The days passed like years.

Everything felt heavy and cold, emptiness was creeping through both of the men.

Chris couldn't eat and he still couldn't face himself in the mirror since he noticed a blue-yellowish mark on his collarbone that wouldn't be gone for another week.

Darren's fingerprints were still visible on his hips, blue bruises covering the soft porcelain skin there, reminders of what he just wanted to forget and he could swear that when he looked at them he could still feel the tight, needy grip pulling him closer.

'Fuck you lightly bruising body!', he thought to himself.

He tried his best to not let anyone know, not even Amber.

The young man was way too embarrassed about what had happened.

He let someone use him and he even enjoyed it, at least he did while it lasted.

Chris's self-hatred grew when he thought about the night.

It wasn't like he hated being touched like Darren touched him, sometimes gentle and staid and sometimes rough and needy, grasping at him and holding him like he was the only one who mattered.

A sharp pain in his chest made Chris flinch and hiss, causing him to sit down.

But nonetheless he had loved having control over someone like this, being the one who decided how much pleasure the other one could get, how much of him Darren would have and apparently he decided to give him everything he could.

His cheeks turned crimson with shame.

He felt sick again but that wasn't really unusual anymore.

The need to tell somebody, anybody, was slowly killing him.

Chris wanted to cry and scream in frustration and hold onto someone, just feeling loved and be told that everything's going to be ok, that everything will be fine but there was no way he could tell Amber or Ashley.

They had warned him, told him he shouldn't rush things.

When he confessed he was a virgin they didn't believe him at first, telling him that with that moves, body, face and just with him being himself it was impossible that no boy had laid a finger on him.

The girls told him that he shouldn't throw himself away like that just because he was a 20 year old virgin.

They said it didn't matter what age you are if it is with a person you love.

At least that worked out but it wasn't making the situation any better.

Chris just tried to get through the day, distracting himself with work.
He was writing like a madman, only getting up to get a new can of dietcoke or use the bathroom.

All he wanted was not to think about Darren's perfect smile, his perfect moans, his perfect body.

He just wanted these things to go away.

Wanting to forget how they used to be and how he loved falling asleep on Darren's shoulder while watching a movie, just feeling safe around the other man, without any ulterior motives.

When he was typing word after word, phrase after phrase into his laptop, completely lost in his story his phone suddenly rang.

He winced at the harsh sound filling his completely quiet apartment, taking him out of his trance.

Chris nearly tripped when he ran around, searching his phone but gave up as soon as it stopped, letting out an annoyed sigh when it started again.

It went on and off for good 10 minutes and Chris felt relieved when he finally found it.

4 missed calls by Darren Criss.

He felt so sick his stomach felt like the acid would burn right through, eating up his body and how he wished that could happen.

Tears were prickling in his eyes but he blinked them away, not letting himself cry over this man.

He shook his head, closing the message and putting his phone on mute.

There he was again, sitting in his lonely, way too quiet apartment, light dimmed and Chris was trying his best to focus but he simply couldn't do it.

The rush of work had worn off and he was back in reallife again.

He was forced to face it and he couldn't escape this time.

He heard his phone vibrate against his desk but he knew who was calling and there was no way he would pick up.

He just couldn't, even if he wanted to.

It just hurt way too much.

If seeing his caller ID made him feel that bad what would it be like if they actually talked?

Chris was yawning, it was already 2 am and he knew he should probably just go to bed.

He wouldn't sleep anyways or if he did he'd sleepwalk again but he needed to lay down because the pain was too overwhelming, creeping through him from head to toe.

At 2:23 his phone started ringing again, he shuddered.

Trying to use all his courage to answer this time because this had to stop.

His hands were shaking when he pressed the answer button.

"STOP CALLING!", he just screamed into the phone, startled by his own voice.

"Chris...I..."
"I don't want to hear any of your stupid excuses Darren! Don't you get it? It's over! You had your fun, I had mine and we gambled away everything we had! There is nothing that can be said anymore. I love you and you don't love me. I'm trying to get over this, I have a million other things in my mind right now! I can't be bothered with my nonexistent lovelife like I'm some fucking 16 year old Darren. Just please...leave me be, let me go, I can't deal with this. It rips me apart knowing that you're only calling to make you feel better about yourself but I honestly don't want you to."

He paused, trying to gain control over his voice again because he was all highpitched and hoarse.

"This wasn't the moment to sound like Mickey Mouse." he thought to himself.

"See...this is so easy for you because you're the straight one Darren, you can blame it on the alcohol all you want but I can't. You can say that you can't fall in love with me as much as I can't do that with girls and everyone will understand but I know how I feel.

I know who I am.

You can just say you wanted to experiment just because you can. You're 24...you can do whatever the fuck you want but please...just let me be. Just let me get over this and stop rubbing salt into my wounds. I'm already open bleeding so...just stop."

"Chris I...I never wanted to make you feel this way.", Darren stuttered.

"Then why did you? Because I exposed myself to you the way I did?...I guess that's actually the thing that hurts the most...knowing that you know every weak spot of me and yet you still do this. You know me better than everyone else does and you still took advantage of this and it really fucking hurts - so bad Darren, so please let me hang up and live my life just like I let you live yours. I can't force you to love me or confess that it mattered but...I can let you know that it did to me. So...goodbye Darren."

"Don't hang up Chris please let me expla-"

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Chris couldn't take it, he was crying again.

After 2 years he cried so much it was like he was trying to catch up.

His body was trembling, harsh sobs making him jump.

His heart was wrenching and his head was spinning.

After an hour he finally fell asleep, completely exhausted.

He woke up to his doorbell ringing furiously.

Chris looked around sleepily, not really getting he wasn't asleep anymore.

His sight was cloudy and his eyes were dry and sore from all the crying.

He got up, quickly putting on some sweatpants and went to answer the door.

When he opened the door he cursed himself for not looking through the spyhole first.

It was Darren.

His hair was a mess and a dark fury of stubble spread over his face, his normally golden hazel eyes were cloudy and dark rings were underneath them.

But still...

It was Darren!

Chris wanted to slam the door shut, yelling and crying at the other man for following him, torturing him, making him feel ashamed and hurt in a way he never had before.

He couldn't.

Darren was staring up at him in the most pleading way.

"Chris I'm sorry but I'm here to tell you the truth...I want to tell you things about me. You need to hear me out..."
The younger man stepped aside, letting the other one in.

He slowly closed the door, his eyes widened and his heart beating like it was about to burst.

What was this all about?