Hey you guys I know the first chapter was rough and short, but I was just testing waters. They will be longer and more grammatically correct. I do hope that you guys will review I need constructive criticism so that I may improve my writing skills. I wish to be an author so I really need this. Enjoy!


I sat in the car quietly as my parents discussed the sermon. My brother and I kept ramming our shoulders together and giggling quietly.

"So Jasper, are you going Christmas caroling with Alice?" My mother asked. Louis gave everyone in the car a queer look and then looked at me and mouthed 'should I?' I shook my head. I wanted Bella to myself and he'll distract me.

"Nah, I'm going to my mom's" Jasper said enthusiastically. Jasper wasn't my full brother, he was my half-brother. My father, Carlisle, was a huge player when he was in college. Jasper periodically stayed with us. Most of the time Esme and him would start arguing and that would result in him going to live with his mother again. I always miss him while he's gone, but I deal with it.

My mother nodded quietly and turned up the volume to the Christian radio station. As she continued to drive my thoughts began to drift.

Why was she so flirty? I'm usually that way and she smiled a lot. I want to make her smile like that, but I know I won't, I can wish and hope, but it'll do no good. I love her. I need her. She is life, love, nourishment, shelter, and… and air. She is the reason why I breathe. Her smile is my sunlight. Oh why must I be in love with an angel? I could write million sonnets for how she makes me feel and it still wouldn't describe a fraction of it. She's love. She's life. She's not mine.

I entered my bedroom and flopped down on my futon couch. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "Dear God," I paused opened my eyes and looked towards my ceiling. "Fuck that," I grabbed my guitar and grabbed my lighter that was hidden under my couch. I lit candles in my room, closed the curtains, and then shut off the lights.

My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshiped her sooner
If the heavens ever did speak
She's the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak

A fresh poison each week
'We were born sick,' you heard them say it
My Church offers no absolutes.
She tells me, 'Worship in the bedroom.'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you—
I was born sick,
But I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

If I'm a pagan of the good times
My lover's the sunlight

"Oh Alice your voice is so beautiful!" my mother shouted in glee. My eye twitched, I put my guitar back against the wall and opened the curtains. I then blew out the candle and grabbed my coat.

"I'm going for a walk since I can't sing alone." I grumbled. I stomped out into the bitter cold and began heading west. I needed to think.

I wonder if Bella's girlfriend is coming. I'd prefer if she didn't. It would make this trip much more enjoyable, it would give me time to realize the thought of Us, Bella and I, would never happen and that I should just get over it. She and I were never a possibility in the first place. She was God's messenger telling me that if I clean up my act and be a good moral Christian then, only then, would I get my prize.

I can't though. The taste of the sweet sharp tongue of a woman is the only thing that can cure my hunger for them. The urge to dominate and control; the urge to make them moan and scream my name is too great. Maybe I am sick. Mom always says that gays are sick, and so far she hasn't been wrong. Maybe I need a therapist. Yeah, possibly. I guess I'm damned.

I turned towards the east and began my journey back home. My phone began to ring, I answered with a soft hello.

"Alice!" It was Bella.

"Hey Izzy, How'd you get my number?" Nervous laugh.

"Your brother gave it to me. So, are you coming to this Christmas carol tonight?"

"Yeah I am, Jasper isn't going though," I say while smirking and looking both ways before I ran across the street.

"So, I'm not waiting to see Jasper, I wanna see you." She giggled. It was so cute.

"Awe you giggled," I chuckled.

"Shut up! You do that you know?" she whispered almost seductively.

"I do?" I gulped, "Well at least I'm good for something," I chuckled nervously. "So who is this mystery girl?" Damn my curiousity.

"Her name is Leah, she lives on the reservation. Who do you like?" she asks and I can definitely picture her cocking her to the side in an adorable fashion.

"I prefer not to share, maybe tonight though?" I hesitantly ask. She giggled through the phone.

"Ok, well I got to go. I'll see you in 30 minutes?" 30 minutes? I checked my watch and noticed that I indeed only had 30 minutes.

"Ah, shit! Izzy if I'm not there stall them!" I abruptly hung up the phone and put it in my pocket. I began to sprint the last 4 blocks to my house. I could see my breath rapidly coming out in puffs of white smoke. I could see my house in range so I pushed myself harder. My mom was just now coming out the house. I reached the side of the van and I jumped in. My mom gave me a queer look, but continued getting into the van and started it up.


HEY HEY HEY! Alright that song was Take Me to Church by Hozier. Remember Review!