So glad so many people are interested in this fic! I have lots of brotherly angst in store for this story! Not to mention Dean's struggles with his addiction and the mystery of what happened to Dean while Sam was gone at college! Hope you like this chapter!

And I'm sorry that I won't be able to reply to your reviews. I have this very weird virus and I'm getting these virus e-mails and it says that I'm sending them to myself which I'm not!! My dad thinks it's the virus that's doing this and told me not to stop e-mails coming from other sites in case they are creating the virus. Even though I'm sure it's not this site, I'm disabling the e-mial alerts just in case! I'm so sorry but I read all of your reviews and take in everything you have to say! I'm going to try to find another way to reply to your reviews even if it's through private messaging! Thanks for understanding and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!


And I can still remember what his face looked like, when I found him in an alley in the middle of the night. -Nickelback, Just to Get High

Sam couldn't believe he'd found Dean like this-drunk, homeless, beaten and filthy in a alley. He had wanted to see his brother again so bad but seeing him like this just broke his heart. What in the world could have happened for Dean to end up like this?

Dean looked up at Sam, blood dripping from the side of his head. "Was a'matter 'ammy? Gonna leave me 'gain?" He snorted

Sam shook his head quickly, not wanting Dean to get the wrong idea. "No Dean. I'm not going to leave you again okay? I'm going to take you back to my place okay?"

Dean just laughed heartlessly and shook his head, like he didn't believe a word Sam just said. "Whate'er ya say 'ammy." He slurred

"Come on Dean, I'm going to get you up." Sam told him and helped him up. Dean swayed dangerously on his feet and Sam had to steady him with both of his hands just to keep him upright. God…how far gone was Dean??

Dean seemed too busy trying to keep a hold of the bottle of rather expensive whiskey in his hands that he wasn't concentrating on trying to walk at all. His legs seemed to drag behind him and his feet shuffled around, causing him to trip repeatedly.

Dean didn't say a word as Sam helped him into his car, just opened his bottle of whiskey and took a long swig. Sam stared at him, amazed. Dean was already so wasted and yet he was somehow still drinking and conscious. How much more alcohol could his body take before he passed out?

Sam didn't know if he should try to take the whiskey away. He finally decided that it would hurt to try.

Well, he was wrong.

Sam reached out for the bottle and grabbed it, he tried to pull it away and Dean noticed that someone was trying to take his alcohol away and panicked. He lashed out, striking Sam right in the face with a punch to the face. He squirmed as far away from Sam that he could go, clutching the bottle to his chest tightly.

Sam didn't know how to react to this outbreak. Luckily he was saved from saying anything when Dean spoke up.

"S'rry 'ammy." His words jumbled together but his eyes seemed more coherent as he realized that he'd just punched his brother.

"It's okay…just…you shouldn't drink anymore Dean." Sam told him, strugling to stay calm

Dean shook his head. "Like you care." He mumbled and turned away, taking another swig of his whiskey.

"Dean, I do care. Why do you think I don't?" Sam asked him, but Dean just kept drinking his whiskey and aimlessly staring out the window.

Sam sighed and started the car. A million questions were going through his mind. How did Dean end up like this? Where was Dean's beloved Impala? Why hadn't Dean just hustled pool for money? And most importantly, where the hell was their father? Why hadn't he helped Dean or looked out for him?

They arrived at Sam's apartment and Sam didn't know if he should be relieved or worried that Dean had passed out cold. Sam sighed and took the bottle of whiskey which was now shockingly empty away from Dean and threw it on the ground. He then walked over the the passenger side and was ready for the tough task of carrying Dean inside.

However Sam was stunned when he could pick up Dean no problem. He could also feel his ribs through his shirt. How much weight had Dean lost?

Sam hurried inside his ground floor apartment and brought Dean straight to the bathroom. His brother reeked this horrid rotten smell. His beard and long hair were so ratted and dirty, Sam had to shave him.

So Sam took up the duty of shaving Dean's beard of, giving him a much needed hair cut, and bathing him. All the while Dean somehow still remained knocked out.

When Sam got Dean in the tub he could not believe just how skinny Dean was. He looked emaciated, like a walking skeleton. Dean must seriously be on the brink of starvation.

Sam held back tears and he washed over Dean's too-prominent ribs. He found scars and bruises that weren't there before. They could have been from anything, a hunt, from people beating him, or simply from an accident. And Sam was here in his perfect little world, never there to help him.

Sam gently washed Dean's face and cleaned out the wound that was on his head. With all the hair and grime gone all of Dean's freckles came out. They stood out so much against the pale gaunt skin of his brother. His freckles were splattered against his cheek bones that stuck out much too far. Sam had to get some food in Dean.

So after bathing Dean and dressing him in some of his own clothes Sam laid him in the guest room bed. Dean was shivering slightly and while it didn't get that cold in California at night in summer, Dean was so thin and it made him more of a victim to the cold. Sam tucked him in under a couple of blankets before running into the kitchen.

There Sam found some applesauce and he figured that he could get Dean to swallow it while he was out. Sam fed him several spoonfuls and helped him swallow them before Dean groaned in his sleep and flipped over, hiding his face from Sam.

Sam put the remaining applesauce on the nightstand. He knew he should get to bed, it had been an extremely long day. But he just couldn't bring himself to leave Dean's side.

He slumped down onto the ground next to Dean's bed and leaned against the wall. When he had left for college he had never expected Dean to end up like this. He was sure his indestructible brother would be just fine. He couldn't believe how wrong he was.

And the worst part was, he had helped in making Dean like this. There was no doubt in his mind that him leaving had been a factor in Dean being a homeless drunk. He let the tears fall freely as he remembered how lost and broken Dean had sounded when he first found him. How Dean believed that Sam didn't care about him. He wondered if his brother could ever be the man he once was again.


The next thing Sam noticed was sunlight steaming through the window. It takes him a while to realize that he's in the guest room on the floor, and even longer to remember that he had found Dean last night.

Sam quickly stood up, ready to help Dean in any way he can. But as soon as he got up he saw that Dean's bed is empty and fear set in. He hurried into the living room in panic only to find Dean sitting on the couch, four empty beers on the ground and another one in his hand. Dean had rummaged through his fridge.

"Dean?" Sam called out and Dean jumped, turning to face Sam with shame on his face.

"Sorry for taking your beer. I just needed some alcohol so bad. I'll find a way to pay you back." Dean told him. He sounded more coherent which was good, and he wasn't drunk yet. But he just sounded so sad and it broke Sam's heart.

"It's okay." Sam told him "Just… Don't you think it's a little too early for that. You must have a hangover from last night."

Dean let out a short sad laugh as he took a couple gulps of his beer. "Though you'd realize from last night that your big brother is now an alcoholic. The alcohol in the morning helps with the hangover."

Sam had realized how much Dean was drinking. It's just he never thought of using the world alcoholic. It was such a horrible word that he never though of associating with his big brother. He never would have imagined it in his wildest dreams but here he is, staring at his alcoholic brother.

Sam should say something right now to help his brother. Or at least reassure him that he's there for him. But all Sam manages to say is "How about I get you something to eat."

Dean gives Sam this sad wounded look and it makes Sam want to cry. He needs to be there for his brother. But the truth is that they've been apart for so long living different lives that he doesn't know how to be Dean's brother anymore.

"I'm not hungry." Dean mumbled and drained his beer. He picked up the empty cans and looked at Sam. "Where do you want these?" He asked, looking extremely guilty for drinking Sam's beer.

"Dean don't worry about it." Sam waves it off

"I said, where do you want these." Dean says again, this time his voice rising. And Sam finds out that he still gives in to his big brother and tells him where to put the cans.

After putting the cans away Dean walked back into the living room, his head hung low. "I can't stay here." He mumbled

Sam glared at him. "Yes Dean, you can and you will."

"No, I can't live off of you like this." Dean shook his head and continued to stare at the ground

"Dean, it's fine. You're my brother. I want you here Dean, do you have any idea you much I missed you?" Sam asked him

"If you missed me you would've called." Dean said, anger coming into his tone, his fists clenching. "You don't give a fuck about me."

"Dean that's not true." Sam told him defensively, getting a little angry himself.

"Yes it is. You didn't even come looking for me at all, you just stumbled upon me. You probably just brought me here out of guilt, you don't want me here. You run away and don't even bother to call me, you get a new cell phone and don't give me the number. When I actually was able to find out the number and get a hold of you you told me you'd keep in touch and you never did. All these years of you living your perfect little life and you forget about your brother. Why should I believe in you now?" Dean growled, his face getting red.

"Dean, this life hasn't perfect, it's been far from perfect. You have no right to yell at me for not calling you when you never came and visited! You knew where I was, so how come you never came! So instead of seeing your brother you end up as a pathetic homeless man and an alcoholic. Wow, what a great big brother you are huh?" Sam winced as soon as the words left his mouth. He didn't mean them, he was just angry at Dean for blaming him when in truth it really was his fault.

Dean picked his head up and if looks could kill, Sam would be dead on the ground right now. "Fuck you." Dean spat, his whole frame shaking with anger. "You have no idea what I've been through." And with that he stormed out of the apartment, leaving Sam alone with all his guilt.