Chapter 2
Tony was busy putting groceries away when Angela entered the kitchen. Billy stopped shoving crackers into his mouth long enough to ask between bites, "Is he gone, Angela? Can I finish my video now?"
"Yes Billy, he's gone." Angela studied him, trying to figure out how much he might have heard. Tony looked at her then and asked her if that was Andy's car he'd seen in the driveway. But before she could answer, Billy started, "Tony, it was the mean man. He doesn't like me. Why did he ask if I still lived here? Can't he see that? And I heard him say that bad word too. Angela, what does f*** mean?"
There was nothing like an inquisitive 5-year old to throw the cards on the table. He'd just repeated Andy's profanity in front of Tony. Angela was taken aback. Tony gaped at her and then at Billy and then back at Angela like he wasn't sure who he wanted to address first. He started with Billy.
"Hey Billy buddy, it's not okay to say that word. Don't repeat it again. Sometimes grownups say things they shouldn't but we don't use that word in this house. Got it?" Billy nodded but was still a bit confused about the entire situation. If it was such a bad word, then why did the mean man use it? "Hey champ, why don't you finish your movie?" Tony wanted to speak to Angela, alone. He ushered Billy back into the living room and set up the VCR for him, unpausing Pinocchio. Billy relaxed on the couch and continued to munch his crackers.
Tony came back into the kitchen trying to figure out what had happened during his short absence at the grocery store. Angela was sitting at the kitchen table, head down, willing herself not to cry. She didn't think that Billy had heard anything besides Andy's loud curse and Tony hadn't even known that Andy was here, so he obviously hadn't heard. The confrontation with Andy had taken its toll and now the tears were threatening to spill. She didn't want to cry in front of Tony. She wasn't ready to tell him about any of this yet. She needed to process it first. Angela stood up to leave the kitchen but Tony blocked her exit.
"Whoa Angela! Wait a second here. What happened? Was that Andy? What was he doing here?" No way was Tony letting Angela just leave the room without clueing him in first. She seemed upset and he wanted to know why.
"Yes, Tony, it was Andy but I'd really rather not talk about it right now. Please." The unshed tears had formed a lump in her throat, and her words came out strangled and raspy.
"Listen Angela, if he came here and swore at you and made you cry, I can uh, beat him up for you. What happened?!" Tony was in full protective mode; assuming the same stance he did when checking out Sam's dates for the first time. Nobody insulted the women in this house. And nobody made them cry.
"Tony. Can we talk later, please?" Angela's eyes glistened with unshed tears and the first drops started to fall despite her best efforts. The entire Andy scenario replayed in her mind and the sick realization that her baby had been completely rejected made her feel a bit sick to her stomach. The full force of Andy's anger, his verbal violence and his utter contempt towards her suddenly hit her like a sledgehammer in the chest. She'd never felt so hated before. And he hated her baby too. She felt so ashamed and stupid. Andy's insults were like glass shards imbedding themselves into her psyche and her heart. She truly did feel like the idiot he'd judged her to be. The dam had broken and all of the emotions she'd repressed for the past ten days, since learning she was pregnant surfaced at once and overwhelmed her. Those damned pregnancy hormones, she cursed to herself.
"Tony, please. I need to be alone." Angela tried to push past him through the blur of her rapidly falling tears.
"But Angela . . ." Tony was troubled. He gently blocked her exit once more and lifted her chin up to meet her gaze. The only time he'd seen her this upset was when she'd been fired from Wallace & McQuaid. And, his conscience reminded him, when he'd slept with Kathleen. After the Kathleen incident, she'd hidden it and managed to exit her office quickly, getting away from him before the dam of tears burst. This time, she was trapped. He started wrapping his arms around her. At first Angela tried to break free from the hug but the concern and worry in Tony's warm eyes stopped her. She didn't feel like fighting anymore. She leaned into his chest and let the tears fall onto his flannel shirt. "Shhhh, it's ok. It's ok" he murmured into her hair, gently stroking her back, then moving his hand up onto her neck, massaging the tension there and back down across her shoulders, consoling, caressing and whispering "shhhh, it's ok, just cry" to her again and again. Angela continued sobbing against him, her tears flowing freely onto his shoulder. Then she thought of how hurt he'd be by her news, and she started crying even harder. She didn't want to hurt him. She wanted to stay in his arms, inhaling the familiar, comforting scent of him and feel safe there. What if he became angry? What if he wanted to leave? The fears and "what if's" began multiplying quickly and she suddenly felt as though she couldn't breathe. She was going to have to hurt this man. After what they'd just been through, she didn't know if their relationship could take another blow. She needed to breathe! "I'm sorry Tony. I'm so sorry", she sobbed as she extricated herself from his arms and abruptly ran out the back door. She didn't have her car keys or her purse with her so she just started running up the street, into the cold November rain.
Tony wanted to pursue her but he couldn't well leave Billy alone. Jonathan was at the library all afternoon and Sam was at the dorm. He quickly picked up the phone and dialed Mona's number. She picked up the phone with an annoyed sounding, "What?"
"Mona, it's me. Listen, I need you to come to the house and watch Billy for a bit. It's urgent." Tony was pacing in the kitchen.
"What, ME babysit? Again? Tony, I have a date and we don't want to be interrupted. Go away." And with that, she hung up. Tony growled at the phone, redialed and yelled into the receiver this time, "Mona, your daughter just took off out of here sobbing her heart out. She's out running in this cold rain without a jacket or umbrella. I'm going after her and you need to get your butt down here and keep an eye on Billy. Screw your date!" He just realized the bad choice of words and winced as he hung up.
But his words had the intended effect and Mona was at the kitchen door right away. "What do you mean, Angela is sobbing and running in the rain?" A mother's instinct to worry never faded even when her "child" was 39. Tony pushed her towards the living room and told her to keep an eye on Billy. He grabbed his jacket and keys and took off in the Jeep to find Angela.
It didn't take long to find her. She hadn't gotten far on foot but she was already drenched. It was barely above freezing outside and the raindrops were starting to coalesce into icy pellets. What on earth was she doing outside like this in her thin cotton shirt? Tony knew that Angela had a tendency to run out when she got stressed or overwhelmed. The incident during her birthday when she'd talked in her sleep came to mind but at least she hadn't driven off to a downtown bar this time. He caught up with her easily and honked the jeep to make himself known. Through the open window he called to her, "Angela, get in the car. You're gonna freeze your butt off. Come on!" But she just stood there, soaked, not moving. "Oh Angela, you're gonna to make me get out of the car, aren't you?" he muttered to himself. With the engine still running, Tony jumped out of the jeep and approached Angela. She was shivering, her teeth chattering and her face was soaked in a mixture of rain and tears. He took off his jacket, wrapped it around her and led her to the passenger seat.
Angela allowed Tony to take her to the car. She just wanted to get warm again. The icy rain was hurting her cheeks and forehead and her nose was dripping. He handed her a tissue from the box in the car and drove home quickly. He wasn't going to force her to talk if she wasn't ready but it was obvious that Andy had traumatized her somehow. "You okay?" he asked, wanting her to know that she could talk to him. "Am I okay? Tony, have you ever seen me less okay?" her voice sounded weary. "No, Angela, I can't say that I have and that includes when you got canned." He said softly, then continued, "You're my best friend so when you're ready to talk, please know you can talk to me. I mean it, Angela. Whatever happened, whatever this is about, I'm here for you." He pulled into the driveway, turned to face her and put a warm hand over her frozen one, squeezing it lightly. "But first, let's get you warmed up before you catch pneumonia! By the way, I should warn you that Mona's here. She's watching Billy."
They entered the house together, through the kitchen door. Tony had his arm around Angela's shoulders and was hugging her to him to warm her up. He felt very protective of her and wanted to take care of her right now. Whatever was going on, he would show her his care. And hopefully, she'd be able to open up to him and trust him with this situation. "Come on, Angela. Let's get you out of those wet clothes and put you in a hot shower." Oh, that came out wrong! "What I mean, Angela, is that you should take a hot shower right now and warm up. Just put your wet clothes on the floor and I'll hang 'em in the laundry room for ya. And I'll make you tea. Earl Grey. Hot." Angela was still shivering and lost in her thoughts. She didn't even react to Tony's faux pas.
Mona heard them in the kitchen and quickly went to see what was happening. She took a sharp intake of breath when she saw her daughter, soaking, shivering, teeth chattering and miserable, but worst of all her eyes were dull. She had a feeling she knew what this might be about, but she'd need to get Angela alone to discuss it.
"Mona, Angela needs a hot shower. Can you give her a hand here?" Tony's anxious expression spurred Mona to action. Mona grabbed Angela's arm and steered her where she needed to go. Fortunately, Billy was glued to the TV set and wasn't paying much attention as they headed up the stairs, mother leading daughter.
"Let's go upstairs, Angela. I'll help you." Mona wasn't normally a nurturing sort of person, preferring to tease and torment her daughter in good fun but in a crisis, her maternal instincts resurfaced with a vengeance. She loved her daughter very much even though she hid her feelings behind humour and sarcasm. Angela felt as though she was walking through a fog now that her emotions were spent. Running in the cold rain had been idiotic and she was frozen to the core, not even caring anymore. Fatigue started to set deeply into her entire body. The pregnancy was making her more tired than usual these days but this was a bone weary exhaustion resulting from the earlier crying jag and strong emotions. It felt almost surreal, to be floating behind her mother and following her up the stairs. Mona opened the door to Angela's bedroom and started helping her out of her wet things. Angela wasn't reacting much and Mona was getting worried.
"Angela, let's get you into the hot shower right now, okay?" Angela didn't protest or help. She just felt so damned tired. Spent. "Angela?" Mona snapped her fingers in front of her daughter's face and managed to startle her. Angela quickly discarded the rest of her soggy clothes on the floor and headed to the shower, Mona following closely behind. "Mother, if you don't mind, I'd rather shower by myself. I don't need any help." She closed the bathroom door in her mother's face and stepped into the shower.
The first spray of hot water felt so good, so comforting, so warming. Angela reveled in it, standing there in the hot spray, letting the rivulets of water caress her body, calming the shivering. Her body relished in the warmth and she just sighed, letting the hot water crash onto her head, shoulders and back. When she was done, she was surprised to find that Mona was waiting for her in the bedroom. "Well, how was that, dear? Do you feel better now?" Mona patted the bed beside her, inviting Angela to sit down. Angela was wary; did her mother want a confession of sorts? Could she trust her with this information? Would she even be able to keep it from her? The woman had a weird sixth sense about some things—usually things one was trying to hide. But she seemed genuinely concerned. Angela sat down cautiously and removed the pink turban from her hair, drying it with the towel. She didn't say anything, waiting instead for Mona to speak first.
"So, Angela . . . why don't you tell me how far along you are?" Mona prompted.
"Far along in what?" Angela asked carefully. She wasn't ready to reveal anything just yet.
"Angela, this is your mother talking. Your face was green during the train rides to work this week. You can't hide anything from me."
"You know I get train sick, Mother." How the hell did she know?
"You're starting to show, dear."
"What? I am?" She didn't see that coming.
"No, but now you've admitted it. Gotcha!" Mona was pleased with herself until she looked up and saw Angela's face. The sadness in her dark eyes said it all.
"Oh Mother. . . ", Angela had no words. She felt ambushed.
"Tell me. Talk to me. Who's the father? Is it Andy's? Does Tony know?" Mona always needed to know all the details about everything.
"Yes, Andy's. No, Tony doesn't know. Mother, I'm so tired. I think I need some juice." She tried to change the subject.
"Oh, my poor stupid baby!" Mona pulled her daughter into a hug and gave her reassuring words that it would be alright. "Let me see if I'm right here. You're terrified to tell Tony because you've invented an entire disastrous outcome in your mind but you haven't even talked to him, have you?" Sometimes Mona's insights were spot on. "Angela, you need to talk to him. He's your best friend."
"Mother, Tony and I are finally getting back to where we were before Kathleen and this horrible summer. And now I'm pregnant with another man's child! How is this going to affect our reconciliation? We've been taking baby steps, being so careful, not taking anything for granted since we stopped dating others. I'm so scared that it'll be too much for him. For us. I can't lose him again." Oh no, not more tears. Angela wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took a deep sigh. "Mother, Andy was horrible. He wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. He paid me off. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby." I'm all alone.
"No, you're not alone." Come on, let's go downstairs and feed you.
"I'm not ready to tell Tony yet, Mother. Please don't tell him." She implored. Mona nodded, figuring that the pregnancy would make itself known in time if Angela was too chicken to say anything. If only those two could actually talk to each other instead of worrying about consequences that hadn't even happened. Sometimes they needed a wee nudge.
Mona and Angela made their way downstairs, the smells of dinner being prepared wafting through the living room. Jonathan was back home and he and Billy were constructing Lego spaceships on the living room floor. "Hi mom." He greeted to her. She smiled at her son and Billy playing together. It was such a normal scene of happy domesticity; dinner on the way, children playing. This joyful reality contrasted sharply with Angela's inner turmoil. She tugged the sash of her ratty pink bathrobe more tightly around her belly, making sure that nothing was showing and headed back into the kitchen where Tony was waiting for her.
