"What?" He managed to choke out in shock as a wave of nausea rolled over him. Sirius squared his shoulders and continued. "You caught her off guard... obviously. She didn't have her wand, left it upstairs I guess otherwise she could have just stunned you. She couldn't fight you, not that she didn't do her best to defend herself, and a good job too" Sirius added, indicating James' bandaged chest and various bruises which instantly took on a whole new meaning to him. He had attacked her, Lily. He had hurt her and now she was being kept away from him.
"Don't know what might have happened if Gideon and I hadn't showed up just then honestly. Pulled you away from her kicking and screaming like some kind of animal, clearly didn't know any of us, but you obviously wanted her dead, that much was clear. We had to stun you in the end."
James was in shock. He had never been so confused or afraid in his life, not when he was getting attacked by death eaters, not ever. He forced himself not to throw up all over the clean floor.
"And Lily?"
"She got checked out here at the hospital" Remus assured him quickly. "She's badly shaken of course and has a few injuries, but she's not in a hospital bed or anything. The healer said she'll recover quickly. She's just worried about you now."
James nodded slowly, still trying to make sense of what he had been told and how it could have happened.
"You said that I woke up" he remembered suddenly. "You said she was here, and that I woke up."
They exchanged another glance.
"You woke up last night. The healers had already discovered you were cursed, dark stuff if you didn't figure that one out on your own" Remus told him. "They were trying different potions and spells and things, not sure what had been done to you exactly, they'd never seen anything like it. We were all here, we weren't sure what might happen, if you were going to wake up at all."
"But I did."
Sirius nodded. "We thought you were fine at first. You were talking, asking what happened...and then you saw Lily."
"No..." James groaned.
"You were obviously still cursed. You totally flipped our trying to get at her, she had to leave the room and it took the rest of us to hold you down. That's when Frank added the straps. You were really agitated, muttering about mudbloods, that kind of thing, but eventually you calmed down and then the healers gave you some more potion and you passed out again."
"But why her? It doesn't make any sense."
"Doesn't it though?" Sirius asked solemnly. "You were most likely cursed by a death eater and then you attacked the first muggle born you saw and you wanted them all dead. Think about it, everyone knows who you are James, and everyone knows who Lily is. Voldemort wants you both dead, so it becomes simple enough to figure out a way to make you think like a death eater, and have you kill her, and if you attack a bunch of other muggles while you're at it it's just a bonus for him." Sirius shrugged. "Don't worry, you didn't though" he added, noticing the look on James' face. "We'll figure it out mate."
" I want to see Lily. I need to see her."
Remus looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, then nodded. "I'll go talk to her" he said, then turned and left the room.
"How bad is it Padfoot?" he asked as the door swung shut. He stared at it, willing Lily to walk through it, to be alright, to hold onto him, because he felt as though he was about to fall apart, body and mind aching with the pain and weakness brought on by whatever it was that had happened to him.
"You can get through this, mate" Sirius said in a low voice, "You always make it somehow, it'll be fine." The sympathy was clear in his voice, but it certainly didn't help.
"And Lily? I attacked her, Sirius!" he choked. There was no way for him to put his despair into words. For years Lily's safety had been his greatest concern, and even when she hated him for it he had always put her security first, had done anything and everything in his power to protect her, only for it to come down to this.
What he couldn't put into words seemed to have come out in his expression. Sirius, who's parents had never once hugged him in his entire life and who had practically been raised by a house elf and therefore had never been particularly affectionate with anyone who wasn't an attractive and preferably available female offered him an awkward pat on the shoulder before leaning back in his chair.
"Lily loves you Prongs, don't ask me why" he said, forcing a small smile that James did his best to return. "She's not going anywhere. She's here now, isn't she?" he asked, glancing at the door as the sound of Remus returning with another person became audible.
