Alice's P.O.V.
Ever since we let Edward convince us to leave Bella because, "it wasn't safe for her", it hasn't been the same.
Esme doesn't design anything and she doesn't chastise us for anything we do.
Carlisle hasn't gotten a job at a hospital and he won't read or write anything all he does is sit and mope in his desk chair with Esme the life visibly gone from their eyes.
Emmett is well Emmett but he's different now.
He doesn't joke about anything, he hasn't challenged anyone to an arm wrestling match, he hasn't even smiled, and he doesn't even make love with Rose any more. He just paces around grumbling about what a failure of a brother he is.
Rosalie hasn't criticized anyone or even looked in the mirror since we left Bella.
She just keeps mumbling things about how she should have been nicer to Bella while she had the chance.
Jasper, can't handle being here with all these emotions.
All he does is sit there and stare at the wall and try not to breakdown on the floor and roll up into a ball and scream. Its killing him. He knows it was his actions that set this in motion, but he wont leave me, and he won't leave the family. So he just suffers in silence.
And me I haven't gone shopping since that day, and if you know me at all that's saying something. I spend my time fighting off the need to check into her future.
Right now I'm just sitting on mine and Jaspers bed staring at a picture of me and him on our second honeymoon wishing everything would change so we could as be as happy as we are in the picture. Now we look like strangers in comparison. Our dead eyes black from hunger and our bodies pale from grief.
I sat there like a statue for who knows how long when I heard an annoying beeping come from my computer.
I probably would have left it if the beeping wasn't so annoying.
I sighed and got off the bed to turn off the computer, but when I saw who the screen I saw it was an e-mail from.
Bella!
I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my squeal.
I walked out the doorway to make sure no one was there then closed it and sat down by the computer.
Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to have anything to do with Bella I couldn't help but take a peak.
Your brother left me and now I'm broken.
I get up in the mornings and do what I am supposed to do so I don't scare Charlie, but the pain is unbearable.
Day 1
Hearing that Bella was in pain broke my dead unbeating heart.
I decided that I would write a response but not send it so I wrote
Dear Bella,
I know I left you and I'm so sorry.
I can hardly stand the fact that you're in pain.
I'm so sorry Bella.
Who loves you dearly?
Alice
I wished so badly that I could just run to her a reassure her and tell her that everything is fine that she is fine that we love her.
I knew I couldn't though and the thought broke me and sent me spiraling into a deep set of dry sobs.
The next day
I was still sobbing when I heard my computer beep again.
I looked up to see another e-mail from Bella.
I got up and made sure no one was around to see me.
When I saw the coast was clear I ran to the computer and opened the e-mail.
Alice, it hurts to type your name and I'm crying now.
Your brother isn't the only one who hurt me, and you didn't even say goodbye.
I hope you still have this e-mail and I'm not talking to a random stranger addicted to the computer.
I understand if you don't answer me, but why did you leave me?
Day 2
It hurt me so much knowing that she was crying over just the mention of my name so I wrote:
Dearest Bella,
Please don't cry.
I didn't say goodbye because I deluded myself into thinking it would be easier for you to let go this way.
Deep down though I knew that you wouldn't, and I'm so sorry I hurt you.
Who loves you dearly?
Alice
The next day
The next day I was a little more out going than I had been but that wasn't saying much.
Jasper and I had gone hunting today, but when we came home Jasper went write back to the way he was before.
I had decided to do something a little more productive with myself and started to tidy up the house when my computer beeped.
It was another e-mail from Bella.
I was so excited.
Even though I knew Bella was in pain and the e-mail was most likely to
make me cry tearless sobs I was just happy that she trusted me enough to try and contact me,
and also it reassured me that she was okay. Or as okay as she could be.
I went through my new routine of checking to make sure no one was
There, closed the door and quietly but swiftly crept to my desk.
Bella's e-mail was write in front of me and I opened it and began to sob as I swiftly read through it.
Alice, it is the third day since I started e-mailing you and started living my nearly pointless life.
There is a giant hole in my chest and it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced before.
You all did this to me, why?
Was I not good enough for y'all?
Did I do something wrong?
Once again my dead heart broke.
I knew she was in pain but I didn't realize it was that bad.
I hate that we make her feel like she isn't good enough if anything we are not good enough for her.
I wrote:
Beloved Bella,
Even though it may feel like it your life is not pointless there are people
who love you dearly and would die if anything happened to you.
Bella you can't even imagine how bad I feel for making
you hurt and unworthy you really can't and I'm sorry truly truly sorry.
We did this to you because that idiotic bastard convinced us
it wold be safer. We shouldn't have listened I am so sorry.
Who loves you dearly?
Alice
The next day
It went about the same way today as it has every other day.
Everyone just sat and moped around and morned for the loss of a sister and daughter.
I still mope around though not as much knowing that I am still a small part of her life.
Hearing form Bella no matter how sad the news is has perked me up a little bit.
Today I actually changed close and took a shower then I tidied up the house even though it wasn't the least bit messy.
After I cleaned every where I could think of I went to sit by the computer and wait for Bella's e-mail to arrive.
Just as I sat down my computer beeped signaling me I had gotten an e-mail.
I knew nobody would be coming up to my room so I just opened it.
Alice it has been four days since I started e-mailing you.
I went to the movies with Jessica and it was horrible.
I miss you I want my best friend back.
Are you there?
I was happy that she had gotten out and went some where fun but it made me jealous that it was with somebody other than me, and why was it horrible. Did something happen?
I replied:
Beloved Bella,
I'm glad you finally got out Bella but I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy yourself. Did something happen?
You might find this silly but I'm kinda jealous of Jessica right now for getting to hang out with you when I can't.
I miss you too and so does everyone else.
Trust me even though you have no reason to. I want my best friend back also.
Who loves you the most?
Alice
The next day
My day went exactly like it did yesterday.
I got in the shower got dressed and cleaned up the house then as soon as
I sat down by the computer to wait it started beeping and I opened the e-mail
Alice, I still can't think of you without crying it has been five days and it's only getting worse.
I am not mad at you but why did you leave?
Is it the same reason as him?
Am I just a distraction?
Does HE know about the e-mails?
What does she mean? She knows we left to protect her right? Why would she think she was a distraction?
Beloved Bella,
It still hurts me to know that you are in pain and that you are crying over me.
I left because HE convinced me to and I'm so happy your not mad at
Me, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm mad at myself.
And no HE doesn't know about the e-mails I had promised I wouldn't interfere with your life. You are not a distraction I don't even know why you would think that.
Who loves you the most?
Alice
The next day
Alice, I laughed for the first time in months.
I went to Jacob Black's house the boy who told me about you guys.
He is just a friend but he helped with the pain for the day, but it came back.
Day 6
I was happy that Bella was somewhat starting to get better
and I was very grateful for this Jacob Black for helping her,
but I was still sad that she was in pain.
Beloved Bella,
You don't know how happy it makes me to know that you have found something that makes you happy in your life.
I'm glad you met this Jacob Black, but how did he know about us?
I'm glad your not in as much pain but I'm sorry it came back.
I miss you.
Who loves you the most?
Alice.
Alice, it has been seven days.
I miss you and I miss Esme she is like my mother and I love
Her. She hurt me when ya'll left will you tell her for me?
Ask her why I wasn't good enough of a daughter for her to keep?
That was when I decided I would tell somebody about these e-mails.
I slowly descended the stairs, and even though I knew they could hear me no one looked up to acknowledge my presence.
I went over to Esme and tapered her on the shoulder she looked up and tried to plaster a smile on her face for me but she couldn't do it the pain was just to much for her.
She had lost a child when she was human that was the reason she jumped off that damn cliff in the first place so now we all knew she was feeling the loss of a child again, but she had a family now and no way to escape this torture.
I signaled for her to follow me. She gave me a confused look but abided.
She stood up from her place in Carlisle's lap and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
I could tell Carlisle was hesitant to let her go considering the slightest thing could send Esme head first spiraling into a never ending pained cry with tears that would never shed, but let her go knowing I would look out for her. He gave me a warning look letting me know I better not hurt his mate.
I took her hand and sprinted into the forest until we were a good ten miles out so that nobody would hear us.
"Alice what is this about?" Esme asked.
"Esme I have to tell you something." I paused to take a breath."Esme for the past week I have been receiving E-mails from Bella. She has been telling me everything that has been going on every day I haven't responded because I promised Edward but I have been saving my responses as drafts and today she wanted me to tell you that she misses you that you were a mother to her and that you hurt her when you left, when we all left, and wants to know why she wasn't a good enough daughter for you." I took in a big unneeded breath I didn't stop once through that whole confession. I looked up at Esme and she had venom in her eyes in place of the tears that would never shed.
"She misses me," Esme asked. She fell down to her knees and let out an agonized cry.
"Of course did you expect anything less?"
"I can't believe I left her, that I didn't even say goodbye. I don't deserve to be a mother. A mother would never abandon her child like I have. Would never make her child feel as if she wasn't good enough."
Esme asked me everything she had said.
I told her everything and by the time I was done she was dry-sobbing.
We comforted each other holding onto one another as if we were the others life line. We stayed like that for hours before we could gather the strength to go back and face the emptiness that was our life now.
It was dark by the time we got back I went to the computer and wrote my response to Bella.
Beloved Bella,
I told Esme, she misses you too.
Who loves you the most?
Alice
An: Sorry about all the line breaks but it refuses to let me save it with a bunch of blank spaces so if I don't put the lines it just all mashes together!
