Beware of a bombing octopus. He is there, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
Welcome… to Namimori.
The town council would like to recommend all citizens to stay in their safe abodes, as there will be a storm coming over our town that will surely blow everyone away. Casualties, of course, can be prevented if all citizens stay in their homes, where it is safe and secure.
Our top story today:
Several first-year middle schoolers have all contracted stomach problems such as diarrhea, refluxes and constipation. The Namimori police and scientists have grouped together to find out the cause of this seemingly random chain of events, but instead they found a very shocking connection between the victims: they will all be participating in the volleyball tournament later, with their opponent being the upperclassmen. Now, it seems that the team now only has one substitute player left.
Right now, the police are finding out whether the stomach problems are merely coincidences, or a part of a sinister plan to sabotage the tournament. More to the story, as it continues.
It seems that the unknown construction happening around Namimori Middle has finally finished. We still don't know who is funding them and what purposes they serve, but I am pretty sure the people who did this construction are all ecstatic that their hard work has finally paid off.
New disclosure concerning the rumor yesterday about a pyromaniac hitman coming over to town: It's not real. Yuuma Akio merely fabricated that lie to scare all of us citizens. Now, I know that some of you listeners are skeptic about it being a big lie. But do not worry! The town's amazingly hard working police officers have already scouted and searched the whole town for any suspicious behaviors, only to find out that Yuuma, the Yuuma, was merely fabricating the lie to gain attention.
Ugh, what a vile man.
This just in: A teenager has been electrified by a baby. There isn't much detail about it, but apparently the baby's only motive is to wake the poor boy up, as he is already late in going to school.
What a thoughtful and considerate baby for thinking for the boy's well-being.
Also, the Disciplinary Committee would like to announce to everyone again to those that break the school rules, and by extension, the town's laws, will immediately be bitten to death by one Hibari Kyoya, the Disciplinary Committee's leader. The man himself is especially feeling bloodthirsty today, but then again, when is he not? Anyway, best to not to bend rules today, or better yet, stay away from the skylark as far as possible.
I would like to remind everyone again, since the citizens here in Namimori seem to be more ignorant than average, that there will be no sale today. I repeat, there will be no sales today, as the town council demands it. That is all.
An update about the stomach problem incident: The town police have found out that the students received a suspicious box of pizza being delivered to them last night. The town, of course, immediately declared these unusual events as merely coincidences, because really, no pizza is suspicious, especially if it's free pizza, and advised the parents of the affected students to forget the incident never ever happened.
To anyone interested about the volleyball tournament aforementioned earlier, it seems like the first-years have won the tournament with one of the player's 'man parts', an overly enthusiastic student stated as our interns interviewed him.
"It was extreme!" The student now known as Sasagawa Ryohei exclaimed during the interview, pumping his fists excitedly. "He won the game by blocking the ball with his man parts. What an extreme dedication to win!"
Indeed it is.
Several concerned citizens report that there has been strange explosive noises being heard on the school grounds of Namimori Middle. They fear that the sounds are disrupting classes. Fret not, concerned parents, as the disciplinary committee are always checking around the campus for disturbances and immediately dispose of them. Those explosions you might have heard must be figments of your imaginations only.
And now, the weather.
(Gokudera Theme – Katekyo Hitman Reborn OST)
I would like to apologize on behalf of the town council's mistake. Apparently, there was never a storm that arrived in Namimori. It seems that the council has mistaken the storm as a literal weather forecast instead of a prophecy. Once again, we apologize for the misunderstanding.
And as always, please do not accept pizza from random strangers. The pizza is not suspicious, but the stranger themselves are.
Goodnight, Namimori.
Goodnight.
AN: FAST UPDATE IS FAST YEET- anyway haha, uh thank y'all for the faves and follows. Also to the reviews. Les get to them shall we?
Calypso0 - I actually don't know whu this came into my mind but eH it's a good plot and good plots all need to be written!
Kain Vexinheim - Tru, tru. Hello fellow WtNV fan, I wasn't expecting someone to know Night Vale in the KHR fandom too XD
Anyway, thanks for reading. Irregular updates are still irregular.
Bah-bye~!
