It was a Saturday, and Mrs. Sprout was sitting on a bench with a small radio. Ginny, Lavender, and Pavarti were sitting next to her, listening as well. "WHGRT, Hogwarts Radio!"

"And thus we conclude our interview with Neville Longbottom, the young botanical... do you mind if I call you a genius?"

"Gosh, no."

"The genius who has developed a new breed of plantlife, hitherto unknown to the wizarding world. The Luna Two. Oh, just one last question, Mr. Longbottom. Do you feed it anything special?"

"Special? Er, no... it's a secret formula, but it's, uh, not hard to come by."

"I see, well, thanks for dropping by, and-"

"I'd like to remind our listeners that the Luna Two is avaliable for research exclusively at the herbology class-"

"WHGRT, Hogwarts Radio!"

"The location, the location!" Professor Sprout shouted at the radio. "Mention the... Oh well, it's still great advertising. I can't believe it, it couldn't be happening, pinch me girls, it couldn't be happening, all of this sudden success coming out of the blue! I put a sign up, right in the front window, an advertisement, right in the front window: 'Enroll and study this bizarre new plant, Luna Two', and the really remarkable thing is that people, they do! Neville that twerp of a klutz finally did something right, Luna Two drives them nuts, what a blessing this wonderful plant should exist and should bring in all-new students hand over fist!"

At this point, Neville entered, holding a Luna Two that was now much larger, at nearly two feet, and with a visible tooth or two along the pod. "Well, how'd I do?"

"You were great on the radio, Neville!" said Parvati.

"You sounded sexier than Gilderoy Lockhart!" said Lavender, at which point Ginny gave her an awkward look.

"But you didn't mention where the class is held," said Professor Sprout. "How many times have I told you..."

"I'm sorry, I was nervous. Where's Luna? She said she'd be here."

"Forget about Luna. I've got three more radio interviews lined up for tomorrow and the student newspaper wants a picture."

"If my mother could understand any of this, she'd be so happy." The Professor took out a camera that she had no doubt borrowed from Colin Creevey, and took a picture of Neville. She then left.

"You're an overnight sensation, Neville," said Ginny. "Who'd have believed it? One day he pushed a broom, nothing in his news but gloom and doom, then he lit a fuse and give him room, stand aside and watch that mothah blow! Explosion! Bang, kerboom! Don't it go to show ya never know?" At this point, the other two girls joined in singing.

"Neville was in a funk, he was number zero, who'd have thunk he'd become a hero? Just a punk, he was a forgotten so and so! Then one day-"

"Crash! Kerplunk!" interjected Neville.

"Don't it go to show ya never know!"

"Sit down, Neville, now Ginny's gonna sing for ya. All the world used to screw him, biff wham pow, now they interview him, and they clamor to put his remarks on the air!" Neville attempted to point Luna Two's pod in the direction of the girls' song, but it was no use. It bit his left hand. "All the world used to hate him, now they're starting to 'preciate him, and it's all because of that strange little plant over there!" He quickly attempted to pull his hand out of the plant, but it continued in its quest to bite whatever came near it. Meanwhile, the other two girls rejoined the song... and brought Neville with him, obliging him to dance-and the ravenous plant he was holding only made the dancing more awkward.

"Observe him! Here's a chap! Everything is landing in his lap!"

"I just cut my hand and in a snap! Something out of Edgar Allen Poe has happened!"

"Zam kazap! Don't it go to show ya never know! One day you're slinging hash, feeling so rejected, lightning flash! You get resurrected, make a splash! Now you rate the big bravissimo! And with a thundercrash! Crash kerplunk, bam kerboom, zang kazunk, zam kazoom, zowee, powee, holy cow, he ordered up a rainbow to go, wow, pow, look out below! Don't it go to show ya never know!"

From somewhere unseen, Professor Sprout called, "Longbottom!" Neville obediently left, but the three girls stayed behind. Then, Luna ran in, just missing Neville.

"Well, look who's here," said Lavender.

"Hi, Lavender. Hi, Ginny. Hi, Parvati," said Luna. "Am I late? Did I miss it?"

"Sure are," said Parvati.

"And sure did," said Ginny.

"Neville's first radio broadcast," said Luna. "I wanted to cheer him on. I tried to be on time, but-"

"Don't tell me," said Lavender. "You got tied up."

"No," said Luna. "Just... body-bound... a little."

"Girl, I don't know who this mess is you've been hanging out with, but he is hazardous to your health," said Ginny.

"That's for sure, but I can't leave him."

"Why not?" asked Parvati.

"He'd get angry," said Luna, "And if he does this to me when he likes me, imagine what he'd do if he ever got mad."

"So dump the chump, get another guy, and let him protect you," said Lavender.

"And we got one all picked out," said Parvati.

"A little botanical genius," said Ginny.

"Neville?" asked Luna. "No, we're just friends. I could never be Neville's girl. I've got a past."

"And who amongst us has not?" asked Lavender.

"I don't even deserve a sweet, considerate, suddenly successful guy like Neville."

"This child suffers from low self image," said Ginny.

"You have a point," said Parvati.

"She has a problem," said Lavender.

"I know Neville's the greatest, but I'm dating a semi-sadist. So I've got a black eye and my arm's in a cast. Still, that Neville's a cutie-" The other three girls broke out laughing. "Well, if not, he's got inner beauty, and I dream of a place where we could be together at last..."

"And what kind of place is that, honey?" asked Lavender. "St. Mungo's?"

"Oh no. It's just a daydream of mine. A little development I dream of. Just off the Floo Network. Just a little street in a little suburb, far far from stressful, academic Hogwarts. The sweetest, greenest place-where nobody has to worry about what Cornelius Fudge might do next to gain more wealth. And all the houses are so safe and secure... there's not a Heliopath for miles. Oh, I dream about it all the time. Just me... and some spectrespecs... And a sweet little guy... like Neville... A cottage of our own, a fence of real tin foil, and butterbeer corks to keep the, nargles out of the soil, a Snorkack horn that we keep to study its properties, in a one-room house we share, somwhere that's green... He diffendos the grass, he loves to weed and mow, I write much like my father, so I'm all set to go, we don't have to worry about wrackspurts or gulping plimpies, in the dabberblimp-free air, somewhere that's green... Between our mundane dinner, and our bedtime, nine-fifteen, we snuggle safe from umgubular slashkilters and so many... more... I'm always at his side... He b'lieves me, he's the best... Our kids dream of bagged Moon Frogs as the sun sets in the west, a picture out my father's 'The Quibbler' magazine... Far from Hogwarts... I dream we'll go... somewhere that's green..."