A/N This chapter is a tag to episode 10x13, Hit and Run. More specifically, it refers to a deleted scene from that episode. I assume you all have seen it by now, but if you haven't, do it now! Not for the chapter (even though it will certainly make better sense), but because you're missing out in life- um, in your fangirl experience!


The first days she was back at the office weren't easy. Tony kept tiptoeing around her, not sure if the openness she had shown while she was away was just due to her emotional state, to the distance, maybe a combination of the two, and if it was going to last. She seemed to have appreciated his little intrusion in her apartment, but still he could sense that she needed some space.

He let her have it for a couple of days, and then he took a chance after they solved the case and the Abby emergency had subsided. He knew he would have found some resistance on her part, even if he had made a safe bet by proposing a camping trip, an activity she notoriously enjoyed. Probably the "inner peace" motive had turned out a bit awkward and had given him away too easily.
At least she had taken it well.

He was startled by the ring of his phone while he was dozing off on his couch, a couple of hours after they had parted.

"Yeah, DiNozzo," he mumbled.

"Oh… I'm sorry Tony, I did not mean to wake you up. We can talk tomorrow, it is not urgent."

"No wait, I'm awake. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, fine. I was just thinking that it wasn't such a bad idea. The camping."

Wow, he thought. He was surprised. There was quite an admission behind that statement.

"Of course it wasn't bad, it was my idea," he joked, and heard her snort. Then he switched the attention to the practicalities. "Any preferences?"

"Yes, actually. I have checked online, there is the chance on some trails to spend the night in a cabin, instead of pitching a tent."

"Seriously?" He laughed. "I'd at least expected you'd suggest to sleep outdoors and on the bare ground!"

"Not in January, Tony, I am not too keen on the idea of dying of exposure. Besides… I know you are doing this for me, so we should at least compromise. And even though these cabins are primitive, a fireplace is available. I cannot spare you the dirt, but to the cold there is a solution."

She was smiling and he could hear it. He wasn't sure if it was that or her thoughtfulness, but his enthusiasm regarding camping activities reached a historic maximum.

"Alright Solomon, I'm in. Even though a sane person would never accept an invitation to a cabin in the woods made by a former assassin."

Being on the phone spared him a smack on the arm.


They left for the Appalachian Trail impossibly early that Saturday morning, and Ziva tried to illustrate to a half asleep Tony the itinerary she had planned for the next two days.

She had chosen hikes which ratings were in a range from easy to moderate, partly because the difficult trails were at a too high altitude, where they risked to find a lot of snow, partly because it was in line with her compromise plan, and she didn't mind at all.

Aside from the lunch stop, in which Tony filled the air with his antics as soon as he caught his breath and filled his stomach, they walked mostly in silence, enjoying the inner peace that the wilderness actually offered, after all.
That was unsurprising to her, she had already taken refuge in the nature after her father's funeral, and it had been somewhat therapeutic, as long as it had lasted. It felt even more effective there in the woods, though. Be it the physical and temporal distance, be it the physical effort that claimed her focus, be it the welcome company, she felt more carefree and lighthearted than she had been in weeks, or maybe longer.

The temperature dropped considerably during the last portion of their hike, and it was freezing by the time they arrived to the cabin, so even if the first thing they did was lighting up the fire, it took some time to gain a decent temperature in it.
While Ziva took some groceries out of her backpack, Tony left the fireplace and walked to her.

"You know, we make a good team."

"And you find out now?" she teased, amused, and curious to know where he was getting at.

"No, of course, not. I just mean I have good ideas and you make them better. It's been a nice day, right?"

"Yes, it has," she confirmed, still trying to follow his train of thought.

"But it'd have been our last if you hadn't looked for a different solution for the night. I don't think I've ever appreciated a fireplace so much!" he declared theatrically, drawing a snort out of her.

"You're welcome, Tony," she answered playfully.

She felt she was the one who had to thank him, and not the other way around, but she was used to have their banter drive things in unpredictable directions, so she didn't dwell upon the question too much.
They grinned to each other and started to take care of the dinner.
Once again she let Tony distract her with his horror movies references, legends and other weird stories where a cabin in the woods was involved, that made her snort, roll her eyes and laugh along.

The merry atmosphere toned down later as they sat comfortably in front of the fireplace, enjoying the warmth, the crackles of the fire and the physical closeness to each other.

She suddenly broke the silence uttering a soft "Thank you, Tony."

He turned his head and found her looking at him with a serious but affectionate expression. The lights of the fire were dancing on her features, intensifying her look.
For the first time that day, he didn't try to deflect with humor. He was tempted for a second to point out that she had taken care of all the organization and driven them there, and he had done nothing, but he knew this was not what she was referring to.
So he looked her in the eyes just as intensely, to make sure she knew that he had understood, before telling her she was welcome. It was ironic that when it came to their relationship nonverbal communication was so much more reliable than the talking. That was usually his forte, after all.

She nodded, smiling.
His eyes were focused on hers, but out of the corner of the eye he noticed she was wetting her lips with her tongue and the sight made his mouth water and his heart speed up a bit.

She took a breath and murmured "Tony, I – "

When she spoke he realized that she was dangerously close and that his hand was spontaneously moving to her cheek. He froze midair. He needed to control himself, she needed a friend, and he wasn't going to let his feelings screw up just when she was finally letting him in, albeit slowly.
When his brain kicked back into gear, he also noticed that once again she hadn't finished the sentence and couldn't take it anymore.

"Ziva, you can't keep doing this," he said, sounding a little more exasperated than he intended. "Say it, whatever it is, what is stopping you?"

"It's just…" she mused, "I am not used to say these things. There has been only one person in my life to whom I could show my love with words, and it was my sister, and she has been gone for almost ten years."

"Why do you say she was the only one to whom you could talk? You can talk to me, and I'm sure it's the same for the rest of the team."

She snorted and tilted her head. "Gibbs?"

He winced.

"Ok, good point. He's very fond of you though, you know that. The fact he's not good with words doesn't mean you cannot talk to him. And Ziva…" He covered her hand with his, trying get all her attention and to convey how much he was serious about this matter. "You can always talk to me. I know that in the past we haven't been very good in that department, and that it took us a while to get to this point but… the post elevator us? It's a thing. If you want this too, I'm all for honesty and sharing. Okay?"

"I do. I want this, really."

They smiled to each other, happy of their growing understanding and intimacy.
He put an arm around her shoulders and she nestled against his chest, exhaling slowly to let all her thoughts go. She wanted to focus on the sensation of his warm body around hers, enjoy the freedom of holding him without being interrupted by elevator doors opening and phones ringing and cases needing attention. That moment was entirely theirs. For once, she allowed herself the luxury of not having to inhibit her feelings for him, to admit to herself that she needed him and that being dependent wasn't always so wrong.
Having him made her feel lucky about her life. It was a weird feeling to have, a week after having buried the last member of her family, but he had made her feel cherished and loved and not alone, and all that was soothing her deepest and oldest wounds for the time being.

"I was going to say that I feel better," she mumbled against his chest. "I know I always say I'm fine and you don't believe me, but I really do feel better today."

She felt him hold his breath. He had sensed that the difficult-to-share part had yet to come.

"I do not think I would have accomplished this without you. I don't know what I would have done the day of the funeral if you had not called. You saved me from feeling alone and lost, and for that I thank –"

"Okay, no, listen, you've thanked me already," he broke her off, and he felt bad about it because he had literally just told her that she should feel free to tell him anything. But what he needed to make her understand was even more important. "I'm here for you because I care, Ziva."

"I know," she intervened, confused. "This is why I –"

"No, this is exactly why you shouldn't be thanking me. You need to accept that there are people who care for you and have love for you, and you just don't thank them for it! You thank for the gestures, not for the love behind them."

Speechless, she sat up straighter to look him in the eyes and nodded, before taking his cheek gently in her palm and kissing his other cheek, as she had done years earlier.

And then she just found herself unable to stop. She pecked his temple, his forehead, his eyelids when he closed his eyes, lost in the sensations, the corner of his mouth and finally his lips. He answered to the peck, once, twice, before deepening the kiss a bit.
Her hands started wandering in his hair and on his chest, while his got lost in her hair on her neck.
She heated up the kiss further, tasting his lips and his tongue, leaving him thirsty and breathless. When he broke the kiss and opened his eyes, he saw desire in hers, and it was nothing like the lustful glances she used to cast him in the past, it was so much powerful, and sent his arousal through the roof. But then he saw there were also hope, and desperation, and need, and vulnerability in her look, and remembered that it just wasn't the right time.

He grabbed her upper arms to put some distance between them, and then collected all his courage to say what needed to be said.

"We should stop here, Ziva."

She stiffened and looked hurt for a moment, before managing to put on her usual mask and moving to stand up.
He kept his grip on her arms, gently, just to let her know he didn't want her to leave, but without forcing her.

"I'm just trying to do the right thing here. One of us has to stay clear headed."

She replied with and unconvinced "Yeah, sure", and made a second attempt to leave. He let her.

He stayed where he was, staring at the fire. They both could use some time to cool down, and there weren't other rooms where they could hide.
When he finally went after her, she was already in bed, turned away from him.

"I can sleep on the couch, if you prefer."

Her only answer was a bitter snort. As he was taking his pillow and covers, though, her voice stopped him.

"Are you afraid I will assault you in your sleep?"

She was going for the banter. Maybe the situation wasn't too bad then.

"I thought you maybe… wanted some space," he stuttered.

"Sure Tony, I am spending my weekend camping with you because I need to be alone. Makes sense."

He sat on his side of the bed, unsure of how to respond. They had literally just made a pact to go for honesty, and he was determined to stick to it.

"Okay, listen. I'm not pushing you away. Don't take what just happened as a rejection, please."

"And how should I take it?"

"As I said, one of us has to be level headed, and this time it's my duty. You're mourning, Ziva."

She turned around abruptly, and she looked full on pissed.

"So what? Do you think I kissed you 'because I'm sad'? I had just told you that I am fine!"

"Yeah, and you also told me you were grateful because I'm helping you to feel better. I think… I just don't want you to mistake gratitude for a bigger sentiment and –"

He hesitated, and gestured her to let him finish when she opened her mouth to retort.

"And I cannot accept you might be doing this to feel less alone."

She sat up straighter, looking outraged.

"You don't… you didn't understand…" she mumbled. "How can you even think this? Do you really believe this is the first time I want to kiss you? That the only feelings I have are gratitude and the need to feel less alone? I thought we were going somewhere lately, Tony. But perhaps I was mistaken."

"We were, we are," he stressed, a little desperate. "I'm not saying this is not going to happen, I'm just saying it's not the right time. I'm not questioning your feelings in general, I'm questioning your feelings now. Besides, we have things to work on. We hadn't even acknowledged something was going on before, do you realize this?"

She felt her anger and disappointment drain away while she recognized that his reasoning made sense. She nodded. He sat closer to her.
She tried to calmly explain him how she felt. He deserved that much.

"Tony, I really did not kiss you for comfort, I did because I had a great day, and it felt good to be together and I… how do you say? Went with the flow?"

"I know, I've had a great day too, and I can't wait to have another chance to be alone with you and just enjoy being together, but I need you to be okay first. I need you to be sure that I'll always be on your side, and I also need to be sure that you won't run away from me when you're scared or confused or hurting. Don't make that face, you always do."

She closed her mouth, knowing well that she had no arguments against his statement. Aside from one.

"I did not run now."

"You didn't," he acknowledged with a smile.

"If you think I overreacted, I'm sorry. I just couldn't make love to you without clearing the air first. I want us to have a real chance, Ziva."

"And you think I don't?" she challenged, but didn't give him the time to answer. "Not the right time, okay I got it."

"We'll work things out," he affirmed, as convincingly as he could.

"I know."

They exchanged a look, and that was enough to seal the pact.

When they finally laid down, she found it impossible to fall asleep. She turned her back to him, trying to focus on her breathing to relax and to forget he was so close and yet so out of reach.
He sensed her tension and his hands itched to stroke her hair, but he knew he had no right to touch her right after having rejected her.

"We okay?" he asked instead.

"Yes, Tony, I just…" she faltered. Then, to her horror, she blurted out her thoughts before she could stop them. "Can we not ruin this weekend, pretend none of this happened and go back to the holding and feeling good together, please?"

Relieved, he couldn't help but mock her a bit.

"Oho, Ziva David, I would have never guessed you were cuddly."

"And I would never have guessed Tony DiNozzo, playboy extraordinaire, would have turned down sex and made fun of a woman asking and offering some physical contact all at once."

"Touché. Shutting up and spooning, chief."


A/N Thank you for reading. And thanks to every one who reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. I was amazed by your reaction to the first chapter!