A Rose Colored Clarity

Kate was surprised when she woke to find that Alexis was the only one in her room. Kate studied her as the twenty two year old read one of her many novels. While her father loved to write, Alexis loved to read.

"Why didn't you tell anyone you were pregnant?" Alexis asked never looking up from her book.

Kate suddenly wished she hadn't woken up just yet. She shut her eyes, but not because she was in pain. Sometimes reality hurt worse.

"I wasn't sure myself until the hospital blood test confirmed it when I was shot. I'd only just realized I was late a couple days ago." Kate explained.

Alexis flicked her eyes up from the pages on her book to meet her step-mother's eyes, "If you even thought you might have been pregnant then you should have quit the case." Alexis rationalized as she held Beckett's stare, "You were shot in the abdomen. There was a high chance-"

"I know Alexis! Would you just…please." Tears streamed down Kate's face as she looked away from the redhead. "I'm scared too…but just…I can't be scared right now." Beckett looked down to her hands, "I already love this baby and I never even thought I liked kids. I don't know how to explain it to you." Beckett looked up at Alexis, "I was terrified, petrified to wake up because I knew if my suspicions were true and I was pregnant then any chance for life that this child had were slim to none. What kind of life would this child have if it did live? Because of my actions did this mean whatever life my child had or didn't have…was it my fault? Could I have prevented this?"

Alexis had never seen Beckett like this before, ever. Now for the first time she looked at Kate Beckett as not the third try or just another one of his dad's girl friends, but for the first time she saw her clearly. A human just as herself trying to navigate life. Alexis put her book down as she stood and walked over to Kate's bedside.

"Nothing is your fault. Caleb Brown is the one who shot you both. This is not your fault Kate." Alexis said as she held Kate's hand.

"But if only I would have quit the case." Kate rationalized.

Alexis gave Beckett a sarcastic side eye, "Realistically, when has that ever happened?"

Kate smiled and nodded, "Okay."

"Dad's awake, but he is still barely able to move just like you." Alexis reminded her.

"I tried to tell him before we were shot that I was pregnant. Do you know if he remembers?" Kate wondered.

Alexis nodded, "He asked about you as soon as he woke up. His memory is doing well as he has asked countless hospital staff about you and if they knew if you were pregnant. Do you realize how far along you are?" Alexis inhaled and exhaled, "You are about twelve weeks."

"What did you tell him?" Kate wondered as she had no idea how far along she was herself.

"The truth. That you are fine and did not lose the baby." Alexis stated.

"Alexis, thank you for sitting in here with me. I didn't think you would want to sit in here." Kate smiled.

"Please don't say things like that. You think that you're being cordial to me and I understand why you would think that. Though, I would like to think that you think I have grown as a person and I hope you'd expect me to want to sit in here with you. I mean I am going to be a big sister sooner rather than later." Alexis smiled as did Kate.

"Yeah, I suppose you are." Kate said her mind spinning a million miles an hour.

"He really loves you." Alexis knew this for a fact. Kate Beckett had been a part of her life for more years than her own mother had.

Kate inhaled and smiled almost nervously as she stared up at Alexis, "And I've always loved him, always."

"I wonder if it's a girl or a boy." Alexis mused, but Kate didn't respond. She had fallen asleep in mid conversation. Alexis smiled let go of Kate's hand and got up to go and visit her father, but right before she left she stood in Kate's doorway a moment as she held the door open she watched her stepmom sleep. Beckett wasn't just the third try or another fling. Alexis now knew this for certain. Today, she saw a part of Kate Beckett she had never seen.

While it had taken a while Alexis had finally removed her rose colored glasses and what an exceptional view she now had. It was just…the clarity she viewed her with after seeing Kate Beckett break right before her own eyes. Alexis blinked and swiped at her blurry eyes, but not because she wore rose colored glasses. No. A smile spread and tears continued to fall as Alexis stood in the doorway and watched Kate sleep she whispered, "I never saw you as a mom before."

Then she quietly shut the door and walked down the corridor to her father's room. Kate Beckett would never be her mother and thank god for that. Alexis felt she had done just fine without one. She didn't want a mom. Though, as she walked the corridor to her father's room she realized Kate Beckett was really in this for good. She may have been a revolving door, but Beckett loved her father unconditionally. Alexis knew this didn't mean she and Beckett were best buds now. That would take more time they were nothing alike and would never be the best of friends. Though, for the first time Alexis looked at Kate as a mother. Kate was going to be a mom to her sibling and while Alexis knew Kate was scared. For the first time she wasn't scared of her heart.

Alexis remembered as she walked down the hall to the moment Beckett had first woken up. Alexis had been pretending to read, but in reality she'd quietly watched as Kate embraced her fears. Curious wonder lit up Beckett's eyes as she watched on the monitor while an extra heart beat. Alexis now stood in her father's doorway and smiled as she thought of Kate. No she wasn't scared of her heart at all. Not anymore anyway.

I really hope you guys are okay with this. lmk please. I hope everyone understands what I'm trying to convey. yikes. Also, one can usually hear a heartbeat at 8 weeks by intervaginal ultrasound. lmk how it is. Thanks to my readers XOXO