Chapter 2- Coming home, Bella's POV

1804-Germany

I studied the bright faces of the children and smiled brightly at them. Teaching was something I'd never tire of, especially with such willing pupils. I laughed as Emily stumbled and gently caught her before she could get hurt. I was always there to catch them; they knew that so they were never afraid to try anything. Teaching dance was wonderful, I loved dancing, I had never been graceful as a human and dancing was just not something I could do safely then. As a Vampire I had relished learning all forms of dance, and it helped my express some of the things I suppressed.

I gently fixed Jenny's form and laughed again when little Sarah tried to leap without a partner. Never a good idea that; I caught her though around the waist and twirled gracefully with her. I made it looked practiced to keep her from embarrassment and she beamed up at me in thanks. I really would miss them when I left but the road was calling out to me again. I had gotten better and better at appearing human. I had gotten so good at my disguises I could make it seem like I was aging so I could stay among the same humans longer. I could only do ten years though, maybe twelve if I pushed it.

I sighed looking at their sweet faces, I would miss teaching but it was getting to that time where I had to leave again. Maybe I would head to England I hadn't seen home in a long while. Or maybe I would go to one of those bordering schools that taught girls well, at a price of course, but it was always worth it to learn. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I was going soon. I sighed sadly as another one of my girls tried to leap without a partner; I was beginning to think they just wanted me to catch them now.

1863-America

I found myself stuck in another déjà vu situation, I stared at Nathaniel, and I stared at Lucas and then at the battered woman lying in the bed before us. He hadn't bitten her yet, but I just knew he would…I knew it. We had come across her when we were heading back home from the south; she was in very bad shape. I tried to do what I could but there was too much internal bleeding, she would die soon one way or another.

Her skin was a rich caramel color, a sure sign to me that someone had a little too much fun with one of those poor dark-skinned women. She was hurting, but soon that pain would be nothing. He bent over her; he brought her wrist to his lips and asked her again if this was truly what she wanted. She nodded painfully in the affirmative and his teeth poised above her wrist just about to strike when I called out. "Wait, let me hold her first, maybe it'll help like with Nathaniel."

I scooped her taller form up gently and brought her up to cradle her to my chest encircling her with my leg too. I was careful to avoid harming her more and once she was resting comfortably in my arms Lucas' teeth sunk into the tender flesh of her wrist. It didn't take long at all for the screaming to start, but I handled her with the same care I had handled Nathaniel.

The boys couldn't take her crying and left her to me. Cowards. I was gentler than I had been with Nathaniel, I told her stories of my raids on slave trader ships, I told her of music, of Mozart, of dancing, I sang while running a soothing hand through her hair. Eventually she stopped screaming, just whimpering every so often like Nathaniel had done. I knew I was in for a hectic few years but I couldn't help but be happy that Lucas' little family was growing. She was a beauty; she would be heart-stopping exotic when she finally turned.

Handling her was a lot easier than Nathaniel; I credited it to having experience with this from my time with Nathaniel. Nathaniel had discovered he had a gift not long after I had left him, I was sad I hadn't been there to help him deal with it. It was an odd talent, he mimic sounds, so much so he could rob a vampire of their hearing for a time. It was a little odd but I thought it was fun. He would entertain me by changing voices as he read out loud to me.

Crystal, newly turned was much more in control of herself than Nathaniel had been but accredited that to her being prepared beforehand for the change. I still had to use my gift to keep her from attacking humans at times but she was doing well. Spending time with her was always fun, she always wanted to learn one more thing from me. Mostly she was fascinated with learning all the fighting styles I had learned over the years. She reminded me of the Amazon warriors, strong, beautiful females that took nothing from men.

I stayed for longer this time, a good four years, Crystal developed a talent too but I had trouble teaching her to control it. She could see memories, we had yet to explore what she could do with this but she was ecstatic. Of course, like Nathaniel and Lucas before her Crystal could not use her particular talent on me. It was my shield; it frustrated her to no end because she wanted to see my travels through my eyes so badly. Not just hear me retell them over and over.

She loved my Pirate Queen stories, especially the ones where I set slaves on their capturers and stole them blind. It was something she never got tired of hearing. I loved her like a daughter, she loved me too I thought, just as Nathaniel loved me. Lucas still tried very hard to make me stay this time, but I couldn't. I had to leave and five years after Crystal was turned I went off on my own again.

1870-America

I patted my stallion on his flank; truly it amazed me that this horse was so brave. He didn't seemed to mind one bit that there was a dangerous predator on his back. I thought it might be because I had raised him up from a fowl on my own. I wasn't sure though he had been a brave little fowl too. I giggled as I lowered my cowboy hat on my head smiling dangerously at the cowboy in front of me. I had been expecting more really, Jesse James had really made a name for himself and I had wanted to meet him.

Still his reaction didn't differ from the other human men I had come across, his eyes were glazed and he looked a little dazed. Really I had been expecting better, I giggled and quickly snapped my pistol from my hip holster twirling it on my finger with practiced ease. I really had hoped he would be different. I fired his hat off right off his head and tilted my hat with my pistol at him before I sent my stallion galloping away.

That had been an interesting meeting, to say the least, being an outlaw was very fun. Robbing the pompous rich and giving it to the poor had gotten me a name though it was something I was used to. I dressed as a man, with britches and a shirt, a form fitted coat on top of that. I let my long hair flow down around me and I wore bright red lipstick, I just looked like a hellion. I liked it that way. I would be sad to say goodbye to America but it was time to go. I wanted to see Paris again; it was always so pretty in summer.

1878-Opera Garnier, France

Dancing was a passion, Ballet had to be my favorite though and dancing here with so many watching was thrilling. I loved to dance, but I also loved to share my dancing with as many people as I could. Still I had to just sit back in awe as I looked out at the audience, so many people, our show had really gotten popular it seemed. My partner, a boy from Spain, was shaking he was so nervous and I patted his hand to comfort him.

Then our cue was called out and we danced across the stage. I lost myself in it, not paying any mind to anything, getting lost in this private little world of my making. It was certainly liberating, I twirled, I leapt, I danced on nimble feet expressing myself with my body in ways I could not seem to do with words. The clapping snapped me out of it, a standing ovation, but my eyes were on the three familiar faces in the front row.

Nathaniel, Lucas and Crystal stared up at my beaming clapping joyously. I was happy to see them; I hadn't seen them in so long I had begun to really miss them. I would have to wait until after the show to speak with them though. I couldn't help but wonder if they had come to Paris seeking me out, I was glad they did if that was the case. Though I would not be leaving with them, I wasn't ready to visit them for a few years yet.

1915-America

I walked through the alyssum very quietly; no one could see me this time I wasn't allowed here any longer. I had become a nurse, only because becoming a doctor was barred to me and when I had come here I had been sickened at their 'treatments'. Still I couldn't leave Alice, she was such a sweet girl so I had stayed here for her so she wouldn't be alone anymore. Alice was so special, so unique but the humans could not see it.

She could see everything, the future, the past, the present, she just KNEW everything it was truly remarkable. Still it had gotten her sent here when these visions had become too much for her. She was cationic most of the time, because she could not filter what her mind was seeing. Alice only awoke when I was near because my shield protected her from the visions. I loved her dearly; she was such a bright girl even when she was trapped here.

However, I had to leave her now, the new doctor was a vampire and he had gotten me fired. I couldn't leave her though without saying goodbye. When I made it to her room (cell) I found her crying balled up on the floor. I immediately engulfed her in a tight hug, rocking her and patting her back soothingly. "What wrong my pixie-girl?" When I had first arrive in this horrible place Alice's hair had been so long it nearly reached her ankles. But it was so matted and dirty I had no hope of saving it so I had cut it off and styled it short. It reminded me of a pixie, she was so small and fairy like that the nickname stuck.

"You're leaving," she sobbed some more and I rocked her, "you're leaving and soon I wont be able to remember you! I'll forget but I don't want to…I don't want to forget you Bella. You're my only friend!" She sounded so lost I couldn't think of anything to say, still I ran a hand through her short hair and laughed with melancholy. "It's okay if you forget me Alice because I'll always remember you and love you. Still if it bothers you so much take this," I took the butterfly hairpin from my hair and gave it to her. It was one of the things I had taken with me that day and I wanted her to have it to remember me by.

She cradled it to her chest and smiled up at me weakly, "I'll keep it forever Bella! And when I see you again I'll be able to remember eventually! Thank you, thank you for giving me something to hold onto until then!" I wondered at her words but I had gotten used to Alice Brandon's strange way of saying things. I rocked her to sleep in my arms and left before she woke. I had to leave before someone found me and called security. I truly hoped I would see Alice again one day but then again if she saw it then I knew I could trust in her.

1934-An Island off the coast of Hawaii

I sighed exasperated, why did this always happen when I came to visit Lucas! I was beginning to think he was doing this to me on purpose. I looked at the sweating boy on the bed, he was very sick, I sighed there was nothing else to it then. I got into the bed with him pulling him into my arms and then I looked to Lucas in exasperation. He nodded and bit down on the boy's exposed shoulder. I prepared myself for a few rocky years with my odd little pack of friends. After this I was going to visit Vlad, Marina, and Joseph, I missed my wolves. I ran a soothing hand over the boy's face when he whimpered out. I was getting better at this, he had yet to scream, and I took some pride in that. I wondered what talent he would have; Lucas had a knack for picking the ones with some hidden talent after all.

1937-Over the Central Pacific Ocean

I leaned to look out from the plane's cockpit, I sighed, Seriously I should have known a female Pilot would draw a lot of attention. I just figured it wouldn't be THIS much; suddenly I was very glad I had been so thorough in inventing my fake identity. Amelia Earhart was going to have to disappear, that was the real purpose of this flight. I had to disappear. It was a pity; it had been very fun while it had lasted. I gripped the wheel, anxious, even though I knew it wouldn't harm me flying into the ocean was definitely disconcerting.

I loved flying, it was very liberating, I loved everything about it and I'd be very sad to let it go. Obviously I wouldn't be able to go near a plane for a few years at least, not with everyone wondering where Earhart had gone. Some would not believe I was truly dead, and they would be right, most would though. Still it was best to get out of the public eye for a few years, maybe I should stay with Lucas or Vlad for a while. I held my breath and made the plane take a sharp dive.

1947-Juilliard's academy of Art

Ahh, graduation, it was never tiring to be finally done with school. Though I loved spending time here, Juilliard's was certainly worth the price of admission. There were all sorts of things I learned here and some of it had even been new. Brushing up on the basics was never a bad thing though. Maybe I'd go to medical school again, Nursing was very enjoyable I liked helping people. It was amazing to me how far I had come, from that scared little girl sitting in the woods; to a self-controlled woman I was now. Human blood didn't bother me in the slightest anymore, and I was glad for that. The only thing that made me frown was that letter from crystal I had received today. She had met someone, a human woman, that she desired so much she wanted to turn her. I wasn't sure how I felt about this because I didn't want her to get hurt.

Sherry sounded like a nice girl but Crystal had yet to actually approach her. She preferred to watch her from the shadows; it was distressing because I didn't want her to get hurt. If this girl Sherry didn't return her feelings she would be devastated. I clutched at the iron cross that never left my neck and wondered what Carlisle would have done in my position. I sighed; I would go to them and see this girl for myself. I would help them control her if she was turned; I loved Crystal enough to do that for her.

1954-Hollywood

My bike purred as I revved it, I couldn't stop smiling; I was really beginning to enjoy this decade. Maybell sped up to my side; I smiled at her even though she couldn't see it through my helmet. We were the Hell's Bells; I had laughed so hard when she told me our new name. It was the same day she gave me this jacket, she had made it herself, Maybell was truly a girl after my own heart. She was a lot like me in many ways, and in others she was my opposite. Still, I loved her; she was the personification of a human to me. She loved life and she wasn't afraid of living it like most.

Every day with her was an adventure, she was wild, she was fun and she was captivating. She didn't fear love like I did; she embraced it. Maybell loved a lot of men, some for only one night, some she still loved, and some she only loved for a moment. I wished I had her courage, I didn't, I didn't want to fall in love because I feared what would happen when I hit the ground. Maybell loved so freely, but she also got her heart broken more times than I cared to count. I watched her heartbreak and every time it got a little harder for me to consol her. Maybell loved life, maybe a little too much.

1967-Dallas, Texas

The sky was always clear here, and the bustle of the city was nice. Someone was always up and about; it wasn't hard to find something to do in a town this big. No one asked very many questions, I liked that, but as I stepped out of the theater I knew I'd be leaving this city today. I made a few friends working out of a little café on the east side of town but I was growing restless again. It was time to move on, maybe I'd leave America, see Japan again, that sounded nice about now. In fact, I'd pack and leave tomorrow no sense in waiting around for something. I was going to miss America; Elvis just wouldn't sound the same anywhere else.

1978- Southeast Asia

The roar sent the birds flying, a tiger was on the hunt tonight, I smiled and so was I. I liked big cats the best; they didn't taste quite so horrible as the rest did. However, I think I liked hunting more than I did the result, and that surprised me since I detested harming anything. It was the thrill of it all, stalking my prey, the absolute focus, and the quiet just before I attacked; it was all very primal. It made me feel alive in a crazy way, and it made me feel less like a monster more like an animal. If I was a predator, like the big jungle cats I liked so much than I wasn't a monster because animals weren't monsters. Animals did what was necessary to live, no more, no less and I liked that. It was understandable, it was natural, it was what made life continue on because everything died eventually. At least, everything but me.

1988-L.A.

There were many benefits of being a veterinarian, helping sick animals, practice putting my choice prey at ease around me, but mostly I think being able to buy animal blood was the perk I liked the most. I had definitely gotten better at this human thing; even most animals had trouble seeing me for what I was now. I liked that as it was very convenient not having to explain why dogs howled and ran ever time I walked by. Or why cats hissed and spit in my direction sensing the predator inside of me. There was a downside though; I couldn't order exotic blood without having a valid explanation, which was rather irritating. That was the reason I was heading to San Diego next, a zoo was a perfect cover for my exotic tastes and I.

1999-Phoenix

The sun was always shining here, the heat always pressing down on you and being pale made me stand out some. But I was beginning to like Phoenix, it had character and it had a life to it I loved. Big cities were always the best to hide in; no one questioned you for being up and about at three in the morning. It made life interesting, and not having to spend the whole night at home was fun. I loved my new house, but it wasn't quite big enough to hold all my favorite things. I would have to get a bigger one on the next move, one with plenty of guestrooms so I can invite my friends over for a time. It was getting harder and harder to remain alone like this all the time. I had hoped that it would get easier, it hadn't, and Lucas' constant invitations were becoming harder to deny. I loved every one of my friends, but they weren't my family…at least not in the way they hoped for. Carlisle had been my family, and even though it has been centuries since his loose I cannot find it in me to go about replacing him.

It seemed wrong somehow, like I wasn't honoring his memory if I found someone to call family again. I didn't want to let him go and I knew once I found someone to fill this void in my life I would. I hated that; I didn't want to give him up even if he was long since gone from this world. I remembered him, I remembered his smile, I remembered his laugh, I remembered the feeling of his arms around me, and I didn't want to forget that not ever. Someone once told me, the ones I loved never truly died if I carried their memory with me always. My worst fear was that one-day I would find I couldn't remember what he smelled like, or how his eyes twinkled when I made a fool of myself. I feared that one-day I would forget him and he would fade as all my other human memories had begun to fade.

I couldn't remember my mother's face, or my father's stern gaze, but I remembered him. Carlisle was everything to me, now and then; I did not want to let him go for the world. However, I was so lonely, so very lonely all the time and it was getting harder to be alone. I didn't want to let him go but I knew that I would have to one day so that this loneliness wouldn't consume me. It just wouldn't be any time soon. I still made as many human friends as I could, even though each time they passed it hurt just a little more inside. Making friends had been my goal when I had first stepped out into this world and I would continue to do so as long as my heart allowed.

2006-Forks, Washington

I looked at my new house; it was beautiful and big enough to actually hold a good deal of my things. I chuckled at the thought and went to work getting everything unpacked. It took all nigh but I got everything done in time so had enough time before school to get to work on myself. I sighed as I looked to the mirror, this was going to take a few hours but it would be worth it in the end.

I had gotten better, and better at appearing human over the years. It only got easier as technology advanced and I learned new methods to hide my inhuman features. I think my favorite was the contacts, I had designed them myself and they worked really well. I chose brown because the gold of my eyes gave the brown more depth. It looked more realistic that way, and I had finally managed to make them last a full eight hours before they dissolved under the venom.

My next favorite was the new and improved, 'human skin cream' as I liked to call it. Now I not only got my skin a more natural looking color I had managed to use the 'heating patch' concept to make my skin less cold to touch. Sure I was still a bit colder than a normal human but I was sure I'd work out that bug soon enough. I added some blush after I got every inch of skin on my body; it gave the appearance of life to my deathly pale face.

I curled my long hair a bit, and then chose my outfit for today. It would be the first day of school, always a stressful day for me, and I needed to go in there feeling confident. I wanted to make some friends again; I was already missing the ones I had just recently left. It still stunned Lucas, and Vlad that I still was so active in befriending humans. However, I liked humans they reminded me of why my choice was the right one.

Besides, since I spent so much time around them I had become an unbelievably good actor because I could pull off humanity very well. I finally settled on a blue v-neck sweater, it gave my skin a good illusion of a healthy glow, a pair of skinny dark blue jeans and some boots. After a brief debate I picked up my leather jacket that had embroidered wings on the back with the name 'Hell's Bells' on the back. A memento from the fifties when I rode with a pack of human girls and those were some good times.

I almost took my old Chevy truck to school before I decided that hell with it, grabbed my satchel, my black racing helmet and the keys to my classic Harley Davison Motorcycle. After all it was best to not falsely advertise what I was, I had always been a bit of a rebel even as a human and it wasn't something I was ashamed of at all. I giggled thinking about the look on the faces of the students when they got a load of the new girl.

I slung my pack over my shoulder, pulled my hair up into my helmet and roared my bike to life. I sped off fast, heading to my new school and my new life. I was Bella Swan; I would face this as I had done everything else, head-on and defiant. I pulled in to the parking lot and immediately I felt the eyes on me. I smirked beneath my tinted helmet and decided to give them a little show. I spun the bike around too fast for them to process and skidded gracefully into a parking space without ever slowing down.

The bike hummed happily beneath me and I turned the key turning off the bike while twirling the keys in my hand. I clipped them to one of my jean's belt loops and unbuckled my helmet. I shook my hair out when I got it off and let it cascade down to the small of my back. I popped out the kickstand and swung my leg gracefully off my lovely bike. I strapped the helmet to the back and headed to the office with every eye trained on me still.

I did my best to not show how uncomfortable that made me feel, and made my way with seeming disinterest into the office. I got my schedule from a woman that made me feel very overdressed in her funny looking purple shirt and a map to go with it. While I was finding my locker I ran into a rather tall girl, and I liked her immediately just from that. "Hello, I'm Bella Swan I'm new here you wouldn't happen to know where locker 314 is?" I smiled at her brightly and warmly. She smiled back kindly, "Sure I'd be happy to help you today if you need it, it must be tough moving somewhere new."

I beamed up at her and grabbed her arm to link it with mine. "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship! What is your name? I'll need to know it if you're going to be my buddy!" I giggled at her and she chuckled along with me, "I'm Angela, yes, definitely a start of a beautiful friendship!" She showed me to my locker and it turns out we had first period together so she walked me there. I was glad and I managed to snag a seat next to her before someone else sat there.

Reading was one of my favorite pass-times, something no doubt that lingered from my human days and the though brought a small smile to my face. I fingered the iron cross on it thick chain under my sweater, it hadn't ever taken it off and though the leather had long since deteriorated I had plenty of thick chains for it. There wasn't a day that I didn't think about Carlisle, mostly because he was long since dead by now. I regretted that I had never gotten the chance to say goodbye to him and I missed being that close to someone.

Carlisle had been my first friend and my only confidant, if I could talk to him now there would be no doubt I would probably spill nearly four centuries of life stories to him. I smiled sadly and snapped myself out of it when the bell rang for the next class. Angela guided my to my second period but then she had to leave quickly to go to her own. No one really approached me yet, I think they were intimidated but I didn't mind so much. I liked Angela; I was fine for her as my only friend here for now.

The next two periods ended quickly for me, mostly because I kept myself occupied with thoughts of what improvements I could do to my new house. I was already wondering if I could invite Angela over for a sleepover, she'd be the only one sleeping but she didn't need to know that. I had become a good judge of character over the years, at least I hoped so, and Angela seemed to me like best friend material.

I met up with her just outside the cafeteria, and she smiled brightly at me when she saw me. I blinked and tilted my head to study her more closely, "Do you mind if I call you Angie?" She laughed at my random question and nodded her head before linking our arms to pull me along to the lunch line. Oh how I dreaded this, eating human food was like eating dirt but I couldn't not eat it would look weird. It was something people noticed after a while and I had yet to find a solution to this particular problem. I sighed and grabbed a red apple with a lemonade bottle.

I could get away with this for today. Angie dragged me over to her usual table and introduced me to her little circle of friends, Mike, Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, Erick, and Ben. I liked Ben the best next to Angie; Mike made me uncomfortable with his 'discrete' looks at my body. Jessica and Lauren had a bitter air about them I didn't like they reminded me of all the bullies I had encountered. Tyler and Erick made me almost as uncomfortable as Mike they were just better at sneaking glances than him.

I was in the middle of joining in on their light conversation when I smelled them, a group of vampires and the next moment I saw them. I nearly laughed out loud but I managed to stop myself. They were just so, so, obvious though I couldn't keep in my little giggle looking at them. They all had trays of food as props and sat down at a table looking bored out of their minds. Especially the bronze-haired boy. They were looking away so I took the chance to give them all a quick once over, I almost died of shock when I saw Alice. I guessed she hadn't been wrong after all, I wondered if she remembered me or if she had forgotten me like she had feared.

I looked at him and shifted, I bit my lips I couldn't let the opportunity to mess with them just go. Lucas told me repeatedly that my disguise had gotten so good it made him question if I was truly a vampire now. I wanted to test that theory now; I wanted to see if these vampires could spot me for what I really am. I turned and asked Jessica (gossip) who they were sure in the knowledge that she would know. She didn't disappoint.

"Those are the Cullens, Dr. Cullen adopted them all but they all are…you know…together. The blonds are Jasper and Rosalie Hale, their twins. The big one there is Emmett, he and Rosalie are a couple. The small one is Alice Cullen she's with Jasper. And the Bronze haired one is Edward, he's single but he doesn't date, apparently no one is good enough for him." She said this with a touch of bitterness and I knew then she had been faced with his rejection.

I glanced over my shoulder to look at them from the corner of my eye, Edward was watching us now and he had probably heard everything. I smirked and brought the apple to my lips and took a bite. I grimaced on the inside, it was worse than eating dirt; I swallowed quickly and took another bite. I could feel his eyes on my back still and fought the instinct to turn around. Instead I smirked with the apple covering my mouth I whispered quickly, "Silly Vampires, food is for humans." I didn't need to turn around to know they were all staring at my back now.

I laughed and got up to throw away my 'lunch' before the bell could ring. "See ya, Angie!" I called out over my shoulder and made my way out the door just as the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. I had gotten better at imitating humans, I even liked the new ways they talked, and it was always fun learning the new slang. I got my biology book out of my locker and held in a scuff at the cover. For someone who had been to medical school four times this class was ridiculously easy.

This was one of the only bad things about being a vampire, the repeats; it was dull and pure torture going through this every time I wanted to be a doctor again. Being a nurse would never compare to being an actual doctor, I was glad that men had finally worked up the courage to acknowledge that women were equals. I walked slowly to my new class, taking my time, I didn't exactly want to get there too early and have to suffer longer.

My mind wondered back to Carlisle again, I had been doing that a lot lately, thinking of him. I still remembered his handsome face, his blond hair and his warm blue eyes. My memories of my human past weren't very clear, at least not the ones of my real family, I couldn't remember my mothers face or my father's voice. The only thing that stayed with me in amazing clarity was all the times I spent with Carlisle. I remembered his laugh, I could always make him laugh even when I wasn't trying, I remembered his reserved nature around everyone but me.

I remembered our secret tutoring sessions, the way his eyes lit up when he was curious about something and the way he was always so stiff around when anyone else was around. He had been a reserved man, open and very friendly but still very controlled. His father taught him to be that way, always so stiff and polite. I wasn't anything like that and I made sure to bring out his 'wild' side. When we were alone, when it was just, him and me, the real Carlisle came out…just for me.

I had never been so close to anyone else, before or after Carlisle, never. I guess some part of my heart didn't want to accept anyone but him. I clung to his memory, maybe that was the reason I could remember him so well when everything else had dulled and faded from my memory over time. I was a 371 year old vampire who had never gotten over the loose of one of my closest friends, how pathetic was I?

The classroom was just to close now and I could stall no longer going inside with a barely audible sigh. I gave my slip to the teacher and he directed me to sit down next to one Edward Cullen. I blinked at him, just realizing he was there, and I guess I was really out of it today. I sat down, stumbling a little with a practiced clumsiness and I gave him a tiny smile. He was staring at me again, a look of frustration coloring his features and I wondered why it was so.

It was rude of him to stare at me so, no it was more like he was glaring at me, really, and I had done nothing to him why was he being such an ass? I took that as a sign to glare right back at him and study his face up close without any pretenses between us. He really was a beautiful vampire man, almost as gorgeous as Lucas, but his rude attitude put me off. I grew tired of his glare and used my hair to create a curtain between us so I didn't have to look at him. Also so he couldn't look at me either.

It was going to be a long year; his eyes were a familiar topaz so at least I didn't have to worry about that. I didn't want to think of what I would have done if I had to deal with human feeding vampire going to my new school. I would have tried to stop them, I knew myself, and I wouldn't be able to sit by as they killed people. I barely paid attention to the teacher, I didn't need to I could and have taught this class myself. Edward was still staring at me but he wasn't glaring at me any longer, just staring. It was really unnerving to be under his intense gaze.

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, twirling a piece of my hair around my finger and I nibbled on my lip a little bit. I upped me act, I wondered if he could tell my heart didn't beat in a room full of humans. If he didn't think I was a vampire I wondered what he thought I was, so I ran some theories in my head. What would I think in his place, hmm, bitten by a radioactive spider? No, walking corpse, no that WAS a vampire. Hmm, maybe there was a reason he was frustrated at me! I was getting frustrated with myself and I knew what I was! I giggled under my breath no longer paying Edward any mind. He had his reasons to glare, so I let him glare or stare.

The bell finally rung and I got up putting my stuff away at a slow human pace before I threw it over my shoulder. I was just about to leave when Edward's hand shot out and gripped my arm very tightly. Had I been human that would have shattered my arms pretty easily, I turned to him with a raised eyebrow. Really, if I hadn't been anything but a vampire I could have been hurt. His stunned face almost made me giggle again, almost.

"Sooo, you gonna tell me what this is all about or are you just going to continue to grip my arm?" I asked lightly, really wondering what he was thinking. He dropped my arm like he had been burned, I nearly lost it then but he had been annoying me too much to give in just yet. "I wanted to talk to you, will you wait after school? My family wants to discuss something with you." He requested politely and I tilted my head to study him. He was so strange, one moment he's glaring, next he's staring, and then he's all gentlemanly, could vampires be bi-polar? I couldn't stop it then, I really tried, but it was no use the giggle escaped me. "Sure." I replied lightly before stumbling my way out of the classroom in a very human looking way.

I had been hoping they would do the guessing game for a bit before they decided to confront me but really I should have known better. Vampires aren't built to wait around for things, we are given everything to just take whatever it is we desire so why wait? It was a very Pirate lifestyle and one of the reasons I did so well as a Pirate myself. I didn't like to wait, as I turned to look at the clock I realized I would have to wait another two hours before meeting them. I sighed, I might not like waiting but after almost four centuries of it I had learned patience the hard way.

The classes were dull; I barely paid them any mind really and just sat there occasionally glancing at the clock to see if the day was closer to ending. I found myself thinking of Carlisle again, it was weird, for some reason today he was coming to the forefront of my mind like he was right beside me. I thought back to what could have brought this on so suddenly, and for some reason my mind went to Edward.

For some reason Edward reminded me of Carlisle, not in his looks or his attitude (definitely not that he was too bi-polar) but in his expressions. When Carlisle was frustrated he used to get this heated look to his eyes like he was trying to burn you with them. I stopped myself from laughing, Edward definitely had that too when he was glaring at me. Also just the way he looked so stunned before, I frequently stunned Carlisle with silly requests or actions and his face was the same.

That must be it, the reason, Edward reminded me of Carlisle or I was just thinking on this too much. However, my thoughts were so absorbed in those two that before I knew it the school day had ended. I made my way to my locker, getting my things and then I headed to the office to hand in the slip she had given me. After that I just waited by my bike, leaning against it and waiting for everyone to leave.

The Cullens were standing by the silver Volvo staring at me; I shifted and smiled at them in amusement. They had yet to move, still as statues really. It was really sad how bad they were at pretending to be human. I had run across some very interesting vampires but it still amazed me how horrible they all were at pretending to be human. It was like they put no effort into it. Even Lucas and my silly little friends had a hard time acting human.

Soon enough the parking lot was empty, leaving just my fellow vampires and I in a staring contest for the ages. I smiled and beckoned them over; they looked weary, cautious as they approached. The big one looked excited, like a child who had been given to much candy and needed to be wound down slowly. The tall blond male looked ready for a fight, and from the scars on him I could tell he was more than ready to do whatever it took to protect his family. They all looked ready for a fight in fact, that simply wouldn't do at all.

The blonde girl, Rosalie, looked a bit put out by something but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what. Edward still looked frustrated but he also looked conflicted by something. Alice, Alice looked like she was trying to remember something she had forgotten. I smiled sadly at her, she had told me she wouldn't be able to remember that she'd forget and a part of me was glad. I didn't want her to remember that horrible place. They all stood before me, ready for anything, and cautious.

I couldn't help it, I laughed, and just the thought of me ever hurting anyone was funny. I just couldn't do that, it wasn't in my nature to hurt anyone and to think they thought I was here to harm them was amusing. "Relax," I said between giggles, "I'm not going to do anything bad to you guys!" Some of the tension left them but the cautiousness remained. "What ARE you?" Edward asked, obviously he was an impatient one. I giggled; I couldn't help it his expression really did remind me of Carlisle now that I was looking for it. "Why don't you tell me?"

"We wouldn't be asking if we knew," the blonde girl sniffed at me, I smiled at her brightly I liked her attitude. She seemed like the type of girl that didn't take anything from anyone, I definitely liked that. "I like you! You definitely got sass!" I said brightly laughing at their stunned expressions, though I did catch the big one stifling a chuckle. "Just tell us how you knew we were…what we are." The blond man asked…obviously he wasn't one for patience.

I grinned at him, "but its so much more fun making you guess! Besides I already know what you all are! I mean could you be anymore conspicuous? Seriously, you all could use some lessons on how to act human." They all looked at me pretty exasperated, I sighed, "Fine ruin my fun…I'm one of you too, you know, venom and all!" I said gesturing to my body with a wave of my hand. "What, how? You don't look like any vampire I've ever seen!" Alice exclaimed, maybe a little too loudly.

I shook my head at her, "Seriously Alice, did you never learn discretion? I'm just better at pretending than you guys…obviously," I smiled and held out my hand "I'm Bella and I do believe none of you have properly introduced yourselves! Society today!" I shook my head at them mockingly and that did it the big one, Emmett, broke down laughing. I smiled brightly at him in return and he gripped my hand shaking my entire arm enthusiastically, "I'm Emmett, I like you already!" I chuckled at him and held my hand out to Rosalie.

She grasped it reluctantly and shook my hand daintily, "I'm Rosalie." I beamed at her and used her arm to pull her into a hug, "I'll call you Rose!" She looked a bit embarrassed by my antics but I could see she was fighting a smile. Alice happily skipped up to me and held out her hand for a shake. I just laughed and opened my arms for her; she dove into my embrace in a familiar way. Her face took on a bewildered expression when she looked up at me. It was then I noticed the butterfly pin in her hair; I smiled and traced a finger over it. "You know Alice I wish you'd remember me already so I could ask you how you ended up like this?" I said it absentmindedly still caught up in the past but the effect was immediate the entire group tensed.

I tilted my head to study them with their suddenly more tense stances, "Seriously, what is up with you guys?" I looked at Alice and she looked a bit devastated, I smiled gently and took her back in my arms. I started to hum my favorite Debussy in her ear, like I used to when she was younger and she immediately relaxed listening to my Claire de lune as I hummed. I held her smaller form to mine when she suddenly pulled away and stared very intensely at my face as if she was trying to find the answers to the universe there. I just shook my head, "It's alright if you don't remember me, my little pixie-girl," I smiled at her, "when I left I told you it's alright if you forgot me…because I could never forget you!"

She looked so stunned and lost I couldn't help it…I wanted to help her. Suddenly struck by inspiration I traced the butterfly hairpin in her hair and said, "I gave this to you the day I left, I remember finding you crying that day. When I asked you why you said it was because you were going to forget me and you really didn't want to." I laughed softly at her expression my attention so focused on her I didn't notice the others. "So I pulled this pin right out of my hair and gave it to you, it was very precious to me I'm glad you kept it. I remember how confused you made me all the time, especially on that day. You smiled when I gave it to you 'cause you said now you had something to hold onto even if you forgot me for a time. You told me you'd see me again one day and that'd you remember eventually."

"I'm sorry, I have a hard time remembering my human life…it all just darkness for me," She looked so sad then I had to reassure her. "Don't be sad I'm sure if I spent most of my time in a cationic state most of my human memories would be gone too! You're still my pixie-girl though!" I said laughing. She danced over to the blond man and pulled him up to me, "This is my husband Jasper! I hope you'll like him!" I giggled at her, "If he managed to capture your heart I'm sure he's a good man," I smiled at him and held out my hand, he shook it firmly.

I liked him, he was a little stiff but I guess Alice balanced him out because she was so free and wild. Last, but not least, I turned to Edward holding out my hand. He took it hesitantly and immediately I felt like my entire arm was electrocuted, I ignored it. He was enticing strange reaction from me since the moment I laid eyes on him…I hoped they went away soon. I smiled, he said, "I'm Edward". "Nice to meet you properly Edward I'm Bella!" I stepped back from them and lightly sat on my bike waiting for them to adjust to the situation.

"Would you come over tonight to meet our family?" Alice asked enthusiastically, of course she was always one to a quick recovery. I smiled a bit and tilted my head to study them. They did look like a family, there was a closeness to them I didn't see often among Vampires. The only other that compared was Lucas' family, or coven, and it seemed more like they were just really close friends. At least that's how it seemed to me; I wasn't the best judge though since I didn't spend too much time around Lucas and the rest.

"Sure pixie-girl, I'd love to meet your family," I put my finger to my lip in thought for a bit, "but first let me slip out of my humanity!" I laughed at them; "Well I can tell I make you uncomfortable because I look so…well you know. I just thought that it might be best if I showed up without all this on!" I smiled and swung my legs over to straddle my bike and reached behind me to grab my helmet (even though I didn't need it…appearances and all). "So I'll head over to your place around six, okay?" I revved the motor to life and it purred for me.

"WAIT! You don't know where we live!" Alice said looking a bit distressed. I giggled a bit and looked at each of them wondering, "Well which one of you is the fastest?" Alice looked confused, "Edward, why?" "Good, hop on Edward!" I said patting behind me, and I couldn't stop my laugh when I saw their shocked faces. "Well, he's the fastest! I'll take him home, get changed and all that, then we'll run over to your place! That is…if that's alright with you Edward?" He looked a little dazed so I gave him a minute to respond and he did eventually, "I don't mind." I took that as a yes, I watched him toss his keys to Jasper and then he slipped onto the bike with more grace than I could have.

"Hold on tight," I revved the motor and pulled the visor of the helmet down to cover my face. He gripped my waist lightly and I rolled my eyes. I took his hands and wrapped them firmly around my waist, "I hope you don't mind going fast!" Then we were off like a rocket, speeding down the road and quickly going my pretty bike's maximum 220 mph. I was glad I had put his hands more firmly around me or else I was sure Edward would have slid right off the back he was so startled. I laughed joyously at the speed and quickly weaved my way through traffic.

We made it home in a record ten minutes; I just pulled smoothly into my garage and cut the engine. I got off the bike after Edward and strapped my helmet to the seat again. "Okay so I guess you'll be getting the grand tour before anyone else!" I smiled brightly at him and took his hand to drag him inside. I immediately tossed my jacket on the coat hanger and slipped my boots off. I twirled around in the living room because I couldn't help being excited at the prospect of making some new friends. I smiled at Edward, who was just staring at me quizzically; I took his hand and blatantly ignored the fluttering inside my stomach.

I pulled him through the living room, "So obviously this is the living room," I pulled him down the hall, "this is the kitchen/dining room," I circled around and lead him further down, "This is the entertainment room complete with a surround sound and movies from EVERYWHERE!" I smiled at him brightly, "This is the memento room it just has all my sentimental knick-knacks," I tugged him along, "This is the game room, board games, video games, you name I probably have it!" I ignored the last door and was going to pull him upstairs but he stopped me.

"What's this room?" he asked and I ducked my head behind my hair and quickly replied, "Oh, that's just my dance studio/music room!" I laughed nervously and tugged him up the stairs quickly. I didn't mind so much performing in front of a large audience, it was the smaller more intimate ones I had trouble with and I still had a small, tiny really problem with attention. I took him upstairs and showed him the three guestrooms, bypassing the restrooms altogether, and then he got a brief look at my room. Then I showed him my study/library, and then I pulled him down to the living room again.

"Okay, well, you just make yourself at home while I get ready, feel free to explore I know I can get a bit overzealous when it comes to making new friends!" I smiled brightly at him, "Sorry if I was a bit forward!" I headed back upstairs before he could reply. I was quick in the shower, scrubbing everything off fast so that Edward wouldn't have to wait very long for me. I decided against blow-drying my hair because it would take too long. It would probably dry itself during our run anyway.

I was a bit stuck on what to wear though, what does one wear when meeting up with vampires so similar to you for the first time? I didn't know, I nibbled on my bottom lip in uncertainty for a bit and finally I decided. I may have been a rebel growing up but I had always loved dresses, secretly. I had learned a lot over the years and I had been apprenticed to a few seamstresses throughout the years. Which was why most of my closet was filled up with clothes I had MADE and not BOUGHT. It was one of the things I was so proud of, doing something like this on my own.

So I picked out one of my creations, a light blue dress, it had an empire waistline and it flared out just right. It looked a little like a vintage fifties dress but mine was made of cotton so it was softer. It had a half-sleeve and a V-neck line that was modest. I put on a black pair of slip-ons that reminded me a bit of ballerina slippers and placed my iron cross under the dress so only the chain was showing. Ready, I made my way downstairs where Edward was waiting, still as a statue at the bottom of the stairs. Seriously, I needed to teach them all how to behave in a more human-like way, they just stood out way too much.

He wasn't paying much attention, staring off to space looking out my window; I wanted to meet his whole family though so I called out to get his attention. "Hey. You know you could have moved? You didn't have to stand there the entire time!" I laughed when he turned around clearly he was stunned I managed to sneak up on him. That's what he got for being so distracted! I made my way down the stairs quickly enough and stood in front of him waiting for him to lead the way. He didn't move at all just continued to stare at me, apparently he was easily distracted. I tried not to stare back at him; honestly, Edward made me curious because he was so quiet all the time.

One moment he's a polite gentleman, the next his glaring at me in frustration, then he's quick to ask burning questions but he doesn't talk to me unless he HAD to, really it all was interesting. In a frustrating, what the hell sort of way. "Are you waiting for something or can we go now?" I asked just to be cheeky, he finally shook himself out of whatever funk he was in. Then I made a big mistake I looked up and caught his eyes with my own for the first time since meeting him.

Our eyes locked, I couldn't look away it was like I was drowning in his intense star but I didn't fight it. He really was handsome, Lucas was more beautiful than handsome but I liked the way Edward looked. The thought scared me enough to look away and I followed him out the door quiet, for once. I didn't like this, this fluttery feeling I got when I looked at him and the way touching him made me feel. It was frightening and I didn't like it…not…one…bit.

I ran beside him absentminded; if I had been paying attention I might have noticed how surprised he looked. I had plenty of opportunities to have a relationship with a man, plenty, and I never once ever considered it. Yet Edward fascinated me, and made me feel nervous. He made my stomach flutter and my tingle every time we touched. I didn't know what to make of it, why did Edward invoke such reactions in me when no one else ever had? I didn't want to know and resolved to ignore it.

As we ran up to the house I couldn't help but notice how beautiful it was, so open and classic looking. I let Edward go ahead of me so I could get a moment to compose myself. Edward went in first greeting the ones waiting for us at the door and then he called to someone up stairs. I was nervous, I had never met a family of vampires so big before and I didn't know how I was expected to behave to the 'father' of them.

I looked up and the first thing my eyes saw was a blond man coming down the stairs nose buried in a book. He looked up and our eyes connected, it felt like all the air had been knocked out of me in that moment. I took in a sharp intake of unnecessary air at the same time as he did; the only other sound was the dull thud of his book as it hit the ground. It was like time had stopped and I stood paralyzed staring at him, staring at me. I wanted to move but it was like I was frozen in place, no one moved probably too stunned by our reactions to each other.

My eyes had to be deceiving me, this couldn't be real; this had to be some sick illusion or a twisted fantasy on my part. This was just some deranged waking dream my weary mind had brought to life because I was missing him so much. He couldn't be standing not three feet from me, alive. And yet I wanted it to be true, I had to know if this was some Freudian slip of the mind or reality. So I found the strength to whisper on word in my frozen petrified state, "Carlisle…". Then just like that it was as if a spell had been broken, recognition flooded his features and his eyes got really wide like they always had when he was surprised.

"Bella…" he whispered his right arm rising as if to reach out to me, "Bells, my little bird, is that really you?" He asked tone still disbelieving and I choked back a sob, "Carlisle!" I couldn't take standing there frozen anymore and as if some great electrifying shock had run through me I leaped at him crying out in joy. He opened his arms wide, just like he had always done and we fell to the ground together. I was sobbing dryly as I clutched at him; arms firmly encircled around his neck while his held me strongly around my waist.

He crushed me to his chest holding me to him whispering in my ear over and over, "Bella, my Bella," I couldn't believe it. "Promise me this isn't some cruel illusion Carlisle, promise me you're really here." I said quietly voice on the verge of breaking. He kissed the top of my head and held me tighter in his arms, "I'm here, I'm here Bella, my little bird". I pulled back just enough to stare into his eyes, Carlisle could never lie to me, never, and I saw the truth in his eyes. It made a believer out of me, "How are you here?" I just couldn't come to grips with it, here he was my family, my Carlisle, my best friend, my rock and he was alive.

I had mourned his loose for so long I just couldn't come to grips with having him back so suddenly. Still as he held me closer, sitting up and pulling me into his lap arms firmly wrapped around me it was as if he had never left. As if I had just seen him yesterday and not well over three centuries ago, it was as if nothing had separated us. He tucked my head under his chin; one hand ran soothing circles on my back while the other cradled me to him. "I could ask you the same thing my little bird, how are you here with me?" I inhaled deeply taking in his scent, one of the things I never forgot, he still smelled of the garden in the fall, rich and earthy. Then I caught something else, something new, and pulled back to blink up at him head tilted in question.

"Yes, Little Bird?" I examined him for a moment and finally replied, "Carlisle, why do you smell like potatoes?" That did it, he looked startled for a minute and then he burst out laughing. MY laugh, the laugh only I seemed to invoke out of him, it was carefree, loud, and totally at ease. I smiled in response, and chuckled a bit with him. He stopped laughing after a bit and turned his real happy on me. Carlisle was almost always smiling politely, however, they weren't real smiles…this one was though.

"What the hell is going on!" someone yelled, and I turned to see everyone staring at us. I couldn't help it, I ducked my head in embarrassment hiding behind my hair and leaning in a bit more into Carlisle. I didn't know how to answer them, how did you explain seeing your very best friend for the first time in centuries? How do you explain your connection to someone to people who've probably known this person for countless years? Ours was a strange relationship, even when we were human, how did we explain that to them?

Carlisle was my best friend, my confidant, my rock, my first crush, the brother of my heart, the father of my mind, the missing piece in my life; he was all this and so much more to me. He was family, but it went deeper than that too. I loved him, but not in the way they were probably thinking right now. "Umm, well, yeah," I was stammering now and Carlisle looked equally as stumped on how to respond to that question. So I decided it was best to turn the direction of the conversation away from that for a while or at least until I could figure out how to answer.

"How did you become a Vampire Carlisle?" I asked turning to face him blatantly ignoring everyone else to save me from the embarrassment of looking at their disbelieving faces. Someone cleared their throat rather loudly and

I turned to see a pretty woman I hadn't met yet. She had a very friendly face, but something in her eyes, a nervousness, made me pause.

I really wanted to know how Carlisle, my dearest Carlisle ended up becoming something he had hunted the world over once upon a time. I didn't want to leave his side now that I had finally gotten him back, it had only take three centuries (almost Four) to have him here with me again. Yet, as I finally took in his new family's faces I knew he would need to tell them about me, calm them down and really keep me from ruining what he had built. I knew when to step away, I knew when to go and right now it was time for me to leave and be alone once more.

The thought made the hole in my heart so much more noticeable now, funny, I'd been walking around hollow and hadn't noticed until something had filled it up for a moment. I turned to look at Carlisle's conflicted face, he wanted to go to them, to go to her but he didn't want to loose his hold on me either. I would not let him make that choice, "Carlisle?" I got his attention and when he turned to face me I kissed him on the cheek, "Perhaps it would be best if I were to go for now, I believe there is some explanations that need to be done before we can have our reunion." That said I got up from his lap, he grabbed my hand stopping me and his eyes were so sad, "Don't fly away little bird I just got you back."

I kneeled down so our faces were level and rested my forehead against his, "This bird knows the way home now, and I'll come back in the morning when you've had a chance to explain." I stood up then and this time he let me go. I didn't look back, it would have been to hard to walk away then, and I kept going putting myself out of Carlisle's life once more.

He had a family, a real family, one that relied on him and loved him so very dearly. I didn't begrudge him that; it was my own choice not to let anyone fill up the space he had left in my heart. I could have had what he had back there, I could have had a home with the ones I loved and ones that loved me. I had walked away every time, I ran away from Lucas, I ran from Vlad's pack, I ran from the chance to replace him but that did not mean he could not replace me.

It would seem I had been replaced, while I wallowed alone refusing to let anyone take his place in my heart Carlisle made room in his for others. He was and is stronger than me. Carlisle's heart was so big, he loved so freely that it was no wonder he had found so many that were drawn to his light. He was like the sun, warming everything he touched and I had no right to be anger he had a family now. But I was a little sad, he had been my everything once, he was my sun, my moon, my stars, but he couldn't be mine anymore. Now he was an OURS and I wasn't sure if I could handle that.

Refusing to get lost in my confusion I ran home, getting refuge from my relentless thoughts in my methodical movements. However, when I reached home, I found that I didn't want to stay there with its empty halls and with my hallow heart. I changed quickly, donning my human disguise thoughtlessly and only grabbing my ipod I headed out the door. At first I wasn't sure where I was headed, just that I wanted to be away from where I had been. It lead me to the ocean, to the beach, where the cloudy overcast made my human guise unnecessary but I didn't care.

I listened to the rushing sound of the waves crashing on the rocks and the thing I had been avoiding snuck up on me here. I had never had to share Carlisle before, not when I was human and certainly not after I had been turned. I had kept his memory close to my heart all these years, not once had I shared it with anyone, not even Lucas and Vlad. I had kept him mine, kept him secret, he had been my past and I had never thought I'd have him in my future. I never spoke of him in detail to anyone; to my close immortal friends Carlisle was just a man who had given me the necklace I never parted with.

Yet now I was faced with having to share him freely with a whole family of people, something I had never shared before and I found I resented that. Carlisle had been MINE, MY sun, MY rock, MY friend, MY world and now I had to share that with a room full of people I barely knew. I didn't want to share him, he was mine, or at least he had been mine once. It was all so very frustrating I thought I could cry. But instead I simply put my headphones in my ears and pressed play.

I let my body express the anger, the anguish, the betrayal, I felt but couldn't let out. I got lost in it, in the memories of days gone past when I was the Pirate Queen riding the seven seas and there was nothing I couldn't take for my own. The sea, the sight, the smell, the very feel of it calmed me and brought me to those days when I was someone else. I had been searching the world over to find something to fill up that lost part of me, the place Carlisle had resided in. However, now that I had found him again it seemed like that void in me had spread and it couldn't be filled up with just him anymore.

No, not now that I had seen him again, so filled up with the love of his family that my mark on him was barely visible. I sighed as I leapt and twirled to the beat of the music playing in my ears. I must have been a sight, one pale girl dancing on the rocks in nothing but dance shorts with a tang-top. I didn't care, I needed to get this thing out of me the only way I knew how, I danced, and I danced. I danced my sorrow, I danced my regret, I danced my pain, and I even danced of my joy of finding him again.

Really that was all that mattered to me, I had been given him back, I had been given the impossible and I was sad about sharing? I must be more selfish than I thought if something like that was bothering me. I finally stopped dancing, and I let out a breath, I could share him… even though he wasn't mine to share anymore. In truth it would be them sharing him with me because I was no longer the biggest part of his life. I wished for not the first time that I could cry just a few tears, just a few, because getting something like this out of me would take some crying. I didn't want to sob dryly over something so small so I held it in, no matter how much I did not wish to.

As I took out my headphones I began to wonder what I would say to him, to them, come tomorrow morning. Would I tell them my whole story? Should I? Did I want them to know? Because confessing everything to just Carlisle wasn't an option any longer for me. Carlisle was a package deal now and to have him know was to tell the others. I didn't know if I could handle that, but I decided I would try. Just then as I resolved to give sharing everything for once a try I heard a deep rumbling growl from behind me. I turned and I couldn't believe me eyes….