Chapter(?) 1: Battle at Mt. Maroon

A young boy in a red jacket, wearing a white & blue cap with a large red "Z" inscribed on it's front was walking down a path surrounded by rocks and mountains.

"Hi, I'm Alph Graball, and this is my partner Sandslash. And I'm going to be a Pokemon Master!! Although I'm not sure if that means I have to catch every Pokemon in the world or if I have to beat the Elite Four."

Walking at the young boy's side was a yellow-skinned creature with black beady eyes and lots of dark-brown spikes protruding from it's back. "That idiot couldn't do either with TEN, ACTUAL Pokemon Masters instructing him." It's expression was stern as it spoke.
If you looked at it's hands for some weird reason you would see it had claws, not very much resembling fingers. Overall it looked somewhat like a bipedal porcupine with much thicker spikes.

"Oh well, because I'm going to do it either way! Oh, and don't worry, Sandslash doesn't know this because I'm narrating, so he can't hear me! Heh heh, silly Sandslash. But he shouldn't worry because I would never insult him, anyway."

"I can hear you, you're not narrating, and I consider being called "silly" an insult, especially because me being silly would make me seem almost as undignified as you." As you would know realize, the bipedal porcupine thing was a Sandslash, a species of ground-type Pokemon.

"Heh, Sandslash, you know that I'm not "undiggedified"! After all, I'm still above ground aren't I? You're the one who's undiggedified!!"

~Smack~ "Anyway, as you know he's Alph Graball. And as you didn't know, but probably guessed, I'm a talking Sandslash. I can also narrarate, unlike Stupidity McStupid over there."

"Hey, a rock! I'm going to capture you and call you, Rocky!! Whee!"

"See what I mean? Anyway, there's no way this kid could EVER become a Pokemon Master, since while he knows the conditions, -which only require 1 to be fulfilled-, he doesn't KNOW they ARE the conditions."

Alph could be seen licking the rock he found.

So in case you can't tell, the kid we know as Alph Graball is a really stupid kid. And the Sandslash, his traveling Pokemon partner.

"The kid knows absolutely nothing about Pokemon Battles, I'm the only Pokemon he has, and I'm pretty sure Brock was cutting him ALOT of slack. I'm surprised he got out of whatever mental institute he was in, and all the way past Pewter City."

As Sandslash talked & complained, and Alph followed a life of ignorance is bliss, a not-so-evil presence prepared itself.

"I can't believe how easy that last part of the route was. All those other Pokemon Trainers just ran away suddenly, and I could've battled them all. I wonder why they all ran?? Hmmm."

"Probably because they saw an angry Sandslash and a potentially dangerous kid." Sandslash muttered aloud. "Really, where?! I could catch the Sandslash and make friends with the kid!" Alph exclaimed eagerly.

"I don't even know where to begin with that." Sandslash muttered to itself.

"I know! Mt. Moon is just like one huge maze, like it's a cave where people can get lost or something." Alph said, unintentionally responding in non sequitur.

"Gee, who would've thought!?" Sandslash rolled his eyes as he said that, which, considering what a Sandslash's eyes look like, is kind of hard to imagine.

"I know, Sandslash!" "Well, there's a surprise." Sandslash remarked as the duo walked up to Mt. Moon, an ominous evil waited in the shadows.

"Do you think we'll be able to capture it this time Je- The speaker was promptly conked on the head by the one being to spoken to. "OF COURSE WE'LL BE ABLE TO CAPTURE IT, YOU IDIOT!!" The first speaker recoiled as his left ear was screamed directly into.

"I dunno, we ne'er do manage to catch that mouse anyway." A third speaker added to the conversation.

Back to Alph and Sandslash…

"Did you hear some people talking just know?" Sandslash asked, confused, but far from nervous.

"Gee, I sure hope no one ambushes us right now." Alph said to himself, having not heard his Pokemon partner at all.

Then two people jumped out of the shadows, the outlines of their bodies visible. Then a radio with evil music
began playing.

"Become oblivious to serenity!"

"And make it no different than before!"

Sandslash was taken by annoyed surprise. "Wait, who the hell are you guys?" Alph, more so surprise and confused "Could you turn on some lights, please? I can't see if you're my friends or not."

With each line, a spotlight was put on the speaker. Ironically, still, only their silhouettes were visible.

"To expose the world to restoration!"

"To separate no one in someone else's falsely-owned nation!"

"We still can't see you, could you step more into the light." Alph said, still confused, and naïve. Sandslash on the other hand was quite annoyed. "If you don't tell me who you are in the next 3 seconds, I'll kill you."

"To praise the good of lies and hate!"

"To shorten our restrictions to the rocks below!"

"Jennifer!"

"Jasper!"

"Nice to meet you." Alph said, holding out his hand to no one in particular. Sandslash was contrastingly impolite. "Well, it's about time."

"Team Pocket, rockets off with the slowness of sound!"

"Retreat now, or let your battle guard down!"

"Skiiiii-itty, that's me!"

"HOLY CRAP, IT TALKS!!" Alph and his Pokemon screamed in unison.

Now, the trio(Jennifer, Jasper and Skitty.) had shown themselves, and Alph and Sandslash were quite surprised though, only by the talking Skitty however.

The two humans of the group were a male(Jasper) with short red, hair, and a female(Jennifer) with long, blueish-purple hair.

Sandslash walked up to the Skitty in a somewhat besotted daze. "Finally, another talking Pokemon. Pleasure to meet you." Sandslash said, holding out a claw sideways, forgetting that grabbing a Sandslash's sideways claw could be painful.

"Wow! You can talk, too!!"

"Uh. Yes, I can." Sandslash said, somewhat wordless.

Skitty looked at him deviously. "Hey, wanna see me do a Wailord?" The Skitty responded with a kinky intonation.

Then Sandslash tried to picture her offering in his mind. "Uhhh, I doubt that's even possible." He said, somewhat weirded out. "You would be surprised at the feats some Skitty are capable of, honey-slash."

Meanwhile with Alph...

"Hand over your Pokemon!!" Jennifer instructed.

Jasper slapped his forehead. "Pokemon isn't singular or plural, dumbass!"

"What do "singular", "plural", and "dumbass" mean??" The trainer said, showing stupidity beyond all belief.

"Look, it's clear that this kid is stupid beyond all belief!" Jasper told Jennifer, leaning over to whisper in her ear. "You're right, and since his only Pokemon is distracted by our Skitty…" The female member of the team said, pointing at Skitty.

"We can easily use our other Pokemon to beat him and steal that Sandslash!!" The Team concluded.

"Yeah, it's much more effective than just exploiting his stupidity to con him out of his Pokemon. See, this is why I'M in charge of ideas, Jennifer!"

"Of course! You're so smart, Jasper!" Jennifer said without the slightest hint of doubt in her voice.

"I can see you guys, you know." Alph said, pointing at them. "But did you hear what we said?" Jasper asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I couldn't. Sorry."

"No problem. Now, go, MAGNETON! Use thunderbolt to take down that Sandslash!" Jasper yelled, throwing a Pokeball, and watching as his Magneton sent a blast of electricity towards Sandslash.

"Are you guys trying to attack me??" He said, turning with eyes showing flames of aggression.

"YEEK! IT TALKS!!" Team Pocket screamed and huddled together at noticing this about Alph's Sandslash.

Sandslash did an in-place facefault and got up.

"Were you guys even paying attention? Of course I talk. What? You think I had learned to reorganize the syllables of my name so I could speak human??"

"Well, that's how our Skitty learned to talk…" Jennifer asked, cowering at the nearest wall, next to Jasper. Sandslash looked over his shoulder at Skitty.

"It's true." She said.

"I feel so sorry for you guys. Mainly because, I'm about to KICK YOUR ASSES!! EARTHQUAKE!!" He screamed.

"Sandy, there's no need to be so violent!" Skitty told him, putting her paws to her head as Sandslash leapt up, struck the ground with a claw, and sent an earthquake towards them.

Then Sandslash was quick to angrily point out that Sandy is a GIRL'S name.

"Ha, an EARTHquake won't hit my FLOATING Magneton." Jasper exclaimed confidently.

The camera shifted back to the male talking Pokemon, who was now wearing a snowy owl mask. "O RLY?"

Then the ground went up in waves, like a blanket being shaken, which sent Magneton up into the air; out of sight, and crashing down to the ground, all 132.0 pounds of it, having been knocked out and no longer able to float.

"AHHHH, my effeminate side hates earthquakes!!" Jasper yelled as a result of the aftermath. "I hate them in general!" Jennifer screamed.

"Alright, Sandslash!! Now finish 'em off with a slash attack!!" Alph called out.

"I DON'T LISTEN TO YOU!" The Pokemon screamed at his supposed master, his head growing comically large.

Jennifer's head then grew as large, if not larger than Sandslash's had. "Both of you shut up!" This resulted in several slashes to her face.

"Nobody tells ME to shut up."

"Alright, that it's it Jasper, I'm taking over because you're too stupid to win a battle to save your life." Jennifer said, irritated.

"No I'm not!" Jasper said, his eyes welling with tears.

Jennifer countered in a flat, "matter-of-fact" voice. "You used an electric attack on a ground-type Pokemon. Everyone, except, obviously you, and that kid, knows that ground-type Pokemon are immune to electric type moves."

"Sorry. Go on." He said defeatedly. Jennifer pulled a Pokeball off her waist and threw it.

"Alright then, go, Huntail!" Huntail appeared out of it's Pokeball, and began flopping around on the dry ground.

"You guys are pathetic." Sandslash remarked. "Time to gut the fish!!" Sandslash lept up and slashed huntail, opening a large wound, and Huntail's screaming mouth.

Jennifer astonished, recalled her Pokemon and Jasper took the initiative to speak. "Um. We just got beaten by a technically wild Pokemon." Jasper said, staring blankly.

"No you didn't. There's still that talking Skitty left!!" Alph had woken up from his nap, and ran over to Skitty, Sandslash wasn't quick enough to notice this, and Alph and Skitty got into a scuffle.

This was one of the stupidest things Alph ever decided to do considering Sandslash's temper.

"STOP…BEATING UP…MY GIRLFRIEND!!" Sandslash yelled, infuriated, and clawing at Alph in a rage. Alph changed his attention to Sandslash and the two fought for a minute before Alph was beaten.

"Sandslash learned rage. Sandslash now has anger problems." Alph's Pokedex declared.

"SHUT UP!! Now for you guys: Poison Sting!!"

"Before you do that: Sorry, I have to go now." Skitty conceded. "What!?" Skitty then ran faster than the poison needles, and got into the group of her beaten comrades, just as somehow, the poison needles exploded, and sent Team Pocket flying.

Sandslash's eyebrow twitched. "Why would the needles EXPLODE!?" Sandslash finally yelled, in utter frustration, as Team Pocket -and his girlfriend- flew off.

"Looks like Team Pocket is rocketing off agaaaaaiiin!"

"Yeah! We did it!" Alph said, jumping with his fist raised. Sandslash turned his angry eyes to Alph and began slashing him. "YOU DID NOTHING EXCEPT FOR BEATING UP MY GIRLFRIEND!!"

One hour later…

Alph had his index finger raised, his clothes torn, and his body beaten. "To…Mount…Moon." Then he fell unconscious.

"As much as I hate you, I have some good in me, so you're going to the Pokemon Center."

And so, he dragged Alph to the Pokemon Center, and as you can imagine, there was much panic about a talking/demon Sandslash in the Pokemon Center that night.

To probably not be continued.