I already explained the wirings of my brain in the 1st edition. As for Towlie? He just begged me to put him in. And towels can be very convincing, believe me.

Boy, I just read this one over and I'm finding innuendoes I never intended. But I like it that way, so that way it stays.

And once again, sorry for the vulgarity. I just read some very disturbing stories, and now I am very disturbed.

Disclaimer: If you're writing fan fiction, might as well talk to a towel. It pays dividends just as well.

A/N: This is the result of my deal with Towlie. Don't say I didn't warn you.

P.S.: As I said before, I strongly recommend reading chapter 1 first.

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"...So, Harry. I want you to promise to have fun, shag many birds, drink a lot of beer, then some more, the Shag the rest.

"I wrote you this because to have a will I have to be of sound mind and body... and face it - I just spent twelve years in Azkaban, of course my body is a wrack.

"With that, My dear Harry, I bid you goodbye... know that you always have a star above shinning just for you. In fact, the whole constellation. I'd would have gone for the moon, but I'm a dog, not a cow. And Remus is the one usually moons, anyway.

"Your loving godfather, keeping company with the Grim (and all his bitches)

"Serious

(for once),

Sirius.

Harry finished reading the letter, wiping moisture from his eyes with his hand. "I will, Sirius, I will." he promised.

"Don't forget to bring a towel." said Towlie. "you wanna get high?"

Harry was too distraught to notice, or he would be alarmed at seeing a talking towel.

Dudley, on the other hand, just assumed he already was high, but a little more fun never hurt anyone.

"Yeah, why not?" he said.

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"But Mr. Dumbledore, your brother is just over there, why can't you ask him instead?"

"What, trust Albus with Shrewit? Never!"

"Oh Kay," said Harry carefully.

"So you'll do it, Weasley? For me?"

"I guess so," shrugged Ron, uncertainly.

"Good," said Aberforth with a smile, and went back to wiping glasses with a dirty rag.

"Towlie says, don't forget to bring a towel!" said the blue towel that stuck i'ts head in the window.

"Was that a talking towel?" asked Ron, bewildered.

"Don't know," said Harry, "go back to drinking." He was imagining things.

"You wanna get high?"

Yes, he was imagining things.

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"Well, who else could it be?", demanded Ron, enraged. "I have red hair, Neville's sandy, Seamus is brown and Dean shaves, so It can only be you! You're the only one here with black hair! And you did promise Sirius you would shag after drinking, and yesterday evening in the Hog's Head, having succumbed to Aberfoth pleas for me to take care of his goat for the weekend, you and me got drinking so bad you must have thought Fifi is... Is… I don't know, Lavender?"

["Lovender is blonde, not albino." said Dean, who wasn't colour blind, and was keen on girls, to Seamus, who was watching the entertainment.

"What are you doing, eyeing Lavender's hair?" demanded Seamus, who wasn't colour blind either, and was keen on Lavender.

"If anything, I would go with Malfoy, not Lav." said Harry, unperturbed.

["That sounded so wrong," commented Seamus, quietly.

"That sounded like one of Colin's erotic stories he wanted me to illustrate" said Dean.

"It's the hair, you see," continued Harry, "all that white."

"Huh?" grunted Ron.

"Your blasted goat has white hair! And it's everywhere. How could I mistake a goat for Lav? I couldn't have thought it's Lavender if I drank the Hogwarts lake! And I don't like Lavender!" said Harry, hotly.

["Fiew," said Seamus. "I might still stand a chance, then."

"Malfoy, on the other hand", started Harry, -

["He likes Malfoy?" "Ewww, grouse!"

"…has white hair, like your damn goat. And furry. Remember the amazing bouncing affair?" he finished.

"Aeww, don't make me sick!" Ron might have turned green at this point, but seeing as he already have, it passed unnoticed. "And Malfoy's a ferret, not a goat! And what would he be doing in Gryffindor tower?"

"And what would I have to do with Malfoy? I have promised Sirius to get drunk and shag girls!" replied Harry, triumphantly. "You see! It couldn't be me!"

"But it's the hair! Like you said Harry, it's the hair! Who else would have black pubic hair?" asked Ron.

"...err... Harry kinda have a point, Ron. Like the next kid, he would shag Lavender, but Malfoy?" wondered Neville. "Who would shag Malfoy?"

Ron and Harry looked at each other. "Snape!" they both exclaimed.

["Malfoy and Snape?" said Dean. "That sounded like one of the stories Ginny wrote!"

"Ginny writes erotic stories too?" asked Seamous, who was reconsidering asking Lavender out.

"Yeah, she's been reading Colin's for so long, she decided to write on her own. Now they're weeping stories between themselves."

"Yeah, I s'ppose she would like stories with Harry, wouldn't she?"

"Snape could make his way in here," started Neville slowly, -

["Snape, coming here, late at night?" asked Dean, raising an eyebrow.

"Ewww," said Seamus.

"As a teacher he would have access, even if McGonagall would frown upon the head of Slytherin coming uninvited and unescorted into 'her' domain." He continued.

["McGonagall coming here late at night?" said Seamus, with both eyebrows raised.

"Ewwww! Ewww! Ewwwwwwwww!" said Dean, sickly.

"…And he does have the black hair." said Neville. "But wouldn't he know where exactly Malfoy is? mean, he practically lord over the Slytherin dungeons!"

Harry and Ron looked at each other, then looked away, in dawning apprehension.

"Ewww!" said Harry.

"Blarge!" said Ron.

["Blarge," agreed Dean, although he was still stuck a couple of sentences back.

But Seamus compensated for that. "Ewww!" he said.

"What is it?" asked Neville, worryingly.

"Greasy git didn't think it was Malfoy!" offered Ron, in a way of explanation.

"Then wah- ... never mind that." Neville said, recoiling violently. "Blarge! Blarge! Blaaarrrrge!"

"Don't forget to bring a towel." said Towlie. "you wanna get high?"

"Thanks, I think-" muttered Neville.

"And no thanks," echoed Harry and Ron together.

"Did you two just speek with a towel?" Neville wanted to know.

"No." they answered in unison.

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In his chambers, Dumbledore was finding new uses for his wand maintainance kit.

"Damn Alastor and his practical jokes," he thought. "mixing asphalt with my vaselin. Humpff!"

And Towlie says: "Don't forget to bring a towel!"

Plopping a lemon drop in his mouth.

"You wanna get high?"

The End!

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Yet another legal disclaimer: I have a towel, I'm already high, and I don't own anything that has to do with colorado. (Isn't that some kind of vegetable?)

A/N: Other then the goat episode (which is only implicit), this story may sound tame, but because South-Park is PG-13, to stay on the safe side, I made it PG-13 too. Which leaves me with less potential readers, but with more room to manoeuvre, of which I will make good use in the following episode.

P.S. I couldn't come up with any proper name for the goat. I mean, if it was a cow, then it would be something clichéd like Edna or Bessie. If it was a sheep, it would be - well, I don't know any good sheep names either, Mary is the shepherd, not the sheep. If it was an elephant, it would be Dumbo, or Babar - I know they are guys, but I doubt they would fit in with anyone, and anyone planning on plummeting in wouldn't care which hole he hits probably, it's so big he could go in head over heels if he wanted. If it was a bitch, it would be Lassie, or Goldie or something, I don't know, what was the name of the bitch from the Lady and the Trump? Anyway, I didn't know any good goat-names, so I called our heroin "Fifi". If any of you, my faithful readers, can come up with a better name, please tell me about it. (hint: leave a review!) I will send you an e-brownie in return.