Everything that came out of his mouth was an excuse, he thought. There he was trying to defend himself against his own brother. Stefan knew he deserved it as Damon hurled accusations at him. Told him he made the wrong choice by saving Matt first.

He let Elena down; he might as well have put his own hands around her neck and killed her himself. He didn't save her, the woman he loved.

Stefan sat beside Elena's bed and reached out and grabbed her hand. She was still so warm, still alive, soft and still human, at least for the moment.

His green eyes glazed over, and tears slid down his face. All those thoughts, those last moments played through his mind, over and over again. He slouched his shoulders; they were so heavy all of a sudden.

He didn't regret saving Matt, he knew he was a good guy and the world needed more people like him, regardless of what Damon thought. Saving Matt was the right thing to do. Elena knew it too.

Although at the time, he admitted to himself, his first instinct was to save Elena. What happened?

She was fiercely protective of the ones she loved, always putting them first. He admired her and loved her more because of it. But he should have put her first too.

And now she was dead. She would have to make the decision to turn into a vampire or not. It was the same decision he himself made so long ago.

He didn't want her to have to face it. She never wanted this. She had even said so herself, crying that day, she was so scared. He just wanted to make it better, make it all go away.

Of all the idiotic things, he realized that he should have just pulled on the stupid seatbelt to let her lose so she could swim to the surface, right beside him, safe.

But he panicked and he did just as she had asked him to do. Damon would have done anything to save her, but then Matt would be dead.

Stefan kissed Elena's forehead gently and ran his fingers through her hair, so soft. All he wanted to do now was lie down next to her, hold her, kiss her; and pretend this was nothing but a horrible nightmare. One of those tricks that Katherine was so good at. But this wasn't a nightmare, it was very real.

Elena would soon wake up and discover what happened. What would she do then? Would she still love him? Would she become a vampire?

As if she could hear his questions, Elena stirred in her bed.