Eric and Kate, realizing that something was going on quietly made their excuses and left. Mich nervously bit her lip and took a deep breath prepared to begin talking again, but wasn't sure where to start. Horatio caught her hand and gently caressed the back slightly with his thumb.

He realized that the episode with Sasha tormented Mich, but didn't want to go there just yet. Worried that the trauma that it had caused might cause her to stop speaking, he asked a question. "Did you play any part in the second war?"

Mich nodded, "Kyra was still young and stayed with my grandmother. I was sent to Iraq on a joint operation with the CIA. The other agent was a hot-head – didn't want to wait for us to build up our cover. The idiot blew our mission and I barely got out with my life. When I returned home and saw Kyra I knew then I had to get out of '5,' I didn't want her to grow up as I had done… Without a mother.

Mich fell silent for a moment and Horatio gave her the time, knowing that her mother had died in a car accident when she was young. A soft sigh indicated that Mich was ready to continue.

"Dad was really happy about it and agreed to try and help me – technically I should have been active for another ten years, but by then Robert had passed on the information about the cartels in Miami – and the CIA wanted me to do the job… You know the rest."

Horatio gave her a soft look, "Having Kyra was the best thing that happened to you…"

Mich smiled and nodded her head, "At that time… Yes. Since then there have been other good times… Kyra made me realize that I wanted a normal life – that I had to get out of my line of work… I never realised how hard it was going to be for me to become 'normal'."

"Dad helped me to negotiate my way out. The Presidential pardon for my work on American soil was his idea. Robert suggested getting his dad involved when he found out that I was the one selected to do the job."

Horatio was surprised, "How did he know?"

Mich chuckled, "Dad told him. He knew I had to build my cover and Robert had mentioned the barn years before as a place that he had used to get away from his family. It was quite run-down when I came – but we managed to fix it up. It gave Robert's dad the opportunity to meet his grand-daughter."

"And to have a safe place for Kyra if anything went wrong…"

Mich nodded but said nothing; she had come close to using William Franks for just that purpose before Ryan had found a way out for her. As a thank you she had given Ryan her Katana blades after discovering that he had got interested in Japanese history as a result of the Cartel case.

Horatio remained silent, deciding not to continue the discussion further for now. Feigning tiredness, he persuaded Mich that he needed a nap and suggested she return to the barn and come back later with the girls. At first Mich hesitated wanting to remain near him, but he gave her a stern glance which sent her out of the door.

&&**

Mich parked her car carefully outside the hospital and went slowly inside to visit Horatio. He had insisted that she return to the barn and continue with her work, partly to give himself time to think over what she had been telling him, but also to give her time to collect her thoughts. At first she had hesitated, but when Horatio became firm, she had given in. As the days passed she had told him more about her life before they had met, stories from places around the world.

"I worked in the cities because it was easier for me to blend in, my cover was often that of a secretary for someone working for an international company. It meant that I had a lot of freedom to move around."

Horatio understood, "Which was why you used to work at night."

Mich nodded, "it was an easy way to build my cover, just like here in Miami, I was given a list of targets, then when I was done I would get out." Of the exact nature of those missions, Mich would not give details, just keeping the talk very general, he could tell that she was finding it difficult, but Mich continued pushing herself to talk.

A short phone call to Derek Foster had confirmed Horatio's suspicions – Mich had been on the verge of a breakdown not once but several times in her career. Each time her father had been there to help her out, keep her on an even keel. Several times he had tried to delay or cancel missions for MI5, but the service was short of good agents and Mich was pushed to return to the field.

"Mich was one of our best Horatio, but the more I tried to protect her, the more she was needed."

Horatio had sighed, "And the closer she came to the edge of losing it completely. One thing I don't understand is why she insisted on working alone. Surely she needed backup?"

Derek fell silent for a few moments, forming his answer carefully, not because he didn't want to tell Horatio, but because he wasn't sure how secure the line was. "Something happened on a particular mission, when she came back, Mich insisted that she would only work alone."

"I don't know exactly what happened, all I do know was that it changed her character completely. She no longer trusted anyone apart from herself – that's what she told me, but over time I've realised that it's something deeper than that – because she has trusted some a little, like the Special Forces teams she had to work with occasionally."

Horatio became thoughtful, recalling something Mich had said a few days before but he was also surprised by Derek's information, "So you don't know the full story?"

Derek's quiet answer made a chill go down Horatio's spine, "No Horatio, I don't, which is what worries me. I suspect that she has a psychological disorder, but it's nothing tangible, nothing was ever picked up in her psych testing – or if it was, the agency chose not to do anything about it. Does she still get nightmares or very depressed?"

Horatio sighed, "The occasional nightmare, but I have noticed that some days she does get very depressed. At first I thought that she was in a bad mood, especially because the staff used to be careful around her. Then I realised that she never actually lost her temper with anyone on those days – if anything she was more careful."

"She was hiding her true feelings Horatio. By making everyone think she was in a bad mood, it would stop them asking questions if they saw her upset. Mich has a temper, that I don't deny, but she uses it to conceal the depression. I think its associated with a very painful memory, but I cannot be sure."

"But why does she hide it? Why won't she talk about it?"

"I don't know. I don't believe that she won't talk about it – it's that she COULDN'T talk about it. There is something so deeply locked inside Mich that affects her daily life and slowly but surely it's eating away at her." Derek paused, "Horatio, from what you've been able to tell me, you know more about her life than anyone else on this planet, including myself and her grandmother who she was able to talk to about a lot of things."

"What are you saying Derek?"

"Help her Horatio, talking to you will stop her heading for the streets…"

"The streets? I don't understand."

Derek sighed, "Horatio, when Mich used to come back from a particularly dangerous mission, or a mission that had been unsuccessful, she would disappear for a short time. I don't know where she went, but for a couple of days Scotland Yard would find dead drug dealers or pimps lying in alleyways. Not the scum at the bottom, but the big fish – only someone with high security clearance would have known their identities."

"You think it was Mich?"

"Nothing was ever said – the killings were too random, the MO too different, cases too far apart, no connection was ever made between them. However, I knew Mich, knew how she worked – it was too much of a coincidence."

Horatio took a deep breath, "You never said anything to anyone – why?"

The answer came quietly back down the line, "Because I had no proof and she was doing the Police a favour. What would you do Horatio? I had to protect my daughter…"

Horatio sank back against his pillows absorbing the news. Quietly he thanked Derek for talking to him and disconnected the line. Was Mich responsible for the killings that Derek had spoken about? He couldn't see it somehow. The only problem was that there was just one way to get an answer…

Mich had to talk to him about Sasha. More and more he had come to realise that the first Iraq mission had been the turning point in Mich's life and that the second Iraq mission had compounded the problem as had her life with Jack. Thankfully, that second mission had also made Mich realise she had to get out of her line of work.

&&**

Mich hesitated at the door, she had expected to find Horatio working on his laptop, but he was staring out of the window lost in thought. "Horatio? You ok?"

Her voice attracted his attention and he gave her a smile to remove her concern. It was going to be a tough night. He had asked the nurse to make sure that they weren't disturbed, knowing that if Mich talked the story was not going to be pleasant.

"Sit down Mich, I've been thinking… I've found out a lot about you, but you don't know some things about me. I think you should know." Before Mich could reply, he began talking about his childhood, growing up with an abusive father, his career with the NYPD and other, more personal matters.

Mich listened, at times Horatio could see the anger on her face but as he continued it would abate, replaced with sympathy and an occasional tear. He talked about cases he had solved – and his satisfaction at being able to put people away. As he spoke, he watched Mich carefully, noting her reaction. The murders she accepted and the gang wars. Cases involving children spiked her anger as he expected as did the abuse cases.

Her reaction to a particular abuse case involving several men and a young woman was particularly severe, but not in the way he expected. He saw the anger crossing her face, but what both intrigued and scared him was the look in her eyes. The colour changed becoming almost grey and Horatio felt that he was being watched by a hunter.

Quietly he changed the subject, "Why did they call you the Wolf? Wolves usually hunt in packs, not alone."

Mich sighed, distracted from her earlier thoughts. "At first it was a joke because I refused to work with anyone else, then a mission came up that no-one wanted to do due to the risk of being caught. I did it… Afterwards one of the training officers remarked that lone wolves are usually stronger and more dangerous than the average wolf, so people started taking the name more seriously. I guess it stuck."

Horatio nodded his head in understanding and remained silent for a few moments, debating whether to tell Mich that he had spoken to her father. He decided not to for the moment thinking it might make Mich upset and he wanted her to talk first.

"Were you more dangerous Mich?"

The question was delivered in a light-hearted manner, but Mich did not smile. Her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. "I was… Too dangerous for anyone else to work with."

Horatio was stunned into silence as Mich stood up and walked to the window, refusing to make eye contact. "Why do you say that? I can understand your line of work being hazardous but…"

Mich cut him off. "Because I cannot be trusted Horatio… People that I work with get hurt…"

"You haven't hurt me yet…"

Mich gave him a scornful look, "So why are you in hospital? Why did you get shot?"

"Because I didn't wait for back-up like I should have."

"Why didn't you wait, you normally do."

"Because I was frustrated, because I didn't want the suspect to get away." Horatio was becoming a little annoyed with Mich's tone; they were descending into an all too common occurrence. A little disagreement would soon turn into a full scale argument.

Mich's voice surprisingly became softer, diffusing a potentially bad situation. "Why were you frustrated by that Horatio? It's a bread and butter situation for you… Something that you would deal with easily."

Horatio sighed, "I was tired Mich, I couldn't think straight… I hadn't slept properly since…"

"Since you left the barn… Left me… Trying to work out what went wrong between us distracted you from your work… Nearly got you killed." Mich returned to the chair at the side of the bed, "You see… it is my fault that you are here."

Mich dropped her head to the bed but Horatio could see the tears that had started. He wanted to tell her that her logic was twisted, that what had happened was his own fault but couldn't. Mich would not accept it, not until he had found out what had twisted her logic in the first place.

Gritting his teeth, he took a deep breath and asked the question that needed to be answered. "Tell me about Sasha."

&&**

Mich looked up and stared at Horatio, her tears stopping in surprise at his softly spoken request. "She was my best friend, why do you want to know about her?"

"Because you told me that after Iraq you refused to work with anyone. Before and during Iraq you worked with Sasha and other agents. Iraq was the turning point Mich. What happened there changed the way you worked and probably changed you."

Horatio saw Mich swallow, saw her fighting with herself. When the answer came, it was with a cold, flat tone of voice, "Sasha died in Iraq Horatio. I've told you that before."

Once again Mich stood and walked to the window, refusing to look at him. Horatio was now convinced that Sasha and what happened in Iraq were the key – especially after what Derek had told him. The problem was Mich's tone of voice indicated that she was afraid to talk about it.

Carefully Horatio eased himself out of bed. He hadn't needed the drip for several days and slowly his knee was beginning to heal, though the doc had warned him that he'd probably limp for the rest of his life. Carefully he walked across the room until he stood behind Mich, but didn't touch her.

"Mich?"

She swallowed, "Horatio… I'm scared… Will you ask me the questions? Please be careful… I'm not sure if I can control this… Though I will try, you listening to me has helped so much already."

"How did it happen Mich? How did Sasha die?"

Mich shook her head, unable to answer the direct questions. Horatio changed his ideas a little, deciding to use a more indirect route, seeing her fearful reflection in the glass of the window. "Was she a casualty of war Mich? Was she killed by the prison guards? Killed as part of the torture?"

Still Mich could not answer, but Horatio was not going to stop now as he saw Mich battling her emotions, wanting to answer him. Step by step he offered several scenarios, each time Mich shaking her head or denying his suggestions. Light dawned, by asking her closed questions he was getting slight answers from Mich and he could narrow down the options.

"Was it accidental?" Again Mich shook her head, but a look crossed her face that gave Horatio a clue. "On purpose?"

For the first time in almost half an hour Horatio got a positive answer. Yet as she answered him with a quiet yes, he noticed the look in her eyes change once more. He went back to the original line of questioning.

"By the guards?"

"No."

"As part of the torture?"

"No."

"Friendly fire?"

Mich's eyes closed briefly, before she answered in a voice so quiet he could barely hear her, "yes."

"During a bombing raid."

"No."

"Mistaken identity from an allied soldier?"

"No."

Horatio was at a loss for a moment, until a thought came into his mind. "She knew who killed her?"

Mich said nothing, a look of acceptance forming on her face as she realised that Horatio had come to a conclusion. For the first time Horatio saw the pain that Mich had been carrying for over 15 years, but he still had to get her to acknowledge to him what had happened.

"She died in the Iraqi prison?"

"Yes. Well, kind of."

"Killed by someone she knew?"

Mich swallowed, "Yes."

Horatio moved slightly causing Mich to look up at him, the tears forming in her eyes giving away her final answer. "Did you kill her Mich? Did you kill your best friend?"

As Mich broke down, Horatio pulled her close. Finally he had managed to get Mich to open up, but he knew that the worst was yet to come.

&&**

Mich was crying. Not a soft quiet sob, or screams of rage, but heartbreaking tears of pain and fear that seemed never ending. Tears that had been locked away for a long time, tears that represented the pain that Mich had been carrying.

Horatio sighed. He had deliberately kept contact to a minimum, just a touch to a hand or shoulder to reassure her. Never anything more until he was ready to speak of his decision to return to the barn.

Mich cried. Horatio tightened his grip, trying to give her the comfort she needed for the moment. Hoping that he would be rewarded with the story Mich did not want to tell.

For a moment Mich became calm in his arms and he sighed as the tears died away. Maybe now she would talk. He was just about to speak when he felt her tense up and try to pull away.

"Mich."

"Let me go."

Her voice was hard, with an edge of steel. Horatio was startled by the change and released her without realising. As she looked up at him Horatio swallowed. Part of him had always wondered how she could have been an assassin, killing people in cold blood. Seeing Mich as she now stood in front of him removed any doubts from his mind.

Her eyes had turned a pale ice blue, narrowed in anger, her face a mask. Mich's muscles were taut underneath her skin, like a predator about to jump on its prey. As he looked at her, a chill passed down his spine, he was no longer looking at the woman he loved, but had come face to face with her alter ego. Derek had been right, the Wolf was a different person, fighting for control of a body it shared.

For a moment he wondered why MI5 had not picked up on the problem when he remembered that Derek had told him that the organisation had been short of agents. Had they deliberately chosen not to see what was happening to her?

He now understood so much more. Mich was afraid to bring up the past, knowing it would awaken the dark side of her nature, a side she tried to block from her everyday life. The frustration and tension it had caused in her own mind caused the anger that had driven him away.

He noticed her fingers flexing as if anticipating a fight and took an involuntary step back to try and diffuse the situation. Horatio's mind was racing, what the hell was he going to do? Mich's whole stance indicated that she was heading for trouble, but how was he going to stop a Wolf?

Mich moved first, walking towards the door. Horatio corrected himself, she didn't walk, she prowled, moving confidently but silently toward the door. He called her softly, "Mich. Don't."

Mich almost ignored him, the only sign that she had heard him, a slight glance back over her shoulder as she hesitated before continuing to the door.

"Where are you going?"

The return answer was half purr, half growl, "I have work to do."

"The streets are different here Mich, you don't have the info you need."

Mich spun to look at him, an intense look on her face, her voice was soft, quiet, Horatio wasn't sure what worried him more – the calmness that had come over her, or the deadly look in her eyes.

"Oh, but I do Horatio… From you. There are those who control the streets from prison, those you cannot touch due to their positions in authority. Those that escaped from you on a technicality. Those that you have wanted to see face justice, but that got away from you."

She came close, gently placing her hand on the side of his face, "They cannot escape from me. Justice will be served. I will complete what you have started. I will make sure that those who got away from you will never hurt anyone else again."

Horatio's blood turned cold, he needed to get Mich to return back to her normal self. He continued to talk calmly, "and what happens when I have to come after you Mich? A pardon will not help you this time."

"You cannot catch me Horatio, and you will have no proof."

Horatio stood his ground as Mich turned for the door once again. "You've just given me proof. You've told me what you are going to do. I can match any bullets you use to your rifle and your Glock."

Mich gave a hollow laugh, "You really think I'd use my old things?"

"I'll open the old case, get your DNA from the file, get a warrant to get a comparison from you. Hell… I'm Amber's father, Kyra's legal guardian. I can get their DNA without a warrant – show how closely it matches yours…"

Mich's eyes flickered for a moment, Horatio spotted the hesitation before she stepped towards the door. He pressed home his slight advantage, his voice firmer and stronger, "what do I tell the girls when they put you away Mich?"

"Do I tell them about your past? Do I tell them about the people you've killed?"

Mich froze in place and Horatio knew he was winning, his mind recalled the day Mich had been able to start talking, how she had admitted she needed help to control her anger. He realised that if he could pull her out of her frame of mind now, it would be a step on the road to recovery.

For a moment he felt helpless as her hand reached for the door handle, then issued the order. "Don't you dare leave this room Mich."

She paused, but the weight of her hand pushed the handle down, caused the door to open slightly. As she straightened up, Horatio had one last chance.

"You walk out of that door Mich, you walk away from the girls." Mich half turned and he could see the confusion on her face, saw her about to speak, her emotions in turmoil.

"You walk away Mich and you walk out of my life. I never want to see you again." His words, spoken with strength and feeling hit Mich like a blow. She paused, her eyes becoming unfocused, head dropping. When Mich looked up Horatio saw the change of eye colour to a darker deeper blue before she slumped to the floor, head in her hands.

"Oh God Horatio… You see what I've become? Hunting for retribution placed as a higher priority than my own children, my own family… What kind of monster am I?"

Warily Horatio walked across the room. He had now seen how quickly Mich could change and hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should continue to push Mich for answers. Taking a deep breath, he decided to go on. At the moment he had an advantage – but knew it might not last for long.

"Why do you need retribution for something that happened nearly twenty years ago Mich?"

As Mich stood up, he noticed that her alter ego had returned, though it was now under control. "I have to pay for what I did, for killing Sasha… The only way is to serve… Justice is a hard master. One day my penance will end."

Horatio swallowed now understanding what drove Mich on. He himself suffered from the same burden, the need to pay for what he had done. The only thing was, he knew why he was paying, but what was Mich's reason. A slight movement drew his thoughts as Mich sat on the end of his bed, a powerless look on her face.

"I can help you."

Mich lifted her right hand and rested it gently on his cheek. The look in her eyes so tender Horatio was stunned for a moment. The helpless whisper came back to him, "I know you can, but I don't want to hurt you again. What happens if I lose it another time? Drive you away…"

"It doesn't have to be that way Mich, in three days I'll be out of here." Horatio's voice was soft, but strong, "We can talk about what happened to change you. Is talking about it what scares you?"

"Just thinking about it scares me Horatio." Mich's hand rested on the end of the bed, Horatio's hand enclosed her own, re-enforcing his words.

&&**

"Sharing the burden makes it easier to carry."

"You have your own burdens to carry Horatio, I know that, but you do not share them. You carry them alone. It's not fair that you carry mine too. I cannot let you do that, it's not fair on you."

Horatio's fingers interlocked with Mich's prising them gently from the bed. Drawing her slowly towards the chair so he could sit down himself he gave her a wry smile, "It's what I do Mich, but believe it or not, I do have help. There are those that may not know what burdens I carry, but their support and friendship helps me. As you have helped me…"

Mich's eye's widened for a moment, before her head dropped and she sighed. "You're not going to give up on me are you?"

"No."

Mich gave a soft smile, "Most people would have… But as I have found out, you are not most people. So what do you want to know?"

As Mich waited for him to get back into bed and relax, she sighed and Horatio saw the sadness and pain cross her face followed by the fear. The next moment he saw her take a deep breath and look up at him, eyes clearer than he had ever seen them, acceptance on her face, and a willingness to talk to him.

"Why does talking about things scare you so much?"

The question was a little unexpected and Mich struggled to find an answer, not because she didn't want to answer, but because she was trying to remain in control of herself and wasn't sure how to explain.

Mich swallowed, "because talking about certain things makes me depressed. I hate feeling that way which makes me angry and I cannot always control my anger. I start hitting out at people close to me to release it. With you around, I'd started to fight it, but it wasn't enough."

"and when your anger builds… You go looking for trouble."

Mich turned pale, "How did you find out about what I did on the streets?"

Horatio gave a soft smile, "Your Dad told me. He always suspected what you did, but could never prove it. Never wanted to prove it."

"He never said anything."

"He understood that you needed the release, and you weren't exactly going after ordinary people. I still don't understand how you were able to work with Jack."

Mich gave a soft smile, "Having Kyra changed me a little, I was more able to cope with things. I used to get depressed instead of fighting. I was able to work with Jack because of her. Robert had also shown me a better side of life."

"While it didn't help me to control my anger, I was a happier person, less prone to becoming depressed and angry." Her voice softened a little more, "You and Amber have also helped, more than you realise."

"But your anger has been increasing recently. Why?"

"I don't know, the only thing I can think of is the stress of the barn. Some of the clients are…"

Mich's voice had become hard, Horatio covered her hand with his own, "I understand. Maybe you should be more picky Mich – not just accepting anyone who comes along. Keep those that are worth training, not the hangers on."

Mich gave him a helpless look, "I wish I could Horatio, but some of the hangers on pay more… If I lose them…"

Horatio sighed, "You lose too much money – and the stress doesn't go away. If anything, it increases."

Mich nodded, but said nothing. Horatio also remained silent seeing the vicious circle she was caught in. Studying her for a moment, he saw how tired she was, how the emotions of the last couple of weeks had slowly broken her down.

He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the last part, knowing it wasn't going to be easy for either of them. "Tell me about Sasha."

&&

Mich swallowed and closed her eyes. For the first time in her life she had been able to talk about parts of her life that she was the most secretive about, things that she had locked away inside. It was partly due to her need to be there for her girls, but mainly due to the man in front of her.

Having him in her life had helped her fight the depression and the anger of the past, but between her work at the barn and his sense of duty, they had little time for each other. The stress of unforgiving and demanding clients had caused her frustration to rise and Horatio's long hours made her resentful of his job, causing the friction between them to increase.

Horatio watched silently and could almost see her mind working, see how Mich was trying to put things together. He knew she needed time, but could also sense that she would not back out. A look of anguish passed across Mich's face, making him reach for her hand in reassurance. An attempt at a smile in return reinforced how difficult the next few moments were going to be. Horatio sat back as Mich began her story.

**

"Sasha and I were very similar in character and appearance. On several occasions we were mistaken for sisters – even twins. Her hair was almost white blonde, thanks to her grandfather who had come over from Norway during the war and decided to settle in the UK."

Mich chuckled softly, "We gave our training officers hell – always competing to be the best, always forcing them to choose between us… At first they thought we hated each other, but it was quite the opposite. Sasha was better at languages, had the lateral thinking. Me, I was more tactical, better on the range and building intelligence."

"When our trainers realised what good friends we really were, they trained us as a team. One remarked that it was a shame that we were both female – they were desperate for a husband/wife team for an operation. Sasha joked that we could pretend that we were gay… I could play the butch partner… Control actually considered it for a short time. You can imagine the stick I got for that one."

Mich fell silent for a moment as more memories returned, becoming more thoughtful, "After we finished our training, we got a flat together just outside London. It was good for both of us; I was close to my grandparents where I had my horses, so I could ride when I had time off. Sasha liked it because the roads were good – she loved her motorbike. We joked that we both liked horsepower."

"When problems started to surface in Iraq, Sasha was already elsewhere, so I was sent in alone to start building intelligence. The mission was relatively straight forward, though the situation deteriorated rapidly, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle."

"Just before Saddam invaded Kuwait, Sasha was sent in. Control wanted another set of eyes on the ground. They wanted to send a male agent, but I demanded and got Sasha…" Mich began to get upset and Horatio tightened his grip on her hand. "If I had listened to them, she would still be alive…"

Horatio sighed. "You cannot be sure Mich… Your line of work was not without its dangers…"

Mich dropped her head, "Whatever… All I know is that what happened to her is partly my fault, regardless of how things turned out."

Mich regained her composure, but the sadness remained. "When we were caught, the guards tried to get information out of us, but we gave away little – nothing they didn't already know. In their arrogance, they decided we were low level agents because we were women."

"Our 'trial' was held a week or so later. We were found guilty of 'crimes against the state' and sentenced to life imprisonment. The judge took great pains to point out that 'spies' were normally executed."

Mich closed her eyes and stopped talking, her head dropping, trying to hide the anguish that she was feeling. Horatio gave her time to think, worried that she would not go on if he interrupted or pushed her. When Mich continued, he could hear the struggle in her voice, the struggle to control her emotions.

"We were sent to the only 'maximum security prison' they had. The warden told us we would be placed on 'death row' to remind us of our punishment. As we were being led away, he apologised that there was no suitable facility for women. He said that no Iraqi woman had ever needed to be detained at such a high level."

"That was when Sasha and I realised how much trouble we were in. When we were shown to our cell, we thought we were fortunate. There was just enough room for the two of us, a thin mattress each to sleep on and a bucket in the corner for our toilet. The cells had no walls – just bars. On one side was a cell with about ten men, they were all convicted of murder or rape the guards told us."

"On the other side were about twelve men, all soldiers… Our soldiers. SAS, Delta Force, Navy Seals. They were furious when we were brought in. They began swearing and shouting at our captors, Sasha and I were worried that they would bring trouble on themselves, but the guards just laughed."

"For a week or so everything was more or less ok. The guards left us alone and as long as we kept the noise down we were allowed to talk to the soldiers next to us. They couldn't believe that we were MI5. The food wasn't great, but being on 'death row' meant we got better than some."

"Executions were carried out every Monday. The first time, the guards watched Sasha and I carefully to see how we reacted to the gunshot that signalled the end of someone's life. We both remained as quiet and calm as possible."

"The following weekend, we had our 'shower'. At first we were worried – but the boys told us not to be too concerned. We were told to stand against a wall and hosed down. The guards thought it was great fun, but we didn't get much cleaner – just wet."

Horatio gritted his teeth at Mich's tale, forcing himself to keep calm though his own temper was rising. Mich had accepted the bad treatment, knowing it was part of the risk of her work, but it didn't make him feel any better. Looking at her face, he knew her story was about to get worse.

For the first time Horatio doubted the wisdom of his decision to get Mich to talk.

&&**

Horatio sighed, causing Mich to glance up at the slight sound. "Everything ok Horatio? Are you alright?"

Her concern made him smile slightly as he shifted position. Outside it had become dark as the night chased the day away, "I'm just a little stiff, can you get us a drink?"

Mich smiled shyly, realising that Horatio had found an excuse for a break, which was probably just as well. She had felt herself beginning to slide into a negative mind set, could feel the darkness clouding her mind. A break was definitely what she needed.

Checking the cabinet, she noted that there was very little water left, so decided to go out for a short walk and get some more, plus something for herself. Seeing the concern on Horatio's face, she promised him that she would return.

As she walked quietly along the corridors and out into the street Mich's mind was turning over. Now that she had finally began to talk about Sasha, her own mind was starting to sort itself out, but she could feel the anger simmering below the surface and it scared her more than ever before.

Left alone for a while, Horatio was also able to think. Though Mich currently had her emotions under control, he could sense that the situation would probably change on her return. He hoped he would have the strength to help her. Had he pushed too much too soon?

A slight noise brought him out of his thoughts and he quickly changed his expression to one of welcome as Mich walked back in. He was happy to see her looking a little calmer; the short break had seemed to help her too.

After the two of them had relaxed a little, Horatio could see the distress flow across Mich's face. "We can do this another time if you want."

Mich shook her head, "No, I have to do this now, or I will never be able to do it again, and you deserve to know the complete story." Taking a deep breath she continued.

"One night I was woken by a scream of anger, in her sleep Sasha had rolled close to the bars of the cell and two of the men had reached through. One had put his hand over her mouth to stop her from making a noise – the other was…" Mich paused and Horatio could see the anger cross her face. "Anyway, Sasha wasn't the type to stay quiet, she bit the hand across her mouth, punched the man in the face."

"The one that had been… touching her backed off quickly before she had a chance to get him, but the look on his face said it all. It made me feel sick inside and I knew then that things were going to get a lot worse."

"The guards thought it was hilarious. From that night on, Sasha and I put our mattresses on top of each other next to the soldier's cell. We slept head to toe while the guys took it in turns to watch over us – I think they realised things were about to change."

"The following Sunday, we had our 'shower' and the men that were due to be executed were brought out. One was the man that had been touching Sasha. The guards asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused a meal, asking to spend a night with us instead. The sergeant agreed."

Horatio fought his anger, seeing Mich struggling to control her own as she continued. "They let him in our cell, waited to see what happened. There was no way we were going to be nice for him. I let Sasha get in the first strike; the strength of it surprised him a little, but didn't stop him."

"One of the soldiers tried to grab him through the bars, tried to help us, but the guards came and ordered him back at gun point. They wanted to see what would happen." Mich's eyes became dull, lifeless, her voice hard. "Needless to say, against the two of us he had no chance. It was the first time either of us had killed in cold blood – and we used our bare hands to do it."

"For the next couple of weeks it became a game for the guards – to see how long someone could survive against us, they didn't even wait for the execution days, just sent men in at random. They said we were saving them bullets. One day they even sent two men against us, by then we didn't care anymore, all we wanted to do was survive."

Mich paused and Horatio caught hold of her hand, could feel her shaking with anger. "Did they ever send one of the soldiers in?"

Mich gave a hollow laugh, "No. The two that were executed while we were there got a bullet. The guards knew they wouldn't touch us – and we wouldn't fight them. There was no entertainment."

"Then Sasha got sick. It was just some kind of simple virus, but it made her weak. The guards thought things would get more interesting. The first man that was sent in died quickly, the guards had forgotten about the soldiers who had realised that Sasha and I could take care of ourselves. This time I was able to force the convict against the bars, one of the soldiers broke his neck."

"After that the guards kept the soldiers away. Two more men were sent in separately and I dealt with them too. I was fighting for my life, fighting to protect Sasha. By then I was no longer myself. During the day Sasha would talk to me about better times, but it just made me more angry, though I hid it from her."

"The guards tired of the game, after about six weeks in total they stopped sending men in. One night, they came and grabbed Sasha, she had recovered from the virus, but was still very weak. They threw her in a cell with four men…"

**

Horatio closed his eyes, sickened by what he knew had happened. "Mich, enough… You don't need to tell me any more."

"You wanted to know Horatio… Please let me finish… I have to get this out now." Mich's voice was hard, causing him to open his eyes. As he expected, he once again faced the Wolf, but this situation was different, something of Mich still remained, he could see it in her eyes. Whether it was because she was finally able to talk, or because of his presence he wasn't sure.

Mich fought down the anger and her expression became more neutral. "The guards joked that it would be my turn next, but it never happened."

"A couple of days later there was a bombing raid on Baghdad. The prison was hit quite badly, many inmates were killed – guards too. All I knew was that the soldiers' cell was damaged. They weren't going to wait for someone to recapture them, but they did take the time to get Sasha and I out."

"A SEAL captain took charge of the group. We armed ourselves quickly while we were moving, one of the soldiers saw that Sasha wouldn't be able to keep up, so he carried her."

Tears started to slide down Mich's face, "His nickname was 'Orso' - Bear – and he was as big as one too. I don't know how he managed to keep up with his bulk and Sasha's weight, but he carried her as if she was nothing."

"We kept moving south for nearly six hours, hoping to reach the Tigris at some point – then to use the river to get to the Persian Gulf. By then we were all exhausted. I had stayed close to Sasha – as had two other Delta Force guys, they were Orso's friends from the same platoon. We had no food and desperately needed to change clothes. The guys were in their combats, but a few had no shirts – a couple no boots. Sasha and I were in the clothes we'd been caught in, useless for the situation we were in."

"The following day, the group got separated – a patrol caught sight of us and in the panic the Delta guys, Sasha and I were forced to take a different route. We chose to take cover and hide, but we could hear the shooting as the others ran. I never saw any of them again – and I was never able to find out if they got back."

"The five of us decided to stay hidden until dark and then slowly made our way through the streets. We took clothes from bodies in the streets – soldiers, not civilians, hoping that at a distance we would not be recognised. We had a bit of luck when we acquired a compass and map. Sasha recovered slightly, was able to move with us, but she was still weak – partly because of the rough handling she'd received from the four convicts. Orso insisted on carrying her when we had to move quickly."

The tears began to flow more strongly down Mich's cheeks, "We made it to the edge of the river when another patrol surprised us… Orso and Sasha were pinned down by gunfire behind a wall… We tried to give them covering fire so they could join us… One of the Delta guys was hit…"

Mich's anger returned, though the tears continued to fall, "I couldn't help them… I tried to get to them but couldn't… Orso tried to get Sasha to us, but he went down… I don't know how many times he was hit. It was like one of those crazy action movies where people don't die straight away. He was so strong… he just kept going."

"His friend tried to drag me away, but I kept screaming for Sasha. She just looked at me and waved me away. Told me to go." Mich took a deep breath, wiped away the tears. "She called me – didn't want them to take her back to the prison… I lifted the rifle I had taken… She closed her eyes and nodded… I knew what I had to do, accepted it."

Mich could keep back her grief no longer, but as Horatio reached out to console her she pulled away, not feeling she had earned the right to accept his sympathy. Standing up, she moved to the window, her arms wrapped around her body allowing the tears to run.

Horatio moved to her side, as he tried to pull her close Mich began to push him away, but Horatio stood firm and Mich relaxed against him.

Finally he understood, Mich's anger was directed at herself, at her inability to help Sasha. Until now she had been unable to release her grief at losing her friend and punished herself for it on a regular basis. Her work for MI5 had given her an outlet for that anger, but on occasion it had not been enough. He hoped that the grief would mean that she would now be able to learn to control that anger, but doubted it for the moment.

"You did what you had to do Mich. Better Sasha died that day than she lived to the treatment she would have received back in the prison, if she had returned there. They may have just executed her on the spot."

"How can you say that Horatio? Condone what I did?"

"Because I don't think I would have had the courage to do the same. You could have left Mich… Left her to face mistreatment, or to die alone. You didn't. She told you to go… Made the choice – wanted you to live – or at least have a chance. You honoured her choice."

"But I still have to live with it."

"Yes. And I know how that feels. That I can help you with."

"It will never go away."

"No. But you can learn to live with it. Carry it better than you do now."

Mich straightened in Horatio's arms and he released her. "You're right, I need to sort myself out, some time to think things through better. I know I can talk to you now without the fear, but I'm not sure I can control the anger completely."

Horatio nodded, "Take all the time you need to think, but I need a promise from you before I can let you leave."

Mich fought the frustration rising inside and nodded her head. Her word was her bond and Horatio knew that, she knew he would use it to set boundaries, but she had a feeling it was what she needed – at least in the beginning. He returned to his bed and sat down, fixing her with a hard look.

"Stay away from the streets. Keep control of that temper as much as you can. Use it against me as you have done in the past and I will leave for good." Mich closed her eyes in pain and Horatio's voice softened, "Do as I ask and I will return to the barn. Help you to live with what you did, help you to move on."

"I will." Mich took a deep breath and looked up, "Horatio… Thank you, I owe you so much… Our girls have one hell of a father, I know you will always be there for them."

Mich paused at the door and looked at him shyly, "You'll always be there for me too won't you, even if things don't work out for us…" Seeing the look that crossed his face she sighed, "One day I will be able to repay you, I don't know how yet, but believe me I will… You deserve so much more…"

The sincerity in her voice filled Horatio with relief though he hid it from her. As the door closed he gave a large sigh, wondering what the hell he had let himself in for.