Chapter 2: James Vs the Whomping Willow

Written for the Operation Crunchy Banana Soup With Chocolate Sprinkles challenge on the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenge forum.

A/N: I didn't intend on making this a two-shot. But after seeing the prompt "James bets Sirius he can climb to the top of the Whomping Willow without getting hurt", I knew this would make a perfect second chapter for my Dumbledore Vs the Whomping Willow story.


How Sirius didn't get expelled for stealing the sword of Gryffindor was anybody's guess. He did, however, end up with detention every weekend for a month, his Hogsmeade privileges were suspended for the rest of the year, and he had to clean out all the bedpans in the infirmary without using magic.

Altogether it was just another typical day for Sirius Black. He was always in trouble over something.

Upon returning to the Shrieking Shack, Sirius was surprised to hear James still talking about Dumbledore's battle with the Whomping Willow.

"That was nearly a week ago," said Sirius. "Why are we still talking about this?"

Beside him Remus sat quietly munching on a bar of chocolate. He listened to their conversation, keeping any thoughts or comments to himself because he was too busy eating to talk.

"Because this will live on in the history of the school," said James. "Think about it, Sirius. Years from now they'll be writing in the history books about how Dumbledore was the only headmaster who...who..." He broke off in mid-sentence as laughter consumed him, making it impossible for him to continue speaking.

Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes.

"The only headmaster who fought the Whomping Willow and lost his beard!" James finally managed to finish. He burst out laughing and fell over onto his side, where he proceeded to lay on the floor laughing.

"Yeah, it's really funny, Prongs. I have prune hands from cleaning bedpans all morning long. And all you can think about is how Dumbledore lost his beard. Which, I might add, he magically regrew the next morning."

Hearing Sirius talk about having prune hands only made James laugh harder.

"A man should not have dish pan hands from scrubbing piss pots!" Sirius exclaimed as James rolled around on the floor laughing.

Peter Pettigrew turned to Lupin and grinned. "It was pretty funny when the Whomping Willow sliced off his beard and hairs went flying in all directions."

"And it was all thanks to Sirius and his grand plot to steal the sword of Gryffindor," said James, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes as he sat up on the floor. He clapped Sirius on the back and said, "Way to go, Padfoot! You've officially earned the Marauder of the year award."

"Oh! Are we going to bronze one of the bedpans and give it to him as a trophy?" asked Peter.

Even Lupin couldn't help chuckling a little when he heard this.

"That's enough!" Sirius shouted. Apparently it had stopped being funny the moment he'd been caught and hauled off to the castle by Dumbledore.

"Wait a minute," said James, his expression brightening as a wide grin spread across his face. "Sirius' antics have given me an idea." He turned to Sirius and said, "I bet you I can climb to the top of the Whomping Willow without getting hurt."

Lupin suddenly pitched forward, choking on a mouthful of chocolate. Peter thumped him on the back for a minute until his airway was open and he could breathe again.

"You can't be serious!" the werewolf gasped, tears streaming down his cheeks as he drew in several deep breaths. "You could get yourself killed!"

"James," said Sirius. "Are you drunk?"

"No," James replied.

"Then why the hell do you want to climb the Whomping Willow?"

James snorted and waved off Sirius' concern. "You think I can't do it? Dumbledore fought that thing, so why shouldn't I be able to climb it?"

"Dumbledore is over a hundred years old - "

"Precisely my point," said James, cutting Sirius off before he could finish his sentence. "He's an old man, Padfoot. So someone younger and more fit like myself should have no trouble climbing it. Then my name will go down in school history too."

"And what do I get if you lose the bet?" asked Sirius.

"You can have my share of the food we've hidden in the Shrieking Shack. And if I win, I get all the ice cream you've stashed here."

"It's a deal," said Sirius, shaking James' hand. "There's no way you'll be able to pull this off."

.oOo.

Later that evening the four Marauders gathered around the Whomping Willow. Peter had changed into a rat so he could easily slip beneath the tree's flailing branches and press the knot at its base.

"Once Peter presses the knot, you will have about a minute to climb as far up into the tree as you can," said Sirius.

"Right," said James, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I'm ready. Let's do this."

Peter pressed the knot on the tree. And as soon as the branches stopped moving and the tree became still, James leapt up and grabbed the nearest branch, holding on tight and using it to hoist himself up into the tree.

Sirius started laughing as he watched James climbing higher into the tree.

"This is so stupid," he said, chuckling as James slipped and nearly fell from the tree. "At least when I stole the sword of Gryffindor there wasn't a risk of getting killed in the process."

"Remind me again why we're letting him do this," said Lupin.

Because it's funny watching him make an arse out of himself," Sirius replied. "Besides, I love strawberries and kiwi in my vanilla ice cream. If he gets thrown from the tree - which he will in about forty five seconds - I get all his fruit and can make the biggest sundae the world has ever seen."

"Not with my chocolate you're not!" said Lupin, clutching a bar of chocolate against his chest. "If you want chocolate sauce for your sundae, I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere for it."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yes, Moony. We all know that you have dibs on all the chocolate in the castle. Although how you can drink chocolate sauce straight from the bottle without getting sick is beyond me."

James was about halfway up the Whomping Willow when the tree started to move. At first it was only the end of a single branch, creaking and quivering. Then one branch began to move, then another.

James froze, glancing over at the shaking branch beside him. His heart began to race as a branch directly beneath him whipped around, nearly striking him in the back. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all.

He had to hurry. Pretty soon the whole tree would come alive, wildly swinging its branches in an attempt to throw him off. But even if he did make it to the top, what then? How was he going to get down? Or better yet, how was he going to get down safely?

"Didn't really think this through, did you, Prongs?" Sirius called up to his friend.

"Shut it!" James yelled.

He started climbing faster, determined to make it to the top even if it killed him.

The Whomping Willow began to sway, rocking and shaking its branches. To the tree James was nothing than an irksome fly it wanted to flick off into the night. And before long James found himself desperately clinging to one of its branches, trying to hold on as he was tossed this way and that.

Try as he might James couldn't hold on. The Whomping Willow hurled him through the air, sending him flying towards the castle. He ended up getting thrown through an open window, landing on the floor of the girl's bathroom.

He slid across the tiled floor, stopping inches from a large bathtub. Any further and he would have fallen head first into the water.

James lifted his head, his glasses askew on his face, and saw Lily bathing in the tub.

"Oh, well what do we have here?" he said, trying his best to appear cool and calm in front of the lovely lady he'd been admiring from afar for some time now. "Mind if I join you? I could help you wash your back if you like."

He smiled at her and winked. Lily screamed, picked up her towel and began hitting him in the face with it.

"Pervert! Voyeur!" she yelled at him, all while beating him about the face and chest with her towel. "You disgusting pig! Get out of here!"

At that moment Sirius ran in, just in time to see a nude Lily Evans smacking his best friend repeatedly with an oversized fluffy towel. Most of her privates were obscured by foamy bubbles since she had been taking a bubble bath. But it was still enough to cause him to stop and stare.

Lupin followed a minute later, hesitant to enter a ladies' bathroom since he knew nither he nor Sirius belonged in there.

When he saw James being attacked by Lily and Sirius staring open mouthed like a zombie, Lupin ran forward and grabbed James by the arm. He also seized Sirius and drug them both out of the bathroom as fast as he could.

"Remus!" James shouted angrily once they were out of the bathroom and halfway down the adjacent corridor. "Way to ruin a beautiful moment! If you'd left me alone a little while longer all the bubbles would have been gone."

"Beautiful moment?" Lupin exclaimed in astonishment. "That's the girls' bathroom! Are you completely mad? Wait, no. Don't answer that. You tried to climb the Whomping Willow. Of course you're mad."

"Remus, that was Lily Evans in there. Lily Evans! And what's mad about wanting to sneak a peak at her?"

"You could get in serious trouble if you're caught lurking around the girls' bathroom. Sirius has already landed himself in detention scrubbing bedpans for a month. We don't need you getting detention as well. Merlin, am I the only one with any common sense and decency around here?"

"Well, at least one good thing came out of this," said James, now grinning at Lupin and Sirius. "I can now rub it in Snake's face that I got to see Lily's boobs and he didn't!"

"Great," said Lupin dryly. "Now you have something to think about while you wank off tonight. Now come on. Let's get out of here before Lily decides to charm a bunch of bath beads and sends them flying up your nose."