Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC

Content: Boyd and Grace

Rating: K

Thank you for continuing to read – I hope that you are enjoying it.

Three years ago today the BBC aired 'Waterloo', the final ever episode of Waking the Dead. Personally I think it was a massive mistake cancelling this show. I miss Boyd, Grace and the rest of the team, but would like to thank every writer on this fandom for keeping them alive. xx

Be Sure Your Sins … cont

"Drink?"

"Hmm yes please. Wine if you have it." Grace replied removing her coat. Boyd nodded as he continued into the kitchen. "Have you eaten?"

"No. I thought we could go out. The Italian maybe?"

Boyd hesitated. A restaurant would be a welcome distraction but he couldn't face it. He felt completely transparent, everyone would witness his guilt. "Do you mind if we stay in tonight?"

"Yea fine... you okay?"

He was anything but okay. Just seeing her standing in his kitchen - lovely trusting Grace - tore at his heart. He hadn't planned it. Hurting Grace had been the last thing he wanted to do. He loved her. But it hadn't been enough. It didn't stop him from...

"Once a cheat always a cheat!" Mary had spat those words at him many years ago after finding out about his affair with Jess. He thought he'd changed, learnt from his mistakes, especially now he was finally with Grace. He'd wanted this for so long.

He sighed deeply. "Just tired, I don't think I can face going out tonight. We can get takeaway, Chinese food okay?"

"Mm, yes sounds good."

Boyd handed her the glass of wine and busied himself looking for the takeaway menu. His mind was in chaos. It would be so easy to keep quiet about Sarah, the consequences too grave to even contemplate. She would be on a plane back to New York on Monday, no-one would ever know of his infidelity. But this was Grace and he'd always been honest with her, even at times when it was painful. That was a factor in why they fought so often and so brutally. Passionate... in every way imaginable. He didn't have to pretend with her, she knew him better than he sometimes knew himself. It was as disturbing as it was comforting. Boyd had never known another woman like her. Totally infuriating yet endearing all at once. How could he have been so stupid? So weak.

He picked through his food, his appetite non-existent. Still the battle continued to rage within him. Keep quiet, let the dust settle and things would return to normal. Eventually. But Grace deserved so more than his lies and deceit. So the inner fight continued, eating relentlessly away at him like a parasite. If he confessed he knew what it meant for them and that thought made him sick. One night. One stupid night and he had lost everything.

His mind drifted mercilessly through the past decade. Falling in love with Grace had been gradual, years of working together, of her getting under his skin. When he had finally kissed her he'd never been more certain of anything in his life. He was completely in love with her and had been for quite some time. She'd stood by him, during the months of investigation into his part of the Nicholson affair. When the world was his accuser she had trusted him implicitly. She had trusted him. The words reverberated around his head. Accusingly. What a way to repay her.

So the battle raged...

The television was a welcome distraction. The pictures flickered and changed before his eyes but Boyd couldn't focus on it. He was distant. He knew it. The atmosphere between them was frosty at best. It had been good .. once ... very good, for a while. Being lovers and friends worked well for them. But retirement brought with it time and the arguments they once thrived on became tiresome, their energy for one another waning. He knew Grace felt it too. Could see the pain his harsh words caused as she felt the sting they delivered. Every row seemed more bitter than the last, every word hurting deeper. They were slowly killing one another.

Grace was sitting next to him, body inclined towards his. She looked up at him her eyes meeting his. "Are you sure you're alright? You've been uncharacteristically quiet."

"Huh...? Yea I'm fine," he lied once again.

"And I'm definitely forgiven?"

"I've said so, haven't I?" Boyd snapped, in a tone harsher than he intended, his guilt causing him to be strongly defensive.

Grace nodded acceptance unconvincingly.

They continued watching the television in silence neither fully concentrating on the images. Slowly Grace moved her hand across his chest, her fingers finding their way under the material where the top buttons of his shirt were undone. Tenderly she stroked his skin. Boyd closed his eyes enjoying the feel of her touch. Flesh on flesh. Her skin against his.

Deftly her fingers began to unbutton his shirt. Boyd felt his heart constrict as immediately his mind conjured memories of the previous evening. Every movement piercing like a blade though his chest. She reached for his lips, hands still caressing his chest. He instinctively responded, but his guilt became too much, beginning to suffocate him.

He couldn't do this.

"Grace, wait. Stop please," he said stilling her hands.

Grace straightened up, confusion etched deeply on her features. "What?"

"I just... erm... not tonight, eh?"

"What's wrong? Are you still pissed off about the other evening?"

"No, it's not you..."

Her expression hardened a little. "Don't even think about giving me the 'it's not you it's me' speech. There's been something wrong all night. Just tell me, Boyd."

"I've told you, I'm fine!"

"Evidently not! Look, you said you'd forgiven me for what I said, so why are you behaving like you can't bear to have me around?"

"I'm tired, Grace. That's all. Can we not do this now?"

"I just want to know what the problem is. What's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing. I just don't feel up to doing... this... tonight." He motioned clumsily between them.

The rejection she felt showed in her eyes as once again silence descended between them like an invisible wall.

"Boyd..." she finally said.

He knew that tone. Had heard it many times over the years. Grace was not about to let this go, she wanted to talk it out, analyse his mood and if she didn't stop soon she was going to force his hand.

"Grace, please..."

"We can't go on like this. We need to sort it out."

"Believe me you really don't want to do this."

"I know it's difficult but..."

"I'm just tired; can't you just accept that?"

"Maybe, if it was just tonight. But we've been at one another's throats for weeks..."

"Years..." he interjected dryly.

"...if we are going to make this work we have got to be honest with one another."

"Come on, Grace. We argue all the bloody time. It's what we do."

"And that makes it alright, does it?" she asked sharply.

"No I'm not saying that, I'm just trying to explain..."

"And I'm trying to tell you that I'm sick of leaving here feeling hurt and confused. I don't know where I stand with you half the time, Boyd."

"And you think it's easy for me?"

"I think it's no way for either of us to live. Look, you know I want to be with you and I think you feel the same way, but we're tearing each other apart. If you'd just discuss it like any other reasonable human being..."

Boyd's mind drifted to the previous evening. It had all been so easy. No arguments. No demands. No analysing. It had felt good, taking what he needed, what they both needed. They had used each other, he'd no doubt of that, but they'd done so knowingly.

"Grace, leave it..." he warned. He was done, torn between the escape that Sarah had been and the constant persistence of Grace's incessant questioning.

"What could be so bad that we can't even – "

"I slept with someone else, alright," he snapped before quietly repeating, "... I slept with someone else, Grace."

tbc ...