Disclaimer: I still don't own twilight or the characters
The days turned into weeks, then to months and I still wake up screaming from my nightmares that come when I close my eyes. I hate feeling so weak and helpless. Sure when I'm awake I can control the pain but that's because I am usually messed up on one drug or another. But when I sleep the dreams come and I cant escape I relive every moment we ever shared always ending with him walking out. I wake screaming and then the traitor tears fall. I hate myself for not being enough and I hate him for not letting me die by Tyler's stupid van. He wants me to live a 'normal' life. How can I live when he killed me the day he left. I am no longer the sweet little pathetic human. I drink every chance I get and have this dealer who gives me the best pills even though the high only last so long it's better than what I feel when I'm sober.
Leah has be great she is my partner in crime. We get messed up, go to bars and end up it bar fight by the time we leave. Leah says it's best to take my anger out on other people. She got highly upset when she found out I was cutting myself to release the pain I hold inside. After that she told me no more cutting if I wanted pain she would kick my ass everyday. Leah has taught me how to fight and we go around looking for fights and I can honestly say that it does feel good. Every time I throw a punch I see his face and somewhere in my demented mind I feel it's him I'm hurting which makes me fight harder. I dress more goth these days but like an Avril not Marlyn Manson. Charlie knows what I'm doing but pretends he doesn't know. I guess that's where I get living in my own self-deluded bubble from.
The band has been making good head way and we have a regular gig at club in Settle. It pays pretty well which is good cause once high school is over me and Leah are moving there. We actually already have an apartment there all set up I just have to graduate which is this weekend and then we're off to live on our own. The pack has been great they are like my brothers Sam most of all he was the one to help me every-time my cutting got out of hand. The pack doesn't like how I live but Sam said as long as I wasn't cutting anymore he was fine, he just wants me to be happy but that will never happen. How can you be happy when your not even alive.
I pulled into a parking space at school. Three more days I sighed as I took one last look before I got out. My smoky eyes with black eyeliner made my eyes pop. I'm wearing a jean miniskirt with a tight black tank top and always my favorite leather jacket (which I got during my first bar brawl) all topped off with my black combat boots where I stash the butterfly blade I also got the night of my first fight. I walked toward the school all eyes on me sorta like the first day I started...No Bella you will not think about any thing to do with him I scolded myself. I heard whispers and laughing knowing exactly who it was. I stopped outside one of the picnic tables and tied the lace on my boot when I heard the nasal voice of Lauren "I bet he went running just to hide from her..I mean look at her she's so weird". Jessica spoke up then "I don't know Lauren I mean they were gonna get married?" the nasal voice started again which made me think of nails on a chalkboard I shudred. "Please Edward just did that to get in her pants then left after he realized she was no good in bed...I know I could have gave him what he wants...". My hearing shut off blood rushing to my head just by hearing his name I walked slowly toward Lauren she had her back to me but as Jessica saw me her eyes bugged out of her head trying to tell Lauren silently to shut up, but since Lauren is so stupid she didn't realize Jess was trying to get her to stop talking.
"If you have something to say then I suggest you say it to my face" I hissed from behind her. Lauren tensed but turned around with a hugh grin on her face. She wont be grinning much longer I thought with an evil smile.
"Oh Bella I was just telling Jess here how Edward left you after he figured out what a waste you were...too bad you had to run him out of town cause I would be more than willing...". I hit her square in the nose hearing a crack I knew I broke it. I threw her to the ground and proceed to punch her in the face until someone wrapped their arms around my waist and pulled me off. I was even more pissed that I got pulled off but how dare anyone touch me. While my back was held to guys chest I brought my body up and pulled my blade from my boot, then stomped on his foot and he dropped me but I didn't fall. I flicked my blade and held it Mike's throat his eyes grew and I think he wet himself. "Don't ever touch me or I will kill you" he just nodded his head in agreement. The Principal came out "What's going on" he bellowed "Miss Swan is that a weapon on school property". I shrugged then put the blade back in my boot. "Office Now" he yelled as he went to check on the other students.
After what felt like hours in the office with Charlie and the Principal I was let go with suspenion from school and I wasn't allowed to walk with my class on graduation but I still graduated. This was a blessing now I can go ahead and go to my apartment sooner which was great cause we had to play tonight. "This isn't you Isabella, What got into you?..You will not live under my roof with that kind of behavior" Charlies voice brought me out of my brief moment of bliss. I got up headed to my room and packed what was left of my clothes everything else was already at the apartment along with a new bed (I couldnt take the one I had cause he slept on it). I walked down the stairs with my stuff "Where are you going young lady?" Charlie's angry voice came from the living room. As I looked at him I felt nothing (just numb) even though I was hurting him it didn't effect me that's when I knew I was truly dead inside. "Goodbye Charlie" was all I said then went to my truck and drove to my apartment in Settle. I called Leah and told her what happened and I was moving in now. She laughed so hard when I got to the part about Mike I could hear the tears rolling down her face. She advised me she would let the others know and they would be here at 8pm since our show started at 10pm.
I pulled up to the run down apartment building around six due to my truck only going 55mph. I grabbed my bag and went inside. I smiled to myself Home Sweet Home. I took a long hot shower letting the water relax my muscles. I blow-dried my hair straight and put my make up on for tonight. Dark black eyeliner and dark purple eyeshadow, black mascra giving the bed room eye look. I put on my purple plated miniskirt with fishnet stockings and black knee high boots. My shirt was a black leather corset that tied up the front giving my non-existence breasts life looking like I had a C-cup now. I was putting on my red lip stick when Leah came in "Honey I'm Home" she laughed. Leah was wearing black leather pants with red stiletto's and blood red tube top showing off her perfect stomach. Her hair was pulled up in a loose bun with a few strands escaping in the right places. She stopped and whistled which caused me to laugh. "Damn Bella your gonna give every guy there a boner just by walking on stage" I quickly made a comeback "What about you? Jake's gonna get so jealous tonight you might end up fighting him tonight". Leah and Jake have been together since that first night I went to beach he finally imprinted on her. "Shut up and take these" she handed me two pills. I swallowed "Ummm...Ecstasy my favorite" we both laughed it was now 8:30 and the guys showed up.
"Come on girls get your asses out here we have to go" Sam yelled threw the door. We rolled our eyes then started laughing realizing we did it at the same time. We walked out arms linked still laughing to the guys in the living room. "About time" Sam said smiling with Emily beside him giving us little 'whoots'. Quil and Embry sat on the couch with their mouths hanging open like the grand canyon, but Jake was livid "Hell No! Leah turn around and go put some clothes on" he screamed. I just rolled my eyes while they started bitching each other out I think they do it just to have make-up sex. "Boys close your mouths your drooling on my carpet" I laughed as Quil and Embry shut theirs mouths and squirmed around on the couch to cover up their "little" problem that came up. "Jake shut up Leah's a big girl she can dress herself...Now lets go!" Leah smiled victoriously at Jake then walked over to me and Emily. The girls took my truck and the boys to the van with our equipment to the club. Emily started to get nervous as we approached the club..it was packed and she hates being stared at with her scars. Me and Leah exchanged glances "Em don't worry if anyone and I mean anyone make you upset I will personally make them regret" Leah said then i spoke up "Besides your beautiful AND you have one hunk of man who adores you".
"He is a hunk isn't he" Emily said and we all busted out laughing. I was feeling pretty good thanks to my happy pills but I still needed some liquor cause I was still not numb. Just then Emily spoke up "Speaking of hunks Bella, Embry has the biggest crush on you". Leah snorted "Crush..you mean Lust...He cant stop thinking about you I swear his little daydreams get out of hand. I even had a dream out you". I sat there stunned then I saw embry carrying some drum equipment inside threw the back door. I noticed his tan skin and how the tight black tee shirt clung to his huge muscles. His faded ripped jeans hung low but when he bent over his butt was round and plumb like an apple. I licked my lips as he turned around and waved at us. I looked over to Leah and Emily who had smug looks on their faces "Well I am sorta sexual frustrated" I said with a small smile. They both laughed pushing me out of the truck Leah whispered in my ear "Go get em' tiger".
We were on in fifteen minutes and I needed a drink bad. I went to the bar "Hey Leo give me the usual". Leo was in his early twenties, he had blond hair, hazel eyes, and tatto's and pirceings everywhere. He was really cool and easy to get along with "Bella baby I missed you" he said as he set up three shots of Tequila. "Yeah sure you did, only cause you didnt get to see me beat the living shit out of someone" then downed all three shots. Leo laughed as he took the glasses away "Well you do keep it more intresting" then winked at me. I heard Sam yell "Bella get your ass over here" I blew Leo a kiss then walked away. As I turned the conner to the stairs I looked over the sea of people packed into the club then gasped when I saw six pairs of golden eyes looking straight at me.
