A/N-Okay, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, once again, if asked to
continue, then I'll write another chapter, otherwise it will end here.
A chance to be happy
The words of my heart
Her lips are on mine, I can't believe it. One minute I'm looking into the sad softness of her dark eyes, and the next minute she's kissing me. Not a friend kiss, like my kiss on her cheek, or her kiss on my forehead. But a real kiss. Her full lips feel so soft against mine. Soft and warm. God, I hope she never stops kissing me. This moment his bliss, peace. Peace that I haven't felt for a while.
She does stop kissing me though. She pulls back and looks at me. Her tears have stopped, though she still as the sad look. I wonder if it will ever go away. She looked sad when I first met her, and since then, she's never looked completely happy. I know it's my fault, for giving her that virus, for being such a jerk. But I didn't know her then. I didn't know Logan then. I didn't know anything then. I'll I knew was orders, and I was following mine. I had learned what happened to soldiers that don't follow orders, and I preferred to not experience that again.
And here I am now, sitting with this beautiful sad woman, whose life has become so intertwined with mine. I can't tell what's going on in her mind. She has the strangest look in her eyes. That's my problem, If I'm with a girl I care nothing about, everything's fine. I'm the ladies man. The charmer. They see me, they like what they see, and all I have to do is look into their eyes, smile, and their mine. Like clay in my hands, waiting for me to make into a statue. A statue that is perfect, and a statue that is mine, all mine.
But when it's some one I like, someone I care about, I know nothing. I'm culls, a big dumb dope. I can't read her, I can't mold her into a statue, she's already perfection. But she's not mine, not yet, maybe not ever. Come on Alec, get a hold of your self. This is me, this is what I do. I do it, and I'm good at it. I take a breath, and put on a smile. I hope it's a good one.
The corners of her mouth lift a little into a small smile of her own. "Alec" she says softly "I don't know what I want here" she tells me.
I don't know how to react to this. I know what I want, I want her. I want her to be mine. I want to hold her in my arms forever. I want to have her small warm body curled up at my side each night. And I want to wake up each morning and see her face. But I want to see her face smiling, I want her to be happy. I open my mouth to try and tell her this, but all I can say is "that's okay".
"I mean, I don't know what I want from this. I know that I want you" she says. She wants me. I can't believe it, she wants me. And oh God I want her. "And ya know Alec, the scary thing is I don't care. I don't care about what I don't know, I care about what I do know. And I know that I want you" she lowers her voice and brings her mouth to my ear, and in the smallest of whispers she says, "I think that I need you" she needs me.
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There. I've said it. Now it's up to him. His move. He's not doing anything's. He's staying still, not saying anything. I move to look at him, his eyes are wide open, starring at me. Oh no, I've ruined everything. I'm so stupid. 'I want you' what was that? that's not me. and 'I need you'? I'm such a moron. I should of known. All my life I've shielded my feelings, and that's always worked. Why did I have to let Alec, of all people, know how I feel.
His expression his changing now. His eyes soften, his lips curl up in a smile, and he kisses me. And he is such a good kisser. Kissing Alec feels like a dance, an art. Like he was born to kiss, it sure feels like it anyway. With those full pink lips, soft and sweet tasting. Like honey. I move so I am completely on him now, a leg on either side of him. My head his above his, leaning down to kiss him. His hand is on my back, rubbing the skin under my shirt. I rest my hand over his neck, where his bar code is beginning to reappear. I hold his face with my other hand, and he does the same with his.
Our first kiss was soft and gentle. this kiss is strong, hungry, and full of passion. A passion that I didn't even know was inside of me. And I deed to be closer to him. I press y upper body against his, needing to feel every bit of warmth he has to offer. I pull my face away from his, gasping for air, and he does the same. His cheeks are flushed with a soft pink shade. May be it's just the desperation in my heart, but at this moment, he is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. My heart is pounding, and I can feel his doing the same. And his eyes, they're bluer then I've ever seen them.
I move my hand away from his face, and rest it on his neck with my other hand. He moves his hand down my body and rests it on the curve of my waist. "Alec" I say, it comes out as more of a moan then I meant it to. I kiss the corner of his mouth, then move my lips down to his chin, down to his neck. His skin is so soft I ca believe it. Most males I've been with have rough skin, but not Alec.
I move away to look at him again. I can't seem to decide weather I want to look at him, or kiss him. "Max" he says in a deep voice. Oh that voice, it's so smooth and relaxed. It's like listening to a piano just hearing him talk. He pulls my shirt up and I allow him to slip it over my head. A back part of my mind is questioning how far I'm going to let this go and I don't know. I don't care. so now I wear only my bra. He runs a hand over one of the tattoos that have appeared on my chest. I pull his black sweater over his head, leaving his torso bare. I run my hands over his chest, taking in the sight of him, before returning my lips to his.
I shiver as a cold breeze blows in from the open window, and He pulls me closer to him, wrapping both arms around me, attempting to shield me from the cold. He rolls us over so that he is lying on top of me on the couch. I run my hands up and down his back. He moves his mouth down and kisses the tattoos that he had caressed a moment ago. His skin is hot against mine, and I cling to him. I cling to him like I have never clung to anyone or anything before. But I have to, I feel as if I let go, just for a moment, then I'll fall.
Everything these past few weeks, especially the last few days, has just been so confusing and complicated. But now, things seem to make a little more sense. And I need them to make sense. Alec looks at me confused, and I realize I'm crying again. His eyes look sad, as sad as mine must look, but he doesn't cry. I almost wish he would cry. It would make him seem more real. Right now he doesn't seem real at all, I'm half afraid that I'll wake up and it will be a dream.
He's just staring at me, and I realize he thinks I'm crying because of him. He starts to pull away, and I just cling tighter. "Please" I say quietly, "Please, let's just stay here like this for a moment" he nods, and rests his head on my chest. My heart is still pounding in my chest, and I can still feel his doing the same. I run my hands through his feathery hair, being content to be with him at the moment, but I can't seem to stop crying.
Alec notices this, and looks up at me. He wipes away my tears, and kisses my eyes, and looks down at me. "Max" he says softly, "I like you" he pauses and looks at my face, probably wondering what I'm thinking, "I like you a lot" he says.
Before tonight, I've never seen this side of him. I mean, he's been kind before, like when I told him about Ben, but the way he just said that was completely different then any side of him I've ever seen. His voice was shaky, shy even. I feel his hand shaking slightly on my face and I grab it. "Your hands are shaking" I say, being unable to find any other words
His expression changes to something I've never seen on his face before. "They are?" he asks in the same voice. He looks at his hands, and let's out something that resembles a laugh. He sits up, still staring at his hands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's right. My hands are shaking. I don't know If I can do this. It's all just to familiar. So I sit up and move away from her, starring at my hands. I've felt like this before, and I don't think I can do it again. Especially when it seems so impossible that she could feel the same way. I'm not Logan, and I'll never be Logan. She sits up next to be and puts a hand on my face. "I like you a lot too" she says. I turn to look at her, her tears have stopped. A breeze of cold wind makes me aware we're both shirtless, and I can tell by Max's shivering that she is also tired.
So I stand up, and grab her hand pulling up with me. I put a hand on the smooth dark skin of her face, and kiss her again, reveling in the taste of her mouth. I pull back and look into her dark eyes, then say "I'm going to sleep, you can come with me if you want" and I turn and walk into my room. She'll either follow me of leave. I fear both situations. Now in my room, I take my pants off, and climb into bed wearing only my boxers.
I minute latter, I hear her enter my room. "You can borrow a T-shirt" I tell her. I hear her moving around the room a little, before I feel her climb into bed next to me. I roll over and wrap my arms around her. She nuzzles my neck and settles down. A few minutes later I can hear the slow evening of her breathing, and I know she's asleep. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to claim me.
A chance to be happy
The words of my heart
Her lips are on mine, I can't believe it. One minute I'm looking into the sad softness of her dark eyes, and the next minute she's kissing me. Not a friend kiss, like my kiss on her cheek, or her kiss on my forehead. But a real kiss. Her full lips feel so soft against mine. Soft and warm. God, I hope she never stops kissing me. This moment his bliss, peace. Peace that I haven't felt for a while.
She does stop kissing me though. She pulls back and looks at me. Her tears have stopped, though she still as the sad look. I wonder if it will ever go away. She looked sad when I first met her, and since then, she's never looked completely happy. I know it's my fault, for giving her that virus, for being such a jerk. But I didn't know her then. I didn't know Logan then. I didn't know anything then. I'll I knew was orders, and I was following mine. I had learned what happened to soldiers that don't follow orders, and I preferred to not experience that again.
And here I am now, sitting with this beautiful sad woman, whose life has become so intertwined with mine. I can't tell what's going on in her mind. She has the strangest look in her eyes. That's my problem, If I'm with a girl I care nothing about, everything's fine. I'm the ladies man. The charmer. They see me, they like what they see, and all I have to do is look into their eyes, smile, and their mine. Like clay in my hands, waiting for me to make into a statue. A statue that is perfect, and a statue that is mine, all mine.
But when it's some one I like, someone I care about, I know nothing. I'm culls, a big dumb dope. I can't read her, I can't mold her into a statue, she's already perfection. But she's not mine, not yet, maybe not ever. Come on Alec, get a hold of your self. This is me, this is what I do. I do it, and I'm good at it. I take a breath, and put on a smile. I hope it's a good one.
The corners of her mouth lift a little into a small smile of her own. "Alec" she says softly "I don't know what I want here" she tells me.
I don't know how to react to this. I know what I want, I want her. I want her to be mine. I want to hold her in my arms forever. I want to have her small warm body curled up at my side each night. And I want to wake up each morning and see her face. But I want to see her face smiling, I want her to be happy. I open my mouth to try and tell her this, but all I can say is "that's okay".
"I mean, I don't know what I want from this. I know that I want you" she says. She wants me. I can't believe it, she wants me. And oh God I want her. "And ya know Alec, the scary thing is I don't care. I don't care about what I don't know, I care about what I do know. And I know that I want you" she lowers her voice and brings her mouth to my ear, and in the smallest of whispers she says, "I think that I need you" she needs me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There. I've said it. Now it's up to him. His move. He's not doing anything's. He's staying still, not saying anything. I move to look at him, his eyes are wide open, starring at me. Oh no, I've ruined everything. I'm so stupid. 'I want you' what was that? that's not me. and 'I need you'? I'm such a moron. I should of known. All my life I've shielded my feelings, and that's always worked. Why did I have to let Alec, of all people, know how I feel.
His expression his changing now. His eyes soften, his lips curl up in a smile, and he kisses me. And he is such a good kisser. Kissing Alec feels like a dance, an art. Like he was born to kiss, it sure feels like it anyway. With those full pink lips, soft and sweet tasting. Like honey. I move so I am completely on him now, a leg on either side of him. My head his above his, leaning down to kiss him. His hand is on my back, rubbing the skin under my shirt. I rest my hand over his neck, where his bar code is beginning to reappear. I hold his face with my other hand, and he does the same with his.
Our first kiss was soft and gentle. this kiss is strong, hungry, and full of passion. A passion that I didn't even know was inside of me. And I deed to be closer to him. I press y upper body against his, needing to feel every bit of warmth he has to offer. I pull my face away from his, gasping for air, and he does the same. His cheeks are flushed with a soft pink shade. May be it's just the desperation in my heart, but at this moment, he is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. My heart is pounding, and I can feel his doing the same. And his eyes, they're bluer then I've ever seen them.
I move my hand away from his face, and rest it on his neck with my other hand. He moves his hand down my body and rests it on the curve of my waist. "Alec" I say, it comes out as more of a moan then I meant it to. I kiss the corner of his mouth, then move my lips down to his chin, down to his neck. His skin is so soft I ca believe it. Most males I've been with have rough skin, but not Alec.
I move away to look at him again. I can't seem to decide weather I want to look at him, or kiss him. "Max" he says in a deep voice. Oh that voice, it's so smooth and relaxed. It's like listening to a piano just hearing him talk. He pulls my shirt up and I allow him to slip it over my head. A back part of my mind is questioning how far I'm going to let this go and I don't know. I don't care. so now I wear only my bra. He runs a hand over one of the tattoos that have appeared on my chest. I pull his black sweater over his head, leaving his torso bare. I run my hands over his chest, taking in the sight of him, before returning my lips to his.
I shiver as a cold breeze blows in from the open window, and He pulls me closer to him, wrapping both arms around me, attempting to shield me from the cold. He rolls us over so that he is lying on top of me on the couch. I run my hands up and down his back. He moves his mouth down and kisses the tattoos that he had caressed a moment ago. His skin is hot against mine, and I cling to him. I cling to him like I have never clung to anyone or anything before. But I have to, I feel as if I let go, just for a moment, then I'll fall.
Everything these past few weeks, especially the last few days, has just been so confusing and complicated. But now, things seem to make a little more sense. And I need them to make sense. Alec looks at me confused, and I realize I'm crying again. His eyes look sad, as sad as mine must look, but he doesn't cry. I almost wish he would cry. It would make him seem more real. Right now he doesn't seem real at all, I'm half afraid that I'll wake up and it will be a dream.
He's just staring at me, and I realize he thinks I'm crying because of him. He starts to pull away, and I just cling tighter. "Please" I say quietly, "Please, let's just stay here like this for a moment" he nods, and rests his head on my chest. My heart is still pounding in my chest, and I can still feel his doing the same. I run my hands through his feathery hair, being content to be with him at the moment, but I can't seem to stop crying.
Alec notices this, and looks up at me. He wipes away my tears, and kisses my eyes, and looks down at me. "Max" he says softly, "I like you" he pauses and looks at my face, probably wondering what I'm thinking, "I like you a lot" he says.
Before tonight, I've never seen this side of him. I mean, he's been kind before, like when I told him about Ben, but the way he just said that was completely different then any side of him I've ever seen. His voice was shaky, shy even. I feel his hand shaking slightly on my face and I grab it. "Your hands are shaking" I say, being unable to find any other words
His expression changes to something I've never seen on his face before. "They are?" he asks in the same voice. He looks at his hands, and let's out something that resembles a laugh. He sits up, still staring at his hands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's right. My hands are shaking. I don't know If I can do this. It's all just to familiar. So I sit up and move away from her, starring at my hands. I've felt like this before, and I don't think I can do it again. Especially when it seems so impossible that she could feel the same way. I'm not Logan, and I'll never be Logan. She sits up next to be and puts a hand on my face. "I like you a lot too" she says. I turn to look at her, her tears have stopped. A breeze of cold wind makes me aware we're both shirtless, and I can tell by Max's shivering that she is also tired.
So I stand up, and grab her hand pulling up with me. I put a hand on the smooth dark skin of her face, and kiss her again, reveling in the taste of her mouth. I pull back and look into her dark eyes, then say "I'm going to sleep, you can come with me if you want" and I turn and walk into my room. She'll either follow me of leave. I fear both situations. Now in my room, I take my pants off, and climb into bed wearing only my boxers.
I minute latter, I hear her enter my room. "You can borrow a T-shirt" I tell her. I hear her moving around the room a little, before I feel her climb into bed next to me. I roll over and wrap my arms around her. She nuzzles my neck and settles down. A few minutes later I can hear the slow evening of her breathing, and I know she's asleep. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to claim me.
