PART 2: "Something's Making Me Nervous"

Author's note: Thank you all for your reviews and alerts: I really appreciate them. I also want to take this opportunity to thank you for your patience. I had initially wanted to write the 2nd and concluding part before 3x07 aired, but it just didn't happen. A month or so has passed since I started this fic, and because I had quite a lot of bother with it, it's ended up going in a totally different direction to where I'd originally anticipated. However, here is part two; and there will be a third part to conclude the fic.

Enjoy.


A week had passed, nearly, but you still hadn't discussed it with Maura. "It". That's what you were calling it now - acknowledging what had happened was far too difficult. You found yourself in a similar position, like you were that night. You were furiously pacing around the bullpen; you let the guys think it was just your case, but your thoughts were plagued by Maura.

On the surface, everything seemed fine. Your professional relationship with Maura hadn't changed. Breakfast with your mother, in the cafe; inappropriate jokes in the morgue; within the Department walls everything was just … rosy. That was the worst thing: the contrast between your pretense during the day, and the loneliness in the evenings. Gone was the unspoken understanding that one of you would follow the other home after work. You'd stopped running together, too; you hadn't completely broken the habit, but you avoided the route you usually shared.

You were starting to feel like Maura had left it too long. She had implied that she would bring it up with you, but Maura had made no move to make good on that intention. So many times you'd contemplated storming down to the morgue, demanding answers, but you found that your steely nerve broke every time you approached the lift. Your swagger and bravado were long gone; it made you feel small.

"Jane!?"

You spun round on your heels, not even aware that you'd moved over to the lifts. Sighing, your eyes met Frost's. "What … what is it?" You scratched the back of your head, dragging your fingers through your hair.

"Are you … okay? You seem spooked."

"I'm fine, Frost. Just tired."

"Yeah, you said that yesterday."

"Honestly, I'm -"

"Look, Jane, you don't need to give me an excuse - I'm not going to judge you or anything, but you've been avoiding whatever this is all week." He stopped, and took a couple of steps closer. You looked across at him, your eyes saying, "Don't come near me. I'm not ready."

Frost understood, and didn't move as he continued to speak. "I know there's nothing I can say that will help, but just go down there - talk to her. You'll sort it out."

Breathing out a big sigh, you watched him walk away from you, back towards the bullpen. You appreciated his gesture and kind words: he was just trying to make you feel better, in his own way.

Frost was right though. You hadn't been properly focussed all week. Your case was falling on it's arse: your one decent witness had decided to clam up, and you had no other solid leads. To top it off, you couldn't make head nor tail of the forensic evidence, either. It was just such a struggle. You hadn't had this much difficulty with a case in such a long time. You hated failure; it made you feel weak, and angry. You felt your pulse pick up speed, your blood starting to boil. This had to stop. Now.

"Argh! Jesus - fuck." You curled your hand into a tight fist, and threw it into the brick wall.

"Jane!"

Oh, shit. You hadn't heard the lift doors open. Of course, it had to be Maura that walked out of them. Great, now she's going to see my like this. A mess. "Ah, ow." You winced, looking down at your hand. Your knuckles were red, and you had scraped some of the skin, but you weren't bleeding too badly. You'd live.

"Jane, what have you done!?" Maura made a move for your hand, but you pulled away, your pride getting the better of you.

"It's fine, Maura," you muttered dismissively, shrugging. Well, this is awkward.

"You're bleeding. I can fix it."

"I don't need -"

Maura held her hand up to stop you. "You don't need what, Jane? Think about what you're going to say next."

I don't need you. No, that was a blatant lie, and you both knew it. You wanted nothing more than to be defiant and pretend that this whole situation didn't give you the slightest ounce of grief, but any sort of attempt would be in vain. You had just used a wall as a punching bag - it was quite clear you were hurting.

You could sense the anger in her voice. You had to calm down, quickly. An argument wouldn't do either of you any good. Just give her what she wants, Jane.

"I'd appreciate your help, Maura," you finally said, obviously straining the words through your teeth.

She knew you were lying, but regardless, she took you by the other hand and pulled you into the lift. Watching her press the button for the morgue, you wanted nothing more than to hit the emergency stop button and call her out, taking advantage of the privacy. You'd been sitting on this for nearly a week; you'd told Maura that you love her, and she'd all but shot you down. You were pretty sure this was what heartbreak felt like. You weren't going to let her know that, though; you couldn't show any weakness.

"Sit," she commanded. You did as she said, and no further words passed between the two of you until she had cleaned your hand of any grit and tightly bandaged it up. Despite the tension in the air, Maura was still as gentle with you as she usually was, and you took what comfort you could from the feeling of her soft fingertips on your skin. You noticed that she hesitated across the palm of your hand - tracing the faint mark of your scar. It calmed you, a little - Maura had that effect on you, even in situations like this one, when you were desperate to be angry with her. How dare she, you thought, She drags me down here and touches my hands like nothing is wrong. Urgh. Fuck this.

Your body flinched and you felt yourself tense up. Maura noticed the movement, despite its subtlety, and took the hint - she slowly stepped away from you. She stood there, arms folded across her chest, and sighed, unable to make eye contact with you. You sat in silence for a few minutes, unsure of what to say next. You weren't afforded the opportunity to choose any words, however, as Maura's voice cut into the air.

"Do you want to explain this to me?"

You arched an eyebrow at her and released a breath you didn't realise you'd been holding. "Explain what, Maura?" Your body was still tense. You weren't going to make this easy for her. If she was going to get past the walls you'd built around yourself, it was because she managed to climb them, not because you knocked them down for her.

"You're angry, Jane. You're storming about here, punching walls - you're hurting yourself." You could hear genuine concern in her voice, but it wasn't nearly enough to placate you.

"Yeah, I'm angry. We've hit a wall with the case." You were deflecting, and she knew that.

"Don't lie to me, Jane."

You quickly rose from your seat, unsure of what to say. It would be too easy to simply blurt it out here. She needed to understand that a stern word or two wouldn't be enough.

"I've got work to do," you started, heading across to return upstairs. You stopped in front of the lift, an arm arched into the wall. You couldn't bring yourself to turn and face her. "Thanks for looking at my hand." You didn't want her to think that you weren't grateful, but you were keen to reinforce that it would make more than a bit of bandage to fix things.

"Jane -"

"No, Maura," you cut in, pressing the up button. "I can't do this here - not at work."

The doors slid open, and you stepped inside, finally turning back to face her. You tried to meet her gaze, but her chin wouldn't lift from the floor. The doors started to close, and you placed your body between them: you weren't quite ready to leave. "Maura."

"Yes?" She afforded you a flicker of eye contact.

"I can't cope with another day of this. We need to talk about it. Come over tonight if you feel like you can fix this."

"I miss you, Jane."

"I know."

Finally, you stepped backwards and allowed the doors to roll shut, content enough with the resolution. You didn't feel bad about the fact that you'd mirrored her blunt response from that evening, but you didn't need to say the words out loud. Maura knew that you missed her; it was pretty clear from your demeanour.

Your stomach dropped as the lift rose, and you glanced at your watch. It was half past five already. You were unlikely to get much more work done. You left a message with Korsak, letting him know you were going home, but that he could still call. Just in case.

It was time for home, time for a drink, time to watch the clock.