"Da-The-Ball-YOOOOOOOOOO!" Twisting every joint in his body to aim as much force as the human body can produce towards one direction, Naruto transfers the stored energy towards his arms, then his wrist, then his hands and then, finally, his fingers. The force of all the bones in a human's body was saved into one object and then thrown at breakneck speed combined with perfect timing and execution.

This was one of Naruto's special baseball throwing technique "Datte-Ball-Yo: The White and Red Flash".

"Whoosh!"

'It was perfectly executed.' Naruto grins at himself as he watches the ball seemingly disappear from his hands, make a swishing sound, then impacted Issei, who was the catcher and threw the boy a good meter backward. The kid didn't even know what had hit him. Even Dert, who was the batter, widened his eyes in surprise by the ball's speed.

Standing up straight while cracking his neck to add effects, he held out another baseball towards Dert's and Issei's direction. He smirked at the pair of surprised faces (well, mostly Dert's surprise face... Issei's still eating dirt from the last Datte-Ball-Yo) and coolly says

"Ready to lose, dear customers?"

Dert collects himself and squints his eye at Naruto. He returns Naruto's smirk with his own predatory grin while stating

"Bring it, crappy chef."

Issei, who's still down, groaned in agony as he felt his left hand twist at an odd angle.

-Earlier-

"Ok, add the powder just as it turns to 384 degrees and begins quickly stirring... afterward, throw in the sensing sung and let it boil for approximately .02 milliseconds... and add the deep fried boiled hellion lizard newt..." Naruto mumbles to himself as he slaves over his witches' cauldron. He has locked himself into the shop's kitchen for more than eight hours now and has forbidden anyone, including Matsuri, from coming in.

"Soon... soon I will defeat Matsuri and reclaim my rightful place. KUKUKUKUKU..." He chuckles to himself as he added more ingredients to his concoction.

Matsuri felt another prickle of worry as she hears the latest bouts of giggles coming from her master. The silver-haired girl paces back and forth in front of the kitchen door as she intently tries to pick up any noise that implies that her master is in trouble. If she senses even the slightest hint of trouble, she intends to charge in and savage the blonde immediately. So far, the only thing she has heard was the sound of a crackling fire and an occasional burst of maniacal laughter coming from her charge.

"...Matsuri, just calm down. You don't have to worry about him, he's just doing his usual thing." Issei looks up from the newest dating sim he bought and was now playing.

"Ah, but that's exactly the problem Issei-kun. Naruto-san is too active in doing his usual thing." Dert sips his coffee while reading his newspaper. "According to Matsuri-san, he's been coup up in that kitchen for eight hours straight."

"Eight hours?! That's the longest I've ever seen him concentrate on... anything... ever." Turns his dumbfounded gaze back towards the still pacing Matsuri. "Hey, Matsuri, what the heck is he working on in there?"

"I honestly don't know Issei-kun. Whatever it is, I'm worried. I have never seen Naruto-sama being so... youthful, before." Matsuri stops her stride to answer Issei before taking up the motion once again. If Naruto doesn't come out soon, there'll be a new ditch in front of the kitchen.

Issei and Dert nodded their heads in mutual consent to Matsuri's analysis of the blonde ramen chef. He was a lazy idiot. That was literally the best way to describe him. Suddenly showing a will and concentrating on something important just... isn't Naruto.

Suddenly, Matsuri takes a step back and appears beside Issei's and Dert's table. The kitchen door slammed open and malicious howls and groans started resounding throughout the ramen shop. A red fog slowly oozes itself out of the kitchen and surrounded Issei and the crew. Issei puts down his game controller and instinctively readies himself to take flight towards the front entrance. Dert puts down his newspaper and takes a sip of his coffee, eyes squinted in all intent to glare down whatever will come. Matsuri is doing... nothing. She stares confusedly at the kitchen entrance and asked

"Naruto-sama, did you mess up the shrimp fish spices with the red fog powder mix?"

The slow-moving fog stilled and then retreated like it knew it was beaten at its own game. The moans and groans that were resounding through the wall stopped as well after a mechanical "click" sound was made. Naruto walked out of the kitchen with two menus in hand and made headway towards the table where Issei and Dert were sitting at. Naruto had a refreshing atmosphere around him and slightly contagious smile on his face. The air around him sparkles disarmingly like it was trying to lure everyone into relaxing. Issei and Dert didn't lower their guard.

Naruto stopped at the table, his smile becoming 50% more refreshing and innocent. Issei made to bolt out of his chair but Naruto snapped his fingers and suddenly a force was exerted on Issei's shoulder that coerced him to sit back down. He turned in his chair and saw that Matsuri was holding him down by the shoulder while giving him her "Anything for Naruto-sama." smile. Dert, who already knew that he was cornered, intensified his untrusting glare, hoping against hope that it would at least kill the blonde's plan, whatever it is.

"...So, my dear customer, would you like to try the newest special ramen of Uzumaki's Ramen?" His smile intensified even more if that was possible, and the only thing that held Issei and Dert back from listening to the blonde's deeply hypnotic words were their knowledge. The knowledge that screamed "THAT IS NOT UZUMAKI NARUTO! RETREAT! I REPEAT, RETREAT!" Managing to hold their own fronts in the face of what seems to be Naruto's serious mode for a full two minutes, Issei and Dert broke down and looked at the opened menu before them.

The menu page was blanked with only one item fitted in the very center. In fancy golden embroidered lettering were the words "Uzumaki Ramen: Kitsune Special". For some unexplained reasoning, Issei's and Dert's spine tingled as the danger seemed to increased exponentially after reading it. Naruto leaned forward and clasped both their shoulders.

"Well? How about it you two?" The torrent of sparkles he unleashed upon them was physically painful. Issie could do nothing but tremble in fear while Dert, bless that man's brave soul, said

"Ah Naruto-san, I would love to but unfortunately I'm not too hungry right now."

"Is that so? Well, that's fine, how about you Issei?" Damn you Dert, damn you for ditching Naruto onto me.

"I... uh...um...I'm...not hungry?" Was all Issei manage to squeak out in the face of Serious Uzumaki Naruto.

"Is that so, then why don't we play a game to boost your appetite." His charming smile turned into a malevolent smirk as he redirects the sparkles back at both his customers, how the heck did he learn Sparkle-bending?! "If you win, I'll treat you to Matsuri's special ramen for lunch. If I win, you guys have to try out the special ramen that I made. Do you want to play?"

'Oh god, my eyes! The sparkles! It's trying to kill us! I Can't breathe! Vision...getting...darker...good bye, cruel world.' -Sign Hyoudou Issei

"You put us in a rough spot Naruto-san. How about this, if we win any random games with two out of three times ratio, we get free ramen cooked by Matsuri-san for a week. However, if you win, we'll agree to be your lab rats." Dert sees Issei's soul attempting to leave its body and made to negotiate some better conditions.

Naruto's grin lessened greatly in destructibility and he pulled back his aura-sparkles. He nods to Dert's attempt at compromising and snaps his fingers at Matsuri, who's somehow found a way to grab onto Issei's departing soul and push it back into the boy's body. Once the girl was sure that the boy was still in the land of the living, she reached under the table and pulled out a drawing box.

"In this box is fifty random games and sports ranging from rock-paper-scissor to ferret legging. Seeing as I'm the challenger, I will let you and Issei take turns drawing from the drawing box. Each game and sport has been modified by Matsuri to the best of her ability to fit doubles team matches. Since Issei is still resurrecting from the clutches of death, why don't you take the first draw, Dert." Naruto explains while keeping that refreshing yet extremely creepy smile of his.

"...Seems like you planned this thoroughly Naruto-san." Slightly grimaces as he puts his hands into the box. He pulled out a piece of paper that read "Baseball".


Uzumaki Baseball

*The group is split into two teams one team will the batter and ball catcher while the other will be the pitcher and the outfielder. Each team will change positions every time a score is made.

*The pitcher will pitch the ball and the batter is to hit the ball. If the batter misses three pitch, then it's a point for the pitcher's team. If the batter hits and the outfielder does not manage to catch the ball before it hits the ground, it's the batter's point.

*The conditions for the ball being valid after getting hit by the batter is that it must

1) Be strike within a 45-degree angle field from the batter.

2) The ball must make it past the pitcher's circumference (approximately 60 feet).

*Possible points accordance to the batter is

1) If the ball does manage to be sent back at the pitcher and knocks the pitcher off his mound.

*The first team to make it to ten points is the victor.

*Uzumaki Baseball is a fan-made parody of regular baseball. If it pisses anyone off, sue Uzumaki Naruto, he was the Uzumaki in Uzumaki Baseball.


3-2 Naruto/Matsuri leads

"Yeah, Matsuri! Knock the hell out of Issei's wimpy balls! Make him regret standing in front of you!"

"Yes, Naruto-sama! I'll hit Issei-san's balls with all my might!"

As Matsuri takes up the batter position, Naruto yells out profane encouragements.

"Oi! Don't make it sound so dirty dammit!"

Issei stomps his feet on top of the pitcher's mound, both out of frustration and to get a proper footing.

"Concentrate Issei-kun. We are up against an opponent who should not exist within this world, a serious Naruto. He will do anything to make us lose so that he can have his way with our body."

Standing a distance away, with a catcher's mitt in hand, Dert warns Issei of Naruto's trap.

"Now you're doing it! Ugh, whatever. Take this! Hyoudou Spin Ball!"

Issei stomps his feet on the ground again and gets into position. He yells aloud and throws the baseball in his hand at a fast pace towards Matsuri. Seeing the move, Matsuri widens her eyes.

"But that's a fastball, Issei-kun!"

Without a moment of hesitation, she strikes the ball in a textbook perfect home run.

"Kukukuku, your dirty tricks won't fool my precious Matsuri-chan. Kukukuku..."

Naruto stands up from his position in the catcher's spot and wraps his hands creepily around Matsuri's shoulders. He makes the motion to lick Masuri's cheek.

"Naruto-sama?!"

"Seriously! What's wrong with you today! Give back the old Naruto!"

Once again, Issei stomps the ground from the numerous emotions he's feeling.

"TOH!"

Meanwhile, Dert runs energetically towards the end of the ball's parabola and dramatically jumps. His posture would've made even pro baseball players jealous. Catching the ball and effectively killing his running jump's momentum with a few rolls, he stands up from a cloud of dust. He nods proudly to himself and looks back at the bickering fools who're ignoring him. After a moment of decision making, he chucks the baseball at the nearest fool (Issei).

5-4 Issei/Dert leads

"Che! It looks like Dert has gotten used to my "Datte-Ball-Yo: The White and Red Flash". I must use the next of my super baseball throw series, Matsuri towards the left!"

"Yes, Naruto-sama!"

Seeing another of his balls get hit by the middle-aged man, Naruto clicks his tongue and decides to change strategy. He tells Matsuri where to go to optimize their chances while he takes up a strange stance with his throwing arm pointing completely outwards.

"Hoh? It looks like you were hiding something, Naruto-kun still has a hidden ace left? I wonder what it is? This is starting to become fun~"

"No, it isn't! Have you ever caught one of his balls? It hurts dammit!"

Standing at the batter's spot and the catcher's spot respectively, Dert and Issei bicker with each other.

"Take this! Datte-Ball-Yo: Rasengan!"

Taking Issei's exclamation as a signal, Naruto twists his body and throws out the second movement of his super baseball throw series.

"?... Is this some sort of trickery? SUCH A SLOW SPIN BALL SHALL NOT SURPASS ME!"

Dert squints his eyes at the slowly approaching ball and sneers blatantly. The path is already easy to be seen from how slow the ball was going. In comparison, the first move, a fastball, was more dangerous. He roars mightily and swings his bat to strike the ball with all his strength into the right side of Naruto. From the pitcher's mound, Naruto grins and whispers chillingly to himself.

"Boom."

"?!"

Dert's eyes widen in alarm as the baseball bat in his hand starts bending at an odd angle while he strikes it against the ball. He tries holding it still and pushing it back against the ball's pressurized spinning motion, but the bat couldn't take it. After a moment of struggle, the bat gives in and explodes. The ball flies off towards where Matsuri had settled herself, due to Naruto's earlier recommendation.

"…"

Tossing away his destroyed bat, Dert glares down at Naruto.

"…"

In return, the blonde smirks at wide vulpine grin at Dert.

"GARG! It's in my eyes! There're splinters in my eyes!"

Meanwhile, Issei rolls around on the ground in pain.

9-9 Tied game, Dert batting: last strike.

"You've been a great thorn in my way Dert, but this is it. Even if you have figured out a counter to my "Datte-Ball-Yo: The White and Red Flash" and "Datte-Ball-Yo: Rasengan", I still have one more hidden trump card. My original Datte-Ball-Yo technique."

Naruto declares this aloud as he puts his hands into a cross "t" symbol with the ball at the center.

"A worthy challenge. I accept! Come at me with your full strength, Uzumaki Naruto!"

Dert aims his bat at Naruto before getting into a batter's stance.

"There's more!? What kinda ramen chef are you! Go join the freaking baseball league!"

Issei yells loudly to the blonde pitcher.

Ignoring the brunette teen's cries, Naruto takes a deep breath and then throws his baseball.

"TOH!"

Dert narrows his eyes to analyze the ball.

"Speed: extremely fast... Spin: None... Tricks: None... What is Naruto-kun planning?"

Seeing nothing special about the ball, he swings his bat in timing with the predicted projectile of the ball thrown. As his bat was about to hit the ball, Naruto yells out the name of his third technique.

"Datte-Ball-yo: Kage Bushin no Baseball"

Dert widens his eyes in surprise as he catches the shadow of nine other balls following the path behind the first ball. Because the swing was already made, he manages to hit the first ball but completely misses the other nine which resulted in Issei getting swamped by baseballs going at breakneck speed. The man lowers his bat and pushes up his eyeglass so that it catches the sun's ray and cover his eyes. His mouth is twisted into a begrudging smile.

"...I see. The rules never said the pitcher can only pitch one ball, just that the batter has to hit the pitcher's pitches. Well played Naruto-san."

"Good game Dert, you were a great challenge."

Naruto walks over to the man and reaches out his hand for a handshake.

"...Urg..."

"Let's get you patched up, Issei-kun."

Matsuri walks over to Issei's prone body and begins to patch him up with a roll of bandage and some cooling cream while Dert and Naruto did their manly bonding thing in the background.

"Urgggg…"

'Matsuri's such a bro... dammit.'


Paper Rock Scissor

*Honestly if you don't know this, you should be learning what it is instead of reading this.

*Also, search up the ultimate rock paper scissors chart. now multiply that by forty.


"Paper rock scissor shoot!" The group flashed their chosen hand forward.

Naruto used the Pure White Sun.

Matsuri had the Cybernetic Robot Woman.

Issei flashed the Devil to Be.

Dert got the Nuke in Disguise.

"...So, who won?" Issei asked out loud. Honestly, he was glad that they were playing something normal after his many experiences with death in the previous game. The problem is... he has no idea what he's playing.

"According to this chart..." Naruto studies a strange rock-paper-scissors chart he got online. He turned it a few times as if trying to make sense of it before declaring. "...Issei won... I think."

"Wait, I thought... Yeah... It kind of looks like Issei-kun won... Maybe... Sort of?" Dert takes a look at the chart as well and flipped it a few times. He ended up agreeing with Naruto.

"Oh, cool. I won. Matsuri, what's the next game?" Issei asks the girl who was sadly looking at her Cybernetic Robot Woman sign. He must have startled her because she quickly hid her Cybernetic Robot Woman behind her back and gave Issei a startled look before she processed his question.

"Ah...um... Since you picked from the drawing box the last time. Dert-san needs to pick the next challenge. Currently, the match is tied at one to one. Whoever wins the next game will be the overall winner."

"Okay then, lady luck, please give this old man a good chance!" Dert prays aloud as he sticks his hand into the box and pulls out a piece of paper that reads: "1st person shooter".


Uzumaki First Person Shooter

*Like any other first-person shooter game.

*Try playing Call of Duty or something.


"Ah, I just noticed something." Naruto pipes in after Matsuri finishes explaining the rules of the game.

"What is it?" Issei asks.

"We don't have any first-person shooter game... actually, we don't have any action specific games either. The closest one we have is "School Love-Fest!" and Issei bought that on a whim." Matsuri jolted a little in the background but only Naruto noticed. He patted her on the shoulder and gave a sidelong glance. She seemed to have understood the gesture as she returned it with a nod.

"Ah, you're right. I guess I really only bring dating sim games here huh?" Issei strokes his imaginary mustache as he looks in a far-off distance (the furthermost wall).

"So, what do we do now?" Dert asks as he looked at the remains of the drawing box Naruto happily threw into the stove so that the loser won't call for a rematch.

"Should we go outside again and buy a shooter game?" Issei asks while looking at Naruto who was beginning to slouch on a chair.

"Eh? I don't want to~. We just got back, I don't wanna go outside again~!" Yup, regular Naruto is back.

"Well, it is getting late. I think I should go prepare dinner now." Matsuri looks at the clock on the wall and saw that it was reaching five in the evening. She gets up from her chair and walks towards the kitchen. She paused at the kitchen entrance to turn back and ask "Dert-san, Issei-kun would you like to join us for dinner?"

"Gurrrrrrgleeeee" Before either Dert or Issei could answer, Issei's stomach declared its emptiness and made Issei blushed. He demurely nods his head at the silverette's suggestion. He took a seat with Naruto at the table while the blonde reached to turn on the game system in front of him. 'Maybe playing baseball took more out of me then I thought...'

"As long as it's not ramen, I'm fine with staying." Dert sits at the table as well and sips his coffee.

Matsuri nodded and said to Dert "I'm thinking of preparing a hotpot. Would that work Dert-san? Issei-kun?"

"Yes please/ Sure!" Was the reply she got. She smiled and walked into the kitchen to prepare the ingredients for the pot.

"""...""" Some time passed by silently as the group lazy about. Issei lounged in his chair as he droopingly watches Naruto finish a tsundere route, the blonde was lousy at it. Dert sat opposite of Issei and gave his additionally shoddy advice for how to handle the tsundere. Naruto had his full attention on the screen and Kurama (unknown to others except for Naruto) complains about the stupidly bizarre behavior of the female genotype. The sound of sizzling food and bowls being moved echoed mutely throughout the room.

"Sooo... what was the new special you were forcing on us anyway?" Issei tried to break the comfortable silence with the question that's been nagging on his mind.

"...It's a new recipe a friend of mine gave me. Its constitution is a little strange, but it tastes pretty good." The blonde answers without taking his attention off of the game.

"It took you eight hours to make it?" Dert asks while sipping his coffee. He raised an eyebrow at the ridiculousness of the idea.

"...I wanted it to be perfect for you guys." Naruto...pouted?

"Oi... are you actually pouting?" Issei asks his strange friend.

"Hmph, of course not! It's not like I wanted you guys to enjoy something I cooked or anything dumb like that." Yup, Naruto is definitely pouting.

"Naruto-san, at least use a line from the game script that fits your character." Dert sips his coffee methodically.

"...Seriously? You couldn't have just asked us to try it?" Issei puts his head on his left hand and leans onto it.

"I did ask." The blonde simply replied.

"BULLSHIT! I nearly crossed the Sanzu River when you 'asked' that!" Issei yelled as he remembered one of his earlier near-death experience.

"I have to agree with Issei-kun, you looked more like you were hiding a thinly veiled threat. No, not a threat, you killed Issei-kun anyways." Dert backs Issei up.

Naruto paused his game and looked at the pair in earnest confusion. "I was trying to show my innocence and sincerity; didn't they say the best way to show it is with a sincere smile?"

"Naruto-san... you really didn't plan this script out too, well did you? You had a box full of games ready and you seemed very eager to lead us towards that path. Though this half-baked dialogue may fool Issei, I am much more competent at seeing through your lies." Dert boasted as he sits straight up. He seemed confident that nothing could fool him. Guess his jobs must make him very adept in spotting bull crap and neutralizing it.

"Oi! What's that supposed to mean?!"Issei complains, but really, he wonderfully fell for Naruto's acting.

"...Che. Found out already." Naruto dropped the look of innocent confusion and went back to droopy lazy look he prefers.

"...So, it was a trick after all." Issei sighs to himself as he gave the blonde a halfhearted glare before slumping back to the cool wood of the table.

The silence returned and persisted. Dert went and helped Matsuri prepare the dishes and utensils for dinner. Issei continued to slouch about, though not out of the usual laziness but out of the sheer exhaustion that's finally caught up with him from earlier. He honestly must hold Naruto and Dert in a better opinion. The two don't show any sign of the fatigue Issei's feeling even though they were the most active players.

"Issei-kun, can you help me with turning on the portable stove? I'm bringing the hotpot out." Matsuri calls out from the kitchen. Issei complied and took a few attempts to turn on the aged burner. The pot that Matsuri carried out was massive. At four-foot-wide and two-foot-deep, the pot of broth was undeniably huge. Dert came out from behind Matsuri carrying the dishes for the hotpot. Beef, pork, shrimp, fish, egg, noodles, assorted vegetables, and even some drinks. The middle age man carried the six extra-large dishes, the bowl of eggs and the four glasses of juice like a pro-waiter. In the corner of his vision, Issei saw Naruto turning off the game system and switching to a random game show channel.

Once everything was set up and everybody settled in, they clapped their hands in unison and said "Itadakimasu". They then each started dipping what they wanted into the pot. Issei went straight for the fattest piece of beef he saw. Dert got a ladle and started spooning broth into his bowl which was filled with noodles. Naruto was boiling two eggs within the pot with one hand while using the other to eat the food that Matsuri cooked for him. Matsuri professionally picked out perfect portions of vegetables and meat to cook for both herself and for Naruto. The four continued to eat in relative silence which was only broken by some small talk, a few old people joke from Dert and the sound of the television in the background.

They finished eating, cleaned up the tables and washed the dishes by around eight o'clock. Dert was the first to leave the shop as he joked about not being as young as he was before. Issei left afterward when he remembers that he didn't finish his weekend homework. Matsuri went upstairs to prepare the futon for sleep. She, like Issei, couldn't exactly keep up with the energetic Naruto and Dert and tuckered herself with the ball game from that afternoon.

Naruto sat at the table playing a game for another hour to both entertain and accompany Kurama before the fox enters hibernation again. According to the fox, the world was finally starting to accept them as an inhabitant. This gave Kurama a longer waking period as the energy it takes to maintain their existence lessens. This didn't make Naruto worry any less for his friend. He had firsthand experience with the energy output that the fox was capable of. To see Kurama struggle for so long hurts. Especially when Naruto cannot do anything about it. Therefore, the blonde did the next best thing. He entertained the fox in every one of its waking moment. It was all he could do to thank Kurama for helping him so much. If Kurama can now stay awake for a measly nine hours out of a week then Naruto was going to give him everything that's worth that nine hours.

The blonde ramen shop owner smiled to himself as he heard the fox drift back into hibernation after a fun day of sports, food, and gaming. He turned off his game system and walked upstairs to join Matsuri in sleep.

'...Today was a fun day...'


"Whoa! The shop looks extra busy today. What happen?" Issei whistles out loud as he enters Naruto's ramen shop. He looks around for a seat and was pleasantly surprised to find that the usual table was clean and empty of customers.

"Ah Issei-kun, welcome. Would you like me to bring you a medium pork ramen?" Matsuri walks by with a serving tray and smiles at Issei.

"That would be good, Matsuri. By the way, why's it so packed today?"

"It's because of Naruto-sama's newest special dish, the "Uzumaki Ramen: Kitsune Special". The first customer who ordered it said-"

"This smell-"

"This taste-"

"This texture-"

"It's... Yasaka-sama's Special Kyuubi Ramen!" At another table, a group of men yells this loudly, cutting off Matsuri mid-sentence. They each pour the contents of their bowls into their mouth as they cry tears of joy.

"Men! Take out your wallets, we must buy every last drop of this Amrita!"

"Yessir!"

"Miss waitress! Refill please!"

"Yes, dear customer!"Matsuri smiles brightly and responds spiritedly to the group of men who were holding up their bowls. She turns back to Issei a moment later with an apologetic smile on her face.

"As you can see, Issei-kun, they said something like that. I'll be back quickly with your pork ramen, so why don't you grab a seat?"

"Take your time." Issei waves the girl off and watches her leave to tend to the customers. He walks over to the table and pulls out his homework. Quietly, he ponders to himself "Hmmm, so that new special ramen wasn't a joke huh?"

-Much later-

"Thank you for your patronage!" Standing at the shop's doorway with her waist bent, Matsuri greets off the last customer in the shop.

"Whew, finally done. This was a surprisingly hectic day. Good work Matsuri!" Naruto walks out of the kitchen while rolling around his shoulder to relax its muscle. He calls out to Matsuri as she closes the shop's door.

"Your new ramen is surprisingly popular," Issei says this while he closes his notebook and puts it into his backpack.

"Jealous that you didn't get any?" Naruto smirks at Issei cockily. "If you get down on your hands and knees and beg to be my lab rat for the rest of your life, I'll give you some."

"Tempting but a harem king bows down to no one."

"Dert is on a more successful path to being a harem king than you are cause, y'know, he's rich as hell."

"KUH!" Issei falls out of his seat and crouches down on his knees in pain. "Cheap words will not bring me down!"

"No, I mean, aren't you already down?" Naruto gives the brunette teen a condescending look.

"Naruto-sama? What are these bowls of ramen doing here?" Matsuri pokes her head out of the kitchen entrance to give Naruto a questioning look and show off a bowl of ramen in her hands.

"Oh, I saved those for us. Bring them out Matsuri, let's eat." Naruto looks back at Issei as he says this. "Oi Issei, take a seat already. I took the effort to saved a bowl of special ramen for you."

"Eh? Ah ok." Issei sits back into his chair with a lukewarm reply.

"Here you go Naruto-sama, Issei-kun."

"Thanks, Matsuri~"

Matsuri walks out of the kitchen with a serving plate filled with ramen bowls. She puts a bowl of ramen in front of each member at the table.

Slurpppp~ The sound of ramen being eaten echoed through the empty walls of the once crowded shop. Naruto, as always, breathed in the ramen like it was air and finished in ten seconds flat. Matsuri, who usually took her time, seemed to particularly enjoy the ramen Naruto made and finished before Issei. Issei finished his ramen at the regular time.

"Hey Naruto, this is the newest special you made?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It tastes the same as any other ramen you cook."

"I thought it tasted awesome... then again, all ramen is awesome."

"Oh right, you have a ramen fetish. I forgot."

After finishing his bowl and giving it a final verdict, Issei tells Naruto his honest truth. Receiving the blonde's reply, he couldn't do anything but give Naruto a "-_-" look before turning to Matsuri.

"Hey, Matsuri, what'd you think of Naruto's ramen."

"I liked the ramen very much. The smell is subtle but very pleasing to the nose. The ***** and ***** really whetted my appetite and lured me in to take another bite. The texture of the noodle was springy and chewy but at the same time quite soft and made easy to slurp down. The taste was a bit diverse but the ***** and the ***** worked well in not overpowering the taste of the *****. Personally, I think that Naruto-sama's special ramen is on another league compared to my measly imitation."

The silver-haired girl replies professionally without a tint of hesitation in her face. Naruto preens at the comment while Issei looks at the girl incredulously.

"...How did you get all that out of Naruto's plain ramen?" As if doubting himself, he takes another sip of his leftover broth and raises an eyebrow in a questioning manner.

"..." Naruto looks at Issei and Matsuri with an investigative expression before clapping his fist on top of his palm like he just figured out something. "Issei-"

"Yeah, Naruto?"

"You didn't finish your homework, did you?"

"Urk! I did most of it already. I just have a bit more before I'm done. I'll do it at home or something."

"Do it here. I'll check it when you're done."

Naruto stares Issei down with a dangerous glint to his eyes.

"..." In response, Issei pulls out his homework again and begins working on it.

"While you do that, Matsuri, let me help you with the dishes." Naruto stands up and carries the emptied ramen bowls to the kitchen.

"Thank you, Naruto-sama." Matsuri gets up and follows after the blond to the kitchen.

"This is because I called his ramen plain isn't it?" After the two leaves, Issei looks up from his homework and stares at the kitchen. He says this before he goes back to his homework.

-Inside the Kitchen-

"Did you give Issei the plain ramen Naruto-sama?" Matsuri asks Naruto this as she passes a rinsed dish for Naruto to dry.

"No, all three bowls were the special ramen that Kyuubi no Yasaka sent through the letter."

"But Issei said it taste like your regular ramen while I tasted something so incredible, it felt beyond my comprehension."

"That's probably because the special ramen is a youkai dish."

"A youkai dish? But there were customers who-"

"Those are probably the people the youkai association sent to check up on us."

"So they were youkai... I did not notice it at all."

"You're still relatively young for a youkai. Don't worry too much about it."

"Yes, Naruto-sama."

Hearing this, Matsuri nods her head and continues to clean the dishes.

-Outside the Kitchen-

"...Issei what are you doing?" After He and Matsuri finish cleaning the dishes, Naruto returns to the restaurant proper and immediately lock on to Issei as the brunette organizes his homework on the table to make the ink resemble the shape of a naked woman.

"I'm creating a ritual to summon the Oppai gods and ask them to grant me knowledge." Glaring at the pages in his hands as if they were puzzle pieces, Issei answers Naruto's question without breaking his concentration.

"...Carry on then." Naruto gives a mystified nod and walks to the table to turn on the game system. He keeps Issei in his peripheral in case the brunette breaks more than he already is.

"Call me if you need any help Issei-kun." Matsuri smiles a takes up a broom to begin sweeping the shop clean.

"Thanks bro." Issei grunts to Matsuri and carefully lays down the next piece of homework into his ritual circle.

A week afterward, a certain red-haired high schooler received a letter from her equally red-haired brother cautioning her of the new youkai faction in Tokyo. The new faction already claimed a small shopping area near Kuoh Academy as their territory and they seemed to have made their headquarters near a small ramen shop in the center of the area, where they are spotted to often have seemingly unorganized grouped meetings at. The redhead girl was warned to be extremely cautious whenever they are near the shopping district.


Ring-a-ding

"Yo, I'm here." Issei walks into Naruto's ramen shop with a slouch. Matsuri waved at him with a smile as she finished writing down a customer's order. Naruto poked his head out of the kitchen to give Issei a quick "Sup." before ducking in again to fill out Matsuri's newest order. Seeing as they were busy, Issei stalked to the usual table to find that Dert, who has been missing from the shop for a week, was there sipping his drink. Issei was mildly curious to see that the middle-aged man was wearing a collared Hawaiian t-shirt and a pair of shorts instead of his usual worned out business suit.

"Yo, Dert. Where've you been." Issei asks as he sat down on his usual seat, opposite of Dert. He began pulling out some worksheets to review.

"Ah Issei-kun, you're here. Here I brought a souvenir for you." Dert hands Issei a gift bag with some foreign lettering that Issei couldn't understand.

"A souvenir? Were you on a business trip or something?" Issei gratefully accepts the bag with a "thank you".

"No, it was the opposite actually. Some of my co-workers said that I was overworking myself and suggested that I needed to take a relaxing trip. Luckily enough, another co-worker had spare tickets to visiting Spain and I somehow or another ended up tagging along. It was a fun trip." Dert reminiscent as Issei gives him a stony face that expressed "You? Work? What work?"

"...Hoped you had fun. Now then, let's see what you got me!" Pushing off Dert's obvious taunt for a tsukkomi, Issei opens the gift bag to find four magazines. Confused, he pulled them out and widens his eyes comically.

"...I...Dert...You...W-what..." Issei stutters as he stares at the magazines in absolute awe and wonder. He gently puts the stack of magazines back in the gift bag and looks at Dert. He gave Dert a stare that lasted for five seconds before cracking into a mad grin and jumps at the middle age man. "DERT! YOU'RE SUCH A BRO!" Was what he yelled aloud before he glomped the coffee-sipping old man. Yup, you guessed it, Dert bought Issei Spaniard porn.

"Oh? So, you've decided to give up on his ridiculous harem plan and aim for the safer path of the rich unmarried gentleman huh? Good for you Issei." Naruto walks out of the kitchen just in time to see Issei tackle the coffee addict.

Issei tearily lets go of Dert to grab the gift bag laying on the floor and showed it to Naruto, completely forgoing to comment on the blonde's insult due to sheer happiness. "Naruto! Check out what Dert gave me!"

"...What is this Spanish?" Naruto looks into the bag and pulls out one of the magazines. He realized it was porn on first sight but didn't realize the language until he stared at it for a bit. He looked over to Dert with a crooked smile and says "Did you go all the way to Europe just to buy something to woo Issei with? You know he'll roll over and bark for normal Japanese porn, right?"

"Ahahaha, strange as always Naruto-san? Here, I bought you and Matsuri a gift as well." Dert laughs off Naruto's insinuation and hands the ramen pair their souvenir.

"...You are just tempting me, aren't you? Not gonna fall for it. Now let's see what I gots." Naruto glared at Dert for a good two seconds before taking the gift and ripping the wrappings to shreds. Naruto lifted up the object that was once covered in wrapping, beheld it to his eye level and then chucked it at Dert.

"This is just more porn dammit!" Dert seemed to take great amusement in Naruto's expression as he chuckles at the flying magazines being thrown.

"..." Matsuri tight expression seemed to agree with Naruto's mad accusations but unlike the blonde, she politely sets her porn back onto the table. Issei gave her a puppy dog look that she understood immediately and gave her approval. The brunette teen beamed with happiness so much so that even Matsuri sweat dropped a little.

Naruto glanced at Issei's happy expression and scowled. "Why are you so happy, don't you have your midterms coming up soon?" Seeing the boy's devastated face almost made Naruto's day, almost. It would've made his day if Issei didn't look like he remembered something horrible. That devastated expression only told the blonde one thing. Issei forgot about his midterm exams. The blonde sighed to himself and looked at Issei in exasperation.

"Relax, we still have time to cram. When are the test dates?" Naruto prodded the boy on the ground.

"..." Issei looked at Naruto with dead eyes of resignation. It was the eyes of a soldier going into a war on the losing side. The eyes of a defeatist. He moved his lips and muttered "...Tomorrow."

Matsuri stared at Issei in disbelief, Naruto slammed his head onto the table and Dert chocked on his coffee. Together they yelled, "How could you forget such a thing until the last minute!"

Issei responded with a dry, cracked chuckle and a far-off look. Naruto scratched the back of his head and sighed before walking towards the madly chuckling brunette. He grabbed the teen by his collar and dragged him to the second floor of the ramen shop to study.

"Matsuri, close up. Dert, get a big crate of some strong black coffee. We got approximately a twelve-hour all-nighter to cram months' worth of knowledge into this fool."

-Upstairs-

12 hours remaining until school opens

"According to Issei-kun's report card, his weakest subject is English and Social studies. He is proficient in Math and Science (aka failing slightly less than usual) and is in the middle ground with Japanese." Matsuri reads off of the newest report card she got from Issei's school. "According to the potential tests that I got glimpses of when hacking the school database, it is safe to say that we should spend the most time focusing Issei-kun's studies on English, Japanese and Science as they are the hardest ones."

Issei started when he heard Matsuri said something strange. "Wait did you just say you ha-"

"Since my job involves me making many connections. I am quite capable in the English and Social studies department. I take up on being Issei's tutor for those subjects." Dert cuts in before Issei could somehow distract himself.

"I am quite adept in the Math and Science area myself so I will help Issei-kun with that." Matsuri gives her two cents after Dert gave his.

"In that case, I will take Japanese on for myself. We'll each split our subjects into two five-hour margins and one two hours. I will take the two hours margin. Matsuri, please give us the potential questions as well as the most probable answers. Dert you will go first." Naruto gives out quick and precise orders to his two accompanying teachers. Issei could do nothing accept for sitting in the background making a nervous face at the spartan course he's being targeted with.

"Oh, and Issei-" Naruto finally turns his gaze back at the boy on his knees. "-if you so much as dare to slack off for even a minute, these-" He pulls out the stack of twelve magazines that Dert graciously got for Issei. "-will never reach your eyes again." Naruto kawarimi'd the magazines with the air inside of his closet for dramatic effects. It had its intended results as Issei's face grew ashen white.

Dert sat down next to Issei and sympathetically pat the boy on his shoulder before saying "...Let's begin Issei-kun." The teen could only nod and looked at the worksheet Matsuri prepared for him.

10 hours 45 minutes remaining until school opens

"..." Dert flips a page in his hand.

"..." Issei swallows his saliva noisily in anticipation.

"..." Naruto silently plays a Portable GS game.

"..." Matsuri prepares the study material for both herself and Naruto.

After a small eternity for Issei, Dert puts down the worksheets.

"...Issei-kun"

"Yeah?"

"...You pass-"

"YES! OPPAI-SAMA HAS NOT FORSAKEN ME!"

"-with the minimum required score for a normal student. However, with your current grades in the report card... I'm afraid you're going to need to make a much better grade on the test."

"NOOOO, OPPAI-SAMA WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!"

"..." With a bored look, Naruto peeks up from his GS and says, "...That's one magazine Issei."

Issei jumps back up and snatches his worksheet from Dert's hand. The moment it touches the table, he starts stabbing away at it with his pencil.

8 hours 5 minutes remaining until school opens

"...Urg..." Issei slumps down onto the table and drools with his mouth agape. His eyes lost their usual gleam and he begins loudly snoring.

"...Is he asleep?" Naruto, on hearing the snooring, looks at Dert who's grading a big stack of paper that Issei somehow managed to write.

"He's finish with all his work, so I'll allowed him some rest." Dert flips to another page with the number 32 printed on its top left. "Really, that boy finished all fifty worksheets in around an hour." He flips to page 33 and spins his unused red pen. "And most of it is correct as well."

"..Hmm, so he can do it after all. Matsuri, wake him up when it's your time to teach." Naruto gives the brunette a glance before he returns to his GS game.

"Yes, Naruto-sama." Without looking up, Matsuri organizes the worksheet that she and Naruto will teach Issei, all while calculating how much time she can afford for Issei to have a bit more rest.

7 hours 10 minutes remaining until school opens

"...Ah?" Issei opens his sleepy eyes and sees Matsuri looking down at him. He realizes that he's sleeping on Matsuri's lap and he chuckles. "Matsuri~ I had such a strange nightmare~."

"..." Matsuri tilts her head at the slightly hysterical Issei which prompted him to continue.

"Naruto was threatening me to study for twelve hours straight or he'll take away all my porn~ How crazy is that huh?" Issei starts chuckling deliriously at the strange idea.

"That's still happening Issei. In fact, it's about to be Matsuri's turn to teach you soon." Naruto peeks over Matsuri's shoulder and shows Issei an alarm clock.

"EH?!" Bolts up from Matsuri's soft, comfy and manly(?) lap to exhaustively look at Naruto, who still has his game in his other hand, and then at Dert, who's sipping his coffee. Issei gives Dert a distressed look and the middle-aged man returns it with a smile and mouthed, "It's still good. Your magazines are still safe." The brunette visibly slumps down to knees in relieve.

"It's good that you're awake now, Issei-kun. Should we start?"

"...Yeah"

Issei nods tiredly and sits next to Matsuri at the table.

5 hours 30 minutes remaining until school opens

"And you do this and carry the variable x over to here to complete the equation..." Matsuri leans over Issei's shoulder in order to show him the steps to solving the type of question she was just explaining.

"Whoa, that was all that was needed? How come I never remember learning about this." Issei gazes in wonderment at the solution Matsuri neatly wrote down.

"This way of solving such questions is written in your textbooks. Did you not read that chapter, Issei-kun?"

"What textbook?" Issei looks at Matsuri with honest confusion in his eyes.

"...Issei-kun have you ever seen this book before. It's your school textbook." Matsuri hands Issei a semi-thick, blue, hard-covered book.

"...No, I've never seen this before." Issei takes the book and flips through it with a bit of consternation.

"Oh hey, it has what the teacher's been teaching us... and solutions too!" Issei's eyes glow in joy as he flips to a page with questions he recognizes. After flipping through the textbook for a bit, he turns to look at Matsuri in complete amazement. "As expected of you, Matsuri! You're prepared for anything!"

"Ahaha... thanks, Issei-kun." Matsuri takes the compliment in stride and feels her smile twitch slightly.

""..."" Both Dert and Naruto look up from their respective cup of coffee and pfp to give Issei the "Are you an idiot?" look behind Issei's back.

4 hour 10 minutes remaining until school opens

"And that's the final question." Matsuri checks over the last of Issei's worksheet to see if they missed anything. "Good job Issei-kun, why don't you go rest for a bit before your tutoring time with Naruto-sama."

"..." Issei nods tiredly again for the xth time that day and slumps onto the cool wooden table.

"...Matsuri, by your calculations, what are the chances of Issei passing his tests tomorrow?"

"Considering the fact that he knows most of his exam's question by heart now, he should be able to pull his average up to above the passing requirement."

"...That's good. Prepare the guest futons. Let him sleep for the rest of the night."

"Yes, Naruto-sama."

"Is it because you care for his health that you let him sleep in or is it because you're too lazy to teach him yourself?" Dert smirks at Naruto and helps Matsuri drag Issei's dead body to one of the prepared guest's futon.

"A little bit of both." Naruto gets up from his spot and walks out of the room to go downstairs. "Start sleeping first, I'm gonna go for a walk."

"Yes, Naruto-sama. Good night Dert-san." Matsuri crawls into the furthermost left futon, the one that's next to Naruto's, and begins to sleep.

"Mmhmm, have a good night, you two." Dert picks his spot and takes his spot in the futon next to Issei's, who's the furthermost to the right.

"...Good night, you two." Naruto closes the door, behind him and walks down the stairs.

Once he's in the shop's dining area, he heads towards the entrance. He unlocks the door, leaves the shop and locks up after himself. Afterward, he begins walking down the empty street. Alone, he speaks aloud.

"...Hey Kurama, you think we got enough in our tank to shape a permanent goudama?"

"...We can make up to three temporary ones with full power at our current capacity... A permanent one will have some restrictions. What do you have in mind?"

"...Let's make a good luck charm."

1 hour after school opens/ 30 minutes remaining until class starts

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm lateeeeee~!" Issei rushes downstairs with his clothes disheveled and his hair a crow's nest.

"Ah, Issei-kun, please wait a moment." Walking out of the shop's kitchen, Matsuri calls after Issei as he jumps down the last few steps of stairs.

"What's up, Matsuri?" Issei stops short at the entrance and turns around to see Matsuri wearing an apron.

"Here's your lunch and I wish you good luck on your test." Matsuri hands him a bento box while also tucking in his shirt, straightening out his pant's folds and buttoning up his jacket all at the same time.

"Yes, remember your preparations and you should do well." Dert jumps in as well from his usual seat at the table they always sat at. As always, he has a coffee cup in hand.

"Yeah! Thanks, I'll do my best." Issei nods confidently and races out the ramen shop when Matsuri lets go. He runs for about a minute to his school's direction before he spots a familiar mop of blond hair. "Oh? Naruto, what're you doing here?"

"...Just taking a walk. Here, catch."

"Oh?"

Naruto throws a black object at Issei and the brunette catches it softly in his hands.

"An omamori?" Issei opens his hands to see a pitch black omamori. He pauses for a second before looking back up to Naruto.

"Good luck on the test." The blonde walks pass Issei and give him a pat on his shoulder. Without another word, Naruto walks towards the direction of the ramen shop.

"Ah, thanks, Naruto." Issei grins at Naruto before he starts running to school again.


RINGGGGGGGGGG

"Safe!" Issei rushes into his class just as the bell rings. He slides into his chair and slumps his back into it. He tries to calm his labored breathing and only somehow made himself more nervous for the test. He groans to himself as he tries to remember the spartan teachings that Naruto, Dert, and Matsuri tried to imbue into his brain. He somehow managed to remember Matsuri's efficient teachings and Dert's hands on ( aka LOTS of writing) approach. For some reason though, he can't remember Naruto's attempt at teaching. Any of it, actually. Knowing how enthusiastic the blonde was at getting him to study, Issei was sure that the blonde did something crazy to teach Issei but for whatever reasons, he can't remember it.

'Was Naruto's teaching style so bad that my brain actively tried to wipe out the memories? Is that even possible?' Before Issei could continue his train of randomness, the classroom door opened. Since this is a testing day, a random teacher is assigned beforehand to each class to administer the tests to the students. Trying to get his mind off of his re-enclosing nervousness he took a look at the teacher... and did a waterless spit-take. Now he understood why he sensed a weird feeling of dejavu.

-10 minutes earlier outside the Kuoh academy's school gate-

"Alright Matsuri, you're the fill-in student for the empty seat next to Issei, use whatever skills you have to throw off attention to yourself. Dert, you'll be the first test administrator for Issei's class. I'll be the brain who's in charge of overlooking this situation and giving instructions. The main objective of our mission is to passively encourage Issei to pass the test. All forms of cheating will be regulated by me and carried out by you two. Remember to keep wearing your mini-headphones for the remainder of this mission and don't let others notice it. Is there any question?" Naruto asks as he sits within the cover of a bush while wearing camo-clothing. It didn't really work out because of his blonde tufts.

"When and how did you even prepare all of this?" Dert asks as he fixes his gray tie while looking at a full-size mirror Matsuri was holding up.

"About an hour ago I went to the principle and asked. He readily accepted my preposition." Naruto simply said. It wasn't a lie, just not the full truth. He did come to Kuoh Academy and asked the principle (with an extra helping of grade A Kurama genjutsu) and the principle did accept (After approximately ten minutes of genjutsuing). Dert seems to have left it at that so Naruto deemed that he didn't need to explain any further.

"Is there any other question?" Seeing the other two squad members shake their head, Naruto grinned and said "Good. Mission start."

-Issei's classroom-

Dert passed out the test and went back to the teacher's desk to read his magazine and drink his coffee. He didn't do anything strange when he got to Issei's table besides mouthing the words "Naruto's idea" so Issei figured that this is just their way of encouraging him on.

An hour passed and Issei had to admit that he was doing the test with relative ease. So far, he has passed no questions that he did not remember already doing. It was both reassuring and scary how all these answers that Issei's pouring out is from Matsuri's worksheets. He made a mental note to not let the silver-haired girl go near his computer, ever.

He was near the end when he came across a question he did not remember doing. He tried to comb his mind of any mention of this question but came up blank. Panicked, he sat there for five minutes trying to do it himself but he soon found that he had no idea where to start. Was this a new concept that Naruto was supposed to go over with him? Is this question in the blank spot of his memory of being with Naruto for the night? In that case, this is extra bad. If he misses this question and Naruto finds out... his porn collection would disappear. Issei sat there practically hyperventilating when something moved from the corners of his eyes.

He made a subtle glanced towards the moving object and almost screamed aloud at seeing Matsuri sitting in one of the empty seats in the classroom doing the test as well. He rubbed his eyes once and still sees Matsuri wearing the cute Kuoh Academy uniform. He rubbed them again and still sees a very real Matsuri casually doing the test in the cute Kuoh Academy uniform. The very real Matsuri took a quick glance at him and then signaled something with her facial expression. He somehow understood her signal and glanced down to her hand which held three fingers up. He immediately understood what that meant and circled the answer choice to the question he had trouble with.

Somewhere within his mind, he knew that he was doing something bad but honestly, he didn't care. Matsuri is being an overqualified bro by trying to help him out. Who is he to reject such a thing? Who is anyone to reject such a thing?

And like that, time passed until lunch started.

-Kuoh Academy's Courtyard-

Lunch started after the first three portions of the test was finished and the students filed out of the room. Matsuda and Motohama questioned why Issei is staying behind but left quickly when the brunette reminded them that it was the swim club's day to take their physical. Issei also wanted to go as well but the curiosity for questioning the certified hacker and old man about what they're doing here prevailed. The cheating pair, in turn, smiled at Issei like the Cheshire cat and lead him to the courtyard.

They walked up to a tree and Issei saw a familiar mop of blonde hair sticking out from behind it. Circling around, Issei sees Naruto, in orange camo, sitting under the shades of the tree. Naruto sees the group as well and waved.

"Yo, Issei. How's the test so far?" The blonde was slurping away at a steaming ramen bowl in his hands.

"Scarily well. I don't think I need to tell you about it?" Issei sits down, facing Naruto, and pulls out the lunchbox Matsuri packed for him earlier.

"Yes, Naruto-sama only instructed me to help you twice." Matsuri sits next to Naruto, pulls out two lunchboxes from her schoolbag and hands one to Dert. She turns to Issei and gives him a complimenting smile. "Well done, Issei-kun."

"Where were you anyways, I didn't see you anywhere to observe us." Dert takes a seat next to me. He looks at Naruto as he opens Matsuri's lunchbox.

"I was in one of the trees." Naruto waves around the binocular that was hanging off his waist. "And I can be very stealthy, it's no wonder you didn't see me."

"Let me guess, you've been training since the age of twelve in order to become a ninja." Issei deadpans at Naruto.

The blonde nodded as he stuffed his face with ramen while Issei rolled his eyes. Dert sat there and sips his infinite coffee cup after quickly demolishing Matsuri's lunch. Matsuri pulled out an extra-large thermos as well as three cups and hands Naruto and Issei a cup of tea. They sat in relative silence for a while before Naruto spoke.

"So... what do you usually do at lunch break?"

"Hmmm... I usually either eat lunch with Matsuda and Motohama or I go peeking with them. Sometimes both."

"What a proactive way to spend time in school. Ah, the bliss of youth."

Dert nods sagely at Issei's words as if it was a regular thing that everyone does.

"What did you do when you were in school, Naruto-sama?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. Practicing how to throw ninja kunai and ninja shurikens, doing some ninja exercises, learning about ninja history and how to do ninja taxes. It's the usual."

"Nothing about that is usual, you ninja fetishes!"

"Now now Issei-kun. You can't judge others by what they did, in fact, back in my days-"

"Dert-san, your birth certificate says you're only 39. Not much has changed since your days have passed."

"Wah~ Matsuri-san's saying something really scary."

"Ah, that reminds me. So, you can hack huh, Matsuri?"

"Yes, but I'm still a novice at it. Naruto-sama is still teaching me some of the deeper inner workings."

"Oho, as expected of the mysterious blonde foreigner. You're working hard to fill out your list of character clichés, aren't you Naruto-san."

Dert puts down his coffee cup and sarcastically applauds Naruto. The blonde ignores the man in favor of gorging down his newest ramen bowl. Issei looks at the blonde incredulously.

"Seriously, what do you think ninjas do?"

"Not being hackers, and masters of computer-based espionage, obviously. Hacking was something I learned after I stopped being a ninja-" Naruto twitches his head and upper body towards an odd angle mid-sentence, cutting himself off before he looks back to Dert and Matsuri. Pointing at the two, he gives Matsuri and Dert quick instructions. "Dert, hide! Matsuri, extra cute smile, aim it at Issei!"

"What-" Issei's eyebrows raise when Dert, who seemed to have understood Naruto, immediately jumps into a bush next to the tree he was previously leaning on.

"Yes, Naruto-sama." Matsuri snaps her fingers in front of Issei's face to bring his attention over to her before she gives him a literally blinding smile.

"WAH!" Issei covers his eyes at the sudden influx of light and screams, "What's going on?!"

"Matsuda...do you see what I'm seeing?"

"If you're talking about Issei's companions then yes, I'm seeing it too."

Issei's ears twitch as he rubs tears out of his eyes. He turns around to see Matsuda and Motohama through bleary eyes. They are stiffly standing a distance away. It must've been because he wasn't seeing clearly but why does the two have pained expressions on their faces? "Huh? When'd you two get here?"

"Issei you bastard! Ditching us to go eat lunch with two hot ladies! Go drown yourself beneath Tokyo Bay!"

"Yeah! While we were looking all over for you, you were hanging out with two beauties! Go jump off Mount Fuji!"

Without answering Issei's question, Matsuda and Motohama run off in the other direction while screaming this aloud.

"...What?"

Issei looks at the two in confusion and turns around to ask Matsuri and Naruto what's going on. He freezes when he gets a look at Naruto. Gone was the orange camo, face paint, and binoculars. Now they've become a form-fitting button-up shirt, light make-up and a pair of seductively hanging glasses. Naruto was dressing up as "Naruko-sensei" again. This time though, he dressed in a Kuoh Academy female uniform and has his hair flowing freely instead of the tight bun from before. It took Issei a total of three seconds before a light bulb popped into existence and "dinged".

"...SERIOUSLY! STOP DOING THAT!" Issei gets up from his seat and lunges at Naruto.

"KAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto deftly dodges Issei's lunge and quickly runs off at a just slow enough speed for Issei to still try and catch up to.

"Ah, the bliss of youth..." Dert sips his coffee as he climbs out from the bush he's hiding in.

"Issei-kun! Naruto-sama! Class is restarting in ten minutes don't be late!" Matusri sips her tea from her seat and reminds the two people running across the school yard.

"GET BACK HERE YOU IDIOTIC PRANKSTER!"

"KAHAHAHAHAHA!"