Cosima awoke to the warmth of kisses being placed softly onto her back and a headache which furthered her feelings of disorientation. She had drank so much wine only a few hours earlier and was now suffering the repercussions of it. It hadn't even registered why she had done so until she remembered...Shay's proposal. It was strange. They had never even considered such endeavours beforehand, at least not seriously and now this. Before Shay she had rarely been able to maintain a relationship, but a marriage? That was a whole different step.

"Good morning, my beautiful fiancee." She heard the woman whisper into her ear. It sent a shock through Cosima's body, she suddenly felt stiff and uncomfortable.

She turned to face the blonde, forcing a smile and kissing her on the lips. It was rare that they had such time together, even though this was their own home, own bed, and yet Cosima felt eager to get away. She was a scientist, logic and rational thinking was detrimental to her work, and her studies on a daily basis, and yet she hadn't been able to think about this. Something that would have a direct impact on her for the rest of her life. There was no way she would have been able to say no, not with all those people, with Shay looking at her like she did, her blue eyes, it would have been impossible. Not to mention she hadn't any reason to say no. They were in a functioning relationship, together for over two years now. Yet she couldn't explain the overwhelming feeling of regret, like she was walking into a big mistake.

"Are you okay?" Shay asked, looking deeply into her eyes. Suddenly Cosima snapped out of it, it was meant to be a celebration not a time of dwelling.

"Yeah...Yeah of course? Like, why wouldn't I be?" She replied, almost stuttering over her own words. Shay was pleased with the answer however, she lifted her side of the duvet and got out of bed.

"Good," She said, "Because I'm going to make you the best breakfast you've ever had." Leaving the room wrapped in her nightgown, she took one last flirtatious look back at Cosima from the doorway, before making her way to the kitchen.

Whilst rubbing her temples in an attempt to ease her headache the buzzing of a phone vibrating began. Taking her glasses from the bedside table and clumsily putting them on she began to search for the source. After patting around the bed, Cosima found not her own phone, but Shay's with the notifications of *4 NEW MESSAGES*. Just as she was about to place it back onto the bed it vibrated again, Cosima looked at the display. *PAUL: I MISS YOU, WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK?* Confused, Cosima read the text over and over, dazed by this overt display of affection. She could hear the sound of footsteps looming into the bedroom, without thinking Cosima shoved the phone under a pillow, ignoring it's existence and the message it had revealed.

'I wasn't sure whether you would want the yoghurt with or without the fruit in it so….' Shay carried on speaking words, all of which were meaningless to Cosima, who was still in shock from the message she had just read. Perhaps it has been simply platonic, Shay had always assured they had a strictly professional relationship, however this display was clearly crossing the line into more personal territories. She daren't say anything though, with so little reason other than that, Cosima was too proud to bring it up. In the past she had her fair share of clingy girlfriends, ones who would call her up on the smallest of issues, and there was no way in hell she would allow herself to become one of those girls. So she said nothing. Instead engaging in the conversation Shay weakly offered, all the while Cosima's thoughts churned in her mind like clockwork.

'It's so sad that I have to leave today, I'm going to miss this." Shay said, interrupting her thoughts. Against her will Cosima was feeling relieved at this, she needed her own space to think through everything. She felt nauseous, the overwhelming combination of a hangover, being suddenly engaged and Paul's texts were proving too much.

"Yeah. Yeah me too...but duty calls, right?" She offered. It had once been one of the things which drew her to Shay, the fact she was in the army. She was grounded and kept Cosima from being sucked in by her imagination, her work ethic was something she admired. But on the flip side it meant that she was always at base, training and preparing, for weeks sometimes months at a time. It wasn't always like this though, not at the start, what started as a drunken one night stand evolved into slowly dating, then commitment, meeting each other's families, getting an apartment together, but then Shay was given a promotion, one she couldn't refuse and it meant their relationship was now long distance, something Cosima in the past had insisted never worked.

"I'll be back soon, only a few weeks this time. I'll be phoning and texting you everyday." Shay tried to assure, at the mention of texting she reached for her phone under the pillow, she looked at the front screen, clearly reading the text that Cosima had just moments before. Her face was incomprehensible, something she must have learned to control from her line of work, but what she couldn't hide was the blush growing upon her cheeks, impossible to ignore.

"Are you okay?" Cosima asked, her heart beating hard in her chest.

There was a pause.

"Yes," Shay finally replied, "Yeah, it's just work stuff babe. I need to start packing."

Abruptly she moved from the bed, pulling her suitcase out from under it and collecting her clothes from the draws. Cosima was desperate to say something, anything, about what she had read, the same messages Shay had just read and then lied about. She watched as she moved around the room gathering her uniform etc. Cosima knew if she didn't say something now she would regret it, if this woman was to be her wife in the future then it is only natural they should be open with their feelings and what's happening. Cosima opened to her mouth to speak and just then she was cut off as her own phone began to vibrate. She fell back onto the pillows, letting out an irritated sigh and took her phone from the bedside table.

"Hello?"

"Hey Cosima! I just heard the news congratulations, you must be so happy right now!" It was the unmistakable voice of Scott on the other end, his tone clearly excitable. Though confused as to how the news of her engagement had spread, she went along with it, maybe she had drunkenly text him the night before.

"Thanks, man. It means a lot." She couldn't hide the underwhelmed tone of her own voice and Scott immediately sensed this. They had been friends and lab partners for years, so it was no shock that he could tell she was being off.

"For someone who has just been nominated for such a prestigious award you don't sound too pleased about it."

"Wait...what?" Cosima replied, not fully taking in what he was saying to her.

"So you're saying you didn't know?"

"Scott, can you please just tell me what's going on?" She begged, getting more and more impatient.

"You've been nominated for the DYAD award for your research on cloning. Everyone is talking about it, are you saying you seriously didn't know?"

Cosima let out an excited scream, the phone flying onto the covers as her arms shot into the air. She hadn't even considered herself a contender in the awards, especially not at such a young age. Everyone who knew about science would know how big the DYAD awards were, ever since she was a kid she had dreamt of what it would be like to win one and now she had been nominated. She picked the phone back up.

"Scott...are you absolutely 100% sure that…"

Scott interrupted her before she could even utter one more word. "Yes, I am completely certain it's you Cosima, I'm at the lab right now, you must be the only person who didn't know until now!"

"Oh my god, I'm...I'm going to have to go to the lab right now. Thank you so much for calling, I'll see you in a sec."

"Congratulations Cosima!"

She hung up the phone in disbelief. She couldn't comprehend what had just happened, her heart swelling with pride. She sat with her phone tight to her lips, unable to stop herself from smiling. Looking up she realised that she was alone in the room, Shay had gone. She got up in an attempt to find her and deliver the amazing news. To the right of the hallway, in the bathroom, she could hear the sound of whispering.

'We can't do this again, I told you before...I know I do too...I just...I can't…"

As Cosima stood forward the flooring creaked.

"Listen, I've got to to go." She rushed.

Cosima knocked on the door, concerned and slightly deflated by her blatantly secretive actions. After a moment Shay opened the door.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Who was that?" Cosima asked, refusing to ignore it anymore.

"Who?"

"Whoever you were speaking too on the phone…" She tried with all her willpower to ignore the rising heat she felt inside of her, an anger boiling.

"Oh it was just work, they need me in earlier today. It means I'm going to have to leave now if I'm going to be there on time." Said Shay, her demeanour collected.

"Right."

They stood, just looking at each other for a long while, neither knowing what to say, Cosima unknowing of what to believe.

"Did I hear you screaming just a minute ago?" Shay finally asked.

"Uh...yeah...I sort of got nominated...for the DYAD award?" It was the first time she had said so aloud and a surge of excited replaced her anger.

"Babe, that's amazing!" She wrapped her arms around Cosima's neck, her phone still in her hand. Cosima hesitantly put her hands on the petite woman's hips. Suddenly Shay kissed her quickly on the lips and pulled away, walking to get her packed suitcase from the hallway.

"I've really got to go now, I'm afraid. I can't be late."

"Oh okay…"

"I'm going to be back before you know it okay." She placed her palm upon Cosima's cheek. "I love you, I can't wait for you to be my wife."

Cosima stood, silently, conflicted with emotions.

"I'll speak to you soon." She managed.

Shay looked at her, with sad eyes, clearly craving reciprocation of some kind.

"Love you" Cosima said, giving in to her blue orbs.

With that Shay smiled, turning away and walking out towards the door. Cosima made her way back to bed, collapsing onto it. Seconds later she heard the front door slam shut. She let out a deep sigh, her thoughts were all over the place.

Once more, her phone vibrated.

*SCOTT: WHERE ARE YOU?*

"Shit." Cosima groaned. "Late again."