a peg or two."
"You can try," Loki said, his voice sounding anxious, even to his own ears, "But I will kill you."
Loki searched within himself, hoping the threat and the adrenaline spike he was feeling surge through his body would reawaken his magic, but he felt nothing. He was defenceless. He started to back away from Ultimato, but stumbled in a pothole, his ankle twisting painfully in Thor's slightly too big sneakers, and he fell backwards heavily, grazing his hands on the alley floor.
Ultimato pulled his arm back, preparing to unleash a ferocious punch that probably would probably fracture Loki's skull with a single strike, and in response Loki raised his arms to try and fend off the blow. Ultimato brought his fist down and then screamed as his knuckles connected with a red, white and blue shield, shattering every bone in his hand.
Loki moved his arms, looked up and couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Captain America stood by his side, his arm outstretched, using his shield to protect him from the villain. A man he had beaten, blown up, set on fire and tried to kill in too many way to list, had just saved his life.
"Traitor! Everyone will hear of this! I will ensure it," Ultimato screeched, as he held his useless hand, "You will be known as Loki the betrayer now! You should pray none of us find you without your guardian."
"Get the hell out of here before I break your other hand," Steve shouted and then he watched Ultimato slink off, kicking over a trashcan in frustration as he left the alley.
"Are you OK?" Steve asked, pulling off his helmet and kneeling next to Loki, who kept on staring into the distance without responding.
"Guys? Anyone find anything? We need to find him before Fury lets the dogs out," Tony's voice said, over the radio.
Steve stood up and pulled his radio out and said: "I've found him. Can you zero in on my signal?"
"Is he OK?"
"I don't know," Steve said, "Seems he got into a little argument with an ex colleague, if you get my meaning."
"I'll be there in 30 seconds."
Steve heard the sounds of Tony's jets almost instantaneously as he blasted over the park, heading towards their position, and dead on 30 seconds later he dropped into the alleyway.
"Did he hurt you?" Tony asked, flipping up his visor as he knelt next to Loki.
Loki said nothing in reply and continued to stare at his scuffed hands.
"Loki, are you hurt?"
"It's really gone," Loki babbled again, and Tony carefully put his hands to the side of Loki's head and turned his face towards him.
"Hey, look at me. This is important, are you hurt? Did you fall?"
Loki ran a hand over his stomach and said: "I am not injured."
"That's good," Tony said, "I wanna get you back to the mansion and have a doctor check you over."
Loki nodded his head in response, and Tony took hold of his hand and helped him to his feet.
"You hurt anywhere?" He asked, Loki shook his head and then looked at Steve.
"Why did you do that? After all the times I have attempted to hurt… to kill you, why would you save my life?" He asked.
"You're human now, and you're…" Steve struggled to get the word out of his mouth, waving his hand level with Loki's stomach, "You know… Pregnant… It's my job to protect you."
"Thank you, Captain," Loki said, "If I ever get my magic back, I hope one day I am in a position to return the favor."
"No offence, but I really hope you're not," Steve replied.
~o~
"He could have killed me," Loki said as he sat on a bed in the medical bay, waiting for the doctor to arrive to check him over, "He's a lowly grunt, barely even fit to lick Dooms boots, let alone mine, and he dared to try to lay a hand on ME."
"It's a good job Steve found you in time," Tony said, almost reaching the end of his tether, "You were stupid for leaving in the first place. Fury could have had you killed."
"Do you understand the shame in this situation?" Loki snapped, paying no attention to what Tony had said, " Not only could I have been defeated by the lowest of the low, but now I will also be labeled a traitor!"
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to stay here," Loki said, "For the safety of my child, obviously."
"Not because you were scared or anything like that, of course."
"How dare you suggest I feel fear, Stark."
"You're not a Norse god anymore, Dorothy," Tony said curtly, "I suggest you get used to it."
"What?" Loki demanded.
"You're an irresponsible idiot," Tony shouted, moving closer and pointing a finger in Loki's face, "Running off in the middle of the night, putting yourself in danger. That's my kid too, so don't you DARE do anything like this again!"
Tony kicked the bedside cupboard in frustration, walked angrily to the door and slammed it loudly on his way out, leaving Loki to wait alone.
